Friday, November 07, 2014

Still Hungry For More Sad Pizza

Never forget.
The weather is starting to get cold in the Midwest which is annoying but that means that the holidays are right around the corner.  What helped confirm these suspicions was seeing Great Lakes Christmas Ale on the shelves of my local store.  YES!  Anyway, holidays equal giving gifts and, even worse, asking for things.  I can never think of anything when people ask.  It usually comes down to booze or meat.  Seriously.  If you're like me, I may have a solution to that problem.  But first, a detour to lead us into the big bang.

Even the most ardent homer of Jim Delaney's dumpster conference (also known as The Big Ten) has to admit that it is boring.  Literally nothing happens outside of bad games, failed expectations, poor hand-shaking skills, and total embarrassment.  Sorry, Bo Pelini, but there are only two relevant programs in 2014 and they just so happen to take the field tomorrow up in Mateen Cleaves' old stomping grounds.  You have my word as a gentleman that this is the first and last time that you need to concern yourself with Big Ten Football this season.

One loss Ohio Buckeyes will face one loss Sparty to see who will be the fifth team in a four horse playoff race.  It should be a real blast.  Let's hop back in time about 11 months to the greatest day of everyone's lives: the 2013 Big Ten Championship Game in Indy.  Oh what a time to be alive.  The fraud Buckeyes took their 4,005 game winning streak over their steady stream of cream puffs up against Mark Dantonio's ruff ryders (I assume that he is a big DMX fan).  Big Pimpin' G$ played a massive role in this outcome as well what with his bleeding scarlet and gray all over the Bier Stube.  It was a night that few will forget as an American hero stepped behind enemy lines to bring down our greatest enemy.  I would do it again, too.  Just not tomorrow.

There's no reason for me to lie here: I've only watched one and a half Ohio games this season and maybe half of a Michigan State contest.  I don't know anything about these teams except that a lot of people want to pump up Ohio for what they've done against the Green Meadows Conference and ignore the embarrassing performances against the NWOAL.  Well, now it seems like you've upgraded to the NLL for one week.  Are you prepared?  That is the big question that no one will be able to answer until the game starts.

I wasn't impressed at all with how they played at Penn State.  New flush: Sparty is much better in all phases.  At least I assume that they are.  I wouldn't know.  A lot of mock drafts have Connor Cook going in the first round next year which seems crazy to me.  Anyway, this being the Big Ten's last chance to showcase borderline competent football this year, I would expect to see a pretty good game tomorrow night.  So good, in FACT, that I would like to ANNOUNCE A CONTEST.

Oh yeah, with no MACtion this weekend and thus no Glory Hole to predict (now at 8-5 on the year!), I need to spice up Saturday somehow.  A giveaway seems like a good idea.  With the holidays (or CHRISTmas to some) coming up, it's not too early to think about gifts for those who can still stand your presence.  What better way to listen to all of your Total Recall tracks than with a new pair of Relay headphones from the fine folks over at Sol Republic?  Win today's contest and you will take home one of these bad boys.  Not a bad haul at all for a simple prediction, eh?  Here is how you win:

Ohio Buckeyes @ Michigan State Spartans -3.5You pick the winner ATS in the comments.  Once that is done, you answer the question "How many PASSING yards will JT Barrett have in that game".  The correct pick with the closest passing yards (in case of a tie, Price Is Right rules apply) warrants some new and ELITE ear buds that will hopefully get your ass into the gym a little more often.  Sol Republic doesn't have to reward us here so give them a follow on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook @SOLREPUBLIC.  Thank you and God bless.  I believe that Iceman and Seal have won these in the past so you know that it isn't hard.

I actually think that Ohio Buckeyes are going to win tomorrow.  When was the last time that Urb lost to the same team in consecutive years?  I'm sure that it's happened before but I'll be damned if I look into it.  I'll act like I'm into this one for awhile but I know deep down that I will be watching more of the Jackets and Roll Tide/Les Miles.  It's all that this conference deserves.  Good luck in the game and the contest and if you happen to lose, Papa John's makes for an excellent consolation prize, bruh!

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

I believe OSU wins as well. I don't see Urban losing back to back games against MSU. With that being said I believe the games rides on JTs performance. OSU doesn't have a good enough defense to win this game for them.

Has anyone watched ASU this year? I only saw the second half against Utah and they didn't look that great but the committee has them ranked ninth.

Larry

Grumpy said...

Sparty -3.5. TPII throws for 112 yds.

Mr. Ace said...

Sparty -3.5.
JTB throws for 168.

Gonna be a lot of pressure.

After I win can I trade these in for Dre Beats or nah?

Anonymous said...

Larry, I've seen ASU play several times this year & they are capable of beating good teams or losing to average teams... I think they are a fraudulent #9 & will get beat by 20+ if they play Oregon in the Pac 12 title game. Let's not forget that they did get beat by an average UCLA team by 5 touchdowns at home a month ago...With that being said, I think they beat another fraudulent top 10 tomorrow.

