As we were leaving the arena and heading into the parking garage, some guy said to his wife, "Hey, that's the baby from the Jumbotron." We be gettin' famous, yo! CARRY THE FLAG! Let's talk football.
Joseph Randle - If you remember, this idiot was arrested for stealing under-roos and cologne from Dillard's a few weeks ago but police footage released this week showed that he bitched to the cops about Josh Brent and Dez Bryant regarding to their past crimes. Jason Witten screamed at him during practice in front of reporters for being such a shitty teammate. They should cut this fucker but they won't because the Cowboys are hilarious.
Ben Tate - This guy sucks. While the Browns have been a pleasant surprise to their moron fans, the starting RB has been about as much of a difference maker as Rob Ford's PR chief. I don't know how it's possible but the Browns do in FACT have the easiest schedule ever. Urban Meyer is jealous of this schedule. If you win them though, who gives a fuck.
DeMarco Murray - Ya streak is OVAH, bruh! Hell of a run but Brandon Weeden's supreme shittiness infects all. My god awful team may be god awful, but at least we ended the fairy tale Cowboys season. And it's just amazing to hear that "Dr." Jerry Jones Bud Kilmer'd his QB last week. JUST SHOOT HIM UP, YEE-HAAAAA!
Arian Foster and Nick Foles - Pussies be goin' down! After all of that trash that JJ Watt was talking last week about selfies, getting dominated by El Shitbox Mark Sanchez was quite the comeuppance. The Eagles still suck.
Philip Rivers - JESUS. As a proud Charger backer from the start of the year, that looks foolish now. Marmalard was so goddamn bad that he got benched in the third quarter. Are the Dolphins good? They're 5-3 now and should have beat Green Bay. I think that they might be. I'm sticking with the Bolts though. Once Natrone Means and Marion Butts come back, they will be unstoppable.
The Jags and Jets - Both lost. No one cares.
The Redskins - God dammit. God damn this franchise. You had me flying higher than Amanda Bynes 6 days ago and then swiftly destroyed those feelings up in Canada Jr to Teddy Fucking Bridgewater and Matt Asshole. Remember how Jim Haslett ran punt block on defense for the entire game in Dallas and it was hilarious. It didn't work at all yesterday. Griffin was fine and DeSean and AlfMo were their usual self but the OL was pathetic. There is so much dead weight on this roster (no offense to Jay Gruden). I swear, we lose to the Vikings EVERY year which makes sense because they are an embarrassment. I HATE YOU, REDSKINS.
Colin Craperneck and Alex Boone - Losing to the Rams at home is the first step for Jimmy relocating to Ann Arbor. The Rams were last in the NFL in sacks but then ripped off at least 8 in Prime's backyard. I blame Boone. And nice garbage sneak by Tat Boy.
Russell Wilson - How do you not throw a TD pass against the fucking Raiders? They should kick your not black ass out of the league for that? Why am I so mad about that? I played my old man in my OTHER LEAGUE and needed ANYTHING from Dubs to win. I got nothing. The best I can do is tie (if LeVeon and Wheaton stay out of the end zone last night). I doubt it. Fuck you, Rusty.
Peyton Manning - Few things are more insufferable than the annual fuckfest between Pey Pey and Tommy B. And, once again, Belichick and Brady reign supreme. This is nothing new. I'm sure that everyone will make excuses for Peyton falling short again and blame other people, but not me. Manning is now 5-11 against Dreamboat and the Grumblelord. Keep fucking that chicken though, Manning backers.
|Could I interest you in a bucket of my piss, my lady?|
FANTASY! - Pounded Black in the G$FL to move to 6-3. Crushed Li'l Poopson in the LFL. Molested The Wig Master (who dressed up as someone from Frozen for Halloween and thus deserved his beating) in the MSFL to get to 5-4 somehow! And may or may not lose in the OTHER LEAGUE. We should find out this week if Adrian Peterson is going to come back at all so it wouldn't be the worst idea to pick him up if you can. I did in two leagues just to stash. We'll see.
I don't know how to end this. I made ribs for dinner last night and the side was going to be redskin potatoes. I was so mad at the Skins that I nearly dumped them in the trash. But I don't waste shit so I ate them anyway. I am part of the problem. GO SPARTY!