Thursday, January 22, 2015

Quick Hitters: Gig'em Gerry, Comedy Central Wednesday Nights, and More Fucking Dog Issues

OMG, That's sooo funny!

BIG ACE Update: He's going in for a small procedure tomorrow...or at least he should be if his blood levels are okay. They say if everything goes well he should be out by Saturday. However, they are not aware of my father's knack for turning 3 day stays into 17 day staycations. So hopefully all goes well. This shit will never end.

Fucking Dogs, Man. And not my fucking dogs. I have the worst fucking neighbors in the world. They have random cars in the driveway, they have blankets hung up over all their windows(great for property value, I hear), they're loud, and they have 4 Rottweilers that basically live in the backyard 24/7 and just bark constantly. I ignore them and deal with it, but everything about their dog situation pisses me off and that all came to a head Saturday.

Twice in the last three weeks one of their dogs has gotten out of their fence and ended up on my property. The first time I had my German Shepherd in the front yard playing frisbee. The dog came running towards us, my dog chased it back to its doorstep. I called my dog back and then tried to go knock on the door. The dog was going crazy whenever I got close, so I just waited outside until somebody let the dog in. That was the first time it happened in the two years we have lived here, so I just let it go.

And then Saturday happened. We just got a new foster dog last Monday. She's a great dog, but needs some training in her interactions with other dogs. Which means constantly barking Rottweilers aren't ideal neighbors for her. And in the back corner of my yard there is a small section of chainlink fence where the Rotts jump up and bark. My dogs don't go back there because I don't let them. The new dog didn't get that memo and went running back there. So I had to throw some shoes on and run back there to get her. So I get back there and one of the larger Rotts has jumped the fence and is in my yard. The fuck? I'm pretty sure the fence just gave way and the dog came tumbling over, because it was terrified when I got back there. My dogs didn't attack it, but they had it in a corner. I got my dogs away and back inside and then went over to the neighbors.

And what do you fucking know, they aren't home. Now what the fuck do I do? I have this terrified large dog in my backyard, it won't move, it barks when I approach it, and it's owners aren't fucking home. Oh, and their other three dogs are going nuts. I don't want to call the cops or the dog warden, because I just don't. So I grab a rake and swing it around while yelling like caveman. It works. The dog jumped back over the fence.

The next day I go over to my neighbors house multiple times to try to talk about this. Nobody answers the door. I know they're fucking home. I can see the TV screen flashing through a basement window. What a bunch of fucks. So I write a note, being very respectful and explaining the situation, and said that I just want to make sure everybody stays safe. I leave my phone number. I don't expect any response.

Lo' and behold, I come home from work last night and there are random pieces of metal siding stacked up against the chainlink fence. It's trashy as fuck, but at least it should keep the dogs back...or make it really fucking loud when they escape. God dammit I hate those people. I should have just called the cops, right?

Workaholics/Broad City. This is the best hour of television around right now. And I am the most gender biased media consumer out there, but Broad City is hilarious. #JeanClaudesDamnVan

GERRY! GERRY! GERRY! I suppose there is a chance that some of you guys missed this huge Michigan recruiting announcement...
As excited as I am about Roquan Smith possibly committing to Michigan(not likely), Gerry was even more excited. In fact, he was so excited that he decided to celebrate with some Pornhub and share his choice of spankbank with his loyal followers. That's correct, this ESPN National Recruiting Analyst tweeted out a porn link. And I know what you're all wondering. "What was he jerking it to, Mr.Ace?" Well I did some research for you and found out where that link led to. Turns out our friend Gerry is a fan of Teen Porn, particularly films starring Krystal Boyd. Gerry takes his scouting of high school talent very seriously. At least he's consistent. Drew and Gerry have a lot in common it appears.

