Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Open Forum: Comfort!

You ready to look at my penis?
Not a lot of meat to today's post as I take a half day in preparation for tonight's game 4 at Nationwide Arena.  It is certain to be an ELITE night even if it is spent with Mr. Ace.  I GUARANSHEED to be tense throughout which is to be expected.  If I let my guard down then the team might let theirs down as well and I don't need to be the reason why we struggle.  So today is meant to discuss comfort as I try to remain calm all day before battling on this evening.  Below are five types of clothing/accessories that are mandatory for old G$.

*Sunglasses - I don't recall ever wearing these until I was 25 or so but now I won't leave the house without a pair.  I respect the sun and its harmful UV rays.  But I'll be damned if I spend more than 20 bucks on a pair since they are easy to lose and/or break.  In FACT, I stumbled on a new pair while sitting at The Stube on Saturday.  They just came to me out of nowhere.  Mine now, bruh.

*Vintage t-shirts - Since pretty much any shirt made in the 80s is about as comfortable as it gets, I would really love to punch the lights out of the asshole who decided to go away from that fabric type. 

*Basketball Shorts - I have a pair of black adidas shorts that I've had for years and they are the best.  The material appears to be the same as Councilman Jamm's ELITE satin blue jacket.  I love these shorts so much.  I wish that it was socially acceptable to wear hoops shorts in public because I would be all over that.

*Sweatpants - Oh, you can't beat a good pair of sweatpants.  Not that they make them with pockets...forget about it!  Perfection!  I do wish that they went back and time and combined the pockets look with the rugged elastic at the ankles and waist.  I don't need the drawstring.  Give me the elastic, please.  Napoleon Football Spirit Packs (yes, these existed) always included the finest late 90's sweatpants.  I love you, sweatpants.

*Sandals/flip-flops - Being a hayseed from rural Ohio, I'm not the biggest fan of wearing shoes and socks.  I like to let my sexy feet breathe and make weirdos hot and bothered with my hairy toe knuckles.  Socks suck.

I figured that everyone can add something to this sort of conversation.  I'm sure that an asshole like Ide will talk about how he can't live without his Brooks Brothers suits or Randall Stevens can give out dressing tips for first class flyin'.  What a couple of assholes they are.  Those who are not ELITE should stop pretending to be ELITE IMO.  Let's get comfortable today and always remember to CARRY THE FLAG!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

NBA Playoff Preview


"My pussy is about thaaaaaaaaat big.  Give or take a foot."



So the NBA playoffs are officially underway.  There was a request last week by Commenter Larry for some HOT NBA playoff TAEKS and since Larry most likely gets bossed around at home, I figured I would let him have his way for once.  Judging by the way Mrs. Ward comments, I'm stunned she didn't force Larry to take her last name the day of the marriage.  Let's break down some playoff serieseseseses.

Pistons vs. Cavs

LOLOLOLOLOL.  I couldn't resist.

EASTERN CONFERENCE

Pacers vs. Hawks
The Hawks have already captured a 1-0 series lead in this one but I still see Indiana getting this series in 5 games.  Even though the Pacers were Poop City after the All-Star break, they still have the tools and the talent to run away with this one.  That game one loss should be a wake up call for the top seed in the East.  Look for Indiana to apply defensive vice grips to Atlanta's nutsack in game 2.

Heat vs. Bobcats
For as much as we all rag on Michael Jordan and his LULZ basketball moves for Charlotte, his Bobcats are in the playoffs and the Pistons and Cavs are not.  So fuck me, I guess.  That's about where the positives end for Charlotte.  Fat Al Jefferson is hurt pretty bad and the Bobcats cannot win unless he's out there and productive.  Unless something goes terribly wrong for Miami, they sweep this series.

Raptors vs. Nets
Brooklyn is a really fucking weird team.  At the beginning of the year I pegged them as massively OVERRATED and possibly missing the playoffs.  And at the start of the season it looked like I was right.  But I realized I forgot just how anus the Eastern Conference is.  Fast forward to now and this Brooklyn team has potential to be the most dangerous team in the East.  I think Brooklyn's collective playoff experience is too much for the Raptors and the Nets take it in 6 games.

