|I'm sure that this place has failed every health inspection.|
That said, it's going to be interesting to see how the team handles the QB position this offseason. They didn't draft Johnny Football to be a career clipboard holder. Eventually, he is going to get his shot. But Hoyer is a free agent in a few months and has already said that he wants to get paid AND be the starter. That doesn't leave much wiggle room. Browns fans probably assumed that this would all work itself out but it has not and in FACT has gotten muddier because Hoyer keeps winning. I don't know what the right answer is here. Hoyer isn't going to sign a two year deal and bridge Manziel to the starting role. And how do you let the guy walk when he is the only winner in franchise history? I don't know if there is a right answer here but I am quit certain that the Browns will choose the absolute wrongest option available. Let's get into the football from a Redskins-free weekend:
Andy Dalton - Somehow that performance was only the 83rd worst in NFL history by a QB. I demand a recount.
America's Team - Jesus Christ, Blue Jackets, 0-7-1 in your last 8 games? I don't want to be tanking the rest of the season. Wake the fuck up.
Bryce Brown - The Bills blew a double digit fourth quarter lead at home and it didn't help that this career underachiever fumbled out of the endzone. By the way, the Chiefs are 6-3 and still haven't thrown a TD pass to a wide receiver. That might be the most amazing stat of the season.
Jim Caldwell and Joe Philbin's sanity - Three fake punts attempted in this game! This was a quality game and I think that both teams should make the playoffs. The Lions had more field goal fiascos which was expected but it's nice to have Megatron back.
Not Shoelace - I can't believe that we live in a world where Denard fucking Robinson is a legitimately rock solid HB in the NFL. This amazes me.
The Steelers - It's hard to take a team seriously with losses to Tampa and the fucking Jets on the resume. This game was never close because Pittsburgh just slept through the game. If Steelers fans had any shame left at all, they would be incredibly embarrassed. Awesome to see loser ass Shaun Suisham missing easy kicks again. Everyone wanted to buy Pittsburgh this past week but they're just another team that is great at home and blows on the road. Congrats on being the AFC Saints. By the way, the Browns are in first place--ALONE--after ten weeks.
Mike Mitchell - The former Ohio Bobcat gave Greg Schiano a giant two inch erection with his classless playing through the whistle in the final moments yesterday. Eat giant hog, douche, and take your LOSS TO THE JETS like the bitch that you are.
Corey White and Drew Brees - That's pretty much exactly how I envisioned a SF/NO game in 2014 with the team that won being the team that "lost less". We all know that Crabtree can't be counted on to make a play late in a big game, but White leaving him 40 fathoms wide open (20,000 LEAGUES!) might be a little much. And then Breesus turns it over like usual and booger-eating Dawson ends it. I'll tell you what, after the OBVIOUS Jimmy Graham Hail Mary OPI, Jimmy BRAH launching his papers in the air was ELITE. This drops the Saints to who gives a fuck because they are going to win the South with ease anyway.
Ray Farmer - We complimented the Browns quite a bit at the top and that just doesn't feel right so let's drop a little feces in the piss cocktail down here. I just want to remind you guys that instead of drafting a project corner in the top ten, you could have had Odell Beckham Jr who looks AMAZING. That kid is going to be a freaking stud.
Matt Hasselbeck - He was doing color commentary on Fox (LOL at a Hasselbeck working for Fox) and while he was fine, he sounds EXACTLY like Simmons. I kept waiting for some 90210 and/or Karate Kid references that never came.
The Giants Defense - What an awful team (that won in DC by 30+ 6 weeks ago LOL). There is not a more one dimensional offense in the NFL now than Seattle and they still rolled for 333 yards. Seriously, the Seahawks can't pass the ball. Wilson is awful and the receivers are worse. You should just put all 11 in the box. Outside of ODB and the forever ELITE Eli, the Giants are the worst.
Emmanuel Sanders - This whistledick never does anything unless he is facing me in fantasy. Fucker. Fucking loser. Any game with ample amounts of Brock Osweiler is one that sucks.
Michael Floyd - I'm sorry but weren't you supposed to be some sort of breakout superstud this season? From what I see, you are worse than Jim Dray. Typical Notre Dame loser being a loser. At least Arizona just paid Carson Palmer...LOL!
Jay Cutler - I'm just going to assume that he sucked last night. The game hasn't started yet but I feel comfortable leaving this in here.
FANTASY! - Got Lynched in my OTHER LEAGUE to drop to 2-8 (fuck yeah...worst team two years in a row!). Lynched Damman in the LFL to somehow get to 5-5. Gonna beat Nibbles in the MSFL to move to 6-4 and tied for first in MY division like the icon that I am. The G$FL is still up in the air at time of writing this but fuck you, Dut (or not now that I look at the match-up...fucking Dut).
That's it for the NFL talk today. Get ready for tomorrow's Ohio love fest. I would like to announce that Burke won Friday's contest. How? He picked Barrett to throw a certain number and Drew, who made his pick later, chose one yard LESS than that pick. Classic Idiot Drool! Enjoy tonight's re-debut of El Shitbox!