This should be a great weekend for college football. When its all said & done the Buckeyes will start to earn a little credit nationally for beating a good sparty team 38-27! JT throws for 267 & 3 touchdowns & Bosa gets 2+ sacks again...

Go Bucks!!

Burke

Anonymous said...

The Urban Legend only played the Miami Redhawks once in his 2 years at BGSU. It's a good thing as the Redhawks beat him in 2001 and didn't get a chance to do it again in 2002.

GMoney said...

Larry, ASU's QB throws like a Mary. And are you going to make a prediction?

If you win them, you can do whatever you want. I know what you look like and Beats would not look good on you.

Anonymous MAC stats...LOVE IT!

Browns good? Who would have guessed that over their month of bye weeks, the Bengals would be the worst team that they played. I'm just happy that I will never be involved in an "Is Andy Dalton ELITE" debate because no one ever would start one of those. That guy sucks so much. I'll be honest, I thought that the Bingles would roll big.

Anonymous said...

The weather tomorrow looks ELITE up in East Lansing! A high of 42 with winds in the afternoon and in the low 30's around kickoff. LOLZ. It should be completely dark by like 5 too...which will make for quite the long day of tailgating. We're cooking a Turducken at our tailgate tomorrow...stuffed with apple sausage stuffing. ELITE games call for ELITE food. My goal is to not get murdered to ruin G$'s dreams.

As for the game....

I still have no idea how this one will go. My head says that MSU should win since their star players are all upperclassmen while our star players are all freshman and sophomores....we're also starting 11 freshman and sophomores. My heart says that this OSU team has improved throughout the year due to youth and it's ready to officially grow up on a big stage....the revenge factor should help as well.

Rolling with the heart...

OSU 27
MSU 24

J.T. Barrett throws for 266 yards

--Drew

GMoney said...

Never had turducken before...seems like it could be OVERRATED. Can anyone confirm or deny? I am ALL IN on that apple sausage stuffing though.

I try not to eat things with TURD in the title.

Anonymous said...

It is my fourth or fifth Turducken. One of my best friends owns a butcher shop in Youngstown...he will ship a Turducken to your house if interested. They are ELITE as fuck.

http://catulloprimemeats.com/collections/turducken

--Drew

Anonymous said...

WOOF! WOOF!

Bucks +3.5 with a score of Bucks 21 Sparty 17.

Barrett throws for 200.

-Damman

T. Iceman said...

BROWNS! All I want is for Greg Little to respond to one of my tweets. That would make my year. As if Greg Little's twatiness wasn't enough, Jeremy Hill said after the game the Browns were worse than he thought. LULZ. What a sore loser cunt. Bengals players sure play the bitch role well.

Anonymous said...

Sparty, 188 yards.

Browns are in first place in November.

Seal

GMoney said...

TECHNICALLY, the Stillers are. Not trying to be the turducken in the punch bowl, but if the season ended right now, Team Grubby would win the Norf.

Jeremy Hill is a rapist so whatever. He also got The Candy Lineup off to a horrendous start this week.

Iceman vs. Greg Little has "Special Olympics" written all over it.

T. Iceman said...

There are just too many things working against the Buckeyes for them to win, IMO. Normally MSU beats people with just defense. Well, now they have a high powered offense to go along with an ELITE defense. They've also played a tougher schedule. Ohio starts a Freshman who's only faced one good defense this year...and played poorly against it. All that combined with playing at home and I think Sparty wins by at least a touchdown.

MSU -3.5

Barrett 169 yards passing yards because he 69s dudes. And because I wanted to price is right the shit out of Ace.

Prime99 said...

Is Seal going to wait until tomorrow to get his pick in again. Him stealing my headphones and Damman with SEA D are the two things that haunt me the most here. Then I bask in the glory of COY 2012 and the Blackhawks 2013 Cup run and I'm all better.

MSU -3.5, Barrett throws for 255

The Browns game was weird last night.

Anonymous said...

MSU -3.5 Barrett 187

No way the Browns and Buckeyes win two massive games in 3 days. If OSU played Michigan tomorrow, we'd lose. It's that or the CBJ plane crashes. We can't have things this nice.

Ide

GMoney said...

Don't rule out that CBJ plane crash. It's coming. Speaking of which, I could not be happier that Jack Johnson is suspended for the next three games. Getting Wiz back tonight should be a huge boost to these losers who have clearly forgotten how important it is to CARRY THE FLAG.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....do you think MSU's defense is ELITE compared to their defense last year?

I mean...they gave up 31 to Purdue and 17 to Indiana's 5th string QB.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

MSU is 22nd in points allowed this year, Drew. I would say that is ELITE enough. Maybe it's not the best defense MSU has had but it certainly isn't a shitty one.

Anonymous said...

What's OSU in pts allowed this year?

