Tuesday, January 06, 2015

Walt Behrman Approved NBA Post



"Imma fuck so many fat hood rats in Cleveland...starting with Gloria James"



So we officially have one college football game left.  The Ohio Turd Suckers vs. the Oregon (not Ohio) Ducks.  Normally Tuesday is reserved for blistering hot college football TAEKS but I think Tuesday is a little too soon to get all of the "100-0 Buckeyes win" National Championship predictions.  I'm sure G$ has something cooked up for Friday anyway.  Instead we will visit a topic that has been ignored more than the kids Ace used to hang out with all day.  The NBA.

Josh SMIFF

This water balloon full of cat piss is the worst player in the league.  There's not a close second.  The Pistons are 5-0 since telling SMIFF to GTFO and the Rockets are 3-3.  What more evidence do you need?  The Pistons went from two midgets shitting in the same bucket to looking like a playoff team by telling one guy to get fucked.  ONE GUY!  Granted the Pistons haven't played the best team during this miraculous winning streak but they were losing badly to these same awful teams a month ago.  Progress!  Enjoy the poop salad you just signed, Houston.

Dion Waiters

HE GONE.  This really doesn't come as a surprise to me.  I always felt like Waiters was the odd man out when LeBron and Love came whoring back to Cleveland.  Plus it feels like no one likes Waiters.  At all.  Not even his own family.  This sounds like a great deal for all parties involved with the exception of Cleveland being forced to endure J.R. Smith's toxic aura for however long they plan on keeping him on the roster.  Smith is a certified fucking mental patient and when he's off...boy is he off.  Shumpert is a real solid add for the Cavs and I'm not sure why New York was so eager to get rid of him.  Probably because Carmelo thought Shumpert was shooting too much.  Oklahoma City gets a pretty solid player while New York is obviously dumping salary so they can give more money to Melo in order to break the record for shittiness.  LOL.

Larry Sanders

While we're on the topic of the mentally unstable...what the fuck?  Apparently this guy is telling anyone who will listen that he doesn't want to play basketball anymore.  Larry has sat the last six games for personal reasons and sounds like a real nutty turd.  Even if this report turns out to be mildly bogus...it came from somewhere and there has to be some truth to it.  $33 million says he rejoins the team and plays.

Cleveland Cavs

While I am enjoying every last bit of this monumental collapse in Cleveland, I don't think it will last unfortunately.  I'm sure there are Cavs fans throwing virgins into volcanoes as we speak trying to right the ship.  The meltdown I'm seeing from fans is about the greatest thing on the Internet right now so I hope the Cavs keep up the hilarity.  We all know it takes time for guys to gel and figure out what role they play on a team loaded with talent so I still put this team in the NBA finals when the dust clears and the blood pressure goes back to normal.  Mainly because the Bulls always blow it and the thought of the Hawks or Raptors in the finals is about as believable as Ide's stories.

The New York Knicks

Remember how we all thought the Sixers would be the worst team in the NBA this year?  It appears as the Knicks took offense to that notion.  Jesus Christ!  I won't fault you if you say no...but has anyone actually watched a Knicks game this year?  It's like they aren't even trying.  And don't blame it on the triangle offense everyone is claiming they can't figure out.  It's like the easiest fucking offense to run.  I don't think there is a single person in that organization who gives a holy horse shit right now.  And no one wants to play with Carmelo.  Because he's a selfish dick fart.

The Western Conference

I'm loving this shakeup of power in the west right now.  Golden State is ruining everyone's butts spearheaded by my ELITE MVP candidate, Steph Curry.  Portland is solid and Dallas trading for Rondo makes them a legit contender.  It looks like age may finally be catching up with San Antonio (4 years after everyone said age was catching up with San Antonio) but they've shown it's careless to count them out at any point.  Great shit so far.

Rajon Rondo

Speaking of Rondo...so this guy hasn't played defense in years?  Typical Kentucky/Seal guy.  If that's true, bruh...keep that shit to yourself.  Admitting you don't play defense is just going to give people a reason to shit on the NBA and the lack of defense played even more.  Rondo talks too much.

It's the NBA today, n-words.  DEAL WITH IT.  I'm sure this will really move the Internet needle this afternoon but fuck it.  Two tears in a bucket.  I'll write whatever the fuck I please.  And congrats to Ace and Prime for starting new jobs.  I'm sure fingering horses is a very rewarding profession.  FUCK YOU CAKES!

36 comments:

Grumpy said...

Can you please fire this shithead?

Anonymous said...

Grumps for COY.

There is no defending trading for J.R. Smiff....don't care how much of a shithead Waiters may be. Growing ever more confident in my "Cavs won't sniff the Finals" proclamation. Team just doesn't have "it".

It is humorous how the Pistons have changed since Smiff's cut. They will probably lose ten games in a row soon tho.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Spurs gon be aight.

Western conference is ELITE as usual.

