Thursday, December 11, 2014

Triple Threat: New Job, The State of Michigan, Ultimate Basketball Coach

I have three things I want to hit on today...other than your mom. Great intro, Mr. Ace.

Job Thing. Two or three weeks ago I just through out a rant about the awful situations that my job often puts me in. It goes with the territory, but sometimes you just have to get all that shit off your chest(gay joke). Well, shit got real for me, and mostly my supervisor, last week. I took Monday off to interview in Cleveland. But apparently I didn't notify my supervisor of this in time, via a scheduled PTO day, so I was charged PTO for Thanksgiving and the day after instead of getting holiday pay like everybody else. Some bullshit policy, but whatever. Well those additional two days put me over my PTO allotment for the year, which started an exchange between myself and my supervisor. These are the exact emails, unedited.

Supervisor: "Hi Andrew, as I let you know on Sunday, because you took unscheduled PTO the day after a holiday, per the policy 10.0, you do not receive holiday pay.  PTO is taken for that time (2 days, Thursday and Friday).  That now has you at a balance of -9.75 hrs of PTO.

When staff exhaust their PTO prior to July 1st, when the pot is renewed, we have to put together a plan for how you can avoid using PTO for the remainder of the fiscal year.  I know that many of your absences had to do with a very ill family member and that is difficult, however we still need to put together a plan and have it documented.

This is a plan I need your help in developing.  Please send me 2-3 strategies that you will use to avoid time off through the rest of this fiscal year.  Please get these to me by Friday Dec 5th.


I sat on this email for over 24 hours because it fucking infuriated me. And then I responded.
"When I first saw this email yesterday I was furious. A gave myself a day to respond and my feelings haven't changed. I know it isn't personal, but given the circumstances of my PTO I don't think I'm in need of any plan.

I have taken a total of 6 days of PTO that haven't been directly related to my father's health issues. 5 of those days were taken for vacation at the beginning of July, before my father had a heart attack on July 14th. 1 of those PTO days were taken recently for a job interview, something I felt I had to do because of the contract issues and the way it has been presented to Beatty Park Clinicians over the past two months. I received confirmation for that interview on 11/28 after 4:00 PM.  I didn't schedule taking that time off in the system, but did immediately notify my team here and make arrangements to cover my responsibilities at the school, and didn't let you know until that Sunday, so I was charged 2 additional days for the holiday pay, which is a policy I find to be asinine as a salaried, masters-level employee. But that's the policy so I understand.

When my father's medical situation first came up I asked about taking unpaid Time Off because I was unsure of how much I would need to be out. I was told I wasn't allowed to take unpaid Time Off because of issues with the benefits, and that the only possibility for taking unpaid Time Off was if I was out for an entire week.

16 of the days I have missed were because I was in a hospital with my family in either Toledo or Cleveland. Obviously, it was my choice to take this PTO to attend to these matters, but the fact that I am being told that I need to come up with 2 or 3 strategies to avoid taking time off through the rest of the fiscal year is absurd to me. I'm sure this is just another one of those policies that everyone has to adhere to, but it's hard for me to consider myself in need of a plan.

But if it is necessary, then I can really only think of one strategy. 

1. If I don't have an immediate family member in the hospital or undergoing a serious medical procedure, I will be at work."

I typed out and deleted "fuck" at least 20 times while typing that email. She responded almost immediately.

Supervisor: "Andrew, you clearly need another day to process this request.  Your email to me was exceptionally rude and disrespectful."

Now that email was a lot of things, but rude or disrespectful were not one of them. I didn't personally attack her in any way. Just pointed out that I'm not some fuck who calls off every Monday morning because things got a little too crazy on my Sunday Funday. My supervisor has been to my school three times this week and has yet to make it down to my quad. Fuck her.

Less than three hours later I had a job offer from the place I interviewed with in Cleveland(I'm still working in Columbus)...and I immediately regretted every fuck I deleted. I turned in my two weeks notice and letter of resignation Monday. No more awful organizations for me. So I apologize to all of you for not being able to provide you with ELITE crazy kid stories in the future. Although, I did have a kid try to piss on me today. He does it because he cares.

Michigan Shit. First let's address the coach search thing. Michigan is not offering any other coach the job until the NFL season is over for the 49ers and HarBRAH turns the job down. In fact, he will probably have to turn it down 37 times before Michigan offers the job to anybody else. But of course Michigan is going to do their due diligence and search for viable candidates should HarBRAH not come. David Cutcliffe didn't fucking turn down the Michigan job. Michigan asked him if he had any interest. He said he didn't. They parted ways. End of discussion. I have no issue with how this coaching search is going because the #1 candidate isn't in a position to talk openly about it. And Michigan is doing the right thing by vetting Plan B or C type of people. They aren't going to botch this coaching search.

