Thursday, November 06, 2014

Get Rich Quick: Money Shot Millionaires

RED STATE, MOTHER FUCKER! *Brought to you by LS
GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN', that's always been my motto. Okay, that's not really true. It's more like, "Pay a bunch of money for your education knowing that you won't make shit and die angry." Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. But at some point you weigh the frustration and stress and how you are being compensated....and you consider something different. Something that will make you filthy rich because nobody can be sad on a Sea-doo, right? Well here are the five "Get Rich Quick" schemes that I have floating around in my head right now.

1. Doggy Daycare. I briefly mentioned this back in July in my post about my Dad's health situation(UPDATE: Big Ace is doing well. Some important appointments coming up in the next month, but he has slowly been getting better over the last two months). But I recently took the next step in this idea and reached out to a couple national brands about franchising opportunities in the Central Ohio area. And HOLY FUCKING CHRIST does it take money to make money...because, obvs.
The initial investment in a Camp Bow Wow franchise ranges from $339,600 to $708,000 depending upon the size of your Camp, the required construction/remodel costs and the area of the country. 

You will need a minimum of $150,000 cash available as a down payment, and a minimum net worth of $500,000 to obtain SBA financing. Without meeting these financial targets, it will be difficult to proceed with the Camp Bow Wow franchise opportunity due to the difficult lending environment.
That escalated quickly.
 I spent yesterday thinking about how I was going to lie to these people about all the liquid assets I don't have. I still don't have a great idea. So I'm open to suggestions. All I really want from these people is information or a business plan. Maybe I will tell them I'm a former .com porn king. Yeah, that'll get them interested.

And that isn't the only place that I have reached out to, that's just the most outrageously expensive option out there. I truly do think this is a winning idea in Columbus. There's a lot of disposable income and couples without children who treat their dogs like they gave birth to them. My kind of people. Also a lot of really shitty doggy daycares that are somehow attracting enough clientele to stay open. Columbus seems like a great market.

2. Food/Travel Network Show: This probably shouldn't be #2 anymore as the market is ridiculously oversaturated, but yet somehow still producing awful television. Back when the foodie revolution was just beginning, me and my OTHER friends had the grand idea of pitching a show, which I ingeniously named Educated Eats, that would go around to different college towns and enjoy the local eateries. And then Man vs. Food took the world by storm. I missed my calling.

3. Mow to Own Empire: The city of Columbus started a new initiative a couple years back where neighbors and non-profits could work towards owning abandoned houses and land by performing general maintenance and the upkeep on the property. This is clearly a hood-centric operation, as you probably aren't going to find this opportunity in New Albany, and it will take some investment as priority goes to neighbors, but who hasn't dreamed about being a slum lord? We should all get our life aspirations from The Super.

4. College Planning Consultant Service: In the brief time I spent counseling at the high school level, it became apparent to me the pressure that families are feeling to ensure that their children are getting the best shot at a top college education, as well as the most aid possible. High stakes testing, extracurricular activities, collegiate resumes, and application essays are just a fraction of what goes into getting into an ELITE university and/or program. More and more parents are seeing the value in investing in a consultant because of the enormous pricetag a college education comes with.

5. Something with old people: I don't know exactly what direction to go with this, but I know there is money there. Old people are only going to live to be even older. Life expectancy will continue to rise and somebody has to be there to provide services. I think that an elderly adult daycare would be a real blast. Get a whole bunch of old folks together, throw in some unlimited prune juice, adult diapers, and Elvis, and just sit back and watch shit get weird. Old people are the best.

By reading this post you have agreed to give me 10% of all gross income if you start a business in any of these areas. But what are some of the Money Shot Millionaire ideas that are out there? Every single one of us has thought about it. Some of us, like me, think about it daily. I know there are some great ideas out there. Let's all quit our jobs today and get rich. Or bankrupt.

44 comments:

Grumpy said...

I would live in a facility if I knew Mr. Ace was going to wipe my ass daily.

Mr. Ace said...

I am disappoint. I guess we are all content slumming it for THE MAN.

TreyBurkeSick

Anonymous said...

