Monday, December 22, 2014

The Worst of Week Sixteen Vol.VIII

That look just screams "UP FOR WHATEVER"
A lot has already been said about that terrible NFL Shop family and it is very much well deserved hate (seriously, Bengal babies???) but we're giving Bud Light a free pass.  Look at "Alex the #1 Bucs fan" above.  Does he look happy?  Does he seem excited that he got caught buying a case of Bud Light so the company thought it would be cool to turn his house into the cargo hold of a 17th century slave ship?  And who invited Pirate Warren Sapp?  That fucker is well known to be broke.  He probably looted all of Alex's valuables.  Thanks for building a pirate ship in the back yard, too, guys.  That should help with the property value.  Seriously, what happens the day after the cameras leave?  This guy is FUCKED.  So while you're all spending time with your family later this week, this butt baby of Franco Harris and Dan LeBatard is mopping the poop deck in his living room that he never asked for and received only because he bought cheap beer and likes a bad football team.  You are in my prayers, Alex the #1 Bucs Fan.

Did the Redskins win this week?  YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT THEY DID and thus saved christMAS for me so let's talk some football.

Feel Seems - He should be here every week and I should, too, for watching a good chunk of Thursday's Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl replica featuring the Jags and Titans but Feel actually said that he liked what he saw from Zack Mettenberger this season.  LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Chip Kelly - I absolutely love this guy eating shit as it sure seems to me like his offense isn't as ELITE as everyone wanted you to believe.  In less than one week, Chip got beat by Jerry Jones' Ginger Muppet and Football Roger Clinton and now their season is likely over.  REDSKINS!!!  The Eagles are frauds.  They always have been.  Playing "pussy ball" can be cool to watch but it doesn't work once the weather changes.  All of those quick drives and no huddle BS has finally caught up to that defense.  I love it.  Fuck you, Ace, I am better than you at rooting for a bad team!!!  DeSean says hello!

Quinton Patton - It looked shaky for awhile, but you just knew that both the Redskins AND the Niners weren't going to win on the same day.  That would be too cray cray.  So SF choked so epically bad that I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't watching it.  Poor Jimmy BRAH, just go back home.

Dominic Raiola - Fuck this piece of shit.  Kick him out of the league.  If the league is going to keep lying about how much they love player safety, they can't just keep ignoring the asshole out there trying to hurt players one stomp at a time.  The Lions blow by the way.

Chris Kluwe - I know that he isn't the Vikings punter anymore because he has been nuked over on Fag Island or whatever their coach said, but I'll just blame him for that incredible walk-off blocked punt in Miami.

Joe Flacco - James Franco was most definitely not ELITE yesterday.  Arian Foster had a better passing day.  I still think that the Ravens are probably the best team in the North but they are in big time trouble now and they only have themselves to blame.  But when you get swept by Andy Dalton, well, fuck you.

Kyle Shanahan - You can blame Manziel or Hoyer or Gordon or the rookie RBs but the guy calling the plays is calling shitty games and he has been for over a month now.  This is what he does.  He'll blow your mind initially and then the league figures him out and he has no other gear.  This is The Shanahan Plan.  Next up: leaking shit to the press as a means to deflect attention from you!

Jimmy Graham, Drew Brees, Sean Payton and everyone else - Embarrassing.  Graham is softer than Charmin.  That dude is such a pussy.  Talented as all get out but he is weak.  Brees has officially entered the Chad Pennington Zone.  It's sad that he is no longer a top 5 QB and probably not even top ten.  If the Saints fired Payton next week, would anyone even object?  That's two BAD seasons in a row.  The Saints are pathetic.  I have no interest at all in watching the NFC South championship next Sunday which has no chance in Hell of getting flexed into primetime.  If the Falcons weren't total garbage, they would have won the division today already.

Andy Reid - One more week until the Chiefs accomplish immortality by going a full season without a WR scoring.  I'm pulling for them!  And for as bad as this NFL season has been, at least we get to root against the Cowboys, Patriots, AND Steelers in the playoffs.  That's YUGE!!!

Rex Ryan - Goodnight, sweet prince.  Hell of an effort in your last home game but just came up short.  You will be missed.  Enjoy your wife's veiny feet.

Jeff Fisher - I'm still pissed off over his cunt captain move in DC a few weeks ago as if the STL blueprint was proven right even though they have finished last in the division the last three years.  Then yesterday, his thugs take liberties with ODB and a massive brawl starts which is fitting because black people in Missouri can't stop breaking laws (no offense).  Fuck the Rams.  Beckham is a goddamn stud and way more important to the league than any of the losers that are going to be playing in LA soon.  Fuck you, Jeff Fisher.

LOL Billz - Well, that was a nice run but it's over.  I noticed that Seantrel Henderson or whatever his name is starts for the Bills.  I couldn't believe it.  This former #1 overall recruit turned out to be an enormous bust but ended up starting on Sundays.  Impressive.  He's probably a better lineman than commenter Daniel but not Blogger G$.

