Monday, December 15, 2014

The Worst of Week Fifteen Vol.VIII

ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION, CHUCK!
You may not be aware of this but the NHL All Star Game is coming to Columbus at the end of January (the weekend before the Super Bowl).  With that event comes a ton of random shit that fans can go to and attend and whatever to pump up the local economy, bruh.  I know that they are setting up a giant outdoor skating rink and massive snow slide across the street from the arena but most of the activities will take place a few blocks away at the Convention Center.  As of Friday afternoon, I have applied to work at the NHL Fan Fest for three of the four days (mandatory) from 1/22-1/25.  I have no idea what this entails although I'm sure it is more "work in the parking garage" than "punch Crosby in the nuts" but whatever.  It sounds cool, isn't too big of a time commitment, and I need a new laptop/blogging machine anyway so the very mediocre $12/hour wouldn't hurt.

Either way, I feel like I'm giving back to the area should they pick me to serve.  I feel like the entire world needs to see how dedicated I am to carrying the flag.  It isn't all bluster and fraudulent student ID tickets.  I am a part of the damn community and I will help any and all French Canadian motherfuckers find the restroom before they shit their pants.  If you're interested at all, here is the application link.  Who knows if they are still accepting BRAHs but they are looking for 450 people so whatever.  CTF!

Dat Thursday Game Though - Jesus, it's been awhile since we've had a no touchdown game.  Praise Allah that Feel Seems was around to commentate it and say things like "a field goal is just as good as a touchdown" and somehow that be right.  What a turd.  The final Thursday game of the year is Titans/Jags and there is no way that it could be worse than Cards/Rams.

Ryan Lindley - I will consider myself to be #blessed if I never have to watch this loser throw a pass again.

Johnny Manziel - Let's start with the biggest shitshow.  Johnny, Johnny, Johnny...we all probably assumed that you would make some mistakes due to being a gun slinger and what not but I did not expect you to prove Merrill fucking Hoge right immediately.  You don't belong.  Right now, you can't play.  So much excitement and enthusiasm this week and in the first hour, it was back to "typical Browns".

Jeff Triplette - That was a horseshit call at the end of the first half on the Griffin fumble.  Fuck this guy.  He is the worst official in the NFL and continues to prove it even though the league gives him the worst games every week.  That was a fucking touchdown and I'm not even mad that Santana Moss got kicked out for correctly calling him the worst.  Moss is right.  Triplette fucking blows.

Jay Gruden - Then again, the HEAD COACH had no idea until the third quarter that one of his players got kicked out.  I'm so done with this guy.  You can be an asshole if you are good at your job.  Gruden is not.  If it comes down to him or Griff, they better fire this fucking guy.  He is a terrible football coach.  We most definitely hired the wrong Bingles coordinator.  I hate the Redskins.

Bashaud Breeland - Jeff's BFF from Clemson racked up 70 yards in penalties and allowed Odell to run free pretty much all game.  He's still got a bright future but he needs to stop impersonating D-Hall.

Alex Smiff - STILL no touchdown passes to a wide receiver!  It's been over a year!  At least he got revenge on the Raiders!  Here's a fun FACT for you: no one ever has wanted to watch the Chiefs play.

Mike Smith - You've got to love punting the ball on 4th and short and then never getting it back.  The Falcons would have already won the South if they had no coach at all.  Smith is that bad.

This guy - Come on, dude, that's not even cool...yet

Aaron Rodgers and Jordy Nelson - BILLS D BRUH!  Christ, they kept Peyton and Rodgers out of the end zone in back to back weeks!  ELITE!  Rodgers was bad and Nelson dropped everything.  The Packers were due for a turd so this makes sense.  I really hope that the Bills make the playoffs and if you give me a few hours, I will come up with a winning argument that The Kyle Orton Express is the NFL MVP.  BRB.

Geno Smith - How bad do you have to be when someone plain as day punches you in the face and doesn't even get penalized?  Good job by the Jets to play themselves out of Mariota though.

Teddy Bridgewater - He led two of the worst two minute drills that I've ever seen.  Why was he wearing two gloves indoors?  If you need to wear gloves indoors, you should be kicked out of the league.  Good win by the Lions though.  If this was college football, they would fall ten spots because they beat a shitty team at home by 2 but this is real man shit where winning is all that matters.  I don't think that the Lions are a legit threat because their coach is a statue, but it's nice to see them playing well.