Bulls vs. Wizards
THIS, ladies and cock bags, is the series to watch in the East.  I think it goes the full 7 games and I think Washington moves on.  Year after year, the Bulls lose Derrick Rose to some vaginal infection during the season yet still find ways to pull playoff wins out of their magical buttholes.  I think the luck runs out this year.  The Wizards are deeper and better at almost every position, in my opinion.  Beal and Wall were abysmal in the opening game and the Wiz still won by nearly double digits.  That is not good news for Bulls fans.

WESTERN CONFERENCE

Spurs vs. Mavericks
Didn't someone predict the Mavericks would make the post season in this year's NBA preview collaboration?  Oh yeah...it was me.  Anyway, don't be fooled by what Dallas did by nearly winning in game one.  The Spurs, even though silver bushed, are still a top notch, ELITE team coached by one of the best in the game.  Even though he is a sour ass.  But I do have to tip my hat to Popovich with his message to Craig Sager.  First class move, for real.  Stop doing shit like that so I can go back to hating you.

Thunder vs. Grizzlies
This one shouldn't be close either.  The Thunder should take this series in 4 games with barely breaking a sweat.  They're just way more talented than the Grizzlies.  It's fucking crazy to think that the 7th and 8th seed in the Western Conference would be the 3rd and 4th seed in the Eastern Conference.  Just bananas. Editor's note: This post was written before the games last night so just keep that in mind when attempting to shred me for the Thunder loss in OT.  Carry on.

Clippers vs. Warriors
In the Western Conference, THIS is the series to watch.  I've always said that Doc Rivers is one of the most OVERRATED coaches in the biz.  He didn't do shit on the Celtics and was on the verge of being shit canned until 2 future Hall Of Famers were fucking gifted to him.  Everyone wants to suck and swallow Rivers for that title but the reality is that he should have won more than one championship with the talent that Boston team had.  I think he gets exposed in this series and the Warriors come out in 7 games.

Rockets vs. Blazers
Man.  This is gonna be another tremendous fucking series with the first game going to Portland in OT.  I really don't know who's taking this series.  It's as close to a coin flip as you can get in the playoffs but I think I'm going Portland in 7 on this one.  I think the Lillard/Aldridge combo is pretty devastating and will prove to be too much in the end for Houston.  Plus Elbows McSmiles is a cunt and I don't want him to be happy.  About anything.  Ever.

ELITE break downs right there, if you ask me.  There you go, Larry.  Something to read while you nurse the bruises your wife gave you for leaving the toilet seat up.  What can I say?  I'm a giver.  Most of these playoff games have been pretty tits so far and I'm pretty pumped for the rest.  That's my time today, dick heads.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Fist Yourself, Kane Colter

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD
Before I go on my annual crusade against the idiots who want college athletes to get paid, please take a good luck at the picture above and understand what is happening here.  Two of my great loves: RedHawk Football and The BRAHs have finally combined forces!  Holy shit!  This is like a dream come true for me.  What do you think is going on here?  What does Jimmy and Johnny have to scream to a football team that just went 0-12?  Who exposed himself first?  Will Chuck Martin ever be the same?  How can we not go from 0-12 to 12-0 after the BRAHs coming to town?  This will forever be one of my favorite pictures ever taken.  They should put this on the ceiling at St. Peter's.

Anyway, you all probably saw NCAA President Mark Emmert embarrass himself on Friday when he went on Mike and Mike and started saying some really dumb things.  If you recall from the NCAA title game fallout, Shabazz Napier commented on how he often went to bed hungry because he doesn't have money and meal plan restrictions.  I can see this being an issue.  So the NCAA made athlete meals all-you-can-eat or whatever which is about the most literal that anyone could ever be.  Emmert then justified this change by mouth-queefing that "UConn can serve Shabazz breakfast in bed if they want to" which is about the shitheadiest thing that you could say.  LOL people that can't afford food, right?  What a cockbag.

It's odd that I could completely disagree with Emmert while at the same time being anti-Union, too, but here I am.  I've said it before and I will say it forever: college athletes get exactly what they should get now.  No, they don't deserve to be paid and they don't deserve employee rights either.  You hate reading about things like what happened to Napier but just handing over cash money isn't the answer.  Small steps that actually make a difference (like this weird meal plan thing) are.

Look, I get that these kid's hard work and labor only line the pockets of the schools.  It's probably not right but that's how it goes.  Hell, few schools actually make money on athletics anyway.  If you don't like it then go over to Europe or up to Canada.  You aren't forced to play college football/basketball.  Stop acting like this is their only option because it isn't.  People seem to want to overlook how expensive college is.  Please don't do this.  If you aren't cashing in on the ELITE opportunity of a free education and no goddamn debt then that is your fault.  It's why I don't sympathize with these kids.  If you are only using college as a way to get into the pros then fuck your asshole. 