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I'm taking osu and Barrett to have 240.

Dut

Nibbles said...

Michigan State 28, OSU 17

Barrett 195 yards

GMoney said...

I don't like the idea of labeling someone/thing as ELITE who isn't an NFL QB. IMO.

You also have to wonder if this year's NW/UM game will be as much of a "classic" as the piece of shit OT game with Hokester's wet t-shirt contest from a while back.

Anonymous said...

G$....Never forget that Michigan's rapist kicker kicked the game winning field goal in that game.

--Drew

MUDawgfan said...

Ohio State plus 3.5

JTB throws for 215

And it's going to be the flukiest 215 you've ever seen in your whole damn life.


Thanks for the contest G$ - this stuff is fun.

Anonymous said...

Ape, Beats headphones are dogshit. If you wanted nothing but bass, then they are the headphones you've been looking for. I had a pair of the old earbuds that were made out of fucking rigid metal, which just felt lovely. Whoever designed that is hopefully dead. I think that I literally threw them in the garbage and bought a pair of Bose. Those bastards are comfortable and don't fall out, but you will snap your neck MULTIPLE times getting the cord caught on shit. It is almost as infuriating as when they fall out.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Ide, i assume you are a Bose stock owner, correct?

Grumpy said...

Ide strangling on his headphone cord. That's NY tabloid stuff right there. Especially if his pants are around his ankles.

T. Iceman said...

19th, Drew. Against some of the worst offenses in the country. What's your point?

Jeff said...

Bucks, Barrett 216

Cole Stoudt got a TD pass and 67yds for a tap pass on a glorified jet sweep. I still hate him.

Anonymous said...

Bose is a privately held company, music boy.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I smell more of the PSU game. All it takes is some 4AM air horns and a white out to shut down the bucks on the road.

MSU, and I will take JT Barrett for $1 BOB!!!! That's right. I smell complete inhalation - where you pussy QB gets hurt in the first quarter.

- J saul

Anonymous said...

My point is MSU is ranked 22nd and gave up 46 pts to the only really good team they have faced...so, both teams average is almost identical against their weak schedules...but, you have tagged MSU as ELITE....and surely don't think the same about MSU. MSU's defense last year was ELITE....not the same this year. It's definitely good...but, let's watch throwing the word ELITE around.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

If G$ can call Eli ELITE, I can call MSU's defense ELITE. DEAL WITH IT! GIVE IT A REST!!

Prime99 said...

Ide doesn't get sarcasm or references to yesterday. You're one cutting edge hipster, NYC boy.

Prime99 said...

J Saul, you just set yourself up for a Seal $2 knockout punch.

Anonymous said...

MSU. BARRETT 170. BECAUSE FUCK ICEMAN.

-STAN

Anonymous said...

I agree that Ide privately holds BOYS

Prime99 said...

^^^probably the most ELITE Anon comment ever.

GMoney said...

Lots of strong taeks while I was taking a nap in my car. Man, that felt great. Anthony Rothman's really puts me in a coma.

One thing that can't go unaddressed anymore is my usual promotion of Total Recall without receiving anything in return from them. Start singing songs about this blog, ingrates.

Anonymous said...

Prime - you can't triple stamp a double stamp - Seal already laid his claim to fame...

- J saul

Anonymous said...

I know it's been said before, but how terrible is Phil Simms? I bet there were at least 10 times last night I said to myself, "What the hell did he just say?" when him and Mike Carey are involved in a conversation cover your hears. I'd take Browns personal color man Solomon Wilcots over Phil any day.

And then there is this...BOMB THREAT AT NAPOLEON HIGH SCHOOL TODAY!

Nibbles said...

Browns colored personal man Wilcots is not near as good as Simms

Nibbles said...

Oops, meant "brown colored".

GMoney said...

ELITE bomb threat at NHS indeed. People are furious that there are no football playoff games this year IMO.

Mike Carey is a black conehead.

By the way, Seal and Drew's combined college basketball preview is locked and loaded for later this month.

T. Iceman said...

StanGina is still alive? Uh. Drag.

Anonymous said...

I will be doing my pick my not until a latter time.

I know their qb has been struggling since returning from his foot injury. ND lost their signal caller on defense and are playing a freshman in his spot. The kid has talent but that's a lot of responsibility to take on for your first start. I would be lying if I said I wasn't really nervous for this game. Golson is going to need to have another huge game which he is capable of.

Larry

Anonymous said...

Jerome Booger needs to replace Mike Carey. That would things better.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

*make

I can't type today apparently.

-Damman

GMoney said...

I like my Booger on the field calling pinnallies, not explaining them. FOURF DAOWN!

Prime99 said...

TR's main target demographic is not pedophiles in the Ohio, New York, and Florida areas.

Anonymous said...

Slappy White says:
Michigan State over Ohio State, 34-24
Krenzel goes for 124.

Anonymous said...

MSU JT 197 yards
Larry