Thursday, December 25, 2014

A christMAS Miracle


A long long time ago, back in the days when The Toolshed was all the rage on the internet, I created a post that placed a lot of pressure on myself and my manhood. 

"Every once in awhile Mrs. Ace and I will get into a little bit of a debate about what we(I) would name our kid(s) if we were to have one, or 13. Mrs. Ace's name of choice is always Eva. But I have superior DNA that won't allow me to give birth to females, so that name really has no shot. And if for some reason I would produce some mutant spawn--a daughter-- I am of the China mindset...see you at the orphanage."

STRONG TAEK! Well science dammit, I'm a man of my word. Mrs. Ace is pregnant! WITH A BOY! 

We just found out that we were having a boy last night, even though obviously I knew that my supersperm could only create men. Pretty pumped. Due date is July 1st. My kid is going to throw the most crisp bounce passes ever. A real floor general and high basketball IQ IMO.

The name game still rages on, though. I am still pushing hard for Maximus. Mrs. Ace seems to be a big fan of Jackson. If SOA didn't make that name blow up then I wouldn't be opposed. Unless we just name him Jax, after the Mortal Kombat character with the bionic arms, I think I could get behind that. I got way to drunk last night to remember all the names that were discussed, but I know Bronson(#ELITE movie) and Cameron(Either after Con-Air or Cam'ron DIPSET).  Some other random names: Bodhi(Strong Darkhorse), Oliver, and Lucifer obvs. Either way shit's getting real, and my kid can't have a queer name. 

Let me just say again how thrilled I am to only have to worry about one dick, and not all of them.

The MONEY SHOT ARMY just got one stronger!

27 comments:

GMoney said...

Well this was unexpected...its a Christmas miracle! Well done.

Can't go wrong with Jesus as a name. Or just read my post on terrible boys names again. Lol dut loved Skyler.

Anonymous said...

The Money Shot Army is gonna be the pussiest army of all time due to all you dolts for Dads. Except for Slow....I'm sure he will pass down that rage that boils inside him to his child. That can be your leader.

Cardale is a good name for a boy.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

Drew is gonna name his kid Ray Small because of his first round potential...and eventual crushing disappointment.

Anonymous said...

Jokes on you....I hope to never have a kid....which I'm sure pleases everyone here.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Prime knows a certain Russian that will set our army on the right path toward world domination

GMoney said...

The joke is on you, bruh, because as soon as you say I do, the kid clock has started, you fool. Just remember that once you're married, you have no say anymore.

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, I don't know how old your lady friend is, but until she hits 35 her not wanting to have kids is always in question. And obvs I'm assuming you both feel the same way.

Not having kids would definitely have its perks tho.

Prime99 said...

G$- is that a Russian Cat Killer reference from OUTTA NOWHERE?!

Congrats, Ace! With your knowitall attitude about kids, you'll do great at parenting! How could you not?!

I think Forcier should definitely be in the running for the name. It would commemorate your finest hour here and live on with your child. This makes total sense. I'd also be supportive of Donovan, Terrell, Fredrick Mitchell, or Chip.

Anonymous said...

Ape....she's 27 and will be 29 when we get married. We've had some #RealTalk discussions on it, but I definitely understand your point.

Prime...I would say that Ape probably knows more about parenting than anyone here due to the shit....no pun intended....that he's seen over the last handful of years. Perhaps he'll be a little behind you fellers for the baby stages...but, he'll parent circles around you guys once they turn into school age children.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Drool, I'm just taking sarcastic blog shots at Ape. I think everyone here is doing decent to stellar jobs as parents. Facebook seems like a more credible place than the content here to FACT CHECK parenting performance.

Ape does have a leg up on the rest of the parents here if his kid turns into a ghetto piece of shit, tho.

Anonymous said...

Prime...as someone not on Facebook...can you provide an example or two of shit parents that you have figured out based on Facebook? Sounds like something that would be humorous and/or sad.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Some general examples of Facebook notifying you of potential bad parenting:

- constantly complaining about the burden of parenting. Oh, it's a grind and I get venting on social media (though I never do it because what's the point?) but the more you talk about how much it's inconveniencing you life, the more I think you hate your kid.

- constant pics of your kid with a faux-hawk. C'mon.

- having your relatives CONSTANTLY watching your kids so you can still be a socialite. It takes a village for you to still party.

Those were just off the top of my head but I'm sure other people have different examples. Really amazing what people broadcast on social media. Gotta keep your locker room tight and keep things in house, people!

Anonymous said...

Hmm....those are good examples....especially #1. Agree with keeping the locker room tight. My fiance has a boss whose husband got put away a few months ago...for like 5 years.... for fucking high school girls when he was a HS teacher/HS band director. Not only is she still on Facebook....she constantly posts her support for this fucking loser in prison and how lucky she is to have him in her life. I mean...are you fucking serious? They have like a 2yr old too that she posts pictures of with his Dad.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Your fiance's boss sounds like a big time Dumb-Dumb. Fucking other chicks is bad enough for a marriage, fucking high school girls as a HS teacher is evil. Way to abuse your power and still get supported by your weak wife while in jail.

On the upside, I suppose he is helping create a new crop of future strippers. What a creep.

Mr. Ace said...

Ouch, Prime. I'll be sure to tell my handful of kids who are spending CHRISTmas at the homeless shelter to stop being ghetto ass pieces of shit.

I'm looking forward to being a parent. My kid will be awesome. I will mostly take the Big Daddy approach and let my kid make his own decisions. His outfits will be ELITE. The cardboard box castles I build for CHRISTmas instead of toys will be legendary.

Some Facebook parents truly are awful. That is a #FACT.

Drew...that story is just awful. I would not be able to be friends with that person.

Grumpy said...

I sleep in one morning a year and the shit really hits the fan, news wise.

Nice job, Ace. The list of possible closest gays in our locker room is dwindling.

Prime99 said...

Ape writes: "And if for some reason I would produce some mutant spawn--a daughter-- I am of the China mindset...see you at the orphanage."

Then gets sensative about me making a joke about the kids he deals with. Ok, I forgot this blog was a place to be completely respectful of each other- no jokes allowed! My bad, dude. Merry CHRISTmas!

Anonymous said...

Ape...she isn't friends with her....just a boss.

Prime....best part is all the emails and texts that were released that he sent to the girls. Like..."My wife hasn't had sex with me in a year".

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

In your face, Prime. I can talk about my hypothetical spawn however I please.

Grump, thanks. And it's either Ide or Dut. But we've all known that for years.

Prime99 said...

Smh, Drooler. Can't believe this lady would stand by her man after all that. However, I'll never be surprised at how stupid people can be.

GMoney said...

Thought about this during church while admiring my FIL's attire choice of all jeans


Name your son Ace. Not joking.

Since when was banging teenage poon a bad thing???

Anonymous said...

Ace is a terrible name for a kid. Guaransheed douchebag if named Ace.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I said Ace. My dad obvs agreed. Mrs. Ace wasn't feeling it. I think I could still work it in.

Canadian tuxedo? Classy.

Mr. Ace said...

MSFL winnings have been paid. Merry fucking Christmas!

Jeff said...

Lil Ape in the oven. Congrats dude!

Drew will cave into having one child and end up having atleast triplets.

GMoney said...

Yeah no one buys this bullshit, Drool.

I wonder is Ape is ready for fatherhood after throwing away his students for another job. Irresponsible imo

Ace Chip Ace... Just named your son. You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

Speak for yourself G$. Some of us feel guilty bringing a child into a world where Ide exists.

--Drew