Friday, January 16, 2015


Might I interest you old timers in a game of Find The Fleshlight?
Yesterday, Monkey Boy was talking about his perfect diaper party that he has a scrapbook on or whatever.  Part of that was determining the food served.  He said that he didn't want it to be a potluck or something...I don't know, I wasn't really listening.  Bro, potlucks are always tremendous.  You can eat whatever you want and then on the way home say shit like "who brought that potato salad...shit tasted like mung" to your lady friend (or man candy in Dut's case).  Now, I do most of the cooking in our house.  I like doing it and it gives She$ a chance to feed the baby while I prepare Michelin star quality plates.  I am by no means an ELITE chef but I know my way around a spice rack.  One thing that all great culinary minds such as mine do is NEVER measure anything.  Makes me feel like a real pro.

Anyway, I thought that today we could all make our offerings to a future Money Shot Potluck which will likely never happen.  I suppose we could maybe do something cool if this site ever has a RibFest X or something (like Grumpy's funeral) but I doubt it.  That isn't the point.  Attendance is mandatory and you are required to bring your best dish and a beverage to be shared among the group.  I will provide well done steaks for all commenters.  Just kidding, BRAHs, why don't I slow roast a whole hog (or pay someone to do it for me because I would definitely fuck that up).  Who doesn't enjoy a hog roast?  Well, other than devout Jews and I think Muslims.  Fuck them, they aren't invited anyway.

As for my contribution to The Money Shot Potluck, I make a damn fine chicken and andouille sausage jambalaya.  I'll bring a big ass pot of that.  Also put me down for a 30 pack of Stroh's (30 pack of hos).  Beer was meant to be fire-brewed.

If you suck at cooking or just don't want to, that's cool.  My only rule is that you can't bring anything from a restaurant.  Like, you aren't showing up at this mythical party saying "I BROUGHT THURMANATORS FOR EVERYONE".  Nah, brah.  You are allowed to have a family member make your dish though.  Gram Gram's peach cobbler is perfectly acceptable.  So line up and fill the table.  This comment section is about to get a whole lot more obese.

We also have more NFL playoff games to pick.  Remember, you are playing for me to buy you ribs/avoid having to chip in for my size adult medium Joe Flacco jersey.

Green Bay @ Seattle -7.5 O/U 46.5 - A completely healthy Green Bay team lost by 20 in Seattle in week one.  A banged up Green Bay team will lose by 21 on Sunday.  SEA OVER

Indianapolis @ New England -6.5 O/U 53.5 - Doesn't it feel like the Patriots always destroy the Colts?  I'm not going to say that anyone could have done to Denver what Indy did last weekend but I'm not not going to say that either.  I think that both home teams roll to be honest.  NE OVER

10-6: G$, Drew, Iceman, Ide, and JSaul
8-8: Seal and Andrew B
7-9: Prime, Lacey, and Jeff
6-10: Ace and Burke
Faggot Squad: -Rex

It looks like a five horse-cocked race to the finish.  May the best G$ win!  My daughter is getting baptized on Sunday (DEAL WITH IT, GOD) so that may effect my football watching ways.  I doubt it though.  I'll make it back for kickoff even if I have to pistol-whip the pastor.  Enjoy the second to last weekend of meaningful football, bros, and don't forget to set your crock pots for our never-going-to-happen potluck.


Anonymous said...

I'd start off by passing around a big bowl of Urban Meyer jizz for all of the HATERZ to sip on.

For the main course tho....

I'd bring in my trusty slow cooker and I have discovered a delicious recipe a few months ago that involves 2-3 lbs of flank steak and gravy. The flank steak will be so tender that it will tear a smaller slow cooker I will have slow cooked mash potatoes...and you put the steak and gravy..with baby carrots, etc on top of the mashed potatoes. DIS IS DA TRUF. Don't have the recipe in front of me...but, since it is the winter months and prime crock pottin' me or something if you want me to send it to you.

You're all welcome in advance.


Mr. Ace said...

I thought I made it very clear yesterday that potlucks were for pussies. And now we have Drew starting a recipe swap. Martha Stewart would be proud. Bobby Flay thinks you're gay.

But I'm not one to not participate. I have 2 options, or at least 2 options that you cavemen might appreciate. 1. Cheesy corn. My mom makes it. I don't know the recipe. But it's basically a bunch of corn and a bunch of cheese and butter in a crockpot. It's ELITE. 2. Egg rolls. My egg roll game is strong. I'd proak go with a southwestern egg roll. Bean, corn, smokey spicy bbq sauce, some cucumber to freshin it up.