Starting a Girls Do Porn or Exploited College Girls-like website would seem to rake in the dough.

I'd also be into starting a company that buys a space at certain massive tailgating schools....like OSU, PSU, Bama, etc...and then rent that space and other things out to visiting fans. I've begun investigating this a bit at OSU.

I'm also willing to rid society of Ide or Iceman for a fee.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I, too, have thought about how ELITE life would be running my own doggy day care facility but then I think about how much hard work it would be to get going so I quit.

Nothing beats the ultimate get rich quick scheme of playing the lottery! But not the scratch off tickets. Those are for the filth of the world.

Child day care also seems like a guaransheed fortune but the gubmint only allows them to take so many kids before capping them off. Seriously though, bruh, day care is a gold mine.

Grump, you know damn well from his posts that his finest ass wipers will have size EE jugs and will be constantly jumping rope or whatever.

No one would ever watch Educated Eats.

GMoney said...

Drew, you should check into the availability outside of Yager Stadium - Home of the TailGREAT.

Mr. Ace said...

A fucking Hooters retirement home?!?!?! That's genius right there.

There is totes money in child care, but there is also a lot of new government regulation and training that needs to be done. There are going to be a lot of daycares closing down over the next year because of violations.

If Ide didn't buy as all ribs last year I would totes purchase your services, Drew.

GMoney said...

You didn't answer the Iceman Connundrum...

Nibbles said...

Real Estate.

Find 5 people that are willing to invest $10,000 to $15,000.

Go buy a cheap rental property that needs a little bit of work free and clear.

Rent it out for $800 per month.

After a year of showing tenancy, refinance out 80% of value and use those funds to acquire another rental property that needs work.

Rent it out for $800 per month.

After a year of showing tenancy, refinance out 80% of value and use those funds to acquire another rental property that needs work.

Rent it out for $800 per month.


Just by finding a handful of people that aren't cheap assholes and understand value, you can start a partnership that could accumulate 10 rental properties all renting out for $800 per month. The monthly mortgage payment and maintenance costs would approximate $500 per property.

$8,000 gross income per month less $5,000 of monthly costs = $3,000 monthly net income split five ways = $600 per person.

Or $7,200 per year for your initial $15,000 investment.

Jeff said...

Drug trade

GMoney said...

Nibbles is a nerd. I don't have time for that shit what with the daily pick three and Cash Explosion tickets.

Nibbles said...

Nibbles is a nerd.

Translates to

"I'm a cheap asshole"

Mr. Ace said...

Slangin crack rock is always an option.

Nibbles we should combine your investment and my mow to own empire. Get one rental with some not so great vacant properties around, take care of those properties....profit.

Daniel said...

Chia Obama

Nibbles said...

Your Mow to Own idea would get you killed and your mower sold for scrap.

I'm not afraid to go inside the loop like Commenter Daniel, but there are loops inside of the loop I won't go in.

GMoney said...

I think we can all agree that "sham charity" is a winner. Losers can give big money for a write-off (that's what these big companies do...you don't even know what a write-off is!) and you can use that money to help no one. I see no problem with this.

Mr. Ace said...

Nate, you pay some inside the looper spare change to take care of the property.

Sham charity that uses money to sell drugs back to the community!

Prime99 said...

Guys, I've got some volcano insurance to sell ya! You never know when one could strike. It only costs the amount of your wife's rainy day fund.

I won't be investing with Nibbles.

Instead of buying a franchise, put together a business plan of your own doggy day care, get a loan, and undercut the rates of the one that wanted to charge you tons of cash to franchise. Grow your own empire and hopefully die in a firefight in your own mansion after snorting a mountain of blow.

Anonymous said...

I just read that some dude is gonna be eaten alive by a snake on the discovery channel in December. My first thought was "please be seal please be seal". Add that to the list of get rich quick schemes.

Nibbles- what kind of tennants can we expect for 800$ a month?

GO BROWNS

Dut

Anonymous said...

I'm with Prime... Why would you need to franchise a doggy day care? I don't see much value by having a franchise.

Dut

GMoney said...

