As a reminder, the inaugural Commenter of the Year was Prime who took home the crown in 2012. He earned it the old-fashioned way with grit and rubbing some dirt on it. Unfortunately, there was not a repeat championship as I correctly blamed Li'l Boogie/Zack Attack for taking some of the focus off of his commenting prowess. It happens. Which lead to a power struggle last "season" that Drew ended up claiming victory over. He had this weird knack of agreeing with me which put him over the top. That did not happen in 2014 (as he sucked huge fucking horse cock) so again we went searching for another Grand Commenting Champion.
But there are other awards to give out before we award the 2014 Commenter of the Year.
Best Take - Seal's epic anti-Tigers rant the day after they were swept by the Orioles! I'm not going to copy and paste it here because I don't have the time or energy but I do know that after reading it, I nearly stood up and saluted my internet. It was powerful. Seal hates the Tigers and their fans so much. It nearly brings me to climax.
Worst Take - Drew's FACT checks! I understand the notion of holding people accountable but that doesn't make it less annoying. The problem is that FACT checking only rewards people with nothing better to do and I would much rather ritualistically fist my asshole than go dumpster-diving (sorry not sorry Karageorge family) through past comments to prove another takesmith wrong. Drew sucks is what I'm getting at.
Newcomer of the Year - Dave! We didn't have any other new blood (no offense to Tonya's vagina...count it) this year so I will give it to Dave. I think he only showed up once or twice but the first time he tried to run smack at me so I responded reasonably and earned 4000 INTENSITY gold stars by destroying him. He has barely been heard of again.
Smartest Commenter - Nibbles! I think that he is the most realistic of the turd suckers here and tries to not be a gigundo homer. It isn't easy--I know this from being around you mouth breathers for 34 years--but he tries. I think that he has carved himself a nice little niche here.
Dumbest Commenter - Dut! Cakes won this last year in a runaway so it takes a lot to unseat him. Between bitching about how hard it is to comment (not true) and then dropping weak takes when he "figures it out", I feel safe naming him the Dumbest Commenter of 2014.
Most Anticipated Story Going Into 2015 - MUFan's Stalker Saga! To quote the great Judge Smails/Ted Knight, "Well...WE'RE WAITING". Speaking of stalker, USA needs to bring back Silk Stalkings.
The Most Unsettling Trend - Too Much Procreation! I'm sort of shocked that many of us are getting laid let alone creating human life. TMS Army is growing and growing and I'm not sure how to feel about that. It is a well known FACT that you comment better without a baby.
Best Move - Iceman Going To Florida! GET OUT. Ironically, this fucking guy moved to Gainesville yet still spends seemingly every day in Ohio. I'm sure that you have your reasons but I want to believe that you came back last weekend JUST to eat Pollyeye's with Cakes.
Worst Move - Damman Pulling a LeBron! Fucker, now who am I supposed to get as an umpire partner? Yep, I'm the real victim here!
Best Post of the Year - Welcome to BRAHzil! This is an IMO thing but I really enjoyed writing that post because I love the BRAHs so much and I loathe US Soccer even more. It might not have been your favorite (the AMA with Ide was really solid surprisingly) but it was for me.
Worst Post of the Year - Every time that Prime and Iceman talked comics! Now that college football season is winding down, I can't wait for a Tuesday in which nerd #1 ranks superheroes and nerd #2 argues with himself over the merits of Marvel vs. DC. LAME.
Comeback of the Year - Seal! The one bit of controversy of the commenting season happened in March and, if I recall, the victim had had enough of our gang up bullying about Kentucky. Seal took a few weeks off but came back with a vengeance and I think that we are all glad that he did. Now he's inviting Mr. Ace to go out for vegan beers whenever he's up North and nothing makes sense. Welcome back (sort of), Seal, but Calipari is still a scumbag donkey fucker forever. And you should know that you were my nominee Commenter of the Year. Seriously. Ask Iceman.
Alright, now that all the minor awards have been delivered, it is time for the big dog. I asked Iceman and Ape for their input on this because they have to have some pull when it comes to such a major decision for the site. We did not agree. Like, at all. The three of us each had our own candidate. I was going to just pick mine but Ace made some convincing points and I ended up pulling the old John Kerry and flip-flopping my decision. This is Mr. Ace's call and he sold me. So who is the 2014 Money Shot Commenter of the Year???
|The guy in the middle definitely pays for sex.|
1. His Game of Thrones recaps here really are top notch. I'm current on the episodes and the books and even I don't know who half the characters are. He even spells the names right!
2. #IdeLies was the hashtag of the year and nothing else came close. I look forward to the next #IdeLie whenever it may come. Let's not forget that #IdeLies (owned and operated by Iceman) is playing for the MSFL title this weekend.
3. His RibFest move of buying dinner for everyone was baller as fuck. I mean, we all got free BBQ AND didn't have to talk to him. You can't beat that.
But then he started running his mouth about Ohio Buckeyes Football after the Big Ten Title beatdown and I soured. However, he regrouped on Facebook in a conversation with Nibbles:
Nibbles: Today my six year old asked me two questions. "How are babies made?" and "Why are the Browns always bad?". I handled the easier question but think he's too young to learn the truth about the Browns.
Ide: I find that the answers are very similar, just different holes.
And that one sentence made you the winner. You will make a fine parent one day, Ide, but until then...ugh...congratulations on the honor of Commenter of the Year 2014! Don't forget that award season wraps up next Friday--yes, the day after CHRISTmas--with the unveiling of Money Shot Man of the Year. Who will top last year's winner, Rob Ford? Beats the fuck out of me!