Tuesday, December 02, 2014

College Football Week 14


It's sooooo annoying when people force you to put book stuff in your brain thing.



It doesn't get much better than a good old trip to NW Ohio.  It's nice to see my parents' house hasn't changed much from high school.  My mom is still a borderline hoarder who keeps the house looking like the next stop on American Pickers.  And my dad still keeps the house at about 12 fucking degrees in the winter time.  I hit up Club Rick's on Thanksgiving Eve with Damman and a few others.  Ace and Dut showed up holding each other's dicks about an hour after they said they would be there.  Other familiar faces filtered in and out as I faded out.  I got pretty slammed at the end there.  It actually wasn't as bad as I originally anticipated....and watching Dut fight off the sluttiest girl in the trailer park all night was definitely the highlight of the night.  She looked like she regularly sucked dick in exchange for Circle K roller grill meat.  Until next year!  Maybe.

Michigan vs. Ohio

Well this one went about the way I expected.  Hoke sucks all the pig dicks and HE GONE, but at least he can get the team ready to play during the most important game on the schedule.  That's more we could ever say about DickRod.  Watching Ohio fans sweat out a win against one of the worst Michigan teams I've ever seen was even better in person.  Side note: I would feel bad about Barrett getting folded in half essentially ending his season, but fuck Ohio fans.  Bad shit happens to the worst fans in sports when you least expect it.  Nothing quite like a little karma for Drew being an insufferable Twitter twat with his #IdeLies.  Good luck with Cardale "Student AFFLETE" Jones in the Big 10 title game.  LOL.

Kosta Karageorge

Yeah.  I'd pick suicide in a dumpster over playing for URBZ Meyer also.  G$ had some pretty strong Twitter TAEKS about this guy on Sunday.  He also had some strong MoneyShot Man Of The Year/Commenter Of The Year TAEKS at the Stube on Saturday.  A strong TAEK weekend, indeed.  Just know the blog year is coming to a close and we are keeping score.  Make the comments count, boys.

Bo Pelini

HE GONE.  Now go wash away the pain by shooting up some hard narcotics with your junkie brother.  The best part about this is Pelini gets fired for going 8-4 and 7-5 every year.  Kirk Ferentz does that shit and gets a raise.  LOL.  Good stuff.

Mississippi State vs. Ole Miss

Of course they would.  Mississippi St. has a fucking red carpet laid down to the playoff and they fuck it up last game of the season.  Dak Prescott blows.  He should just start working on his route running skills now so he can get a head start on his NFL career.  Now we get to continually listen to Ohio losers flap their cunt lips about how they deserve to be in while starting a 3rd string QB.  Cool.

Auburn vs. Alabama

I was pretty sauced by this point so I can't tell you much about what happened.  I think I was getting tackled at the bar by the time Alabama won the game.  The best I can do is tell you I'm pretty sure I was smashing an All-Star special 30 minutes after the game ended.  That, and Alabama is good and stuff.

Notre Dame vs. USC

Remember how people dipshits were saying this was one of the four best teams in the country?  Remember how those people dipshits should bong lighter fluid?  Notre Dame getting lit up should be old by now.  But it's not.  Fuck Larry in his stupid fucking ass.

So I'm pretty much mailing this one in.  Why?  Because I can't feel my fucking fingers and I was way too hammered on Saturday to know what happened in any one specific game outside of what ESPN is telling me.  And I fly home in a couple hours.  And because fuck you guys.  So this is what you get.  Columbus was pretty mild, for the most part.  No real major exchanges went down contrary to the horror stories I've been told.  I think it was probably because Michigan didn't pose a real threat going into the game and most Ohio fans are huge pussies.  That and we were nowhere near downtown after the game ended.  I'm glad I went but I don't think I'll ever do it again.  That place smells like piss and dead football players.  Count it.

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

So much substance in this OSU/UM recap. I'm borderline shocked we didn't get any info on how bad your farts smelled due to some early morning pizza/drinking or something.

"Watching Ohio fans sweat out a win against one of the worst Michigan teams I've ever seen was even better in person." LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. In other words "I had a great time before we went down 21 points in the fourth. Moral victories are cool!" Pathetic....you fucking loser.

Another year down...another year the UM fans have to juggle Buckeye fans balls in their mouths.

Game was closer than it should have been for a while, but that was due to the OSU defense letting Gardner and Oreo do what they want. OSU offense scored TD's on 5 of their 9 possessions....if the Michigan offense was actually kept from draining the clock it would have gone like it should have. It seemed to take Barrett getting hurt before they played with fire and attacked. Other than his first INT, Gardner was actually throwing the ball in spots he never does...except for against OSU. He's like the loser version of Troy Smiff in The Game...steps up and plays out of his mind but actually doesn't win. It was nice to see Tardale put the final nail in the Hoke coffin/Michigan fan season...that has to be frustrating.

