2006 - Colt Brennan
2007 - Tim Tebow
2008 - Tim Tebow
2009 - Toby Gerhart
2010 - Cam Newton
2012 - Manti Te’o
2013 - Jameis Winston
You may notice at some point that I never consistently stick with calling it The Wiseman or The Weisman. That is intentional because old D-Dubs was that forgettable. The spelling of the award has very little to do with the importance so GIVE IT A REST. Anyway, carrying on...
The Heisman voters tend to not give the award to the best player (how Mark Ingram beat out Toby Gerhart, I will never understand). But the Weisman does. After Matt Barkley decided to keep sucking boners in LA over being OVERRATED for the Browns, he was stripped of his Weisman three years ago in favor of someone truly ELITE (not true anymore). We crushed it four years ago with Cammy Cam Cam. We correctly awarded Tebow back-to-back since Navajo Sam shit the bed in his biggest game in 2008. And we ignored Troy Smiff because Colt was an unstoppable force on the football and rape field in 2006. And who could forget the impressive power play by Te’o? Doing the Weisman justice for getting embarrassed mere days after reaching the pinnacle of his life! Jameis Winston's entire existence defines everything great about The Wiseman.
We don't look entirely at numbers or wins and losses or schedules, we vote with our eyes. Who is kicking the most ass EVERY WEEK. You can't mail-in games against lesser opponents. You curb-stomp those fags just as hard as you would for your rival. This is why Tebow lost out on a 3rd straight Weisman unfortunately. This is why Terrelle Pryor was never considered (he didn't bring the thunder every week like he should have). Basically, I like to award the Weisman to the player that I will remember the most when I think back about the season. It's time to embrace the best of the best and crown the 2014 Weisman Award winner.
Those who are acknowledged but were ultimately not invited:
JT Barrett - Typical Urban Meyer thug. We invite plenty of sluts and whores to this event and the last thing that I need is some trash bag choking them out. Plus, the Weisman ceremony doesn't have any ramps. Get out.
Marcus Mariota - You're a nerd, bro. We're not even going to acknowledge your stats-only season because you be an embarrassment to what this trophy represents. Call me when you ave committed a sex crime.
Melvin Gordon III - He was probably the favorite to win the damn thang until last Saturday night and then I remembered my completely justifiable hatred for all RBs from Wisconsin. Plus, he is a coach killer.
Quentin Rollins - HOMER ALERT! The RedHawk DB was the MAC Defensive Player of the Year this season with his 7 picks and being a shutdown cornerback on a 2-10 team. Why is this impressive? Because he was a fucking Charlie Coles recruit! Rollins played hoop at Miami for four years, walked in to Spring practice as an afterthought, was great, got invited to the Senior Bowl (the best of those games), and will be playing on Sundays next year. That is really impressive. Love ya, Q!
Jameis Winston - The numbers weren't there like last year but the bro has not lost a game ever. He combines winning with sinning at a rate the likes of which have never been seen. I absolutely love watching the Noles to see how they are going to snatch victory each week. I will miss Jameis when he is gone from FSU and doing time at Leavenworth.
Tevin Coleman - I have no idea how the RB at winless in conference Indiana put up the games that he did. What he did was amazing considering that the Hoosiers did not complete more than 3 passes per game and he still nearly hung 2000 yards rushing (he may have hit that number anyway but I do no research on IU).
Trevone Boykin - Keep in mind, this guy was the Frogs third leading receiver last season. Only three QBs have ever averaged 295 yards passing and 50 yards rushing per game: Johnny Football, RG3, and Boykin...on second thought, maybe that isn't such good company.
Gerod Holliman - Who? The sophomore safety from Louisville led the nation with FOURTEEN interceptions this year...in 12 games. That is amazing. I agree with those that say that sacks are OVERRATED. Picking the ball off though is always an ELITE skill.
Mark Weisman - I really wanted to give the award to Weisman simply because of his name. The Iowa RB had a terrific season with 802 rushing yards and 14 touchdowns. He led the Big Ten in pad level, grit, scrap, handing the ball back to the ref without making some stupid gesture, and keeping the legs moving. A white running back winning the trophy that looks an awful lot like a very young Grumpy would be so damn fitting. So close, Mark Weisman, but you don't need a reward to know that you put in a hard year's work.
The 2014 Winner of The Money Shot’s Weisman Award is…
|Step away from the white girl, sir.|
That said, Amari, we are not afraid to strip past winners of this award if they piss me off. Should you suck big floppy donkey dick against Ohio, there might just be a knock at Mark Weisman's offseason assembly line station. We are officially one week from The Commies and two weeks from Man of the Year ceremony. CAN'T WAIT!