Now I'm not here to rag on the guy for watching porn. I'm not even gonna rag on him for posting the link. Mistakes happen. I know. About 3 years ago I was working in a residential facility with sexually reactive youth; aka sexual offenders...or at least kids who were found guilty of attempting to offend. At this same time, a friend of mine sent me a link to some Youporn vid that he claimed had some chick we went to college with. I opened the vid, got distracted by something, and then locked my phone. Hours later it's about bedtime at the facility and I am bullshitting with one of the clients, who is 19, and at some point we start talking about my dog. I unlock my phone to show him a video of my dog and FUCKING BAM PORN IN MY FACE! My heart drops immediately. I try to hide it, but the kid saw it. Pornographic material can be a HUGE trigger for some of these kids. Thankfully, this happened to be a kid who kinda got fucked in his situation and didn't really belong in our program. So he just laughed at me trying to cover it up.

The point is; Shit Happens. Especially in recruiting porn. We've all been caught watching porn on the job, right? RIGHT? Hopefully we get some answers from ESPN today. And by answers I hope they don't do anything because it's just, like, porn man. But until then, lets make Gerry feel better and share our stories of porn coming back to bite us in the ass...in the comments.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Broad Cit is funny, eh? I'll give it a try. Workaholics is the only show in like over a decade that consistently makes me laugh out loud. It is as funny as TV gets.

This neighbor situation sounds terrible and the only conclusion I can see is you end up on an episode of COPS because of it.

I feel bad for the ESPN guy....truly a mistake any guy could make. At least the link wasn't something really, really weird and/or gay...then he'd already been fired probz.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Why is anyone even copying porn links?

Ide

Jeff said...

Workaholics is awesome. The amount of drugs done in the writing room has to be ridiculous. Eskimofo!

That dog/neighbor sitch sucks. Cops will def have to get involved sometime soon. I would document as much as possible. Pic/videos/beastiality whatever.

Grumpy said...

I'm with Ide. Why is this guy copying porn links into a recruiting tweet?

Drew doesn't need porn; the highlight film of the recruits is his porn.

Anonymous said...

It's easy to see what he did. He had at least three tabs open....Twitter, his porn he was jerking to and his article he wanted to tweet out. He wasn't careful and copied the porn tab instead of his article tab.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, I knew you would defend your bro. And I agree. This isn't Greg Anthony getting a tranny. This is a dude watching hot chicks take dicks. I do wonder what his wife will have to say, though.

And I really like Broad City. And I almost entirely refuse to watch female centered movies or television...or support female music artists. That sounds awful, but I just don't like it. But Broad City is totes legit.

The neighbor sitch is the worst. I'm glad they at least responded and did something. But at some point shit will hit the fan.

And Ide, I tried to figure that out too. Somehow he copied from a browser/tab that he didn't think he was actively in. That's the only thing I can think. Or he was sending the link to somebody and forgot it was still copied.

I really hope he responds and just owns it.

Anonymous said...

Well my porn comes via the incognito browser, as I figured most people do. That brings up a separate browser with no cookies/login info. So, him beating off on an active archiving browser is a total rookie play. Even though no one uses my computer but me, ever, I still keep my nefarious activities on the down low. Can't have someone randomly typing the letter 's' and seeing slave porn popping up.

Ide

GMoney said...

Swinging a rake like a caveman sounds funnier than whatever you watch on Wednesday nights.

What do you think your hillbilly neighbors do behind closed doors? That could be a fun investigation. Dut gay.

Have we even considered that maybe the porn scene was so ELITE that Gerry wanted everyone to watch it? Recruiting is boring and stupid and could use a wake-up call. Teenage girl getting stretched open does the trick.

LOL MAC WANTS TO DISCUSS "CREATIN SHITS" ON DATES!!!

Mr. Ace said...

Ide, good call on the incognito browser. Thats also where I look up all these glorious gifs. Can't have chrome narcing me out at work by suggesting BounceBreak when I really needed bagels.

My hillbilly neighbors are making meth in their basement. And I honestly have no idea how many people live there or if they are even a family. There are at least 6 different people walking in and out on a given day. Wow, it's totally a fucking meth house.

GMoney said...

Few things are funnier than when Torg asks Facebook if anyone can do an impression of so and so and one of us tells him that Dut can. Take today for example--I'm still ROFLMAO that Nibbles recommended Dut's Bill Clinton voice.

Nibbles said...

Torg just reached out to Dut. LMAO

GMoney said...