That being said, the NCAA needs to ban the selling of numbered jerseys in bookstores and team shops.  They aren't helping their cause on that when you see 30K Broxton Milner jerseys on Champions Lane on a game day.  I could argue about this all day but I'll stop here.  Count me as one of the billions who are hoping that the NW Union gets voted down.
I hope that the plaque underneath tells where that fist has been.
Want to know how I know that my school is better than yours?  Answer me this: does your stadium have a gigantic BRAH statue in it?  It does not.  Mine does.  I would have maybe used a pose of John berating an official to tears, but this will do just fine.  I can't wait to take a selfie with this architectural beauty in the Fall.  I want to believe that Yager Stadium is now BRAH-friendly which means unlimited nut-tappings and roofies!  Seriously, though, you have no idea how excited I am that there is a John Harbaugh statue at my football stadium.  This is ELITE. I'm TOTES gonna ice Grumpy.

That will do it for today.  OBVZ a YUGE game 3 at NWA tonight.  We can talk about how great game 2 was in the comments.  As usual...CARRY THE FLAG!

Friday, April 18, 2014

Factoring The Factorbacks

Who has two thumbs and fucking hates Timmy Tenor?
I kind of had a feeling that this miniseries on ELITEness would ruffle a few moron feathers and last week was no surprise. In case you missed it, I ranked the ten best wide receivers in the NFL. I had Josh Gordon ranked sixth because he is a drug addict. Browns fans—and ONLY Browns fans—argued that he is definitely a top 5 receiver. They argued about one slot. LOLZ! This week, though, we’re getting good pad level and bringing our lunch pails as we rank the ten best running backs. I’m sorry to disappoint you all but neither Trent Richardson or Danny Woodhead made the list. I did, however, have an early rough draft of Mike Alstott at 1 followed by Brad Muster and Tommy Vardell. Then I realized that it was just my Hall of Fame ballot (I get one) and started over.

How do you rank running backs without relying too heavily on fantasy production? Fuck if I know. That’s way harder to do than listing off the stud diva receivas. I guess what it boils down to for me is “Who do I trust the most on a 4th and goal from the 1 to get into the endzone”. It isn’t rocket surgery. And allow me to answer your questions:

You: This is how you have these guys ranked?
Me: Yes.
You: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. End of fucking discussion.

10. Knowshon Moreno – I just read that Moreno signed with the Dolphins a few weeks ago. Some might think that last year was a fluke for the once bust and now good RB. I don’t think so. He runs hard and I doubt that Denver would have drafted Ball if they knew what they already had. Plus, he cries giant American tears.
9. Alfred Morris – He wasn’t all that great last year but no one on his team was so whatever. He has a good nose for the end zone and his home run celebration is always ELITE. Plus, for all of his asshole faults, Mike Shanahan doesn’t draft bad no-name running backs.

8. Frank Gore – I’ve turned the corner with Gore now that he is getting older. Seemingly forever, I have hated him and thought that he sucked but it just isn’t true. He’s actually quite underrated IMO. Franklin has stayed healthy recently and you are seeing what he can do. I’ve decided to stop hammering running backs for getting hurt because being a RB has to suck.
7. Arian Foster – Speaking of injuries! There is no doubt that a healthy Foster is one of the best around but you just can’t count on Foster to be a FACTORBACK for 16+ games. He’s also a vegan…in Texas. And he has a doppelganger out there taking selfies with sexy broads.

6. Eddie Lacy – I was going to exclude all rookie and second year running backs from this list but Lacy is just too much of a stud. This is exactly the kind of running back that the Packers have sought for years.
5. Matt Forte – Fuck you, Bears fans, I can’t wait to read all of your complaints today.

4. Jamaal Charles
3. LeSean McCoy
– 3 and 4 kind of go hand in hand as Charles and McCoy have a lot of similarities with how they run and whatnot but I chose McCoy over Jamaal because I think that he’s more durable. Both are fantastic players though.

2. Marshawn Lynch – If you don’t get a bone watching Lynch run the ball then you are probably a straight man who doesn’t get horny over physical football. I may hate the Seahawks a lot but I love watching Lynch. He hits so hard.