As for the basketball team. WE BAD. But John Beilein don't give a fuck about that shit. Obviously this is worse than our last few starts, but starting slow is nothing new to Beilein teams, especially when they are enormously dependent on freshmen down low. Michigan will adapt. Michigan will find a rotation that works. John Beilein will PWN in conference like he always does. I'm not worried about the state of this program. The truth is Beilein developed his players too quickly, if that makes sense. We don't recruit with the Duke's of the world, we can't just reload after losing four of the best players to come to Michigan in the past 2 decades. But we will be alright. In John Beilein we trust.

What I'm trying to say is R-E-L-A-X. RELAX.

Coaching. With this new job, I hope to be able to spend some time doing things after work other than hating my life and buying bourbon. Not fighting kids all day means that kids will be much more tolerable. I have always enjoyed being involved with sports, mostly basketball, and I'm going to make it a point to do that sometime in the near future.

Over Thanksgiving break I went back to Naptown to watch the Wildcats scrimmage Clay. Clay is the worst. Napoleon was much better...but still not good. Watching big guys, 6'5" plus, get the ball down low and play like pussies really grinds my gears. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DRIBBLING THE BALL?!?!?! TURN AND SHOOT!!!" I found myself yelling this in my head almost every possession. If you're a big goon who can't dribble, the ball should never come below your shoulders. Fucking goons. As far as Naptown goes, they have one kid who can do everything, 2 kids that can shoot, 1 big goon, and then a bunch of kids who aren't good at basketball right now. We aren't athletic, we don't do anything that's going to surprise anybody, and we don't play Clay every game. The NapCats are going to need some serious improvement over the year.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about what my strategy would be as a basketball coach. Do I do something gay like run a 2-3 zone? Do I just press all game? As a hardcore John Beilein believer I think I would roll with the 1-3-1 and dominate. Especially with little kids. I would extend that zone all the way out to half court. If EMU can handle Michigan with their crazy zone, imagine how a group of 12 year olds would react. Other coaches would hate me because my 5th graders would be slapping the floor after every bucket and we would watch film on Lance Stevenson to perfect his trolling work. We have two rules; no fucking flopping and only hard fouls. I'm gonna be great.

So what strategy are you going with? And I'm taking my inner city squad, no fucking farmboys for me.
Relax. Just a little hazing


Anonymous said...

Team Ape on it's dumb that you had to come up with a "plan" for the last month of the year. Congrats on the new gig as well....what are the new job duties?

Agreed that no way was Cutcliffe offered the job. But, to say that this coaching search won't be "botched" is BOLD. If Harbragh turns them down as expected...then botching it is entirely in play.

A little too much forgiveness for these back to back awful home losses by Belein's squad. Matta is 99-1 against unranked non-conference opponents at home. That stat isn't meant to brag, but to show that no matter what the situation...losing back to back home games to NJIT and EMU is fucking terrible.

Way to give Slow a surprise boner with that last pic.


Anonymous said...

How about Urban making Gary Anderson bolt to fucking Oregon State? That's two Badger coaches he's made quit.


Mr. Ace said...

It's not forgiveness. Those losses, especially the NJIT loss, were terrible. Beilein should be embarrassed, as I'm sure he is. But I always feel like there is a plan with Beilein. He's coaching to be a better team in March...and sometimes that means looking awful in December. I don't always like that he does that, but he has a system and a plan and I'm totally comfortable with that.

Michigan is going after Non-Michigan men, that's gotta count for something. The fact that we are getting failsafes in place is enough to make this search lightyears ahead of the previous two.

For the new gig I sit in my office, take phone calls from people needing some help, evaluate and assess them, and then link them with someone in their community. In other words CAKE. I work for an Employee Assistance Provider, most businesses have some sort of provider. So the company will pay for 3-5 sessions with a counselor out of their pocket and the employee doesn't have to use insurance. Employees don't use insurance and takes less time off and the company is better off for it. Win-win.

And the fiscal year runs through the end of June, not just December. But again, those strategies are for worthless people who just don't show up. I know some of those people. I am not one of those people.

Mr. Ace said...

And why is Wisconsin such a terrible job? Does Alvarez just run coaches off? That seems like a backward jump. But if Oregon State can get Anderson, then I feel pretty good about Michigan's chances.