Just received evidence from Dut via his FB Messenger:

"I have been told that you do a good Bill Clinton impression"--Torg

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

To me, this is just as funny as when Torg got trolled by the guy claiming to be the tattoo store owner.

Mr. Ace said...

PLEASE FUCKING CHRIST DO THAT SHIT DUT!!!

Mr. Ace said...

Dut is the fucking worst. I've never been so disappointed.

Anonymous said...

Nibbles wins the internet today.

Dut should get CoY if he does it.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

G$ beat me to it. "So I grab a rake and swing it around while yelling like caveman." is fucking tremendous.

We have a wooden fence we share with the neighbor. They have 2 dogs that sound like they're being sent through a wood chipper every time they're in the back yard. They've now started trying to jailbreak by digging under the fence. That's a conversation I can't wait to have with the owner.

A girl Wheelz is in school with is a teacher as well. She has an online profile where a picture of herself is required. Well, she tried using a pic from imgr or something like that and something got fucked up. Her supervisor called her up and asked her why she has pictures of naked women on her teacher profile page. Lol. As of now she isn't fired. Yet.

Anonymous said...

"And I really like Broad City. And I almost entirely refuse to watch female centered movies or television...or support female music artists. That sounds awful, but I just don't like it. But Broad City is totes legit."

Woah now. Are you saying that you refuse to watch 30 Rock or Parks and Rec? This is egregious beyond your dog situation.

Ide

MUfan said...

Wasn't on my computer, but I had our IT guy at work helping me sync my email on my new phone once. He went to close all the open apps, and there may or may not have been porn open on my Twitter feed.

Did you hear that Dan Enos is leaving CMU to take OC position at Arkansas?

T. Iceman said...

I'm sure everyone has been pumping House of Cards here for awhile and I'm sure I'm late to the party. I apologize for not listening sooner. Just started it last week and Holy Shit. ELITE.

Mr. Ace said...

Ide, I just can't get interested. And I don't seek it out. I came across Broad City last week by pure chance because it was on after Workaholics. I'm not denying that I'm probably missing some good entertainment...but it just doesn't interest me. It's the same reason that I couldn't like Orange is the New Black. AND I FUCKING TRIED! Just couldn't do it.

The fence between my neighbor and I is 95% 6ft wood fence. But there is 5% that is only chainlink in the back. And my dogs are pretty damn disciplined, but aggressive dogs coming onto their territory isn't something that I want or expect them to ignore. I have even tried befriending the beasts with food. The runt of the bunch enjoys the food. The others just stare at me.

MUfan said...

Ace - that's sweet you have a GSD. As you can probably tell from my avatar, I have one too. Awesome breed.

And your neighbors are the worst if they're not being responsible for their dogs.

GMoney said...

Speaking of dog issues, I'm still trying to track down the owners of the asshole dog that gave mine stitches 6 weeks ago. My wife was way too nice by telling the broad that it was OK to settle until after the holidays. Now Big Pimpin' (me) is banging on front doors and leaving very asshole-y notes reminding them that they owe me money, bruh. Thinking about taking my bat over there tomorrow to set the tone.

Anonymous said...

G$....You best make some heads roll.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Breaking News: Big Ace is being discharged and not having a procedure tomorrow. He's doing well and they don't want to risk interrupting the progress he is making. So awesome news.

And yes, MUfan, love the GSD's. As mine has matured, now 4 years old, he's become quite the protector...especially now with my pregnant wife. I don't know if he can sense it somehow or what, but he's definitely stepped up his game. Love that dog.

G$, I would leave a note saying that you are going to call the police if they don't contact you and have an agreement in place by the end of the month. The cops won't do shit, but that threat should get the ball rolling.

GMoney said...

That is being pondered internally, Ape. I was thinking about using the word lawyer over cops though. No one wants a frivolous lawsuit. I'm sure that I could have GSaul or The Wig Master draw up some sort of bullshit threat.

Mr. Ace said...

Thanks for the help on FB, IDE.

MUfan said...

That's great news about Big Ace...

My pup is nearing 4 years old too, and with just me in the house, she's very protective of me. Like overly protective.

My current GF has been coming over regularly since October (like every weekend and often during the week). My dog is just now warming up to her.