Monday, December 01, 2014

The Worst of Week Thirteen Vol.VIII

I was wondering when a BRAH would snap and challenge a walrus to a push-up contest...INSANE PERSON
I didn't think that they would ever have the balls to do it.  All it took was the NFL's version of Roger Clinton to give no fucks and make the call.  RG3 has been benched.  I'm not going to sugarcoat it...he has been awful.  He plays scared.  And dumb.  And he can't read defenses.  He is pretty much confirming every stereotype surrounding black quarterbacks.  That sucks.  This shouldn't have gone down like this.  This was supposed to be unfuckable.  But, God dammit, the Redskins broke him in less than a year.  Remember, this was the best QB prospect outside of Luck in the last decade and we ruined him.

I have no idea what the future holds.  They still have him under a cheap deal for next year but I can't possibly fathom a contract extension.  It's over.  At least it is in DC.  John Keim heard that we would only get offered a fifth or sixth round pick for him right now.  Fuck that then.  Any decent coaching staff will be able to fix him.  I mean, probably.  But if you made me bet, I would say that he is traded to either the Rams or Jets or Tampa after the Super Bowl for a third round pick.  And both sides can move on.  RG3 to rebuild his reputation and stay off of TV ads and the Redskins can re-focus on being bottom-feeding shitbags.

The Bears - What a terrible poop team.  They do nothing well.  My dad was saying that the Skins and Bears should swap quarterbacks.  Are you kidding me, bro? Sure, Griffin is a corpse but the last thing that I would want is an "upgrade" to the Cat.

Rod Marinelli - The only coach to ever go 0-16 was getting mad love this season for the way that his average at best Cowboys defense was playing.  And now they are showing to be dead as they didn't even come remotely close to slowing down El Shitbox  and the rest of the Eagles.  Chip could have hung 70 if he wanted.  The Dallas defense was gassed in the second quarter!  Nothing makes Thanksgiving better than the Cowboys getting slaughtered.  I'm also a big fan of Dez screaming at Romo on the sideline.

Colin Kaepernick - Have you learned nothing?  You should not be throwing the ball in Richard Sherman's direction EVER AGAIN.  I said it last week and it remains true...Kaep sucks.  He should feel lucky that the Redskins exist and that his back-up is Blaine Gabbert.  His coach benched Alex Smith before and he was playing WAY better than what Kaep is this year.  By the way, the Seahawks have their shit together finally.  I wouldn't be handing the NFC title to queermo Rodgers just yet.  The Thanksgiving games this year sucked.

Kenny Britt - DURR I'm gonna protest on behalf of Michael Brown even though I was a person of interest in the mysterious death of my own brother last year.  Shut the fuck up, Kenny, your criminal record is far longer than anything you've ever accomplished on the football field.

Jim Nantz - I'm about to ruin your life.  Nantz never says halftime.  He always calls it "intermission".  Pay attention.  It's like he is at a musical or some shit.  He also tends to calls quarters "stanzas".  Jim Nantz is a fucking weirdo.

Jim Haslett - Obviously this season has been one gigantic disaster after another, but our defense has just been awful throughout.  If you have fantasy receivers going against the Skins, you should always play them because every goddamn week we let WRs just run free down the middle of the field for easy touchdowns while our safeties and corners just look at each other.  This happens every week.  Kill this team.

Ike Taylor - Talk about a perfect Redskin!  He's old and shitty and also loves to get burnt!

Jimmy Graham - Not one fucking pass was thrown in his direction.  The Saints scored 35 on Pittsburgh and they didn't even try to get their only good pass catcher involved.  STEELERS FOOTBALL!

Brian Hoyer - OK, bro, it's getting harder and harder to silence the haters.  It MIGHT be time to name Johnny the starter.  Let's be honest here, the playoffs seem unlikely as you keep playing worse so it's probably the right time to see what you've got.

Johnny HarBRAH - Such an impressive home choke to Marmalard!  And making it even more ELITE was BRAH whining about that OBVZ PI call.  LOL!

Tom Coughlin - Yep, he gone!  Blew a 21 point lead to the Jags!!!

Andy Dalton, Marvin Lewis, and Lovie Smith - What a garbage HOF game this was.  Dalton was his typical ass-y self and I can't wait to bet against him in the playoffs again.  Marvin just continues to do stupid things and his end of game challenge was not a thing of genius.  He didn't know the rules and got lucky.  And you can't get lucky without the opposing classy moron running the old 12 man offense! The Bengals are so bad.

Todd Bowles - He is Arizona's DC and one of the hottest names in the coaching ranks.  Better re-think that considering that he couldn't figure out Matt Ryan and Steven Jackson's ass.  Seriously, Jackson is about a month away from being found in a Columbus dumpster.  I'm starting to get a little nervous about the Cardinals. 

Bill Belichick - In what would be a perfectly acceptable Super Bowl if it comes to be, the Patriots had no answer at all for Aaron Rodgers outside of stepping on his hand which did not work.  Revis seemed mortal.  They had no pass rush.  I don't know who NE's DC is but he is a disgusting slob and I want him to always lose.  Fuck that guy.