Seal, I'm in Cleveland tonight! Let's go to the casino!

I would trade Waiters for Shumpert in a second. Even if Jr Smiff has to tag along. The seesaw of the Cavs fans is glorious. A lil over a month ago the Cavs had it all figured out and we're going to roll. Now they are falling apart and awful. WhaT will happen next?

GMoney said...

If by "it", you mean health then yes they don't have it except for the last two letters of shit. That is the ONLY reason why I am not ripping out body hair every night. The belief that once everyone gets back, we will crank it up, fucker.

Man, how annoying must Dion have been if LeBron said, "yes, I would rather play with JR Smith". The key with Smith will be to convince him that he is in a contract year. A healthy Shumpert is a difference maker though. One might call him...THE DIFF.

One team has lost to the Sixers, Knicks, AND Pistons this season. Bet you can't guess who it is. I'll give you a hunt. Dan Gilbert owns the team.

It's about fucking time that David Griffin came out and defended the coach. Thanks for waiting a week before squashing the non-existent beef, bruh!

I'm starting to buy the Hawks. Never thought I would say that. They seem to be galvanized behind their suspended GM's racism and that is admirable OBVZ.

I think that if the Cavs can acquire Mozgov or KoKo or any sort of low post defender, they are still the favorites in the East (if healthy...which is a giant if).

Westbrook-Reggie-Morrow-Dion is a ridiculous ball-hog backcourt that the Thunder have now. Good luck with that.

GMoney said...

Also: ELITE TAEK by Grump.

Anonymous said...

-Being a superintendent of a highway job + 1.5"= snow day for me.
-I agree with Grump. It's the Tuesday after a HUGE week of college football and the week before the NC, but the in-house "expert" has nothing?!

-Ohio Nate

Anonymous said...

Cavs bad right now, BRAH. I do like the trade though... you are basically getting Shumpert for free as Dion and JR are the pretty much the same player. Bron knows JR well so not surprised he allowed it.

Injuries and bad defense are crushing us right now. Also the fact that Matthew Dellavadova see's 30 minutes a night hurts our chances at winning anything... as you saw last night in our loss to the 6ers.

I do like Dion being gone - dude didnt fit in and took way too many shots on a team where Kyrie/Love/Bron should be taking the majority that arent put back dunks from a big. He might have actually went to a worse spot though in OKC - you think the Cavs didnt have shots to go around? Now he is playing alongside KD and the biggest ball hog of them all in Westbrook? Yikes, dudes gonna piss that team off real quick.

You staying downtown, Ace??

Seal

Anonymous said...

I'm glad we finally got some snow...hate it when the winter doesn't have any. Should stick around for a little bit with how cold It's gonna be too.

If people are dying for some college football talk....I'm still picking Oregon to win it all. I said before the semis that I thought they were going to win it all and I'm sticking with that. They just score too damn much.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I've got a CFB-ish post planned for tomorrow so try not to go HAM on Turdman today.

I suppose if you want to talk about the Go Daddy Bowl (over 100 points!) or the guy on Florida who shit his pants, that could suffice. The Twitter rivalry between the MAC and Sun Belt was pretty amusing.

Snow = fine. Ice = get fucked.

That works for weather and blogging by the way.

GMoney said...

Seal, I did not know that LeBron and JR were close. That is a huge character flaw IMO.

Delly is good at what he does...taking the last shot is not that. Stick with being a pest, bruh.

I do have to say that LeBron being out is the best thing that has happened to Love. He has been a monster recently.

Jeff said...

Wait til Love doesn't resign in the offseason. Wiggins, Bennett and a 1 for nada. Woof. KLove would be one to bail on this shit show. LakeShow bro.

Anonymous said...

Too early to say that, Jeff. That makes sense if the Cavs are ousted in the first round of the playoffs... but if they make a deep run, to say the Eastern Conference Finals, I think he enjoys the taste of winning for once and comes back.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

Seal, I'm in fucking Beachwood. I didn't know how the weather would be so I got a place close to the office. But I'm pretty sure there is free casino parking tonight. Last night I spilled a full xmas ale on the hotel bar so I don't think they want me back down there tonight. I'm down for whatever.

#MACTION! Too bad Toledo had the QB injury issues they had. Could have been a Top 25 team imo.

GMoney said...

Yeah, Jeff, it's way too early for that. But I believe that no one in their right mind wants to follow the career path of Dwight Howard.

Anonymous said...

Have we really already reached the point where Cavs fans would label the ECF as a "deep run"?

So many LOLZ if this is true....

“@GilArciaTBC: Looks like on his birthday, Jameis Winston will announce he is staying in school and not enter the NFL Draft.”

“@GilArciaTBC: Players have been dropping hints on their Facebook accounts, some even deleted. But all signs point to him staying.”



“@realshaunking: Lil birdie telling me jameis is staying in school and will not enter the 2015 draft.....”

--Drew

GMoney said...

