Friday, December 05, 2014

It's Conference Championship Weekend, Butthorns!

Whoever did this to Buck-I-Guy is forever Money Shot Man of the Year.
We're going to preview and predict the fuck out of this weekend's games in a little bit but first I want to talk about what is happening at UAB.  You probably saw already that they are disbanding their football program effective pretty much immediately.  The reasons are still quite sketchy because they want you to buy the finance bullshit but the real excuse is because the assholes at Tuscaloosa are just gigantic assholes.  Bear Bryant's fuckface son is a cocksucker for the most part.  I have no fucking clue how ROLL TIDE can have apparently SO MUCH influence on UAB but they do and now they are flexing their tree-killing muscles to shut down a football program that barely plays the same sport.  It is pathetic, scum-sucking bullshit and it should be just another reason why you should always root against Alabama Football.  Regardless of the greatness of Phyllis from Mulga, fuck them for eternity.  All of those players from UAB are more than welcome to take the underground railroad north to Oxford, OH IMO.

Another interesting bit of news is Florida going back to the Rockie Mountains for their new head coach.  I admittedly do not know anything about Jim McElwain but Colorado State got good under him (this time without Bradlee Van Pelt!) so we'll give this hire a solid C+.  I will wait patiently to get a McElwain take from our resident Gators season ticket holder.  Let's talk about the games:

MAC Northern Illinois -6.5 vs. Bowling Green - The Glory Hole is 11-6 after correctly killing out on the Huskies last week.  Time to end the season on a MONSTER LOCK.  Take the Huskies.  They are going to kill the Falcons tonight.  BG got them last year in this same game (which I nailed btw) but not again.

PAC-12 Arizona vs. Oregon -14.5 - Can Richard Rodriguez and his turd free program do it again?  I have no idea where this game is being played and it is always risky to pick the Ducks in a big game but there is a fuck-ton on the line here.  THIS is the game with the most at stake as the winner is a lock for the playoff.  Yes, the Cats jump everyone with a win.  DEAL WITH IT.  I'm going to pick Oregon to win here but I like those points.  Let's play it safe and bet the Cats to keep it close.

SEC Alabama -14.5 vs. Missouri - I said it on Twitter last weekend and it remains true: no one wants to watch Missouri play.  Ever.  They keep digging up Mauk boys and gay DL and are boring as fuck.  Their refusal to lose down the stretch prevented us from watching Mark Richt fail again and that is NOT COOL BRAH.  You know how I said "fuck Bama" at the top today?  Yeah, well, that doesn't mean that I want loser ass Mizzou to win.  Bama kills them.

BIG-12 Kansas State @ Baylor -7.5 - You can count me as one of the millions that does not understand how TCU can be ranked third while Baylor is sixth.  Jeff Long's corn pone ass can try and justify it all he wants with help from Herb Kirkstreit but the team that won on the field is what matters.  Eyeball tests and SOS are secondary.  Those aren't primary things.  And how can you have Power 5 conferences and then shit all over one of them publicly because they don't have a championship game even though everybody plays everybody.  THIS IS STUPID.  Anyway, I think that Baylor makes a statement over the Cats, wins by 20+, and FINALLY gets the credit that they deserve.

ACC Florida State -4.5 vs. Georgia Tech - Here we go again.  Jesus, in some ways, this Playoff Committee is worse than the BCS.  The Noles and their fans are annoying.  I get that.  But they are the only undefeated team left yet keep dropping every week.  I'm not going to say that they should be #1 still because I think that Alabama is better but FSU should be 2 at the lowest.  How can FSU keep dropping in the rankings with their close, uninspired performances and Ohio does pretty much the exact same thing (look at the Fuckeyes record ATS...it is atrocious).  It isn't consistent at all.  Anyway, I think that the hand-slapping down to 4 wakes these fuckers up and they blow up the Yellow Jackets from start to finish.  I'm calling a 4 touchdown margin for FSU.

Big Ten Wisconsin -4 vs. Ohio Buckeyes - And then there is this.  Cardale Jones...who would have ever envisioned that this illiterate great-grandson of Jabba The Hutt could play the biggest role of the entire weekend.  It's pretty simple: Ohio Buckeyes have to win and Jones has to look like a player/playa.  They can't just run the ball 50 times like the fucking Jets.  He has to show that he can throw.  If he comes out there and does nothing, well, then there is really no reason for the committee to choose Ohio over TCU or Baylor.  But if he can crank out numbers similar to what Barrett had been doing (and they win of course) then that says a lot.  Either way, the game plan can not be conservative.  What should be a major concern is Ohio's garbage defense (again...sorry not sorry because it's true) trying to stop Mel G.  This is a really tough game to handicap and, when in doubt, you should probably take the points.  First team to 31 wins.  Give me Ohio Buckeyes 34-31 but not impressive enough to get them into the playoff.  GO BADGERS!

