|How's my new Death Star coming, Darth?|
I thought that I would end the week with a list. IMO there are 8 distinct professional franchises in the big four sports that truly embrace dysfunction. Anyone can lose. It takes something special to be a door mat AND make your loyal fans want to pull the old Jovan Belcher. That's who we're going to celebrate today...the Worst of the Worst. You might be surprised to not see the Dallas Cowboys on this list. They probably should be due to horrible mismanagement but whatever. Here's my list:
8. Los Angeles Dodgers - You probably didn't expect to see them here but I think that this is a terribly run organization (although that will likely change soon with that Rays guy coming aboard). They don't do anything except throw more money at their problems. Somehow, they have a MUCH higher payroll than the Yankees do but with barely any results to justify the money spent.
7. Toronto Maple Leafs - These are pretty much the Dodgers on Ice. They will give gigantic contracts to average at best players and haven't won anything in a billion years. It's funny because they have really loyal and overly sensitive fans who think that they are the league's signature franchise. Nope, the Leafs are the Maple LOLZ.
6. Philadelphia Phillies - They refuse to rebuild even though everyone has known that they needed to be stripped to the core years ago. Even now, rumors are flying that everyone is finally available but the asking prices for Lee, Hamels, Rollins, Byrd, Howard, etc. are through the goddamn roof.
5. Washington Redskins - The owner is a fucking imbecile. The GM Bruce Allen is a dolt who got this job via nepotism. We have the inferior Gruden coaching who is WAY too honest to the media and then always has to apologize for said honesty. Jim Haslett is apparently unfireable even though he is the worst. The QB blames everyone, can't stay healthy, and loses the locker room a little more every day. The Redskins currently have a top ten offense AND a top ten defense and are 3-7. THIS. TEAM. SUCKS.
4. Los Angeles Lakers - When you are paying an 80 year old Kobe Bryant 25 million dollars and have Byron Scott as the head coach, you are a rotten organization. Jerry Buss's son has all the makings of a Simple Jack reincarnated.
3. Oakland Raiders - You knew these guys were showing up today. No Coach. A GM who will be getting fired. A Heisman winning QB that probably isn't the answer. They have a terrific young LB and that is about it. This team has somehow drafted worse than the Redskins. I didn't think that that was possible.
2. Philadelphia 76ers - They tell their fans that they are trying to win. Somehow they do this with a straight face. This team could easily go 5-77 this year. And for what? They are now on their second straight tank season and the NBA just made it harder for the worst team to win the lottery (even then, the worst team hardly ever gets the #1 pick). They keep spending high picks on injured big men. The people who decided that this was the right path will be fired long before this strategy shows any promise. I feel awful for those fans.
1. New York Jets - Without question, the Jets are the most dysfunctional franchise in sports. Their soon to be fired head coach once had a sex scandal with his wife's feet. How this is possible I will never know. The owner's lesbo daughter committed suicide before. They haven't had a decent QB in 40 years. Fireman Ed can get fucked so hard. Their fans only exist to yell "SHOW YOUR TITS" at football games and to boo whoever they draft even if the player is good. They are a little brother in a stadium that they have to share. LOL Plaxico Burress.
I'm sure that there will be some blow back (Sons of Anarchy term!) for not having the Redskins at #1. I get that. But I do believe that there are 4 franchises right now being run worse than my own or at least more embarrassingly. One thing is certain, RG3 better get his shit together these last six weeks. I don't know what the future holds for him, but he is beginning to lose any and all defenders in DC (including me). See you on Monday.