"Getting eaten by a snake" is currently dead last on the things that I want to have happen to me list.

We're all dodging the real money maker here...The MAC Glory Hole of the Week which won again last night but you have to follow me on Twitter to know that. Plus, I realized five minutes before the NIU/Ball game started that there were no MAC games this weekend. I'm taking the victory.

GMoney said...

Ape knows that no one will give his stupid face any money but "Dennis Rodman's House of Pets" or whatever has a #brand.

Or maybe he is just doing research and the only companies that release their start-up costs are the Big 'Uns.

Nibbles said...

You can find 2 bedroom / 1.5 bath housing in good school districts (Westerville, Gahanna, Pick) for $800 per month. Tenant would be small family / single parent situations looking to be away from Columbus schools. High demand, good appreciation of home over time.

Daniel said...

I think I heard a radio spot for one of Nibbles' real estate seminars. At $149 for three hours, you can't afford not to go

Anonymous said...

So, I guess no one saw the GoPro stock bubble last month? Bummer, it paid for my xmas vacation.

Nibbles, you are right in theory, but your math and time table is woefully inaccurate. You and your boys will not be making a dime off of that strategy. The closing costs alone on those yearly refinances will put you in the red. Then there's the yearly taxes, and the maintenance. And oh, there will be some maintenance. Remember what kind of entitled little shit you were in a rental? Yep, you get to take those calls, now.

Ape, you may look into an SBA 504 loan. You never mentioned where your doggy camp would be, so I'd assume either your house or a large field you'd rent. With a 504 loan, you can purchase said field or use your house as collateral and refinance into a 504 loan. The eligibility is a bit different and less demanding because you are putting up real property as collateral. So, you know, no pressure to succeed.

You can also find wallets.

Ide

Nibbles said...

Ide,

I'm not right in theory, I'm right in practice.

I'm already doing it you black asshole.

Anonymous said...

For how long? I'm really curious. As someone who deals in real estate and real estate finance as their career, I am looking at those numbers and they don't add up.

You boys are putting down $50-75 grand on a house to start. You then rent it out for $800, this puts your house somewhere in the $175,000 region, give or take. This is assuming you are making some profit your first year, that should give you a $125000 loan or around $650 a month. So, $800 seems like a reasonable rental.

Then, after 10 years (I'd love to see your 10 year IRR) you would have ten properties with mortgages AND maintenance at $500. Again, this is fundamentally flawed, if you are buying properties each year, how the hell are you paying roughly $400 a month in mortgage (roughly, $80,000) on top of maintenance ($100/mo (real conservative)) on a brand new property that last year?

Also, how are you obtaining equity with just one year of financing? For example, you put down $50000 on a $175,000 house (10k initial investment) which is 28.5% then you refinance a year later and take out 20% thus losing 8.5% or $15000 for your next purchase. So, after your initial investment of $50000 as a down payment, you are taking $35000 to purchase your second property of which you will lease out again, at $800 meaning at the above mentioned mortgage, you are now buying a $160,000 and are leasing it for the same as the $175000 house. This downward cycle will continue for 10 years.

Unless I am missing something, like forgetting to add in all the extra costs, that is not a great plan.

Ide

Nibbles said...

This can only be done by purchasing REO's / HUD homes / anything bank owned.

Approaching a bank with a cash only offer (versus trying to obtain financing up front) gives you much greater negotiation power. You only make your money in this when you buy.

I am NOT purchasing with financing up front. I am purchasing with cash, fixing up to rent ready, putting a tenant in, letting it season for a year, then refinancing out 80% LTV with value based off of appraised value and not original investment.

Check out Pataskala, OH. Rental rates are $875 for a 3 bed, 1.5 bath, 1,100 SF home, such as MLS# 214041919.

Assuming a fixed 4.5% loan, PITI on this property would be $532 if you cash out $50,000. Budgeting $100 / month in maintenance would give you a spread of $250 per month.

If you invest in good school districts, your tenants take better care of the units, thus resulting in lower maintenance.

Been a landlord for 6 years bro.


GMoney said...

I'm already doing it you black asshole.