FANTASY - FML.  The teams that I need to win don't and the teams that I left for dead do.  This is stupid.

Alright, assholes, while all of you talk yourselves into tonight's horrendous Dolphins/Jets matchup, I will somehow be at a worse game as I BURY THE FLAG when the rotten Panthers invade NWA to take on the worst team in the NHL, your CBJ.  There might be 400 people there.  Those are good 50/50 odds!  Come back later today for TWD finale talk and tomorrow when we snap ankles and discuss The Iceman's journey into enemy territory.

27 comments:

Grumpy said...

What a glorious weekend for the commentariat. We should all find a dumpster.

GMoney said...

Hopefully, Denard found said dumpster and said a nice little prayer.

Steelers bad? You should be saying "Steelers bad".

Grumpy said...

Steelers bad. They kept running a trailer saying that the 49er's will try to trade HarBRAH after the season. Serious question: Can they trade a coach?

GMoney said...

Yeah, I think so. The Jets and Chiefs once traded for Herm LOL and the Bucs acquired Gruden way back when.

Anonymous said...

Browns bad. Not much else to say. Let's see what JF can do.

Jimmy BRAH was almost traded to the Browns this past offseason. I think it's happened once or twice in NFL history, but not very often obvs.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure CJ Anderson just helped me eliminate Ide from the playoffs in the LFL. First year without being a coowner with Thompson and I make the playoffs. No coincidence there.

Bears and Irish are bad so fantasy is all I have left.

Larry

Prime99 said...

The Bears are so bad it's comical. Every week then mention balance in the run vs pass area. Every week they don't come close. They are wasting Forte's career and I'm starting to think Trestman isn't an offensive genius after all! Defenses have them figured out. Also, their defense is hot smelly garbage.

Andy Luck + Tre Mason = Cakes'ed

GMoney said...

I have no idea how the MSFL playoffs are going to shake out since 45 teams are 7-6 but I'll just assume that I miss out because Iceman likes to beat me with Bills D. For being a ridiculous Hoyer supporter, he sure as shit knew that Hoyer was awful.

Prime99 said...

Speaking of trading Cutty, I do not think the Bears will deal him BUT they did build it in to his contract that they would save a ton of money against the cap if they did. It was also reported that at least 3 teams had interest. Rams would have to be one.

GMoney said...

Anisimove out 2-3 months with a torn triceps. Well, there goes one of the prime fire sale candidates. BURY THE FLAG!

T. Iceman said...

Oh boy. Beating G$ in fantasy football never gets old. I hope all of you that foolishly declined my Benjamin and Ingram/McCoy offer all get first rounded or miss the playoffs entirely. You deserve it for turning down such a gold mine of a trade.

Now Hoyer. OBVZ I've been a Hoyer supporter for some time now. But this guy is getting harder to defend as the weeks go by. The defense was gift wrapping that game for the Browns and Hoyer didn't capitalize. And this is a defense that has lost almost everyone, keep in mind. So it's extra bad that Hoyer couldn't do shit with the ball. I think Manziel gets the start this week with the Browns playoff hopes just about flatlining.

It sounds like Harbaugh is definitely out in SanFrancisco. Michigan needs to hand him a blank check and say, "Write in what it'll take". They have to.

I asked a Niners fan over the weekend if he wishes Alex Smiff were still there instead of Kap. He responded "100%. Now I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette and put it out in my fucking eye because this conversation is depressing the shit out of me." LOL. Niners fans, everyone.

I don't know if you guys had the chance to check out the Peyton Manning/dog face pic I posted on Twitter. Go check it out. You'll be glad you did.

GMoney said...

There are first times for everything.

Anonymous said...

Larry, you didn't beat me, JSaul/Rex did.

I beat Nibbles on his birthday with an ELITE Coby Fleener day. His kids likely cried. His wife likely hated it.

Ide

GMoney said...

ZOMBIE TIME!

First and foremost, that was a solid half season. I have my share of gripes because of course I do but I was entertained. Let's talk about the finale:

*Beth dead. Maybe next time you shouldn't worry about Urkel's future and get the fuck out while you can? Or maybe stab someone in the neck and not the upper tit like an amateur. I will not miss Beth. I didn't find this to be very emotional because the character wasn't any good.

*I won't miss Dawn either. She was rotten although excellent on the bike. Horrendous villain.

*Rick running that guy over LOL. Daryl straight up ending Dawn equally LOL.

*It was about time that Maggie remembered that she had a sister. I don't know. They were going for this big emotional scene at the end but I couldn't stop thinking about how they need to pull the plug on an actual MAJOR PLAYER. Beth never was and never would have been. This was a nothing loss to that group. NOW WHO WILL SING SONGS!!!

*Michonne is a fucking idiot. Pastor Fuckface breaks out of his church, brings Hell back with him, you let him in, and just let it go that he "had to see it". What does that even mean? You've had 18 months to see it. They finally have the building fortified and NOW you want to be a Hardy Boy and investigate shit with your gimpy foot? STUPID. That fucking loser is going to keep causing a ton of trouble. Kill the fucker.