Prime99 said...

That PTO policy is bullshit. They should've documented the absence not charged you for days the entire country gets off. The email from your supervisor misses the mark on so many levels which is why she is accusing you of being rude. She's projecting because there is no way she felt ok writing you the policy driven first email.

Glad my job took my two weeks notice better. Everyone was supportive and I have a going away lunch next week. As it should be.

Grumpy said...

I hate managers or institutions that insist on seeing everything in black or white; there are plenty of grey areas in life.

The appropriate and compassionate response from your supervisor would have been "Take as much time as you need and don't worry about it. We'll cover for you".

Congrats on the new job. This doesn't release you from attending RibFest. I'm sure you can stay in Dut's basement.

Anonymous said...

"there are plenty of grey areas in life." your pubes, right old man?


GMoney said...

Gross, Drool.

Ape is staying in Columbus if you could read. Just had to interview in Manzielville. I don't think I could ever seen him sharing airspace with the #Windians.

The problem with running your HS 1-3-1 is no shot clock to force awful 35 foot shots. They would just pass the shit around the perimeter and you would play more boring than Holgate. In HS, if you want to force tempo, the only way to go is aggressive man to man and full court press. My offense would be nothing but alley-oops. We would dominate.

Barry Alvarez comes out of this looking horrible. He vouched for this weirdo from Utah State that was barely qualified for the job in the first place and he bolts the first time someone calls him. I don't care if he is a West Coast guy, that Oregon State job is a loser. Or maybe he realized that Wisconsin has a ceiling of beating all the shitty teams but never being able to beat anyone good. Either way, the Badgers might be in some trouble.

LOL Bo Pelini to YSU.

Starting to think that Michigan ends up with Schiano after waiting out the BRAH. Although once SF gets slaughtered this weekend and is almost officially eliminated from the playoffs, maybe Jimbo leaves a few weeks early if he is serious? This hire is fascinating.

Ape's boss is a cunt. Just summed up that in one sentence.

Anonymous said...

I do not believe Pelini is going to be the YSU HC. I think Tress is just using him as a consultant.


Nibbles said...

Ace, awesome post today. Very entertaining.

I've never really worked in the public sector but every now and then think I'd have fun being a teacher or something. Then I read stories like these and realize how everything in government is run by bullet pointed pieces of paper.

Having your interest gauged and you saying, "I'm disinterested" is the same as you rejecting the school altogether. If Cutliffe says "yes, I'm interested" do you expect Michigan just to say "OK, thanks - just curious!"? No, they'd offer him the job. A job that wasn't good enough for him.

Michigan would do well to go after Les Miles. Miles isn't what makes LSU great, it's his assistant coaches. Jimbo Fisher, Bo Pelini, and Mike Gundy have all been assistants under Miles. A condition of Miles coming aboard would be for UM to open up its purse to pay for top notch assistants. See how well that worked out for OSU doing the same for Meyer.

Money much better spent than dropping $10m or whatever stupid numbers are being thrown around on Harbaugh.

GMoney said...

Interesting...not sure if I agree that Lester is a better hire than a BRAH. I'd rather have a homicidal maniac calling the shots than a buffoon with a penchant for crazy luck.

Money should never be an issue in the Big Ten anyway and any of these schools saying that are shitbag pieces of shit-covered shit. We see the goddamn financials from the network every year. You have the goddamn money.

GMoney said...

By the way, I just love how Ape is criticizing the post play of Clay and eluding to how he could fix them ASAP. MIKAN DRILL UNTIL THEY PUKE BLOOD!!! It worked for Prime with the exception of him felching semen.

Nibbles said...

Both would do well, but the program needs stability and a guy that is all in. Miles is stupidly loyal, Harbaugh not so much.

JH has a tendency to be honest. Taking the time to call out your alma mater for pushing kinesiology majors (science of movement, i.e. gym class) on its football players shows balls. Balls that are too big to fit in Schembecler Hall.

You need somebody that knows how to politic and be a sheep for the administration.

Anonymous said...

Nussmeier & mattison were both in the top 10-12 paid assistant coaches in the country last year so $$ for the staff isn't likely much of an issue

Anonymous said...

Ace, Im shocked you didnt wanna grab a beer with me while you were in the Cleve... you should have brought Dut.

Congrats on the new gig and F your old employer.


Prime99 said...

Ape does sound awful Rick Barry-ish with talk like that. Senior Barry would come on the radio and talk about fixing any player that was struggling at the time. He offered to teach Shaq how to shoot free throws granny style. Always made me laugh (even though it probably would've helped Shaq's free throw percentage.)

