|Ah Ah Ah Ah Table Five, Table Five--Disco Dabo|
Let's bullet-point the fuck out of the 2014-2015 college football season:
*We finally got to see Gunner Kiel and he was about as average as they come. That's great, too, because he is such a piece of shit. Tommy Tuberville was not a good hire by UC.
*Florida State's weekly dance with the devil turned out to be one of the year's finest plots. It ended the only way that felt right: in completely embarrassing fashion on a gigantic stage. Jameis Winston kept being an idiot and Jimbo Fisher kept selling his soul for one more W. The last two years of Noles Football and FSU Twitter was one hell of a wild ride, bruh.
*The ACC is sort of an afterthought if you aren't discussing FSU, Clemsoning, or Canes getting arrested on the reg, but there are some rock solid coaches down there that don't get the attention that they probably deserve. What David Cutcliffe and Paul Johnson do is pretty amazing. I'm also not giving up on Al Golden.
*Speaking of the Canes, The U Part 2 was just as pathetic as the first one. If you want to see a bunch of grown ass men whining about everything, boy do I have four hours of jock-sniffing for you! The very end with the flag thrown in and the title number taken away was disgusting. GIVE IT A REST.
*We talk about the Big Ten here all the time so I won't dwell on it too much today but I do want to say again that the chasm between the East teams and the West is like the NFC West vs. the Columbus City League. The Big Ten championship is going to suck for a LONG time.
*The Big 12 was left holding the colostomy bag because they couldn't decide which team was their ONE TRUE CHAMPION and this is going to keep being an issue until they either add more schools or stop being a pussy. It would also help if Texas became a power again and Bob Stoops would quit being a loser.
*Bob Stoops fucking sucks. I'm glad that everyone is getting on this bandwagon that should have been full from the start. Oklahoma would be better if they named Jim Ross head coach.
*Anyone else scratch their head at Brian Bosworth and Jim Tressel getting into the College Football Hall of Fame? Tressel still isn't allowed to coach from breaking all the rules and Boz's entire persona was based on steroids and breaking the rules. This seems odd.
*Notre Dame started out like gang-busters and, once they were stopped from running cheating pick plays, they folded like Dut at a poker table. Fuck Lacey or whatever Iceman says weekly. However, Malik Zaire or whatever his name is looked pretty good in the bowl game.
*The MAC continued to be a force of all that is pure and good in this world. The conference keeps getting better even after all of the coaches move on. PJ Fleck will be the next to go for sure. What won't go? The Glory Hole of the Week which continues to make money fist-over-fleshlight.
*Oregon keeps banging their head on the ceiling. This program thinks that they are the smartest people in the room but every time that they get a little resistance, they're fucked. They have one gear: warp speed. If you fuck with that, it's done. This is not going to change.
*I expect a monster comeback season out of STANFORD FOOTBALL in 2015. They just got away from playing STANFORD FOOTBALL too much this season.
*Finally, let's talk about the SEC. Yeah, they had a very bad bowl season and are now two years removed from a title. I don't believe that the country is catching up to them. One coach is (who will remain nameless) and has figured out how to go toe-to-toe. I think it's important to look beyond just the bowl season though. Auburn has the best offensive mind in the sport and now has Will Muschamp running that terrible defense. They're going to be very good. Les Miles is always going to be insane but quality. Sumlin, Mullen, and Freeze are trending upward. But it's the Berts and the Butchs and the Jimmy Macs (and to a far lesser extent, the Dawgs and Cocks) that tell me that the SEC is going nowhere. They will still be the big swinging dick with the loudest and drunkest fans. I'm particularly intrigued by Tennessee. That program has been a sleeping giant for a while now but they have some really, really interesting players coming back.
2014 will be a very memorable season for many here simply due to how it ended but outside of Jameis's wacky antics, it wasn't a very interesting year. Oh sure, we finally got our playoff that came with plenty of controversy, but I can't say that this was an all-timer of a season. The hottest team won at the end. That's usually how sports works. We will likely be taking some time off from college football here until around National Signing Day so get it all out of your system now. And just remember that when the 2015 season kicks off, it will cum with 100% more BRAH!
***Also: let's all wish Grumpy good luck as he fell (LOL!) and broke his leg (not so much LOL) the other day and is having surgery this afternoon to fix it...need to get him one of those "fallen and I can't get up" things IMO. You've got two months to heal up for Ribfest.***