*And we end with Morgan on the chase still. Man, he is going to be an ELITE get for this group. I can't wait.

I don't know where they go from here in February but I'm back to being pumped about the show. I was not expecting that. Bring back Dale!

GMoney said...

By the way, Glenn serves zero purpose. He should be the next to die and that would send shockwaves, bruh.

Prime99 said...

Agree with most of what G$ said. Father Gabriel had to see/confirm that Gareth and co. were actually cannibals and deserved to die in his church. Still a terrible reason to go outside but there's the answer.

Tyreese also admitted to letting Verlander live which allowed him to be involved in eating kaBOB and the church shootout. Not a huge deal I guess, but that dude deserved to get hammered after putting a knife to Judith.

Dawn had no idea who she was fucking with. Oh yeah, I bet Urkel was a huge get in the apocalypse draft. It's like pulling a power move for RG3 then realize he's a wimpy black dude with a bum foot. In true form, it got her killed.

Daryl and Carol are going to fuck now that Beth is out of the way. Gross.

T. Iceman said...

Before I get into the episode I have to say this. STOP BEING A FUCKING SPOILER ON SOCIAL MEDIA!! This pisses me off to no end. Stop assuming every person watches what's going on in any show right when it's going on. Some of us DVR so we can watch Sunday Night Football. But please...share the Walking Dead RIP Beth picture literally fucking seconds after the credits roll. Idiots.

LOL Rick Theft Auto. There had to be another way to stop Black Bob 2.0 from running besides mowing his ass down with a police cruiser. RIck used the "he wouldn't stop" excuse but I think it was really to quench Rick's thirst for meaningless violence. And Officer Bob begging Rick to help him was great. Your back is broke, bruh. You dead.

They need to GIVE IT A REST with weekly Tyreese motivational speeches in his Danny Glover voice. You're starting to look like a huge pussy, bub.

Killing off Beth was necessary but they did it in a pretty weak way. Beth stabbing Dawn AFTER she had been saved by her group made zero sense. GTFO and let Noah play dominos in the break room...or whatever his job was there. You barely know the guy.

The whole Father Gabriel scenes are making no fucking sense. It feels like they knew he was from the comic and needed to add him but just said "Cast someone for the part....we'll figure everything else out later." Gabriel is doing a great job of being weird and trying to get everyone killed in the process.

That guy cop that got his ass kicked by Dawn must've been a real value to the force before shit went down. LOL. You let two chicks beat the shit out of you and kill you down an elevator shaft. Weak link. Ditch the dead weight, IMO.

I didn't see Rick's enormous fucking gun this episode. I hope he didn't lose it.

It'll be tough waiting for February as shit looks like it's getting real.

Side note...I definitely will be giving "Better Call Saul" a try when it comes on. Fingers crossed it doesn't suck ass.

GMoney said...

I don't get why people are acting like the hospital is THAT BAD. It really isn't. You do chores and you are safe. Seems pretty reasonable to me. Yeah, the leadership can be sketchy so as long as you don't try to stab them, you should be fine.

TWD spoiling their own show last night was hilarious. Good job, nerds! Fortunately, I can't stand watching the Chiefs so I watched it pretty much live.

Nelly Cruz for 4 years/57 million? That seems like a steal. Dude is way better, younger, and cheaty than Vic Martinez.

T. Iceman said...

I think there were some underlying issues going on in the hospital that were hinted at but not fully addressed. I heard Dawn reference a rape being brushed under the rug in the hospital by Deputy Pussbag. Deputy Pussbag was also getting awfully shovey with old man river for not pressing his shirt correctly. The hospital was on the verge of anarchy because of Dawn's questionable managerial techniques. Sounds like it was a powder keg waiting to explode.

GMoney said...

There is no powder keg at all if Santa Claus knew how to sew a fucking shirt!

Prime99 said...

Dale would've sewn the shit outta that shirt!

GMoney said...

Where's Drew? Good dumpster joke in there to be had.

Seal and Cakes have no Browns takes today? Weak.

BULLEE DAT...Iceman and I had a spirited debate on potential Commenter of the Year 2014 on Saturday.

T. Iceman said...

Yeah we did. It'll be hard to repeat COTY when you take days off. And take sexually charged pictures with old guys in Vegas.

T. Iceman said...

Should we get Ace's input on COTY? Nah. Fuck that guy. He'd probably vote for Tate Forcier.

Anonymous said...

One might say Cakes lack of posting has him high in the running for COY.

CBJ season is dead to me. Bobrovsky should totes fake an injury just to preserve his body. No use in wasting away in this hellscape of a year. I have never seen anything like this. People that bitch about Miller and Barrett both going down obvz don't Carry the Flag.

Only a matter of time before mass injuries befell the Cavs.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

I figured it out. It's World AIDS day. Drew is probably at a support meeting or something.

Anonymous said...

You know your posts are appreciated/people notice you missing when you don't post for a day. That sums up COY in a nutshell.

--Drew