Alright, today we are talking a father's most cherished moment...the diaper party. It's like a bachelor party disguised as men caring about an unborn child. A truly beautiful thing.
This past weekend I attended a diaper party for a certain former commenter who will not be named. It was a grand ol' time, outside of being suckered into a theological debate until 5 AM and being witness to a 3 AM prayer circle. So it was basically my sophomore year of college all over again. But there was plenty of beer, a pretty awesome basement that featured a pool table and a shuffleboard table, good people, five hours in the car with a Rex, and a floor for me to crash on...at 5:30 AM. I also woke up with no pants on, but thankfully covered by a blanket. Pretty sure that's how diaper party's are supposed to go.
So I want the Money Shot Maniacs to have a part in planning mine. Here are some key components I think need to be addressed going in:
Beer Selection: Quality or Quantity?
My friends can drink. A lot. And I'm not throwing a diaper party just so all you/those fucks can get drunk on my dime. Oh, you brought a $12 pack of diapers? Sure, drink all of the Two Hearted Ale you want. Fuck that noise. Do I set up a tiered system for the party goers? Natty in one keg--under $15, Yuengling in another--$15-$30, and then Guinness in the VIP section-$30+. This could work.
Shit to do: GREATEST IDEA EVER!
You want to know my grand idea? HIRE A BLACKJACK DEALER! Seriously, what could be better than that for a diaper party? Okay, strippers would be better. What about strippers who deal blackjack?!?!?! Do you understand what I'm doing here? I'm taking the diaper party game to the next level!
I have been to 3 diaper parties, and not once has the father hosted. Is that how these things usually go? 1. I don't think I want anybody else planning this thing. I pretty much planned and organized my own bachelor party. I'm not a control freak, but I like to have a plan. 2. How does that conversation even go? "Hey bro, I'm having a kid. Can you call all my friends and tell them to bring me diapers and then we can get drunk together?" Sounds weird to me.
Do I have to invite Mrs. Ace's dad? I mean, he's an alright guy. I guess. But assuming I'm hosting this thing at my house, that's a 2.5 hour drive for him. Do I then have to offer him a bedroom? I really don't want to. How about younger brother-in-laws? My brother-in-law is a Junior in high school. I'm pretty sure he drinks, as I predicted he would be total stoner 5 years ago and I usually have a pretty good success rate with those predictions. He's also dating a freshman in college...maybe I should just invite her friends.
Food: WE B GRILLIN'?
I don't think I can host a diaper party with a bunch of bros and just offer them seitan and some veggie dogs. The diaper party this past weekend had a nice spread; meat and cheese tray, some wangs, pulled pork, and some peanut butter cracker sandwiches covered in chocolate that I consumed at least 50 of between 2AM and 4AM. But I plan on doing this thing in May, which means it's grillin' season. Burgers and dogs it is, right? Or do I grill some wings to and really show off my chops? Wait, do I have to fucking cook for this shit too?
I have 5 months to get this all planned out and I want to do it right. What say you, Money Shot Maniacs? What's the proper way to throw a diaper party? It's just a more mature version of a bachelor party, right?
|I'd bring this guy just for you, Ide/Dut/Shook's Sons|