1. Carlos Hyde Adrian Peterson – The shitty thing about running backs is the short shelf life for them to be at their most ELITE. I get the feeling that this year or maybe next will be it for All Day before he spends the rest of his life mourning his dead kid properly (right, former Tuesday writer?). Until then, we must enjoy how incredible this thoroughbred is. I really hope that the Vikings draft a decent QB this year to go along with their pretty good receiving corps and allow Peterson to OWN shit once more. You give me Johnny Football, Peterson, and Cordarelle Patterson and I’ll give you an offense that is fun as fuck to watch.

You might wonder if I sought the council of Cakes as I worked on my Running Back Rankings. I did not. He is the type of fucktard that says things like “Ben Tate could be a top ten RB!”. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! My list didn’t even include Raymond Rice, Spiller, Reginald velBush, OR Toby Gerhart and you still think that Tate can be something that he never will become? Browns fans are so pug fugly that they’re cute. We are one week away from my ELITE QB Rankings—the crown jewel of player rankings—so hold on to your butts. I’m already arguing with myself over the slotting of so many manly studs with infinite ARM TALENT.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

How To Be A Casual Fan: A Hockey Post?

Hopefully those are in attendance for Game 4
You know the guy at the bar screaming about how Brandon Weeden needs another chance because he's a first round talent?Even better is the guy who is saying Colt McCoy didn't get a fair shake. Or maybe the guy at the Ohio Buckeye game who is demanding more intermediate passes because Braxton Miller is the best passer since Joe Germaine? Or how about the guy who is demanding that Devin Gardner be replaced by a true freshman because he's the reason Michigan can only muster -1.5 ypc? These are the worst fans that you can possibly encounter. They know nothing, think they know everything, and somehow enter themselves in every conversation. They are the Ide of sports fans.

I bring this up because I will be attending Game 4 with G Money. I'm not a hockey fan and I'm not going to pretend to be. I can name about 5 Jackets players off the top of my head. That doesn't mean that I can't go to the NWA and get rowdy as fuck while cheering them on. But I'm also not going to be talking about 2nd and 3rd lines like I know what the fuck I am talking about...because I don't, even though I was an ELITE street hockey player in my youth.

Being a casual fan is something brand new to me. Football, basketball, and baseball are sports I have been involved with for my entire life, as a fan, player or ELITE fantasy owner. I can hold my own in conversations about any of these sports, and even soccer to some extent. I imagine most of you have found yourself in similar situations, or maybe with the Jackets in the playoffs you are finding yourself in the exact same situation I am. Don't be afraid, I have some tips for you to not be a douche bag.

Lesbihonest: Don't act like you know everything. Hell, don't act like you know anything. Because you fucking don't. At some point next Wednesday G Money is going to lean over to me and talk about turnovers in the box or powerplay efficiency and I'm gonna be like, “Yeah, we totally need to score more goals than them” because I won't have anything else to offer. And that's OKAY! I have no shame in that. That arena is going to be filled with people just like me.

Don't Lie: People are going to know if you are full of shit. If you encounter a true superfan, don't lie to him about how many games you have made it to that year or how you followed goalie BOB while he was in Russia. Because he will know you are lying directly to his face, pull your shirt over your head, and beat the fuck out of you.

Know Your Role: Casual fans have to understand the atmosphere they are walking into. You're not going to just show up and take over your section like that faggot Fireman Ed. Take a moment, check out your surroundings, see how your fellow fans go about celebrating and cheering, and figure out your place. Don't go climbing up and down the five rows around you high-fiving people like some tard when “your” team scores. And if the team happens to lose, don't act like your dog just died. You have literally invested 3 hours in this team. You haven't earned your “Agony of Defeat” badge.

Stop Asking Questions: It's a fucking playoff game, nobody wants to explain all the penalties and corresponding penalty box time to you. Just watch the game and figure it out. Every time I watch soccer, ONLY TEAM USA, I try to explain to Mrs. Ace what offsides is. She never fucking gets it. Ever. I imagine hockey fans have the same experience all the time. GIVE IT A REST.

CARRY IT! No need for an explanation here. You aren't a diehard fan, you haven't followed the team all year, and a win or a loss isn't going to ruin your day, but you're there so act like a fucking fan. Get out of your seat. Drink as many Molson's as possible. Call Cindy Crosby a pussy ass faggot. If you are taking up a seat you better act like a real fucking fan. Being a fan isn't an observational experience, especially a playoff game. Be a part of the action and live it up.