Just to be clear, Ide is white. He just spent his xmas vacation in a black asshole.

GMoney said...

Well, I think it is safe to say that the comment section has reached a new all-time low today and it isn't even noon yet.

Anonymous said...

Oh, well yeah, you go after REO/HUD and in Pataskala, then you got a point. I do like you a lot more now that I found out you're a slumlord.

Semantics, but saying refinancing is incorrect. It's called cash-out financing if its owned outright. That's where the lines were crossed.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

We finally found a use for Ide.

I'm not telling anyone my million dollar ideas. You fuckers would steal them and cut me out.

Mr. Ace said...

My original plan was to do my own thing. But I was hoping to scam some info and a rough business plan from one of those franchises to see what they are doing. And if it seemed like a good opportunity I would seriously consider a franchise. But it's not realistic.

Ide, I have been looking into land for awhile, but the land that would make some sense, as far as location, has a bunch of zoning restrictions...some shit I need to understand better. But I want a separate facility, warehouse/pullbarn type structure, on the land.

I just feel like if I'm going to go bankrupt now is the right time.

Nibbles said...

Poor wording, yes, cash out financing.

You ever want to be a slumlord with me, I'm looking for equity partners.

The IRR starts off slow in this model because we have to wait a year for cash out financing, but after that year you can elect to get your investment paid back or reinvest into another acquisition.

Prime99 said...

Nibbles is the Donald Sterling of this blog.

Anonymous said...

FYI....I'm not fact checking any of these percentages, equations, etc.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Prime, I was just thinking the same thing. What is Nibbles' thoughts on Koreans??? For that matter, what is it going to take to get invited to his next White Party?

GMoney said...

Simmons vs. Mike & Mike in a Douche Off!!!

Anonymous said...

But seriously though, if you guys have $2-3000 in the bank you can part with, and plenty of time sitting in front of a computer (/cough (/double cough Iceman)), hop into stocks. Veritable gold mine there if you play it right.

I can honestly say that I have yet to make a terrible pick, and the 4-5 people I regularly talk to about the market all seem to make great picks. Though, passing on Netflix still haunts me. Anyone of you fags need advice, feel free to ask.

GoPro like bubbles come and go, and they are tough to get a grasp on, but thankfully, a buddy of mine works in that field and was able to tip that info to me. Went from $40 (I got in around $47) and hit up to $100 in a months time (I got out at $83 (fuck)).

Ide

Ide

T. Iceman said...

Ide is active in insider trading. Not surprising.

Mr. Ace said...

I once cashed out $2400 playing poker in college. Decided to "Go Legit" and invest half of it in a Scottrade account...where my roommate at the time worked. I did pretty well in the month I had the money invested, gaining about 15%. And then I got a dui and had to pay some schmuck a G to do absolutely nothing for me in court. Those were the days.

GMoney said...

Dickfarts, I've got a contest/giveaway planned for tomorrow so DEAL WITH IT.

T. Iceman said...

Cool. I could use more free stuff from this website.

Mr. Ace said...

A dickfart sounds like the most painful thing ever.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, Iceman, not insider trading. He works on a filming crew, so cameras are his field. He knows that shit, and his brother owns a brokerage, those powers combined means big money on predicting the trends. To be fair, his brother said the ceiling was $86, which turned out to be grossly inaccurate. It is now hovering right around $77/share last I checked.

If you get tips from people regarding stocks it should be a field they work in (obvz not violating any SEC or compliance laws, so outside of NYC, anyone). I trust my brother with treasuries/swaps/corporations dealing with import/exports, and he is a treasury analyst for a top bank. A lawyer in my office is basically clairvoyant with any number of stocks, usually too expensive for my taste, but she is damn good. And, I have a guy in private equity who deals with techs all day, and is pretty spot on (his company was the one who profited $800M in 6 months from the Beats by Dre deal).

Like most everything else, if you surround yourself with people who actively participate in an activity you will do well at it. Think about terrible sports shit talking, for the most part we all excel at it and its due largely to this blog. Thanks to Tuesdays, I can now spot shoddy journalism by the second paragraph!

Ide