Chuck Pagano - What the fuck was that?  Why even show up if the team has no intention of playing hard.  You knew it was going to get ugly when Dewey McDonald dropped that fake punt perfect throw.  The Cowboys have won the NFC East and look AMAZING.  Dez Bryant is unguardable.  Dude might be the best non-JJ Watt player in the league.  But back to the Clots:

Andy Luck - First it was Peyton.  Last week was Rodgers.  This week, if you owned Luck then you probably lost your league's Super Bowl (Hi DAN!).  Fantasy football is a bitch.  And then there is Damman who builds his teams around T-Bone Romo in spite of ALL OF HISTORY saying that this is stupid and it works out.  Shit.

FANTASY - Damman wins the MSFL over Iceman because Iceman sucks oriental dicks.  Boz wins the LFL over Dan (with a little help from my fire sale trade at the deadline...BOOM!).  The G$FL is in the semis and I'm probably going to lose to Damman and Romo (fuck off).  Josh Gordon can get fucked.  This looks like the first time in four years where I will go without a crown.  Not cool.

In conclusion, it's BEAT DALLAS WEEK to end the season for the Skins and we have a decent chance to sweep the year if they sit people.  Pity wins still count!  The RedHawks and Fuckeyes play on the hardwood tonight and I have no desire to watch it (I will but I am expecting a 30 points loss).  I'm not finding much juice in college hoops this year.  Iceman is loading up his scrotum-looking bag and playing Santa Blogs tomorrow so show up and get your present that will be smeared with poop probably.  'Memba when the Skins sent the Eagles home?  I do.


Anonymous said...

Raiola is a huge piece of shit, but kicking him out of the league for stepping on a guy's leg? LOLZ...shut up you pussy.


Derek Carr looked decent in that Raiders game.

Manziel is terrible.

Beast Mode's TD run was incredible.


Grumpy said...

We're baaaaaack!!!

I'm going to enjoy watching Andy Dalton choke twice in the same week.

GMoney said...

This isn't the first time. This isn't the fif time. That guy needs to be Incognito'd.


Who made the call for Bengals/Steelers to be flexed? That was a horrendous decision. Lions/Packers is easily the more ELITE game that will determine a bye, has actual superstar players, FROZEN TUNDRA BRAH, and has no Andy Dalton in it. Has Dalton ever been decent in a primetime game? Bad move, NFL.

I'm down 10 to Damman with Demaryius left and he has Julius...Rusty Dubs gave me a chance! I will probably lose by less than 6 and then I can blame cunt Jimmy Graham for getting stripped at the one inch line and hate him forever.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Incognito....he, Raiola and Suh are all Huskers....kind of weird.


T. Iceman said...

This isn't the first time Raiola has intentionally tried to hurt a guy. What line does he have to cross before you consider kicking him out of the league? Fines OBVZ don't mean shit to this guy since he continues to be an enormous fuck head. One of these days he's going to put someone out of the league.

The T-Bone and ODB combo was too much to overcome. Congrats Damman because I'm a great fuckin sport. A team named after Ide was never gonna be a winner. Any doubt ODB is one of the first 5 WRs off the board next year? Dude has been unreal.

LOL Manziel.

Anonymous said...

You aren't putting someone out of the league by stepping on their leg...stopping rubbing the gash in between your legs. He should be fined/suspended for being a dumb piece of shit...but the "kick him out of the league" angle smells like a Skip Bayless poop special.


GMoney said...

I'm fine with suspending him for at least the next game but I am also on the internet and must demand blood at all times, pussy.

I'm sick of people calling him OBJ because that is dumb and has nothing to do with a dead Wu Tang Clan member. It's ODB, bruh.

Daniel said...

For those of you that didn't know - the infamous OTHER bridge being built in napoleon was actually for my anticipated victory parade to the south side. I told Lil Strut I appreciated the sentiment, but it would have to wait until next year.

GMoney said...

Dan, I never realized how ELITE you were at deep throat until this week when you took the entire LFL in your mouth at the same time. It was awkward positioning 13 strapping make bodies to get everyone's dinger in your gaping maw, but we made it work. Impressive.

Prime99 said...

This was a pretty fun week in the NFL. So many reports on Cutler, I can barely keep up!
- Trestman should be fired for having Jay active at the #2 QB. There was no point and there are several reasons to ensure he doesn't get injured.
- The Titans might be interested in him. MIGHT!
- The Bears have discussed firing Emery and Trestman while KEEPING Cutler. Smh.
- Mike Shanahan essentially begged the Bears to keep Cutler and hire him as the coach. I'm paraphrasing, of course.
- no matter how bad a Bears QB is, the WRs need to catch the fucking ball when it hits them in the hands/face.

T. Iceman said...

Drew. Weird career ending injuries happen in the NFL all the time. When Orlando Brown got a penalty flag in the eye, no one thought that would end his career but it did. I'm not saying that stomping someone's ankle is FOR SURE ending their career but it's possible if someone gets it the right way. I'm also not saying boot him immediately. I'm simply asking at what point do you have to consider kicking him out a possibility? He's clearly out there intentionally trying to hurt people.

Anonymous said...


On my way to title #2 after I dispose of G$ tonight. Although Cornball Brother has made things a little too interesting for my taste tonight.

