Friday, January 02, 2015

So Who Won Yesterday? Plus Another Contest!

Happy New Year, no one except for Grumpy!  Bowl games were played yesterday--important ones, too--but I'll be damned if I actually start writing something after they ended.  I feel like this GIF of Harry Dunn violently shitting out his innards works well no matter what the outcome of the Sugar Bowl was.  It either is an apt representation of Ohio Buckeyes vs. the SEC or how I feel about Nick Saban letting America down.  It is definitely versatile, agile, mobile, and hostile.

I'm sure that there will be plenty of smack talk all day long once everyone un-passes out.  Either way, we have our College Football Championship set.  Bring your takes strong today, folks.  You have been warned.

But that's not all!  Today marks the start of our annual NFL Playoffs Picks Contest.  I want to say that Prime won last year and I PayPal'd him some money or something which is funny because I don't ever recall getting any money from him.  Where are my lavish gifts?  That goes to all of you, too!  Where was I?  Oh yes.  You've all done this before.  You pick the line and O/U for each NFL playoff game and the winner gets a jug of Cakes' baby batter and a ticket to Wheelz next family reunion (I still LOL hard over three of her family members not talking over the Ice Bucket Challenge, bruh!).

Arizona @ Carolina -6.5 O/U 37.5 - Ugh, at least we're getting this one out of the way.  Anything under a touchdown, I'm taking the Panthers.  CAR and Under

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh -3.5 O/U 46.5 - The Ravens get Ngata back which is great because he'll be able to stop the run which the Steelers will barely try to do.  Baltimore's secondary is horseshit and Pittsburgh has a really STREMPHy passing game.  This is the time of the year where Flacco usually shows off his ELITEness, but the Steelers stay hot.  PIT and Over

Cincinnati @ Indianapolis -3.5 O/U 49.5 - I don't want anything to do with playoff road game Andy Dalton.  The Clots killed them earlier 27-0 and Jeremy Hill isn't that much of a difference maker.  IND and Under

Detroit @ Dallas -6.5 O/U 48.5 - Much has been made about Stafford being 0-16 against good teams on the road or whatever.  But he's back home now (I think)!  How do you break that streak?  By letting Suh stomp Romo's back of course.  Upset special of the week: the Lions win outright.  The Cowboys are feeling a little too good about themselves and this is January after all.  Fuck you, Jerry Jones.  DET and Over

Make your picks to click and try to get money out of my wallet!  Motherfuckers, Ohio Buckeyes better have lost last night because if they didn't then they are going to win it all and then no one important will be happy.  Especially me because my in-laws are coming into town tomorrow.  Why?  Because the oldest Snoad boy is getting married and they are going to the wedding.  Where was my invite, you jaw-cracking sonofabitch?  GO LIONS!

41 comments:

GMoney said...

Now I know how Layla Kiffin feels...so disappointed.

Great game ruined by the wrong team winning OBVZ and this is only going to get worse when Ohio Buckeyes win the title next Monday night. Oh, if you want to buy into Oregon then have at it, hoss, but their nerd coach is absolutely not going to beat Captain Dildo. Nerds don't beat assholes unless a guy named Booger is involved. This blows.

Hopefully all of our Ohio fans got alcohol poisoning last night.

That said, LOL FSU Twitter!

Not gonna lie, thought I brought it strong on Twitter last night. Tapered off in the second half but I was getting tired. The screen cap of the Rupe quote was my best play of the year.

GMoney said...

The Oregon -7.5 line is such a fucking joke. I'm going to become a Dollar Menu-aire betting on/moneylining Ohio.

Mr. Ace said...

I fell asleep/passed out on the couch during the second half and woke up at 1am. What did I miss? From what I have gathered on Twitter Kiffins really fucking blew the play calling and Bama should have ran the ball every play. Cardale is a fucking load.

That Oregon dismantling was a thing of beauty.

Arizona UNDER...CAR wins but not by much.
Pittsburgh OVER
INDY OVER
Dallas UNDER. Stafford sux dix

GMoney said...

Romo is worse.

Basically, Lane Kiffin said "I see you over there being unstoppable, Derrick Henry, but I'm going to have my QB run trick-ish plays instead".