This post should be read by every chick at a sporting event, especially the STOP ASKING QUESTIONS portion. Got damn that shit is annoying. But we have all been there before, being at a sporting event that we know like the back of our hand while listening to some mouthbreather talk about game theory. How do you handle that? Or how do you handle the Randall Stevens' of the world? Or how would you handle Paulina Gretzky?

The only wrong answer is "No."
(Holy shit was that a brutal loss. Being up 3-1 on the road and then losing 3-4 is an enormous kick in the dick...especially as a 7 seed. I have a feeling I will be saying farewell to the Jackets season come game 4).

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

MLB's Expanded Instant Replay Is Worse Than No Replay

DON'T YOU DARE THROW MY CRACK, OLDBOY!
Do you remember when MLB announced over the winter that they would be expanding replay? Oh man, FINALLY they were joining the 21st century and were going to get all the calls right! There was going to be a big control room in NYC reviewing all the plays! Manager challenges! An elimination of the human element! This is going to be great! And it has been great if you just completely ignore how much of a fucking disaster that this modified and expanded instant replay system has been so far. I mean, it is REALLY bad.

The concern going into this was that replay would unnecessarily extend an already way-too-long sport and—yep—it is doing just that. Now, on every somewhat close play, managers are strolling out to discuss the play with the umpire who made the call while looking into his dugout to see if he should use his challenge or not. If they say yes then he throws his invisible red flag and they go to the headset. If they tell him no, he can STILL stand out there and try to convince the umpire to look at the play again on his own accord. THEN WHY HAVE CHALLENGES IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE! This is stupid.

Who the fuck wants to watch a crackhead manager like Ron Washington having a civil Q&A with shithead umpire Cowboy Joe West? If Ronnie is coming out of the dugout, I want to see spittle flying, chest bumping, and an ELITE ejection dammit! We’ve only had two ejections this year. THAT IS NOT COOL. If you’re going to hold up the game arguing then someone better be getting the old heave ho.

But the main issue is that they still aren’t even getting the calls right. I’m not one to stand up for the Red Sox but they got TOTES fucked hard in Yankee Stadium more than once over the weekend. MLB and umpires alike always champion the notion that “the only thing that matters is to get the calls right”. I guess not because they aren’t even with more eyes and cameras on the games. I don’t know what the answer to fixing this incarnation of replay is but the way that it is currently being implemented in baseball is absolutely fucking wrong. This is not working and no one knows what the fuck they are doing.

Here’s a simple way to fix things: no goddamn challenges and it works like college football. If the control room wants to look at something closer, they buzz the crew chief, who stops the game, he puts the headset on, and we make the correct call under the guise that “the previous play is under further review”. That’s it. It isn’t hard. And we can get back to having hilarious ejections again the way it should be. Now make sure that you all take the afternoon off to get an early start on your Stanley Cup Playoffs tailgating as well as today’s day/night DH between Clark The Cub and the Yankees! Hey, speaking of hockey, how about a quick playoff preview/prediction (be thankful that I didn’t spend the whole day on this like I wanted to)?

I don’t care that the Red Wings won 3 of 4 over the Bruins this year. The Bruins have the better goalie and play grinding playoff hockey. They win in 5. As for the Blackhawks/Blues series, if my boys were not still playing, I would be ALL OVER THIS series because this should be a lot of fun. Neither team lost to the CBJ this year which tells me that they are both ELITE (if the Jackets beat you then you are not ELITE…simple equation). Give me the Blues in 7 since we don’t know how healthy Kane and Toews are. I also like Montreal, The NY Rags, Colorado, Anaheim (although I don’t love it), and the Kings (never trust the Sharks). Which leaves us with the crown jewel series of Columbus and Pittsburgh. I am delusional but not THAT delusional. We are massive underdogs (just like the 1 seed Blackhawks were to the 7 seed Red Wings last year OBVZ) and have never won a playoff game in our 13 years of existence. Hell, we have never HAD THE LEAD in a playoff series. It’s going to take a big effort just to stretch this bitch out to 6 games. But I’m a homer so I will always feel that we have a chance. Two things definitely need to happen for the CBJ to push the Penguins:

1. Ryan Johansen HAS to be the best player on the ice in the series. This will not be easy but the world is about to find out that this kid is a fucking superstar.
2. Sergei Bobrovsky HAS to be the best goalie in the world. This can be done but will also not be easy.

