Tuesday, November 25, 2014

College Football Week 13


Even Lebron hates the Buckeyes.



Woof.  What a boring slate of game this week.  I love all the fuckin dweebs and wieners out there pretending to give a shit about Yale vs. Harvard.  You don't care.  These are probably the same assholes that think Army vs. Navy is a must see game.  Stop pretending to care about boring football played by shitty teams.  The only thing worth mentioning is Harvard's FG kicker wears glasses under his helmet like a fuckin poindexter.


LOL

I would think that a smart guy like that would understand how contacts work.  Unless he's doing his best to never get laid in the sport with the highest pussy success rate.  Anyway...here's what happened outside of nerd football.

Michigan vs. Maryland

This game was about as exciting as a rusty nail up the dick hole.  This Michigan team is so fucking bad.  If Hoke somehow pulls off the scam of the century and keeps this job, I will arson the entire state of Michigan.  In all honesty, there's no way he's back.  Hoke just lost his 7th recruit from the 2015 class over the weekend.  HE GONE.  With this amazing loss to Maryland, Michigan now needs to beat Ohio to be bowl eligible.  The LOL Bowl.  Tell ya what...I am not going to miss Devin Gardner 8-15 yard sacks while he foolishly tries to make something out of nothing.  I've never seen a quarterback effectively play a wide receiver out of the first round of the NFL draft but Gardner may have pulled that off this year.  Maybe Funchess comes back because of Gardner's level of suck.  Maybe there is one silver lining of Gardner being a total fart in a greenhouse on a 120 degree day in Arizona.

Ohio vs. Indiana

LOL.  Watching Fuckeye fans sweat for four quarters was a beautiful thing.  Nice "style" win at home over the worst team in the Big 10, losers.  Lesbihonest...Indiana was never a real threat to win this game.  But they DID accomplish what every Ohio hater in the country was praying for.  They kept it close enough, long enough to make every last panel member question Ohio as a playoff option.  I'll say again...I don't know how a loss at home vs. Virginia Tech, and close wins against two bad Big 10 teams makes someone a National Title contender.  If the committee is consistent, Ohio should fall slightly in the rankings this week prompting a Grade A bitch fest from a "woe is me" Cakes.

Louisville vs. Notre Dame

LOLOLOL!  Don't be surprised if someone finds the corpse of Kyle Brindza floating in a shallow ditch somewhere next week.  Serves him right for wearing those fucking nut hugger, above the knee jersey pants.  I loved the sideline shot after the missed FG of Brindza blaming the holder for him fucking up a chip shot.  A shitty kicker who can't take accountability for his own shittiness.  Sounds like a guy I want on my team!  Someone should pepper this cock waste's locker with Ray Finkle garb post haste.  Notre Dame losses are like eating your favorite ice cream out of a virgin's pussy and afterwards someone handing you a brief case with a million in cash.  Fuck Larry in his stupid fucking ass.

Ole Miss vs. Arkansas

Looks like Ole Miss's dream season is officially over.  I really thought this team might be the best in the SEC a few weeks back.  But that was before Laquan Treadwell exploded everything below his knee.  I also forgot about the Eli Manning stench fog that looms over that program.  Big factor in their collapse that cannot be ignored.

Oklahoma vs. Kansas

I hope Melvin Gordon wasn't too attached to that single game NCAA rushing record because...IT GONE!  It's now the property of true freshman Samaje Perine from Oklahoma after Gordon held it for only a week.  Kinda feel bad for the little guy...

Boston College vs. Florida State

Is there any doubt that Jimbo Fisher has made a blood pact with the Devil?  I guess the only thing I have to look forward to is Lucifer using Fisher's tender anus as his own personal jiz hole for eternity when he dies.  This has got to be the most unimpressive undefeated team since the 2002 Ohio Buckeyes.  Someone is going to beat these criminals before the 4 team playoff has been finalized.

Well.  We have arrived at Michigan/Ohio week.  OBVZ the Fuckeyes are going to be huge favorites in this one and I am fully expecting to get blown out.  But crazier shit has happened so I will continue to hold onto a glimmer of hope that we can shock the fucking world.  I'll be making my very first trip to Columbus for this game in a decision I'm sure I will fully regret.  Fuck Ohio.