Jimbo's "Calm the fuck down or you're on the bench" line to Jameis inspired a nation of LULZ.

Anonymous said...

Car UNDER
Pitt OVER
Indy OVER
Dal OVER

Seal

Prime99 said...

Twitter was awfully fun last night, even though the Ohio Football Club pulled out the victory. Kiffin's play calling was atrocious. It was like he turned into Marc Trestman.

Oregon beating down FSU was great. The vines and GIFs and photoshops of Jameis' fumble are so damn funny. The RKO is solid but the Lance Stephenson one had my rollin'.

CAR UNDER
PIT UNDER
INDY OVER
DAL OVER

Prime99 said...

Oh, and I think I won two years ago, not last year. I do remember getting PayPaled money which I promptly lost in fantasy baseball. Yay me!

Anonymous said...

Sweet Jesus, that game. Those two early turnovers really got my blood flowing. Zekes abs likely had Drews erection in peak form. That play call to bomb in deep at the end scared the holy hell out of me, but it's nice to see Urbz open the playbook entirely.

Get fucked SEC.

Harbaugh isn't doing a damn thing to stop us next year.

Ide

GMoney said...

Yeah, last night was a perfect example of why everyone hates Lane Kiffin. It's a damn shame that Al Davis died before killing him. That two minute drill was so bad. It took a lot to out-shit Tom Herman's bizarre 4 minute drill, but Kiffin did it.

Anonymous said...

Carolina UNDER
Ballmore OVER
Indy UNDER
Detroit OVER

Ide

Prime99 said...

And what is up with the OSU girl that was showed on TV, rubbed that dude's neck then took her hand away like she realized she was caught doing something bad? Very weird exchange.

GMoney said...

Guy must have had a dick neck and she was giving him a neckjob. Makes all the sense in the world.

In the fourf quarter, they showed some redheaded Ohio faggot that looked like a Burkerman. Terrible. You all saw that guy, I'm sure.

Anonymous said...

OHIO STATE FOOOOOOOOOTBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

Haterz......SUCK A DICK...URBAN MEYER'S DICK.

"7 or 8 wins" -- LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

What a day! What a night! I'll think about Oregon later. We just beat Bama in a playoff game with Cardale. Fucking awesome.

Carolina OVER
Pittsburgh UNDER
Cincinnati UNDER
DETROIT OVER

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

All I'm saying is what has the B1G/SEC done since HARBAUGH was hired? Exactly. You're welcome, B1G football.

Anonymous said...

Carolina OVER
Pittsburgh UNDER
Indy UNDER
DETROIT OVER

Still processing the buckeye game. Seems like good timing for SEC to get slapped with an overrated label while the big ten works to shake the WORST CONFERENCE label. This was a big bowl season right before HARBRAH.
Plus, Michigan wasn't able to embarrass, so another win IMO.
- J Saul

Anonymous said...

Just checking...but, everyone remembers Iceman's post after the VT game right?

LOLZ!

--Drew

GMoney said...

You can say that about HarBRAH making everyone step up their game, Ape, but I could easily say that the Big Ten started playing actual football once Tim Beckman was not fired. Goes both ways IMO.

GMoney said...

You haven't let us forget for 4 months now.

Anonymous said...

Should be another year, imo.

Ide

GMoney said...

The Saul boys just sent me a pic of that redhead nerd. Still hilarious. Someone on Twitter called him Gabbo which is ALL THE LOLZ!

We all have 11 days to accept our fate that Champions Lane will once again become Champions Lane. I suggest that you all start working on your noose now.

Grumpy said...

Oregon players taunting Jameis with "no means no" was the best.

Jeff said...

Twas a great game by the Bucks. Settle for 2 FGs after having 1st and Goal inside the five and give up 14 pts off 2 turnovers. Shouldve been lights out. Urbz ran circles around Sabecakes.

ZONA OVER
BURGH UNDER
CINCY UNDER
DET UNDER

Anonymous said...

G$ -- Is this you sincerely believing bucks will roll ducks? Or is this a re-birth of the reverse psychology that single handedly ended the bucks run last year?

Arizona Under
Baltimore Under
Indy Over
Detroit Over

-Rex

GMoney said...

