|Listen, sheeple, David Blatt is Illuminati!|
*LeBron looks different and is too passive!
-I spent the entirety of LeBron's first tenure in Ohio making excuses for him so I'm trying not to this time around. It didn't really work out well for me the other time. Many are wondering what is wrong with LeBron. Well, he sort of de-tankified his body in the offseason and I'm sure that that is taking some getting used to. He's also morphed into some sort of hybrid TRANSCENDENT superstud/coach. He's right. There are some really bad habits from the holdovers that need to be fixed on the fly. I'm not sure if "watching them fail" is the right way to deal with that though. In conclusion, come on, bruh...this is LeBron and he is going to be fine. I just assume that he is trying too hard at the start of the season.
*Kyrie needs to pass the ball or they're going to trade him!
-After that weird 0 assist game in Utah, hot takes lisp king Bill Plaschke said that the Cavs should get rid of him and Kornheiser wants him traded for Rondo. After one poor game. Look, Kyrie ain't John Stockton. He isn't going to rack up 15 APG. He's going to shoot and he will score. He and Rose have a lot in common in regards to how they play the position. Does Kyrie need to tweak his game? Absolutely but overreacting isn't going to help. News flush: the Cavs don't have the on-court chemistry at the moment to be delivering huge assist totals. That will come in time but right now they're playing a lot of isolation garbage ball because they don't fully trust each other yet.
*Dion Waiters is a flag-burning terrorist!
-If you missed this one, get ready for a doozy. Waiters is apparently a re-born Muslim and was not on the floor for the national anthem last week. He then later changed his story and said that he lost track of time getting ready (which means he was taking a shit because what the hell else could it be). Does Dion Waiters hate America? Why would one's religion impact his feelings on the country that has made him a one percenter? Dion is going to be the fall guy all year and things like this aren't helping people come around on him. Stop being a distraction, Muslim Michael Sam.
*Kevin Love is going to opt out after this year and go to the Lakers!
-Bulls beat reporter and Michael Jordan's blowjob jockey, Sam Smith, just threw this nugget into the news and notes section of an unrelated post so you know that it is HOT GOSS. Did everyone enjoy the Kevin Love In Cleveland Era? Because apparently it is already over! This is the dumbest. I mean, seriously, where is the integrity? I fully do expect Love to opt out after this year. Why wouldn't he? But NOBODY is choosing a god awful Lakers team that will be picking in the lottery for at least the next three years and with a horrible coach/GM/owner over playing with LeBron. NO ONE. Simmons and Chad Lowe made an interesting point the other day that you are going to continually hear and read a lot of stuff like this in order to hopefully crack the foundation that the Cavs have built. This rumor though...it ain't working.
*Love and Irving are POTHEADS!
-The other night after the Cavs beat a pretty good Pelicans team, #2 and #0 celebrated with some sort of elaborate handshake that concluded with a pot smoking gesture. They were called out for it. The team says that they are mimicking "sharpening a mustache" which is just the greatest absurd excuse ever. Look, guys, everyone is watching everything that you do now. Take it easy on the double entendres. Although I would like to see many more of these win celebrations.
We still have 76 more games to go this year and we already have 5 borderline insane subplots. Having LeBron back is great but I forgot about the circus that comes along with it. I'd still rather have this than that not ELITE 27 game losing streak from four years ago. The coverage is only going to get worse. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to spend the rest of the day passively sharpen my mustache and burning the American flag.