Thursday, January 29, 2015

The Last of the Great Apes

Timeless
"Jesus, two weeks of this? I never thought I would miss G$. Ace is absolutely obsessed with male genitalia and rectums" - Grumpy
"G$ licks oreos too....Jeter's taint. This blog was fucking garbage" - Drew
"If G$ has time to comment, why can't he just write the damn post? Better effort today Mr. Ace. You are no G$, but you're growing on me." - Grumpy
"Burn In Hell Jim Johnson!" - Anon
"Did you steal the copy from Sportscenter and post it here? I'm ready for the first post from a real blogger. I miss the G man." - Grumpy
"Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn are much more interesting topics." - Damman
"alright, nice blog run by fucking 5-year olds who delete people's posts... This site went in the shitter this week G$. Might be worse than jbeanie." - Seal
"Good stuff, ace. You're right about the gingervitis though. G$s legs haven't seen the sun since the eagles last won a superbowl." - Dut
"Mr. Ace is hitting his stride. Funny shit. Who need G$?" - Grumpy
"It seems nobody has actually met G$. Have you ever seen he and Clay Aiken in the same room?" - Grumpy
"I'm sitting in the airport now still thinking about how annoying our freaking dj was." - G$
"By the way, the first card that we opened on Sunday morning was from Li'l Strut. The first thing I remember reading was "strap-on" and I announced that that card was not to be read." - G$
"Yesterday you just made yourself look stupid. Picking the Eagles to go 14-2 means you're either taking drugs or forgot to take your drugs. Why would G$ leave a moron in charge?" - Grump
"come on damman, i wanna see you back up our browns before i shoot this ignorant asshole. 
i fucking hate the steelers, but you cant say they arent that good.
grumpy is right, you obviously dont know dick." - Seal

Back in the summer of 2009 you all hated me...and Ioved every minute of it. But then, I dropped this gem, and I became a fan favorite.
"That was fucking AWESOME! Why did you wait a week to get out your best material?" - Grumpy
"Good shit Ace! Best description of GMoney ever!" - Seal
"All of your blogs have sucked balls up until this one...that was great. I do hope G$ is back next week though, as I know you can't do better." - Drew
"Ace this may be your best post ever. I'm a little pissed that Sean didn't say anything about me." - Dut
"Ha, I read it at work and had to keep my hand over my mouth to cover up the fact that I was laughing/not working. Great stuff!" - LS
"Fucking hillarious, although I didn't need the image of GMoney on his wedding night." - Burgei

...and the ACEterview was born.

It was a rough start here for Mr. Ace as a contributor. The Money Shot wasn't ready for a new voice, especially one that was relentless with the punchlines and immature dick/pussy jokes. I don't blame you guys, change can be tough. G$ had been doing his thing for awhile at that point and the idea of somebody stepping in, even for just two weeks, probably was a real jolt do your daily media intake. But we made it through it. I've grown, you've grown...we've grown.
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When things come to an end I always think about legacy. What is my legacy at The Money Shot? Obviously the porn post stands out first and foremost. That thing was undeniably legendary. The "May The Forcier Be With You" post probably isn't too far behind for most of you. But I hope that I brought more than that.

It was 364 days ago that I started my comeback. I just got the itch and it seemed like G$ would be open to only blogging 3 days a week. I wanted to do things a little differently when I came back. I wanted to be a little more personal, give some perspectives that people might not get to see, and open up some conversations on topics that typically didn't get much play at The Money Shot. Religion, politics, education, Big Tymers, dogs, boob gifs...porn...those are the things that really matter. We all love sports, but we have strong opinions on a lot of different things. I tried to bring that aspect to The Money Shot and I think I did. And I also dropped some topnotch #Facts on you bitches. I'm trying to say I'm basically Anderson fucking Cooper without the cocksucking.
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About the same time I came back to contributing here I decided to clean up the ol' Toolshed, and changed into Ace Takes. I never had any real plans of opening it back up. I knew that I would need multiple contributors because I didn't and don't have any interest in creating more than two posts a week. But it's something that I always kept in the back of my head just in case.