For drink I am going to Vermont and finding some Heady Topper and none of you can have any.

GMoney said...

How would you even acquire that, Drew? I know that Shelley Meyer is a filthy whore though.

No recipe swapping needed but explaining the dish is paramount.

One more rule: if Iceman says he makes great wings or whatever and Stan says his are better...IMPROMPTU FOOD THROWDOWN BRAH! The loser will be mocked for eternity.

Crock pot season is the best season.

GMoney said...

Don't forget to make your picks, chachlers.

MUDawgfan said...

I wouldn't bring Mrs. Dawg to the potluck in fear that Drew might say something entirely rude or put his hands on her, but she could contribute a dish.

My wife does a great job at Deviled Eggs. She had a mixture of finely chopped jalapenos and spicy pickles and not too much mayo.

Put me down for 40 Dev Eggs brah.

Rooting for GB to win so Atlanta can hire Dan Quinn as their new HC.

Mr. Ace said...

My picks are the exact opposite of whatever you pick, G$.

GMoney said...

Third rule is no deviled eggs. What is wrong with you? Those things are nastier than Rob Dibble's grundle. You goddamn Southerners with your egg fetish.

So Ape has GB U and IND U and no clue.


Larry Ward said...

Mrs. Ward is the cook of our household unless it is grilling season so I would bring her dip dessert with buffalo chicken dip. Drink would be a 30 pack of Busch.

Patriots over
Green Bay under

Grumpy said...

I will prepare a giant bowl of Grumpy's Famous Pea Salad. Layer lettuce, chopped cauliflower, chopped broccoli, bacon bits, chopped red onion and peas in a large bowl. Repeat as many layer as needed. Spread REAL mayo over the top, cover the mayo with a layer of parmesan cheese, seal with foil and refrigerate overnight. Toss before serving.

Thanks for all the get well wishes. Surgery was successful, though I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

GMoney said...

So Grumpy is tossing everyone's salad. That's an intriguing dish. Sounds like he finishes up by peeing on it, too.

I didn't get to have a take on it yesterday, but I will have my Kordell Jones thoughts later this morning.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear surgery was successful, Grumps!

I'd bring two apps... best dips ever. Rotel dip - spicy breakfast sausage, cream cheese and Rotel mixed and heated in a crock pot. The. Fucking. Slam. Also bring a Jalepeno popper dip - so god.

Also bring two beverages. A bottle of fantastic Kentucky bourbon - Woodford Reserve. Also, I would make my late grandfathers Apple Pie Moonshine... so good and so dangerous.

Cavs! They'll lose by 30 tonight.


GMoney said...

Glad someone is bringing the Apple Pie 'shine. Now there is a certain other very low shelf liquor that I am expecting to be brought...

Anonymous said...

Slow's food and beverage choices are fucking fantastic. We may be BFF's by the end of 2015.

Count me as IN for those jalapeno deviled eggs too..sounds tremendous.

Layering REAL MAYO over a salad....gross.

This is gonna be a controversial statement...and I fucking love spicy things....but, Buffalo Chicken Dip is OVERRATED.



Prime99 said...

I would say Ill bring chili but I'm not sure I want to start a riot, so instead I'd bring slow cocked verde chicken. Maybe some small soft corn and/or flour tortillas as the chicken is good enough to complete its own taco, but other traditional Mexican fixins could be on the table. Guacamole just for G$.


Prime99 said...

And I'm also glad Grumpy is OK! Unsure about this real mayo on the salad but otherwise it sounds pretty good.

GMoney said...

I'm not interested in your cock chicken, Prime.

Seal, what is your preferred vessel for dips? I'm a Scoops guy but for the heavier dips, I prefer the Frito Scoop which is the heaviest chip you will ever see. I'll hang up and listen.

By the way, wives are banned except for Mrs. Ward who will spend the entire day destroying Mr. Ace's ego. It will be the best part of your year.

Anonymous said...

Seattle OVER


Anonymous said...

Love the Scoops. Also, Tostino's makes those smaller, perfectly circular, tortilla chips - great for dipping as well.

Frito Scoops are perfect to put in Chili - but not for dips... dips are meant for tortilla chips, the frito flavor takes away the taste of the dip.