If it works that way, then great, but I won't be doing that again. No, I have no faith in Mark Fighting Hellfish. Look at that guy! No fucking way.

GMoney said...

Oh man, it's every Christmas morning ever if you like stupid Ohio Buckeye internet memes. None are creative still or funny but you already knew that.

T. Iceman said...

Nice to see Drew is annoying everyone by continually bringing up a prediction I never made.

I'm with G$...I don't think oregon has a chance.

I love how every Buckeye fan is saying "remember how we beat Bama with our 3rd string QB" like Jones is a no talent dick smack similar to Joe Bauserman. I'm sure Jones was a 3 or 4 star recruit and sought after by many D1 programs. So what he's doing shouldn't be all that shocking to you guys.

T. Iceman said...

Carolina under
Baltimore under
Indy over
Dallas over

Anonymous said...

Coming in and routing Wiscy 59-0, beating Bama and playing in the National Championship game as his first 3 starts shouldn't be surprising? Glad you acknowledge our ELITE depf, but that is a bananas 3 game schedule to start out with.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Osu dominated the game last night. Bama failed to put them away early when they had the chance and Urbs made them pay. Without the slow start osu could have won by 3 scores easy. A year of dealing with osu fans after they win the championship is going to be annoying. At least the sec is starting to fall. Guess it was fitting that the coach who started the sec dominance finished it as well.

Arizona under
Stealers under
Colts over
Dallas over

Lacey

Anonymous said...

I would LOVE to know how many teams Iceman thinks have a 3rd string QB that could lead them to the NCG.

Oregon frightens me a ton....not sure how we can stop them. I do think we'll run all over them.

Urban Fuckin' Meyer.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I will say that I am shocked by what Cardale is doing. I expected him to come in and be awful and throw picks and look confused because he seemed like a fuck based on his twitter post and even what most Fuckeyes thought of him. But he's obviously matured and understands the system better than I could have ever given him credit for. He's protecting the ball when nothing is open and picking his downfield shots to give his playmakers a chance. He's also a fucking battering ram. Shocked and impressed.

GMoney said...

While I am not happy that "pussy ball" won both games yesterday (the spread...you all know that I am a pro style/wing T fan for life), it is nice to see that games are still won and lost with superior line play. Ohio OL was the best unit on the field.

If you take care of the ball and don't fumble 40 times in the third quarter, you should have little trouble with that pineapple chopper QB.

GMoney said...

Just put a big boy moneyline bet on Ohio Buckeyes at +230. I might as well make some money on this shitty outcome.

GMoney said...

Le'Veon ruled out with his case of pot-smoker's knee. Could be the right time for Flacco to unload his creamy, white, hot ELITEness all over Grumpy's face.

T. Iceman said...

Jones wasn't playing because he was buried on a depth chart behind a Heisman trophy candidate and a record setting Freshman. It wasn't because he is a talentless wad of shit. That's why it shouldn't be that shocking. Not that hard to figure out, Drew.

Anonymous said...

So, do you think Oregon would beat FSU with their 3rd string QB? How many teams do you think have 3 QB's that they can ride to such outcomes?

Also....Cardale was a 3 star recruit with not a great offer list.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

Fuck, Drew. I don't know. Maybe. Successful programs that are in a position to play for a national title probably have a backup plan or 2 at important positions like QB. You're caring way too much about the comments I'm making these days.

Anonymous said...

Not me!

--Jimbo Fisher

Anonymous said...

Or me!

-- Brady Hoke

Anonymous said...

Cardinals over
Ravens under
Colts over
Cowboys over

Great win for the Buckeyes last night. Oregon scares me more than msu, wisconsin, & alabama, but still feel that Urban will find a way to get the most out of this team & find a way to win in dallas next Monday. Either way, we should see a lot of points & it should be an entertaining game...

If not for the playoffs, alabama would be playing florida state for the title & the 2 best teams in the country wouldn't get their shot. Most sane people will probably agree that year #1 of this system has been successful & college football is better w/ the 4 team playoff...

Burke

Josh Bourn said...

Zona over
Pit under
Indy under
Dallas under

Andrew B