Peyton Manning - What a bitch.  Couldn't even finish a half without needing drugs.  I think it is a rule that the announce team mentions Antonio Gates was a basketball player at least 40 times per game.

Ed Hochuli - Just a terrible roughing the passer penalty call that ended the Niners chances which they weren't going to win anyway so who cares.  Harbaugh has his choice between the Jets, Bears, Raiders, and Michigan which is like picking your favorite member of Rascal Flatts.  It doesn't matter because they all suck equally.  RIP Gore and Hyde who both died.

FANTASY! - I am in the playoffs in one league (the illustrious G$FL) and upset the three seed, -Rex, to advance to the semis!  WEEEEEEE!!!  Damman is up next and he will be let down by T-Bone Romo.  It's amazing that if you owned Peyton last week, you're not playing this week.  And if you had Rodgers this week, you are likely done.  As Iceman is known to say, fantasy football makes my eyes rain.

Back to hockey before we go, the CBJ have now won SIX in a row and head to Garbage Town USA tomorrow to make it seven.  FUCK YOU, DREW AND SAUL BOYS, OUR FLAG POLES ARE AT FULL MAST.  The Redskins play on Saturday this coming week and it is during my extended family Christmas party.  So, just to get it out of the way early, thanks for ruining CHRISTmas, Dan Snyder!

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sure it will be touched on plenty here today...but, yeah....Manziel was horrendous. It was funny to see that week of hoopla fall so flat on it's face.

Lions played with absolutely zero jump in their step until the couple late INT's in the first half. It was pretty pathetic up until those. Then the defense started rolling and our drunk kicker made FG's. 10-4 is 10-4. Prime...please tell your boys not to beat the Lions this weekend so that we can clinch a playoff berf. Thanks.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

It's all Cundiff's fault.

Jeff said...

That pic and caption is all sorts of amazing. You should be able to personalize that book and put your child's name in it.

Steelers finally won a game they were supposed to. Cool. Win 2 home games now.

G$, I believe Bashaud shut down Dez. Never forget, amirite?!!

Oh Johnny. Great comedy that was.

Greg Olsen will forever be known as G. Reg and his third leg LOLZ. I found the U part 2 pretty entertaining.

T. Iceman said...

I was on my way back to Ohio yesterday and was forced to listen to Doug Dieken and whatever other jackass does Browns radio games. I'll tell ya...no other team has bigger homer announcers. Listening to these dick wads deflect blame from Manziel onto everyone else was fucking comical. I've never seen a Browns QB fuck up so bad and get so much rope while he's self destructing in front of the world. Just hilarious.

I have no idea why the Bengals weren't 5 wide all 2nd half. The Browns were down to Desir and Skrine as their top corners at that point. Great game planning there. I mean...not that it mattered since the Browns got dick kicked in every aspect of the game.

I'm the Barry Sanders of fantasy football so I'll just hand the ball to the ref and wait for my next opponent. Big ups to Rodgers for bricking this week. Played against him in 2 different playoff games.

Jeff said...

They didn't go 5 wide cause they ran it down your throat from the get go. Have Dalton chuck it around would've been terrible play calling. He did hit the wide open end zone and sideline grass multiple times

GMoney said...

Yeah, why go five wide when Jeremy Hill is sexually assaulting you all day long? By the way, what are the odds that Gio is not the RB1 next year? Never thought that that would happen so fast.

Breeland was great against Dez and has a nice future but he was horrendous yesterday and had some sort of hilarious excuse for all of his penalties like "whatevah, I do what I want" or some shit.

The Eagles aren't good. I've been saying this forever.

Feels like we're going to get the top two seeds in the LFL of Daniel vs. Boz and the MSFL is Iceman vs. Damman in the Super Bowl in case you were wondering.

Prime99 said...

I don't have a direct line of communication with the Bears locker room like I do with Chip (LOL Eagles), but you can probably send a heart felt email to Aaron Kromer, Drool. He could read it to the team, in tears, and maybe they will lay down for the Lions.

I suspect the Bears are a little more dangerous (still bad, though) now that they have nothing to lose.

Rodgers fucked me hard in both my semifinal matchups. Damman didn't even need Seattle D this time!