HOLY SHIT. Jimbo has to be furious. Why the fuck would he do this?

I am not lowering my title expectations for them.

Anonymous said...

Neither am I (lowering MY expectations). I said at the beginning of the year, I expect to win the East this year and win a title next year.

Seal

Anonymous said...

No mention of jimmy butler having an MVP first half of the season? This writer sucks.

Cavs are turrible right now but so was Miami to start the year so we will see if they can improve. Their defense is garbage though and you are not making to to the finals having that bad of a defense.

Lacey

T. Iceman said...

If you wanna talk college football, Ohio Nate, then fuckin talk college football. No one's stopping you. It's one of the really neat things about the Internet. Maybe if I didn't do this for free I would actually give a rat's ass about what the commenters want to read.

The greatest thing in the world would be if Kevin Love bolts after this season. He's the pussy that would do it too. There are a lot of Cavs fans worried about LeBron leaving but I don't see that happening again. He doesn't have the rocks for that and probably doesn't want his entire blood line killed off by Cavs fans.

T. Iceman said...

Apologies on Jimmy Butler, Lacey. You were right to bring that up. I have him on my fantasy team so I have a front row seat to what he's doing this season. It's pretty fucking incredible. It's funny how LeBron farts at a restaurant or waves at the mailman and it's headlining news on ESPN. Jimmy Butler is wrecking asses every game and the general public barely knows. Butler really should be in the MVP discussion right now. That's not Lacey being a homer.

GMoney said...

I would respect James or maybe even a Big Jim Butler. Jimmy? Nope. Grow up, bruh.

As of last week, the Bulls were the four seed in the East. You aren't an MVP candidate if you are on the fourth best team in the East. #realtalk

MUDawgfan said...

"and the thought of the Hawks or Raptors in the finals is about as believable as Ide's stories."


Jealousy is a stinky cologne fucker.

GO HAWKS

Anonymous said...

Lulz gmoney

It is possible but not likely that jimmy butler could win defense POY most improved and MVP. Bulls could have got him for $10-12 mil a year but passed. That is goin to bite them in the ass.

Lacey

Anonymous said...

Isn't all the talk of cavs season being lost alot like the slow's writing off OSU after the VT loss. Its January and they are in the Eastern Conference, someone should hit the media with a big fat R E L A X.

All they have to do is make the playoff's and if they are at all clicking towards the end of the year, they will be favorites to make the finals.

And why are people already talking about LOVE bolting, he chose to come to Cleveland and play with Lebron James. You know, the best player on the planet. Yeah, I'd write that off after less than 1 half of an NBA season or if they don't bring home a title this year..... C'mon, the blueprint was laid out in Miami - they don't have to win it in the first year to be the favorites for the next three years.

Lots of doltish analysis on da blog today.

- J Saul

Anonymous said...

J Saul wins today.

Seal

GMoney said...

That's a solid analogy, JSaul, but you should mock Iceman and not Seal. People forget that.

I admit that I have only watched the Bulls play once and they lost a home game to a team that has been defeated by PHI, NYK, and crushed by DET so excuse me if I am highly skeptical.

Anonymous said...

I knew what he meant...

Seal

Anonymous said...

That wasn't directed at Seal - it was a play on the word SLOW that gets used around here a lot.

- J Saul

T. Iceman said...

I will say at least the Hawks were smart enough to let Josh SMIFF walk, Dawg. That's about the smartest thing anyone has done in the history of sports.

Butler may surprise you, Lacey. I mean...you're gonna have to pay the man but it may not be as much as you think. He's already said he doesn't want to be labeled a superstar and getting a fuck load of money would encourage that label more. Plus he seems like a true team player who knows less money for him means more pieces for a title.

GMoney said...

Thanks a lot, JSaul, you owned everyone today and now no one wants to converse about anything but Big Jim Butler (LOL not TRANSCENDENT).

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure the VT comparison is very good...as that was one game with still tons of unknowns. We know the Cavs are never gonna be anywhere close to ELITE at defense...nor are they going to have anything above a mediocre inside presence. But, I still get the point...it's the first week of January.

--Drew

Jeff said...

JSaul preachin to the Cavs homer choir telling them what they wanna hear. It is January. KLove leaving is speculation. Miami was in a similar situation, but Miami had been there before and won it all. Things can change, but health issues and inexperience are fo real. I've wasted to much time on the NBA today and for the year for that matter.

GMoney said...

Cavs defense > JT Barrett throwing IMO

Anonymous said...

Oh and g$ the bulls are currently in second place in the east behind the hawks who won 19 of 21 games so get your facts right

Lacey

Anonymous said...

Urban Meyer bitches that every player's family should get money to go to the NCG. NCAA comes up with rule where each parent gets $1250. Urban Meyer just makin' the NCAA do things.

--Drew

GMoney said...

That's part of tomorrow's post, asshole.

Lacey, you dolt, I said as of last week you were in FOURF.