Off to Indianapolis I go again this weekend....which let's face it...I should just book a hotel room for the next decade or so the weekend after Thanksgiving. Still weighing how I feel about Tardale having the keys this weekend...but, I think the defense playing adequate is probably even more important than Tardale...he might be OK. It does kind of feel like we're playing with house money at this point as nobody expects Tardale to do anything...but, he did come to OSU TO PLAY FOOTBALL. I'll throw a prediction out there on Thursday or Friday.

As always....Michigan fans...enjoy my nut sack for another year. I'm gonna wear the same boxers a few days in a row all year long this year to make it extra special.

Congrats to any random Huskers fan here...that was a great firing.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Does Drew really think that because the football team he cheers for wins he gets to act out fantasies with his balls? It really seems that way.

Iceman dropping "Real Housewives of Henry County" on the twunt at Rick's was pretty fantastic. I ended up in a race/Ferguson debate until about 3am in the parking lot behind Rick's. Good times.

That Michigan game sucked....but it sucked less than I thought it would. Hooray expectations?

WHY THE FUCK ISNT HOKE FIRED YET?!?!?!? (Should be coming today).

Tardale will be terrible this weekend. I can't wait to watch him try to play from behind after Melvin goes HAM.

Anonymous said...

It will be a run heavy attack. Cardale is built like a brick shithouse. It sucks that we lost Barrett, but oh well, #nextmanup, or whatever cliche is being thrown around.

I'd pick on Iceman over his recap, but let him have his fagnastyesque moral victory that you scored more than 20 or Barrett went out.

Keep Hoke.

Ide

GMoney said...

The dead football player smell is quite pungent.

Cardinal is more of a shit shithouse.

Your defense is bad...again. For having a ton of NFL talent, they sure don't like to be very good.

Fat Heads Holly Jolly > Great Lakes Christmas...yessir

It's always a pleasure spending some quality time with Iceman and to a far lesser extent Tonya. He knew it was inevitable and what was coming so he there was no faux excitement over being tied at halftime (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL). Iceman > Drool

Anonymous said...

Did Tonya sleep with Damman?

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide...at QB...it kind of has been next man up. Meyer and Herman have killed it with Braxton, Smooth Jazz and Barrett...I don't think it is ridiculous to think Tardale will be adequate.

"6 or 7 wins"....LOLZZZZZZZZZ!

--Drew

Jeff said...

Michigan fans are totally butt hurt in this rivalry when they take joy in watching OSU fans "sweat it out". you fuckin lost. LOLZ

Apparently Clemson just needed to play with a QB who had a torn ACL to beat skerlina.

12 Dogs of Xmas > erthang

GMoney said...

Ide, that is the big question in the room, isn't it? Have we had our first commenter fornication? I am intrigued.

I will say that Tonya was trending toward complete drunken disaster. She was close to getting the Ide annual "I Drink Cum" sign taped to her back.

It might not be the worst thing ever if Ohio Buckeyes ended up #5, avoided getting embarrassed by ROLL DAMN TIDE, and could start an offseason in which none of their players enjoy Russian Roulette with a family of rats. Granted, you always want a shot if it is there (no offense to KoKa) but if you are worried about public perception and you are, this is not a bad option.

GMoney said...

Michigan is pathetic no doubt but they killed your QB and literally killed another guy. They lost the battles but easily won the war IMO.

Holly Jolly > Great Lakes > 12 Dogs...FACT!

Anonymous said...

Well, OSU (and their fans, by golly) have a convenient excuse/argument. If we beat Wisconsin, we deserve to be in there due to great coaching, etc. Urban Meyer pretty much put the B1G championship game solely on his back and said it would tell if the coaches deserved 'their stripes' (Fire Fickell anyways, imo). If we win, then get to the playoffs, then get stomped by Alabama, then we get to fall on Barrett/Miller being injured. It's a reason to argue either way, and not totally invalid, but I can TOTALLY see how annoying it will be if we beat Wiscy and lose. I'm not making any excuses for QB play. Them the breaks.

12 Dogs is created by the original brewmaster of Great Lakes Christmas Ale, fyi. The demand of Great Lakes over the year has reduced the quality imo. They are trying to bust out more supply at the cost of letting it age as long as they used to. I hipster aged Great Lakes for one year and cracked them bad boys out on Thanksgiving, and it was TRANSCENDENT. For those of you non alcoholics out there, I highly recommend buying a 12 pack and keeping it in your closet for a year. Doing this now will let you enjoy them next Turkey Day/OSU victory over UM.