Even if you don’t follow hockey, you at least know that Sidney Crosby is a little bitch who was probably the cunt who stuck that American Airlines plane up his box the other day. How great would it be to end his season? Oh man that would be THE BEST. Fuck it, Jackets in 6. I fucking love the Stanley Cup Playoffs now let’s drop the fucking rubber already! CARRY THE FLAG!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Lights, Camera, Crap!


"As a matter of fact I am not on steroids.  Why do you ask?"



Last weekend I saw Draft Day on the night it opened.  I won't lie.  I was pretty pumped to see a Hollywood movie that was willing to document the shittiness of my favorite pro team in such glorious fashion.  After the movie I felt pretty underwhelmed by the whole experience.  It wasn't that great.  Mainly because Jennifer Garner falls short on making the audience believe that she is actually a woman, let alone bangable.  Seriously...Jennifer Garner is a gross, hideous, moose of a woman.  Her shoulders are broad like Frankenstein's and she has the face of a garden gnome.

So I started thinking on the drive home.  What other sports movies missed the mark for me?  There are OBVZ choices like Rudy and The Hurricane that were entertaining but based on complete and total lies.  But I wanted to throw some fresh blood out there since we've all (for good reason) taken turns cheap shotting how hilariously false the Hollywood versions are.  So here they are in no particular order.

Varsity Blues
I went back and watched this crap fest again a few years after everyone was proclaiming this to be one of the best football movies ever made.  Jesus, it's bad.  The more I watched the more I questioned how people actually enjoyed this shit pot at one point.  No coach in the history of modern day football would ever allow his players to get away with the tomfoolery that goes on in West Canaan.  Furthermore, a bunch of punk kids would never be able to effectively boycott a coach the way Bud Kilmer was.  Especially a group led by a guy who calls a hook and ladder like this:



Not Pictured: Lance's finger in his mouth signaling "hook".


Remember The Titans
Ide's favorite movie.  A movie about the death of racism at a high school in Whiteville, Virginia.  The football scenes in this movie are just laughable.  There's one in particular that is always good for a LOL or a million when I see it.  We're at the end of the movie.  Julius (not Peppers) is chasing down this kid from behind in an attempt to strip the ball.  He looks like the fucking T-1000 from Terminator 2 while booking after this kid.  Perfect running form that would give Tim Downey a boner hard enough to black him out.  Just a bad, bad movie.

Coach Carter
I'm gonna say it.  Not a big Samuel L. Jackson fan.  His whole "I'm black and mad and I yell all the time!" thing has really run its course with me.  I'm sure Prime can shed some more "this movie sucks" light on this one since his claim to fame is getting owned by that Coach Carter team.  You know, up there in what they call the NoCal.  All I know is that if Channing Tatum is your 5 you're never winning games. #waltbehrman

The Program
Another ridiculous football movie.  This steamy turd paved the way for pieces of dung like Varsity Blues.   AND ECU WAS FLORIDA STATE!  WE ALL KNOW IT WAS FLORIDA STATE YOU WERE IMPERSONATING!  JUST SAY IT!  Overall this shit was almost impossible to take seriously from Lattimer bashing his head through windows to Joe Kane laying down in the street while cars nearly ran him over.  Who was the white chick in the movie Kane wanted to fuck with the Heisman he didn't win?  That chick wasn't even hot and looked like she was a 40 year old grad student.  The downside of being hammered 24/7, I suppose.  Mom jeans with ass back you could land a plane on is never a hot look on any campus unless it's 1970's UCLA.

Major League
This one should ruffle some feathers.  I won't deny this movie the catchy one liners.  Definitely some classics in there.  But the actual game playing scenes are so incredibly far fetched.  I understand this movie isn't supposed to be 42 when it comes to cinematography/believability.  But it's also not supposed to be The Naked Gun.  Shit.  Or maybe it is.  Or maybe I just hate baseball that much.  Overall I find this movie to be a tad OVERRATED.

Time for all the Major League homos to come out in droves.  I'm ready, though.  That movie isn't that great.  If sports movies aren't enough today (ones you love ones you hate) then we can always talk about Aldon Smith getting arrested again.  Smith's the kinda player Bud Kilmer would cream himself over.