Building teams around Romo is a great straegy.

It took awhile this year, but the same old Browns have finally showed up.


Anonymous said...

Prime....Clausen looked surprisingly competent out there.

Iceman...the point is that you can't kick him out of the league for it. Just do a gradual build-up in penalties and then when he decides to give someone the Reynolds Wrap....boot him. He's a huge piece of shit and I hope he finally gets cut this offseason...but, nobody is getting booted for a little leg stomp.


Prime99 said...

Clausen did look decent, but it proves he's a solid backup, not someone anyone should want to roll with besides the Redskins OBVS.

GMoney said...

Mike Shanahan came off incredibly pathetic and desperate which makes sense because you would have to be pathetic and desperate to hire his old ass.

Raiola is a Schiano Man. I bet the practice sessions in which he goes up against Suh are legendarily dirty.

Just ignore Damman. He's a jerk.

Anonymous said...

Congrats to me on winning the JBeanie league (my other league). ODB carried me down the stretch as Peyton started putting up poopers.

The Browns really are the Browns of old. They fucking suck. And Johnny is terrible. I am so fucking torn on what to do in the draft next year. We obviously need a QB but you seriously can't take another one in the mid/late first round again. So we get to watch Johnny blow ass all next year too? He is as bad as the coaching staff made him sound week after week when they were saying he isn't ready and Hoyer is the guy right now. To look that much worse than Brian Hoyer is terrible.

Shanahan is the worst. The bootleg and play action that worked all early season long for Hoyer never even gets a chance with Johnny... instead he runs plays where he gets crushed. I'm starting to think RG's early injuries arent as much his fault as I originally placed blame.

Seriously not saying this because there are a lot of fans that read here, but we may be witnessing two of the most overrated playoff teams in a long time in both Det and Pitt. If Pitt has a road game in the first, you might be insane not to bet on whoever they play. Det might be the worst 11-4 team ever. I really don't think either team is very good at all. Once again, not saying this because there are a lot of their fans here... as I am totally jealous of both teams as they are in the playoffs and the Browns might never get there in my lifetime, but I don't know if it was an easy schedule or some luck on their side, but the eye test on these teams looks a lot more like 8-8 rather than their current records. Pitts losses to the Browns, Jets, Bucs and Saints are all really bad losses.

In case any of you missed it... Kentucky was beating UCLA 41-7 at HALFTIME on Saturday. They are pretty good this year I think. Also, Michigan has now lost 4 in a row right? 3 of those at home? Ouch.


GMoney said...

Seal, I see the same with the Lions but not the Steelers. They are peaking at the right time. Don't forget to throw in the Cardinals, Bengals, and AFC South as worst playoff teams. This has not been a good year.

And don't talk about RG3 without mentioning him ENDING THE EAGLES SEASON, BRAH!!!

Anonymous said...

Slow....I ain't hating on your opinion. The Lions defense is pretty good tho. It is kind of a shame that like you are jealous because of their 11 wins and playoffs...I'm perfectly content with the season because of those. When you are this shitty of organizations this season feels like a complete success....the mind almost thinks it's greedy to ask for more.


Jeff said...

It's actually pretty amazing that with all those terrible losses the steelers have clinched with a week left. They are starting to play well, but they can obvz lay an egg at anytime.

Anonymous said...

The Pistons just waived Josh Smiff. Paying him $26M to not be on the team. That's amazing.


T. Iceman said...

LOL. The Pistons are good.

MUfan said...

The thing to mention about the Lions though is they are winning games that almost in every other year they have lost. This season is very similar to the 1991 season where they went 12-4, beat Dallas in the playoffs, and then got destroyed by Washington in the NFC championship.

GMoney said...

Ah yes the 1991 Redskins...that team was truly ELITE.

Pistons so bad.

MUfan said...

I think the Redskins destroyed Detroit in the first game of the year, and then destroyed them to finish their season. I could google that shit to confirm but I'm too lazy.

And yes, the Pistons suck so bad right now.

Anonymous said...

MUFan...didn't Ray Crockett return an INT for a TD in that Dallas game...and just stand on the 1 yd line waiting for some Cowboys to run at him? I vaguely remember that. The only playoff win of the Super Bowl era ever for the Lions!


MUfan said...

I should know as I was at that game, but I can't remember. It wouldn't surprise me if that's what happened. Barry tore up the Cowboys that day though. I was with a group of guys and we were sitting in the top row of the Silverdome.

Prime99 said...

We did gloss over the Bucs fan. Did Bud Light break into his house and remodel his yard with no permission? Did it look like that fan even recognized Warren Sapp? Agree totally with the property value going down. Also, Sapp may have moved himself in.

GMoney said...

Raiola suspended next week. Now who will disembowel BJ Raji?

GMoney said...

Thank you, Prime, for acknowledging the intro. I mean, the guy that met Jimmy Johnson looked legitimately pumped. Alex The Bucs Fan appeared to be mortified.

And I'm pretty sure that buying a product does not give the manufacturer the right to break into your house and remodel. If so, Nature Valley is likely re-doing my shitter because I ate a granola bar at lunch.