That 'I drink cum' joke would have been great if it were original. The same fat fuck pulled the joke on Manby many years prior, at the same bar, nonetheless.

Ide

Jeff said...

I agree that GL Christmas ale is not as great this year as it has been in the past. Does seem like the cut some corners for mass production, not to mention I see it on shelves everywhere now as opposed to years past when it was gone in a day.

Anonymous said...

G$....way to adopt the Michigan Man mentality....your loser teams are turning you into a loser as well.

If the Bucks somehow make the playoffs with Tardale there will be no public perception issues. They would already have a built in excuse. I mean...they are gonna be top 3 preseason next year no matter what.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

"In other words "I had a great time before we went down 21 points in the fourth."

"In other words I make up whatever the fuck I want and pretend the other person said it"

-Drew

I would explain what that quote really means, but you're an infant. Impossible to reason with and the response is always the same. Gibberish and babble.

I have a case of christmas ale coming back with me. Good to know the quality is down this year. May test out Ide's suggestion and see if it's anoter #IdeLie.

T. Iceman said...

Looks like G$ and The Candy Lineup are the odd men out in the G$FL. Poetic justice that I was the final nail in G$'s fantasy season. Cut your own throat, dick licker. Or shoot yourself in a dumpster. Whatever you prefer.

GMoney said...

There is no doubt that I am a loser. I embrace my terribleness daily. Really attack it head on in order to give myself CTE the fastest.

"We're gonna be top 3"! I care about being #1. You are just as much a loser as Brady Hoke for thinking that way. FACT.

GMoney said...

When you lose to Cakes and Seal, it's sort of hard to defend yourself as a playoff squadron. I'll just sit over here and remember that I am the defending champion and you can all lick deez.

Anonymous said...

Wait a sec, G$ isn't out of the playoffs in G$FL just yet. He has to play me this week to get in. God, nothing would please me more than to take him out of it.

Fun fact: he has bunches of Patriots on his team starting. Justin Bieber was just seen with him. LET THE CURSE BE REAL.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

I meant MSFL, Ide. My bad on that one.

T. Iceman said...

But I'm on board with G$ getting playoff shunned in every fantasy league. So for once (and probably only) I'm #TeamIdeLies.

GMoney said...

You have to beat me and do it by 400 points. So good luck. But yeah, probably going to have to cut Jonas Gray now (should anyway).

Pretty ELITE to walk up to the ticket office at NWA last night and some old BRAH in an NHL blazer just handing me $95 tickets 10 rows off the ice for free. Of course I paid it forward by getting that old goat a W.

GMoney said...

Tim Beckman coming back? Guess I'm not the biggest loser ever!

When is this Hoke meeting taking place? Got to be lunch time, no? Might I suggest Domino's?

Anonymous said...

I'll take "gibberish and babble" over the fact that you can't leave the house without wearing a helmet.

G$...why worry about perception if you're gonna start top 3? At that point you control your own destiny.

--Drew

Cakes said...

Buckeye game went about as expected. Hoke sucks for entire seasons but always gets his team ready for the Buckeyes for some reason. I never really was scared of losing but it was close for too long. Good job hanging in there I guess.

Cardale! Why do I keep hearing that people are dropping the Buckeyes out of their top four because Cardale is at QB now? He's played a total of two drives. Let's hold off judgement until after the Wisconsin game fuckwads.

T. Iceman said...

The fire Brady Hoke meeting is at 2PM today.

GMoney said...

WE'RE #3! Sorry, bruh, but I strive for #1 like a champion. I guess that bronze is good enough for you and Lolo Jones.

Cakes, it's hard to get dropped out of everyone's top 4 when you aren't in the top 4. And let's not get into how you would be saying THE EXACT SAME THING if Jameis or Mariota went down. Nope, totes diff!

T. Iceman said...

G$. Don't you know the Buckeyes are the only team that reloads every year and the only team that has insane DEPF and doesn't miss a beat if a starter goes down? Duh, you fuckin idiot. That's how it's different.

GMoney said...

You're right. Where's the dumpster? I deserve a classy place to die for being so obtuse. FUCK YOU CAKES!

Prime99 said...

Drooler, it's really weird to brag about preseason rankings for next year while your team is in the conference championship with only a fucking awful loss and a third string illiterate QB as your only blemishes.

Iceman- also weird to talk about not getting killed when your team did get killed. I'm down with Buckeye fans sweating but they actually looked even better after their QB got hurt. Michigan bad. Be embarrassed but look to the future. Like being a Bears fan!