Prime99 said...

My soon to be former employer allowed me to go in to negative PTO because I had a scheduled vacation to Maui a month after I started. No "plan" necessary. Your dad had a heart attack! The more I think about this email, the more ridiculous it is.

Anonymous said...

G$....As CEO of the "Porcello Is Awful Fan Club"...I'm going to assume you think the Tigers just made a nice trade?


GMoney said...

I'm not sure, Drew. It makes sense if they bring back Scherzer, I guess, but Slick Rick was finally starting to look like someone who belonged and they deal him for a guy who will probably not re-sign there a year from now. This is really, REALLY risky. LESBIONEST, two well run franchises got rid of this guy within the last six months. That says a lot.

Anonymous said...

Porcello is a FA after this year too. If he has a nice year...and you sign Scherzer...your not paying for Porcello. We needed an OF bat. Think trade is fine.


GMoney said...

He's eligible for arbitration after this year which I think is different from being a free agent.

I think it's great that the Red Sox traded Lester for Porcello though. Nice franchise ya got there.

T. Iceman said...

I feel like all supervisors read the same fucking book on "how to empower and motivate the people who work for you". I've received the exact same email before. But not about PTO. That's just fucking stupid. I'm not sure how you come up with a strategy on how to not go over your allotted PTO. Maybe come to work wearing a dust mask like crazy Asians do so no one passes the flu onto you. Or tell your family members to stop having bad shit happen to them. What a fucking dumb shit.

I've heard a couple things about the Michigan job. Apparently this John U Bacon guy is super close with HarBRAH and Bacon is saying he's 90% sure HarBRAH is taking the job. But every person on ESPN insists the BRAH wants to stay in the NFL. I've also heard that if Jimmy turns it down they're going after Miles. Word is that if offered, Miles would not say no to the job. I'm not sure how accurate this stuff is because it's mostly from Twitter but this is what I've been reading.

I kind of want to see a Napoleon bball game when back for Christmas. I want to see if Ape's cousin is as vocally rabid as a coach as he was as a player.

Jeff said...

Good for you, Ace. Not surprising at all that employers don't go the extra mile for their employees that have gone the extra mile for them.

In Cherrigton I trust.

G$, when was the last time the Yonks won the series? Been so long I've forgotten. Cashman is killing it!

Anonymous said...

No...Porcello is a free agent next year...not arbitration. He's gonna get huge money at 26yrs old if he has another nice year.


Mr. Ace said...

My 1-3-1 zone was focused more on youth league, not high school. But how hard is it to teach a big man to never bring the ball below his shoulders when in the key? He would dribble every time after getting an offensive rebound and it was terrible.

The NapCats ball coach will definitely be seen yelling a lot this year.

Seal, I will be in Cleveland Jan 5th thru the 8th. Well, I guess I will technically be in Beechwood. I'm always down for beers.

I'm glad you're all on Team Ace. I have shown my email to several people and all of them have said there was nothing rude or disrespectful about my email. I guess you just take it personally and get offended. Management material.

Less is not coming to Michigan.

MUfan said...

A lot about my job sucks (including the pay), but one thing that's nice about working for a community college is the time off.

I work year round, but get 4 weeks vacation, 3 personal days, 12 sick days, all major holidays, and a week off at Christmas/New Years.

That sucks what happened but glad you found a newer (and better) job.

Anonymous said...

Working a structured 9-5 is something that I could never do. I certainly applaud those that do it without constant thoughts of suicide, but man, that is brutal.

The Buckeye's laid waste to Colgate last night. That is certainly not news, however, it is worth noting that it would be considered a quality win if Michigan did it.


GMoney said...

If Mike Illitch is on this "win before I die" kick, then I'm not so sure that jettisoning Scherzer and Porcello for Shane Greene and Alfredo Simon is going to help.

GMoney said...

Or High Point but whatever. Must have had the wrong game on in the TV section of Big Lots.

Anonymous said...

Damn. Ruined my good burn.


Anonymous said...

^^^Comment of the month^^^ I can't stop laughing!

GMoney said...

I'll take that as anonymous nominating me for Commenter of the Year. Oh man would that piss everyone off. Then again, as a former Money Shot Man of the Year, no one can complain.

Anonymous said...

That comment was clearly directed at me.


GMoney said...


Nibbles said...

Anybody read KSK's article on Cam's car crash versus Brady's? Gold.

GMoney said...

Yeah, PFTC killed it like usual.