Before we go for the weekend, how about a big happy birfday to Jeff!  His name has been discussed fervently around TMS HQ about his potential COY candidacy.  I don't know if he will win, but he does have fans at corporate.  Speaking of award season, next Friday is The Wiseman Trophy ceremony, a week later we find out Commenter of the Year, and the day after CHRISTmas will be reserved for Money Shot Man of the Year.  "Wow"--Cakes.  Enjoy the games, f-sackles.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Leaving around two this afternoon to head to Indy...get in right during happy hour. Probably going to be a pretty sober couple of days....LOLZ.

I have not been following this UAB thing....Alabama really has played a role in it?

People seem to think this Jim McElwain hire was a GREAT one by Florida. They sure paid a shit load for him in the buyout.

I think Oregon, Bama and Baylor roll. I'm with you on the Baylor/TCU thing too....I have no idea why Baylor is below them. I'd be sounding like a mad man if OSU was in that position with a big ten opponent.

I also think Florida State puts it all together and destroys GT.

No clue on Wisconsin/OSU.....but, as the week has gone on I've gotten more confident in Tardale. I think the offense will be fine...but, will the defense? Fuck it....OSU 35 Wisconsin 31

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Mike Riley? Count me solidly on the Baylor train. I want to see them play any of the other three.

I hope Drew ends up unconscious in an alley in Indy with his pants around his ankles. Badgers 35-24.

Jeff said...

Thanks for the Bday wishes. Nothing like a jackets winning streak to get the celebration started! Even if it's over the panthers.

Baylor has to be ahead of TCU. I get the argument that you could think TCU has played better since that game, but they play the exact same conference schedule and have the exact same record. Head to head has to be the number 1 tie breaker in this case. Minnesota should have one hell of a request list for non conference opponents for next year.

I think GT beats FSU. They control the clock and Jameis' mistakes finally catch up.

I think OSUs d plays well, unless Wisco turned into a zone read in the last week. Actually maybe they are? Doubtful though. I haven't hardly watched them.

I'll also take the ducks to roll and bama in a nail biter

Jeff said...

Oh and fuck the Big12 for this one true champion bullshit. They harp all year about it and then come back and say they won't name a champion if Baylor and TCU have the same record.

Anonymous said...

I'm not totally sure that Wisconsin is a good team. Are they? They were pretty bad the early part of the season and really only got notoriety because of Gordon. OSU 35-21

Ide

GMoney said...

Ide, for as bad as your loss to VaTech was, losing to Northwestern is worse. You know, it might not be after all. What I'm trying to say here is that whoever wins tomorrow night will forever have a hilarious blemish.

Drool, do a little digging. Alabama is ALL OVER the place when it comes to responsibility for shutting down Blazer Football. They've wanted this forever to keep more money for themselves. It's the fucking worst.

Jeff, last night's "win" may have been the least deserving victory for a team in the history of competitive sports. They took nearly ONE HUNDRED SHOTS and we had 35 or some shit. Tampa is going to fire 250 tomorrow. BOB = ELITE though

A sentence that I never thought I would write: Good to see the Cavs get a little revenge on the Knicks.

Yeah, fuck the Big 12. If Baylor wins tomorrow then they are your ONE TRUE CHAMPION.

Anonymous said...

Taps and touchdowns beer tasting event in indy from 4 to 7 drew in georgia strest

Nibbles said...

I think tomorrow is going to be ugly for OSU. The minute Cardale came in, UM secondary manned up and ran the press on the receivers. Although it didn't work (because UM BAD), it's the same thing VaTech did.

Wisconsin has time and planning ahead of them on the defensive side of the ball to switch from a zone defense to a man scheme like VaTech. Jones has just as much time to prepare as the starting QB. Who do you think has a more difficult learning curve this week? Wisconsin DB's learning press coverage or Cardale learning how to read coverage, check downs, etc.?

If we had a run defense, I'd say we would be OK. But we couldn't stop Coleman or Cobb in Big Ten play, and we sure as hell won't stop Gordon. With Barrett, we could outscore them. With Jones, we'll be one dimensional.

If Herman fines a way to win this game, he should win the Frank Broyles award.

UW 38, OSU 28

MuDawgfan said...

PAC 12 title game is in lovely Santa Clara bro. At Levi's Stadium where the 49'ers play.


On a non-related not. I had to fire a guy yesterday for sending dick pics out to multiple employees (male and female).