Prime99 said...

G$- Sankey basically ended your MSFL season. LOL

Anonymous said...

Prime..wut the fuck is your point? My point is we will control our own destiny next year, so "perception" is nothing to worry about.

Ohio State did lose their best offensive and defensive player before the season and is right at their preseason rank....so agree...no beat missed.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Strong truth bombs from Prime until he concluded with the Sankey lie. Looks like past commenters of the year don't want to be the first ever two time commenters of the year IMO.

Prime99 said...

Drooler, despite your argument, your words, that sound suspiciously like takes, are pretty meaningless. We are all dumber for having read them.

G$- how did I make the playoffs with less points than you? Our head to head match up a couple weeks ago when SANKEY scored a TD on MNF. That's how.

GMoney said...

Five way ties aren't that easy. I beat Burke and his semen-soaked partner yet they got in due to awful commissionermanship.

Ace is worse than Tonya.

Anonymous said...

I appreciate Prime legging out that Sankey burn, we all should.

Preseason top 3 talk sounds an awful lot like the Walmart Wolverines September Heisman talk. We control our own destiny this year as much as we do next year, regardless of who is under center. Being in the top 3 next year won't mean dick if we have another wave of injuries again.

Cardale was neck and neck with Barrett, even starting over him in the Spring Game, during the preseason. I don't expect him to come in and blow the doors off, but I also don't expect him to come in and throw up 3 picks. He will have to be a GAME MANAGER (lolol). Let's hope he learned that in class or football school.

Ide

Anonymous said...

We don't really control our own destiny tho...when you are top 3 and win all your games you do. Of course losses affect that.

Prime...it's debatable whether you can read...but, at least you don't need a helmet to walk.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Rich Rod named Pac-12 Coach of the Year on the same day Hoke gets the boot...oh sweet irony.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Prime went to West Elementary for a few years...that sonofabitch can read, goddammit.

Prime99 said...

WEST IS BEST!

Prime99 said...

You would've controlled your own destiny without a home loss to VT, so yes, during the preseason rankings in 2014 you controlled your own destiny. Just like you will in 2015. Again, very pointless.

T. Iceman said...

Don't talk about VT, Prime. Fuckeyes don't take kindly to that.

Anonymous said...

Again....THAT IS THE POINT. So, why the fuck would we care about this so called G$ "perception" when in reality...the "perception" is that we are gonna be damn good and we can control our destiny. The "perception" comment is the only reason this preseason ranking discussion started.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't every POWER 5 (not power I) conference control their own destiny if they go undefeated?

Who are you, Marshal!?

Game went as I expected.

Hoke gone.

- j saul

Anonymous said...

J Saul...they should...which is another reason "perception" is so dumb.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Drool is a Believeland fan...WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!!

Checkmate. Way to not repeat COY.

Anonymous said...

Remember the good times....

"I like the pick up, look at OSU with Tressel he was a nobody and look what he has done. Great pick up. Ace this just proves you don't know shit about football.

NW"

"You don't know shit; Hoke will win and you will be the first on the bandwagon.

-Grumpy"

"It's a good hire. He coached at Michigan when they had a defense. He understands the importance of beating OSU. He plans on bringing defense back to Michigan.

-Iceman"

"This is a really good hire.

Hoke will win...mark it down.

I made it clear to everyone that I know more about college football than you do. This is no different.

-G$"

"No offense G$, but Drew is pwning you today.

Sign me up for teabagging G$.. That way him and She$ would have something in common that you can talk about!

-Dut"

"Drew 5 G$ 0

-Lil' Strut"


Ace with the correct first take:

"I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT BRADY HOKE HAS BEEN HIRED TO BE THE MICHIGAN HEAD COACH. I SIMPLY REFUSE"

Ide

Prime99 said...

G$ was trolling you. Are you Ohio State or Sensative State? You control your own destiny every year at the start, ya nancy.

T. Iceman said...

Ide is the newest fact checker.

I said good hire there, right? Not great. Didn't say I loved it. I didn't blow my load when Hoke got the job claiming we'd be national champs every year. At the time, and after year one, it looked like a good hire. But Hoke didn't improve and that's why he's out. He will be a GOOD, not GREAT, hire for someone else.

Jeff said...

Hoke was a terrible hire. He won with dickies players and his teams got worse the longer he had to influence the program.

GMoney said...

Ide just quoted Naptown Wolverine AKA FagNasty...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL what a fucking loser!

Never said how many the guy would win. Probably meant "one Sugar Bowl" which makes me a frickin' genius again. Just killing it over here.