T. Iceman said...

Maybe Cutler will be better now that he won't have Marshall barking in his ear every 8 plays about being wide open.

GMoney said...

I'm just a big fan of the moron Browns fans that are already ready to get rido of Manziel and move on. Dude needs to be coached. That's all. Maybe he can play and maybe he can't but I prefer to give him the benefit of the doubt for the simple reason of "FUCK HOGE".

Prime99 said...

Weird that the Kings fired Mike Malone. Hiring George Karl?

GMoney said...

Just saw that Dan Hampton wants all of the Bears coaches to be water-boarded. There won't be a stronger take delivered with precision the rest of this season.

Mr. Ace said...

I am willing to make a straight up trade of Sanchize for Johnny. Sanchez just missed soooooo many open fucking wr's and refuses to step up in the pocket. Iggles really fucked away that game last night.

Hoge destroying JFB before the game was pretty #ELITE. And then JFB doing exactly what Hoge said he does on the first play was equally great. JFB needs a system built around him.

GMoney said...

Yankees re-sign Headley for 4/52...not a fan of this. Dude is an average player. And we have Baseball Jesus back to play 162 games at third!!!!!!!!

Jeff said...

Tom Herman to Houston

Anonymous said...

I saw that. I think most of us expected him to set sail after this season, however, I couldn't find if he would be sticking around for the playoffs. There is nothing more chickenshit than leaVing your team out to dry in a bowl game. Looking at you Brian Kelly.

Ide

Daniel said...

Da Bills

Jeff said...

Braxton should probably go with him.

Daniel said...

G$ - the south siders appreciate the vote of confidence tonight. However I am still very nervous about my chances. It would be very satisfying to win after all the shit talk I got from dut and Lange yesterday after ODBs third touch down last night, but I am still not optimistic.

If the bills can somehow sneak in I think they could make a run. They still have away games at Oakland (win) and NE (who is hopefully not playing for anything) and need help. I would love for them to win out just to devalue the pick the clowns are getting for watkins

GMoney said...

Herman should go now just as all coaches should. His loyalty is to Houston, not Ohio Buckeyes. He needs to be out on the trail talking to all of the Lance Harbors and Jon Moxons, not sticking around and being an awful hire. Ohio Buckeyes will be fine.

You know what is most definitely NOT ELITE...I drafted CJ Anderson and Beckham on draft day but due to missing on Gordon and Peterson, had to dump them both. Not a good year for this BRO.

You will be fine...Forte is going to get 15 by halftime against that garbage defense. DUT SUCKS. DUT GAY. DUT NO TITLES.

Anonymous said...

Herman is sticking thru the playoffs per his wife....as he should. You see this shit through if you have a shot at dat crystal ball.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Does the crystal ball still exist? I thought they changed the trophy to something new for the playoffs?

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...that's a good point. I guess you stick around for that dildo trophy.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Disagree and you're being selfish. Richt, McElwain, and someone else who did the same thing all said that it made the job that they took so much tougher. You're already out the door so leave. Probably can take Broxton Milner with you, too.

Anonymous said...

You're being selfish if you leave. You started the chase for a championship and leading one side of the ball....you don't just leave those kids when you are at this point.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

There's the Demarco Murray injury we've been waiting for. Broken hand.

GMoney said...

Your employer is Houston Nutt U and those players aren't the ones who will be putting food on the table. You have a job that you were hired to do a few hours ago so do it. If you didn't want the job then why take it?

This is how coaching works. There is no sentimentality. If I was the AD at Houston, I wouldn't be happy about this. You were hired to start now, not a month from now.

This is just IMO obviously.

Took DeMarco longer than usual but we knew that he would fulfill his destiny. Guess who has the #1 waiver priority in the LFL that WILL be using it this week? THIS FUCKER. Eat shit, teams still playing for something. I'm still trying to win football games.

Anonymous said...

Well if that's what you want out of a coach, maybe don't go after playoff bound coordinators. Houston ain't winning any championships, and it's obvz a stepping stone for a big time program, so why not go for one while you have the guaranteed chance right now?

Ide

GMoney said...

I see your point, but I'm not hiring a guy and then waiting until January for him to show up. You start now, bruh. And if you think that you can do both, LOL fuck you.

I just see it as "you work for Houston now" so go work for Houston now. Ohio will be fine. I'm sure that Jim Bollman isn't busy.