Happy Holidays!!!!!111

GMoney said...

LOLOLOL! Did you hire this Favre clone? ELITE!

Nibs, don't you go playing reverse psycho on your team. We see right through it.

The FACT that Buck-I-Guy's worthless black ass is up for that Fan Hall of Fame thing is a travesty.

Prime99 said...

While it would be hilarious for DickRod to win the Pac12, I don't think they beat Oregon. The Ducks will honor The Great One's (Chip) legacy.

No idea what to expect in the Ohio game. I could see it being close or a blowout and go either way. If I had to pick it's probably OSU by 3, but I wouldn't touch this game for betting purposes.

Bears BAD. Not sure how Trestman comes back next season. Welcome JimmyBRAH if we can make it happen.

GMoney said...

Prime, I see that you are in Austin, TX. Cool place or nah? Also, what sort of company has a holiday party that requires flights? This seems extraneous and wasteful. I'll hang up and listen.

Grumpy said...

Oh, and Happy Birthday to Jeff.

Shutting down UAB football will free up more money for Bama, and yes, the fingerprints of the Bryant family are all over this.

Prime99 said...

Dooooont Caaaaarrrreee if it's wasteful! Free trip is a free trip!

Austin was pretty cool though we didn't get out to downtown much so it's a little tough to judge. At the airport now to go home. Can't wait to see the bar bill on the party.

Anonymous said...

Well, fuck Bama then.

After the MSU game I was walking out of Spartan Stadium and saw Buck I Guy and his cape walking the opposite direction....I walked toward him and told him he fucking sucked. My fiance wasn't impressed, but fuck that guy.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

I admittedly didn't know much about McElwain before he got the job. I've talked to a few people here about the hire and they seem to love it. He's a QB guy and has worked in the SEC before. After further inspection, it sounds like it was a slam dunk for the Gators. If McElwain can make NFL teams interested in Greg McElroy then he should be able to convince Treon Harris rules dictate a QB is allowed to pass the ball as well as run the ball.

Prime is probably going to visit the basement in the Alamo while he's in Texas.

MuDawgFan making a push for COTY at the finish line. Great stuff.

The situation suggest Wisconsin will run away with this one but we all know the Fuckeyes are the luckiest program in existence. Ohio probably wins on some bullshit at the end. 31-27.

MUDawgfan said...

G$ - I did not.

He was a 24 year old kid who is actually a Wiz when it comes to technical software architecture. Just not a wiz when it comes to common sense.

The girl he sent it too was creeped out x 10000000

GMoney said...

Treating Buck-I-Guy like the garbage human that he is seems to be a nice hobby for the commenters here. I think that Nibbles has some stories about this.

Dawg, you should fire that girl for being a snitch. Everyone should laugh about dick pics. It's the ultimate surprise.

Prime99 said...

Is Buck I Guy the Ronnie WOO WOO of OSU?

I didn't visit the Alamo. Very quick trip for the company party which dominated most of the time. And drinking Manhattans.

Anonymous said...

Ohio State loses Braxton, Barrett and Spence this year....what a lucky team! #IcemanLogic

MUFan....if you're reading this....still want stalker story time.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Prime...Buck I Guy is the worst human in the world...below Angel Castro or whatever that guy's name was. The picture of him above is when a turkey hit him in the face while driving....God Bless that turkey.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Shane Greene to the Tigers, two pitchers to Arizona, Didi Gregorious to the Yankees...cheap SS option and Greene is a solid five starter.

Did I miss when the Alamo got moved to Austin?

I want to vote that turkey into the White House.

Cakes said...

Sigh... g$ nailed the buckeye game. Cardale has to look really good and we have to win by double digits. That's the only way it's going to happen. Ohio State is really good at stopping the run on certain plays and getting gashed for thirty plus on others. Not a good recipe for going up against the best back in the nation. It's great that we have a shot on the final weekend but to say I'm concerned about this game would be an understatement.

GMoney said...

G$ NAILS ALL. Just ask all the important women in your lives.

(does Rick Rude hip sway move)

Count it.

Anonymous said...

The Buck-I-Guy might be more universally hated by Buckeye fans than Taylor Lewan, Charles Woodson, & Desmond Howard combined. Great picture!

MUfan said...

Drew - been busy and have barely kept up on the daily readings. But I will have something at some point.

Do something drunk and sloppy while in Indy for me!

T. Iceman said...

G$ nails all except being able to read. I said Texas...not Austin, turd sack.

Prime99 said...

Thanks for the rundown, Drool. Buck I Guy sounds awful. I'm onto another flight now. Travel is fun!

GMoney said...

Andrew Miller Bomb to the Yankees...really sick bullpen.