|Even security knows.|
As a reminder, yours truly loves nothing more than playing Fantasy GM and spending other people's money. Nobody hires and fires and executes trades faster than this cat. So without further Apu, here is who some of our teams should be starting at QB on Opening Day 2015:
Tampa Bay - Marcus Mariota. Let's get this one out of the way. Lovie's classy bunch currently holds the #1 pick and likely will not mess this up in the last two weeks. This wouldn't be a bad landing spot for the Heisman winner at all. Some nice pieces in Tampa.
Tennessee - Jameis Winston. FINALLY a reason to act like the Titans actually exist. This almost makes too much sense as it allows Taylor Lewan to befriend another sexual predator and make murderous threats on his behalf.
Buffalo - The Kyle Orton Express. Time to double down on the Neckbeard! I'm not giving up on Emanuel J'manuel Manuel yet but In Orton We Trust. That offense is only going to get better while the already ELITE defense is going to have their better players back.
Chicago - Josh McCown. I assume that Tampa will cut him and his 5 million for next year which will pave the way for him to be a stop-gap in the Windy City. Why? Because my guess is that the Bears take the third rated QB in the Draft whether that be Brett Hundley or Connor Cook or whoever. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if something isn't working then you don't keep doing it. You get rid of it and find another option. CUTLER ISN'T GOING TO WORK EVER. So trade him for a 4th round pick (don't expect anything more than that with his salary) and move on.
New York Jets - Jay Cutler. This almost makes too much sense.
St. Louis - Brian Hoyer or Ryan Fitzpatrick. It really doesn't matter. The most boring offense in the league deserves a boring QB. Sign both of these Chlorophyll's More Like Bore-o-phylls and watch another 7-9 season come to fruition after starting 1-6.
Houston - Sam Bradford. I'm not sure what his contract sitch is but I could see him having a lot of success with actual talent around him. The Texans are close but they need someone who doesn't blow under center. Bradford may be a pussy but he does not blow. Eh, fuck it, just put JJ Watt under center and we'll see you in the Super Bowl.
Washington - Robert Griffin III. It sounds like everyone is coming back now which is hilarious. I would fire Gruden immediately. Either way, keeping RG3 at 6 million next year is worth it to see if it truly over or not. I'd keep McCoy around as a backup though. It's not like this team is close anyway. I'd rather see us make damn sure that we ruined this kid before cutting him or trading him for nothing. Make everyone go down with the shop. Kill Dan Snyder.
Cleveland - Johnny Manziel. You have to. I don't care how bad he looks over the next two weeks or what Merrill Hoge says, this is your starting QB going into 2015. You made a commitment to this guy so commit to him. Give him a full year. If he blows then that is on him. As far as a back-up goes, Jake Locker makes sense as they could run the same sets and plays without much change.
Needless to say, having no franchise QB is the worst. The main points that I wanted to make today are that the Bears need to move on ASAP, the Skins need to give it one last shot, and the Browns need to follow through on their homeless guy's vision. What I'm trying to say here is that our teams are fucked forever.