Friday, December 26, 2014

The 2014 Money Shot Man of the Year Is...

We make a big fuss around here about the Commenter of the Year and, while it is very important, it pales in comparison to the award of Money Shot Man of the Year. A Commie is one hell of an achievement and should be celebrated, but being named Money Shot Man of the Year is something that gets you put on dollar bills ya’ll. As this is our fourth crowning ceremony of Man of the Year, we can now officially commission our own Mount Rushmore! What a tourist attraction that would be! You probably would like a refresher on who the prior winners were, right?

2010: Arthur Moats and Corey Wooton – These fine mine combined to rid the football world of Brett Lorenzo Favre. We thought that we would never get rid of him until these legends took matters into their own hands.
2011: Steve Shubin – 2011 was the year of the Fleshlight. It only made sense to honor the inventor. Who wants to bet that Lange doesn’t buy himself a light trophy? Bitch.
2012: G$ - Some saw this as controversial. I did not. This was a Louis Green slam dunk. I had an absolutely ELITE and filthy year. 2013 was not as ELITE unfortunately.
2013: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford - This man has done at all.  Incredible GIFs, amazing facial expressions, Bills football games, crack rocks, eating pussy...Rob Ford defines this site.

How do we score this, you ask? It’s pretty easy actually. We ask two simple questions which must result in a NO and then a resounding YES.
1. Are you OVERRATED?
2. Are you ELITE?
Now let’s get to this year’s nominees so we can complete everyone's Fave Five!

Ide - He won Commenter of the Year so he’s getting an invite to the varsity show. Basically, he’s just getting everyone’s drinks for them with no tip. He is not allowed to talk which means that he has to keep his takes to himself.  He even gets the exact same write-up that I gave Drew last year.

Tony Stewart - We aren't ones to enjoy NASCAR mush around here but I'll always respect a man who races while sitting at 600 pounds and goes down to the minor leagues to kill other drivers.  That's impressive.  Do you even remember the dead kid?  Of course not but we will always remember not to fuck with Smoke because he WILL kill you.

Everyone That Rooted Against US Soccer - You were the real heroes.  Anyone can jump on a bandwagon but it takes a true man to stick with your morals and integrity.  GO BELGIUM!

Isaiah Austin and Adam Silver - I teared up big time on the night of the NBA Draft during this moment and it was easily one of the best things that happened in sports this year.  Silver is killing it as commissioner but giving Austin his moment was incredible.
The Honda Fit Rock-Climbing Bros - CAN IT GO OFF-ROADIN', BRAH?  CHA BRAH?  Best commercial ever.  Makes you really want to buy a little Honda.

Phyllis From Mulga - Stupid fucking Buck-I-Guy is going into the Fan Hall of Fame even though Phyllis is clearly the best in the business.  Her calls to Finebaum are forever ELITE.  She hates Cowherd.  Although I am a little nervous that ESPN started putting her on SportsCenter.  Phyllis is best in smaller, but STRONG doses.  I don't want her to get over-exposed.  She better be on the winning side at the Sugar Bowl, Cow Turd.  ROLL TIDE!

Katy Perry - How can two women be nominated for Money Shot Man of the Year?  Well, Phyllis was recognized for being hilarious and was never under serious consideration for the crown.  Perry is doing the Super Bowl halftime show and I am actually looking forward to it, seems cool, was a big part of the best Gameday segment of the year (corn dogs!), and has great jugs.  Easy call IMO.

Derek Jeter - Consider yourself lucky because he was the favorite for most of the year to win.  That final game in Yankee Stadium is something that I will never forget (calling you out, dementia!).  There will never be a classier and better representative for the game of baseball.

Dan Gilbert - Now, I don't believe that he deserves any of this but everything fell in his lap on pure luck so I'll give him credit for being the most fortunate man alive.  He fucked up everything from the second that The Decision was made and it didn't matter at all.  Deep down, if Love bolts after this year and LeBron fucks us again, a small part of me will say "Dan deserved that".  He is a bad owner.  But this is a bad site so whatever.

And now...The 2014 Money Shot Man of the Year is...
The Guy Behind Leaked Nudes/The Fappening!  Can you believe that we still don't know who launched all of those celebrity nude shots onto Reddit and 4Chan this Summer/Fall?  Unreal!  But he did the Lord's work.  You know what?  Fuck these people.  Why are you still taking nude selfies anyway?  This stuff happens all the time.  I'm not going to apologize for being curious or invading your privacy.  You should have known better in the first place.  If you're not still looking at these every once in a while then you are a homo.  The Upton shots were solid but I'm a J-Law guy.  Either way, I hope that we aren't done with the Leaks.  MORE PLEASE.

There was no other choice. This was not a tough decision at all.  Congrats on the honor of being named Money Shot Man of the Year, Leaked Nudes Guy!  Until next year!


Anonymous said...

Nailed it. What a fun couple of days those were.

Hackers are doing the Lord's work these days. From boning Sony HARD, to now getting ready to release a sex tape if that Iggy girl doesn't be nice to black people. It's all just a blast to read about. The rise of the nerds to total domination is ELITE.


GMoney said...

It's amazing that the FBI has been on this with TOP MEN for months and have nothing to show for it. I'm not going to give nerd culture too much credit those because THe Big Bang THeory is still the worst show ever. HOWEVAH, that broad's leaked nudes were pretty solid. Full circle.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't really change much, but from what I gather it wasn't just one this award is being shared by multiple people doing the Lord's work. Supposedly, there was an underground community for years that would steal these pics off of celeb's phones and then trade with each was kind of like a competition...who could one up each other. I've never read why these guys just started leaking them tho. I really liked the Jenny McCarthy pics....but, taking the cake was the text of hers that leaked out where she called Iceman the dumbest person she's ever interviewed.


GMoney said...

Which says a lot because I assume that she talks to herself and her kid a lot.

Mr. Ace said...

Michael Brown was the obvious choice. You really missed an opportunity to take a stand IMO.

I don't know how I feel about a group of anonymous Internet nerds earning MoTY honors. While we all greatly appreciated the leaks, awarding people who may very well be the scum of the earf could really change this award going forward.

Anonymous said...

Some would say the scum of the earf just won COY tho.


GMoney said...

It depends how you handle your scumminess. Steal my CC info? BAD. Show me the insides of Vanessa Hudgens? ELITE.

I should have also nominated Kenny Smith for pushing Shaq into the CHRISTmas tree last night. LOL!

Tony Bataska said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Prime99 said...

"Some would say the scum of the earf just won COY tho."


How funny are all ten Miami Heat "fans" for being mad about how LeBron left?

Also, Juwan Howard looks like he's about to hatch a plan vs. Black James Bond.

T. Iceman said...

Giving MOTY award to a group of people is like naming an offensive line NFL MVP.

For how shitty Ace is, he sure runs a tight ass fantasy league. Money in the bank. And I missed yesterday so congrats to spawning the new leader of the tin hat coalition.

Mr. Ace said...

My ELITE Commissioner abilities have never been up for debate.

And my son will be a grand leader of the tin hat coalition and eventually bring the fairy tale coalition to it's knees, as it has done to young boys for centuries.

Jimmy is coming home in 3 days!!!

Anonymous said...

Iceman...hopefully you got a smartphone for Christmas so that you can always check in on days like yesterday.


GMoney said...

Just ditched three hours of work to go watch The Hobbit like a nerd. I have no regret.