|Alright, guys, let's head over to the husky section now.|
Pro Bowl Voting - Every year I tell myself that I don't care about this and every year I end up getting pissed off about something. This year, it's the inclusion of Matt Schaub and Frank Gore. Those two guys define average. As you saw yesterday, Andy Luck is WAY better than Schaub and AlfMo is CLEARLY better than Gore in almost every stat category. It makes no sense. I hate myself for wasting my anger on this.
Gentleman James Haslam - The Browns apparently are looking for a "new face" to be their next coach. Oh, this is going to be the LOL-est. They're going to end up hiring Snoad.
Mike Smiff - Here is how I would coach a team that has nothing to play for: your starters play a half. If one of them gets hurt in the first half, then they all come out. When Dunta Robinson lost his head, he should have pulled everyone. Now the Falcons are without John Abraham and they're going to lose their first game as everyone expected. Sorry Dawg, but you know this is true. The bye week is just delaying the inevitable.
Chad Henne and Mike Vick - Both suck dog dick. I liked seeing Andy Reid's last stand featuring so many aggressive calls, but the Eagles were just too terrible. Nnamdi Asomugha is AWFUL. DREAM TEAM!
El Shitbox - This has to be the most fitting nickname for Mark Sanchez ever. I actually wagered on the Jets +4 yesterday and I regretted it immediately.
Believers of Houston - I have no idea why Houston was a 6.5 point favorite in a place where they have never won but know that I cleaned the fuck up with the Colts yesterday. Pretty much everything that I said about ATL you can also say about HOU. This team isn't good because Matt Schaub is a joke.
HEY DREW! - As I was enjoying a Star Wars marathon on Spike this weekend (don't you judge me!), they were promoting the fuck out of THE JOE SCHMO SHOW which makes it's triumphant return on 1/8 at 10 pm. The Hutch appears to be gone, but Ralph Garman is back. I can't wait. This blurb replaces any thoughts that I may have had for CAR/NO and BAL/CIN because I did not have any.
Stat Padford - I saw this nickname in Simmons' column on Friday and I love it. Padford is so bad. Here's a question: If you are 6'5" then why do you throw the fucking pigskin like Little League Fitzenreiter (ELITE reference)? I hate that. Sidearm is for homos like Clay Rapada. Throw the ball like a man and quit chucking it off your back foot constantly. NO ONE regressed more than Padford this season. He went from ELITE to OVERRATED faster than any QB in league history (may not be true). I just hate watching him play so much.
Van Heusen - Great idea to have Stat Padford be the face of your company. If I'm ever in the market for dress shirts at JC Penney, I will remember ol' Stats buttery chin waddling through your selection of neckties.
Dumb Gamblors - After the Texans did what they do best, if you didn't jump all over Denver and New England no matter what the line was, then you shouldn't be doing this. That was easy ass money. It was for me.
Not Terrelle Pryor - YEAH BUDDY! He may be 0-1 as a starter, but he's 1-0 against the spread! Please make him the starter next year, Raiders.
Idiots - Rusty Wilson is NOT the Rookie of the Year. OK?
Eric Dickerson - You piece of shit! All Day is way better than you! That record belonged to him, dammit! All of the afternoon games were shit except for Vikings/Packers which was goddamn awesome. Seriously, that was probably the best game of the season. Good for the Vikings to make the playoffs (fist yourself, Prime!). I already know that I'm betting against them next week. Since the Pack lost, HarBRAH has a bye. He'll get an extra week of calling David Akers a n*gger, I'm sure. David Akers is ass.
Let's get this out of the way...YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! NFC EAST CHAMPIONS! WE SICK!
Dan Snyder - I haven't blamed him for anything in awhile so I'm going to blame him for our shitty field last night. That was terrible. Although nothing can slow down our insanely nasty run game. We're like a service academy with talent.
Miles Austin and Dez Bryant - What a couple of pussies. That got fucking PWNED by DeAngelo Hall. Seriously, D-Hall was probably the best player on the field and that hasn't happened since the 2010 Pro Bowl.
DeMarcus Ware - I think that Ware is a really good player but our scheme on him made him look terrible. He got embarrassed in both games against us. I love it.
Tony Romo - What would life be without a week 17 DERP from the King of Herps and Derps? I was nervous as fuck when they got the ball back down 3 but there he was not seeing a 6'4" 260 LB black man apparently and handed him a pick in tremendous Romo-fail fashion. That was the best. NO ONE chokes like Anthony Lasagna Romo. HAIL!
The G$FL - How could we let Ide win the league? That is grounds for disbanding the league. Oh well, even Ide can't ruin this day for me (surprisingly).
So there is another regular season in the books. Now we're left with the winners. My Skins are still alive! Tonya, Dawg, and I are the only ELITE fans left around these parts which makes total sense. Seattle @ Washington next week...goddamn is that going to be a great game. FUCK YEAH! GO SKINS! HAIL TO THE REDSKINS! HAIL VICTORY! BRAVES ON THE WARPATH! FIGHT FOR OLD DC!