But I think G$'s right. It's time for a change. A shift in direction where we can all contribute will be a good thing. No matter how many DickGIF's Drew can throw at us. At the very least it will be interesting seeing Grumpy trying to figure out a new app.

And as G$ said, my last appearance here will by on Tuesday when I do an AMA with our fearless ginger leader. I'd like all commenters to get a chance to ask one question of their own, so if you have something you want to ask then either DM me on Twitter, @itsmracebrah, or shoot me an email at MoneyShotFantasies@gmail.com. Happy Fucking Thursday.


 This was almost a rap post. The new Lupe, Joey BadA$$ and Fabolous are fire. That's all.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ape....I've gotta hand it to you. We had our issues early on...but, your Thursdays have become my favorite days here....never know what angle you are gonna take those days...whether it's an AMA with one of us fools...food....good sports talk....PORN....telling the religious folk how much time they are wasting with their lives....or funny/sad stories about the beaten down children that once looked up to you that you suddenly left hanging like their real fathers did to them years ago to only reinforce in their minds that no adult males truly care about them. All have been good and make Thursdays enjoyable here...although Tuesdays this Fall got REAL fun as #7or8Wins kept rolling.

I do suggest you kind of take the horns on the college football talk when we move. HARBAUGH has seemingly rejuvenated you and you never go full #7or8wins.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I appreciate that, Drew. And totes agree. As I allowed my maize-colored glasses to become clearer, I think your Buckeye boners became slightly less ragey and that created a nice little middle ground for us. And I obvs agree that Thursdays have been the best days for the past year IMO. That's why G$ pays me so handsomely.

And I did abandon those kids, goddammit. Not something I'm proud of. But when the chips are down and a baby is on the way, sometimes you just have to pull the ripcord and gtfo.

And Drew has already submitted an AMA question...it is disturbing in its simplicity. COY's should probably get 2 questions.

Anonymous said...

Good point...I do deserve two questions. I will think of another one.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I think it's fair to say that there is going to be a LOT of self-cock-sucking here until we move. And I love it.

I will never compliment an Eagles fan but I do have to give myself props for hosting your roast the day before your wedding. That was a great post.

I will assume that Drew was joking when he said that Thursday was his favorite day here. We all know that the best day is that one Saturday when I fired up that pro-underwear moneymaker blog.

GMoney said...

That said, I will miss your bouncing jugs GIFs the most. Always the hottest take.

Mr. Ace said...

Ice really should have capitalized on a Titty Tuesday theme. Nobody would hate Tuesdays. Not even Stan.

I went back and read all the posts from my first two weeks. Some really solid material...5.5 fucking years ago. Pretty sure I was still living with my parents post-college at that point. Glory days.

I don't remember this roast. I will have to go read it again.

GMoney said...

How about Kyrie last night? Incredible! You might as well start calling Nic Batum "Jugdish" because he kept getting his eye dotted. ELITE Hinduism/bad defense joke!

Anonymous said...

Slow...you seen D'Angelo Russell lately? He's been playing like he's the best player in the country....up to #2 in most mock drafts. Really fun player.


--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I am totally okay with taking this victory lap alone...with G$ and Drew and the back.

I haven't watched an NBA game yet. It's cute watching other fanbases get their jollies during January.

Anonymous said...

I have actually... I watched that entire Northwestern game last week. Kid is an absolutely sick talent. Not sure I am a big fan of his demeanor - as I think he needs to grow up a little... but Thad is a great coach and will get him there.

Speaking of incredible talent... that performance by Kyrie last night was incredible. Great win by the Cavs without Lebron.

Seal

Anonymous said...

And Ace - I will def miss Thursdays as well. As much as I come here for the sports banter, I really enjoyed the non-sports topics you brought to the table. I am not however a fan of how you had multiple people to choose from to interview for what I thought were great post ideas, and you chose Dut. That was very disappointing.

Seal

Grumpy said...