Anonymous said...


Mr. Ace said...

Currently taking my first dump at the new job. Not having the threat of some manic kid bursting through the door and stabbing me with a pencil brings great peace to the workplace shit session. Might have to make this a regular midmorning break.

GMoney said...

G$'s H8R Thoughts On Kordell Jones!

*Everyone has had a take so far ranging from Florio wanting the kid to die for wasting everyone's time to Wilbon respecting a black man black black black education black black black. I tend to side more toward Florio simply because I don't give a shit about the education of black kids and that truly was pointless.

*A tweet or press release would have sufficed. Trotting out Ted Ginn Sr's worthless ass simply to put Glenville in the spotlight was laughable.

*Wearing a t-shirt of yourself with your nickname on it? Jesus, is he trying out for the WWE? Lame. ME FIRST GLOREE BOY!

*As far as the decision to come back, cool, whatever. I wouldn't have done it but then again I am smart enough to not get a broad pregnant in college. Pulling out ain't hard, bruh.

*Deep down, him leaving would have made everything easier for the Ohio program. Now things just get complicated. Having DEPF is great everywhere but QB. Now you have controversy. Trust me, I know, my NFL team had three ABOVE ELITE QBs last year and it ruined the franchise!

*Broxton needs to decide if he wants to play QB or become an Offensive Weapon. Because if he wants to still play QB, there's the door.

*If getting a degree is so important to Jones (which is cool), maybe pick a major a tad more employable than Afroman Studies IMO.

In conclusion, this was a gigantic waste of time. And Jones is the starter because...JT BARRETT CAN'T THROW!!!

Anonymous said...

It was huge that he came back because Braxton and JT won't be ready for Spring. We needed a good QB for Winter/Spring and it's insurance against those other two.

The current Prez at OSU had an Afro American studies undergrad degree. You can get high places with that one!

No problem at all with the presser either...trolled the fuck out of errybody.


Anonymous said...

Oh...and as for Braxton. He needs to transfer to the Percy Harvin position. I don't think his shoulder will get to where it needs to be to be a QB and he will never hold up at RB. Switch and just see what happens.


Mr. Ace said...

I loved Cardale's troll job and fuck everybody that didn't. He put himself, his school, and his mentor (regardless of Ted Ginns fuckery) on the media front page for an entire day. That's how u use ur clout and then make everybody else feel like asshats. Loved it.

I do think it was in his best interest to leave, however. He could tear up the combine and interviews and easily get into the first round discussion. But now, assuming JTB is healthy to begin the season he has to look over his shoulder. Let him fuck up one game and lose and everybody will be calling for JTB...who I still think is the best qb on the team.

Anonymous said...

This place seems to love their crock pot meals.

Travelling with crock pots is a big deal with me now, so I simplified my approach. I cook up a delicious glazed ham, then eat it and get some really great Lorraine Swiss cheese and a fuck ton of Kings Hawaiian Rolls and make mini ham and cheese sandwiches. A lot. Like 48 of them bitches.

I get shit on for this a lot at the pot lucks I attend, but without fail, they are ALWAYS the first thing to go. Its certainly simple enough on paper, but the ingredients take enough time to warrant the boldness to skate off with something so simple.

Also, I never do this, but some of my family members make a dirt cake that would start wars. Bonus points for that being basically indegenous to Ohio.



Mr. Ace said...

Also agree with Drew on Brax. There is no guarantee his shoulder will ever be capable of being a full time qb again. Time to be an afflete.

Jeff said...

I do make some mean crockpot ribs that are finished in the oven that I bust out for the Super Bowl every year, but I would bring some bacon wrapped shrimp which are the shit. Well most everything wrapped in bacon is. Since seal is already bringing the good bourbon, I'll bring some Great Lakes Chillwave or Bells Hopslam. Two amazing double IPAs.


T. Iceman said...

Seattle Over
New England Over

I would bring pizza dip. And if you can't figure out what is in pizza dip then I'm not sure what to tell you. Also bringing bacon mac and cheese. The shit.

I'm not a boss at wing cooking because I'm not black. Speaking of...We were at this tailgate homecoming weekend and this black dude was there that wouldn't shut the fuck up about how great his wings are. Had been perfecting some recipe for the last 10 years or some shit. They were total ass. It was like chugging an entire spice rack in 4 seconds. Is there a bigger letdown than a black man that can't grill? Maybe picking the only black guy who can't play for your pick up basketball game at the rec.