Ace,, like a fine wine, you have improved with age. I don't remember saying all of those nasty things about your posts, but there are a lot of things I don't remember.

Your legacy will be that you always left us laughing, sometimes it was even with you.

GMoney said...

If you want a decent LOL, check out what I just posted to Twitter. Interesting shitter scene.

Mr. Ace said...

Seal, I love your rage and honesty even if it belligerent and sometimes directed at me. But GIVE IT A REST on the damn AMA! I did that at 10PM the night before it was posted. I had a great idea and Dut was the only one there to fulfill the AMA. I think Ide made up for it with the next one.

Thanks, Grump. You're the best. Now give me a fucking Werthers!

T. Iceman said...

The Ace Roast is what got me commenting full time. One of the best things this great site has done.

I think the real question Seal was getting at with the Dut AMA is...why the fuck are you hanging out with Dut?

The best Thursday we ever had here is when Mrs. Ward showed up and schooled your ass on flea meds. I still think she was robbed for COTY.

Anonymous said...

"I think the real question Seal was getting at with the Dut AMA is...why the fuck are you hanging out with Dut?"

So awesome you wrote this Ice, as I actually had typed out "however I am not a fan of you being so close with Dut, but Dut sucks" but I thought that might be too harsh and hitting on personal relationships so I deleted and related it to the blog. But yes you are exactly right.

Seal

Anonymous said...

but=because.

Mr. Ace said...

I support all Dut hate.

And how the fuck did I forgot about Mrs. Ward coming through here and spreading her Big Dog Pharma propaganda!!! Great day that was. Also the day we became aware that Lacey walks around his house in constant fear of Mrs. Ward beatdowns. I bet she RKO's him daily.

Prime99 said...

Be careful guys- we don't want Ape to think you're being judgy!

I'll miss Ape telling stories about how all his problems are caused by others. Also, him getting mad when any details are questioned. Blogger's license for exaggeration, indeed!

G$- keep your poop pics to yourself, bruh.

Prime99 said...

On the plus side, Ape does run a top notch fantasy league. That is not an exaggeration.

T. Iceman said...

^ THAT is your real legacy.

GMoney said...

I did not poop out a belt. Want to get that on record.

If Mrs. Ward was not already married, there would be a line of commenters miles deep seeking her hand in marriage. That is a FACT.

Starting to put the board together, folks. Looking good yet very simple (intentionally) so far.

Mr. Ace said...

Nice of you to come down from your Ivory Tower and join us today, Prime.

Don't forget to submit your AMA questions!!!

Mr. Ace said...

Now with blog responsibilities dismissed I am really going to try and up my game in the commish role. It's going to be something great....like make a mask that looks like FagNasty and have the person with the least points make a YouTube video. Ok maybe not that...but something ELITE.

Anonymous said...

Was that your belt? Holy shit, you may have more than back problems going, bruh.

Ide

Anonymous said...

My CotY allotted two questions have been submitted.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I'm not actually sure how I stumbled upon this blog but I am glad I did. I have been a follower for around four years or so but only started commenting a year ago. It's amazing how much entertainment this site brought to me daily. I kind of feel like the people who had their lives invested in the Truman show after it went of the air. Not sure what I'm going to do during my mornin poop.

Oh and I'm pretty sure this is ending because Ace was trying to find away to get out of AMA with Mrs. Ward

Lacey

Anonymous said...

Ape...in my fantasy basketball league....last place has to get their pubes waxed. In baseball...last place has to wear a bikini to next draft.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

It would be SO Cakesy of Cakes to not show up this week or next, then be confused about why the blog isn't updated when he checks in in April.

GMoney said...

No guff. Now that Iceman has his precious free time, maybe he can get off his lazy Florida meth-riddled ass and find out what the fuck is wrong with that guy. No Dipshit Left Behind.

T. Iceman said...

It's not my responsibility to baby sit Cakes. You fuckers follow him on Twitter and are Facebook friends with him. Do it your damn self, dick farts.

Mr. Ace said...

Did Ice and Cakes break up?

GMoney said...

You brought him here!