Jones should have left. I'm not sure if his stock ever gets higher than what it is now. And the news conference was a waste of time.

Anonymous said...

The top two QBs in the 2016 draft right now are Connor Cook and Hackenberg. It's definitely possibly....perhaps even likely....that 12 Gauge would pass them. So, saying you can't see how his stock would get higher is so real.


Grumpy said...

I've made 'Ole Smoky Apple Pie Moonshine my drink of choice lately. I'll bet Seal's homemade recipe is better.

This pot luck should happen. I nominate G$'s house.

GMoney said...


Fuck you, Iceman. The whole "bring spirits" thing was a perfect excuse for you to unleash your Rumplemintz. You have let us all down for the last time. Now tell me all about this "piz-za dip".

Anonymous said...

Greek potato salad: half and half mayo and sour cream, lots of garlic and red potatoes
Farro, red, yellow, and orange peppers, feta cheese, kalamata olives, cucumbers, cheery tomatoes, and dressing (olive oil, red wine vinegar, spices
Drink: homemade hard apple cider

Anonymous said...

I'm a little more than disturbed by the frequent mentions of mayo here. That shit is really gross.


MUfan said...

Today at work we celebrated my birthday with a potluck lunch of tacos - which is always a good choice for potluck. So all my co-workers brought in Mexican shit and I didn't have to do anything. My birthday is Monday but Monday potlucks are always a pain to do.

One of the best things I learned from my ex-wife was her secret sloppy joe recipe. It is totes ELITE. So that's what I would bring to the mythical TMS potluck.

I don't want to have an opinion on Cardale's press conference, but I do. I think it's obnoxious, but basically in the same way I think high school athletes who hold press conferences to announce where they're signing are obnoxious.

And Ace - congrats on the first dump at the new job. That's definitely worth celebrating. Having a safe pooping zone at work is very underrated.

And Grumpy - glad to hear the surgery went alright.

GMoney said...

The sloppy joe is always an underrated sandwich. I mean, how can you go wrong with a can of MANWICH?

I understand why people would not like mayo, but I'm fine with it in small doses.

When Drew and I worked together at The Blackwell, I waited on one of the higher-ups there who asked for a cup of mayo for his fries. I laughed at him as if he were joking. He was not. I think I may have loudly said "GROSS" as I walked away. I was a tremendous server.

That greek salad probably comes with anal love and I don't need any of that nonsense.

This is shaping up to be one of the fattest days of our lives. Good work.

T. Iceman said...

I've encountered more people than I care to admit that use mayo as a dipping sauce. You can get right the fuck out of here with that fucking bullshit. Nasty motherfuckers. Why don't you just cut out the middle man and just shove spoonfuls of that shit into your mouth?

Mayo on sandwiches is fine. But only in moderation. I used to work with this girl who loved that shit. One day I went to Subway and asked her if she wanted anything. She hands me her order on a sticky note and it says at the bottom "TONS of mayo". So I asked her about it just to clarify that's what she wanted. She said, "There is no such thing as too much mayo." So I took that as a challenge and went to Subway. I told the person making the sandwich what the girl wanted. He said "How much is TONS". I said, "Do half the bottle. That should do it." Almost couldn't even get the sentence out without laughing. Well...he emptied half the bottle at my request and I took it back. The bitch loved it. I was stunned and fucking disgusted at the same time. So fucking gross.

MUfan said...

Iceman - I like mayo, and even to me, that sounds disgusting. I used to eat it with fries, but not anymore (this was like 20 years ago - right after Pulp Fiction). I like it on sandwiches and burgers, but that's about it.

Mustard is more my thing now.

Anonymous said...

I thought Cardale was gone & I think it might have been in his best interest b/c I still feel that JT Barrett is the most likely starter in Blacksburg on September 7th. Obviously having a guy that just won those 3 games is an asset & could potentially have a really big year if he does win the starting job or is the only healthy QB early next season. I hope he gets his degree & even if he never plays in the NFL he will have limitless possibilities of making a decent living in central Ohio b/c of the national title... I think Braxton is gone, but would love him to stay & try to learn a new position. It will be an entertaining QB battle either way...

GB over
NE under


Anonymous said...

Seattle over, NE under
J Saul

Josh Bourn said...

GB under
Indy under

Andrew B