Fucking pussies.

31 comments:

Grumpy said...

I watched every minute of Harvard/Yale and it was a great football game. Never miss Army/Navy either. So fuck you.

GMoney said...

Exactly. Army/Navy is one of the crown jewels of the game. You are a TERRORIST if you don't watch.

Can anyone stop the Bert Bielema freight train that is rolling full steam ahead through the SEC? Will anyone ever score on the Hogs again? SOOOOOEEEEEEYYYYYY!

RedHawks are +3 tonight against the Ohio's. Not the glory hole, but I do like that line. We're going to win and prevent them from going bowling.

Ohio fans made the excuse that the Minny game was close because Jalin Marshall was terrible and now pretty much the only reason they beat a horrendous Indiana team is because of said Marshall. The same Marshall who got attacked on Twitter last week by those diehards in case you missed it.

It's getting harder and harder to make a good case for yourselves, Fuckeyes. I assume that it will work out for you still because you are the assholes of the Earth, but your case is heavily flawed.

GMoney said...

By the way, Herbstreit cried about the SEC scheduling FCS cupcakes this past week claiming that it was an injustice or whatever. What does it matter if they do this in September or now? Because I don't hear much complaining in the first month. All of a sudden you try to give yourself a bye week in week 12 and it is worse than Ferguson.

DEAL WITH IT.

Anonymous said...

G$...there are cases to be made for OSU, Baylor, TCU and Mississippi State...they all have flaws on their resumes. I do think OSU and MSU are better than Baylor and TCU...but, like I said....everyone of them has a flaw. It will be interesting to see how much those three not playing in a conference championship hurts them. I don't think any of them have a "great" case over the others.

Is tomorrow's post about OSU/UM or is today the day to talk about it? 20 pt favorites seems a bit too high for me, but I guess I'd rather be favored by 20 than underdogs by 20.

LOLZ @ Iceman blaming Gardiner for Funchess. Funchess gets an F for effort this year...kid has mailed it in so bad he makes Roby's effort last year look like the kid that tried hardest in gym class. At least Gardiner still tries his ass off....he just isn't all that good...except when he looks like Vince Young on a broken leg against Ohio State.

Iceman...I mean this in the most sincere way possible....I hope you get treated like shit on Saturday, because nobody deserves that more than you.

--Drew

GMoney said...

You guys consider this to be a big deal so save the smack for tomorrow.

GMoney said...

We can stack resumes all day but it's hard to defend:

*Double digit loss at home to Frank Beamer
*Double OT needed to beat bad Penn State team
*Trailing deep in the third quarter to winless in conference Indiana

You're right about everyone having warts but those just happen to be the size of the principal's from Uncle Buck.

Anonymous said...

You better have a damn good understanding of all the other resumes if you think a few weeks from now the committee is going to be looking through them and saying "Well, I know they won by 15...but they were trailing in the 3rd quarter to Indiana (SEC EAST CHAMPS)...that knocks them below all of them". Come on son.

I think they all have fair cases and my butt will not be hurt if they all win out and OSU doesn't make it. I'm about 1000x more concerned with winning out than I am where they are in these rankings right now.

--Drew

Nibbles said...

Am really hoping tomorrow is a guest post written by Ide. His political commentary on last night's events would generate some traffic.

GMoney said...

Fuck that. I'm not letting that turd sandwich ruin everyone's Thanksgiving.

Anonymous said...

I had some great takes last night on it.

My mom never worked when I was growing up so she would babysit to pass the time while we went to school. One of the kids is starting OL for Harvard. Pretty cool. I didn't watch the game, but I did send a congrats to him for winning the Ivy League Championship.

If OSU wins out, we will be in. Winning over Wiscy will propel us ahead of the two Big 12 teams.

Fuck Justin Forsett.

Ide

GMoney said...

Who's got a take on the Jameis Winston ref "push"? Dude is a dipshit but I don't see a problem in this instance. He just sort of boxed that guy out. Whatever.

Anonymous said...

Agreed....no problem with the "shove".

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

Army/Navy can suck my crown jewel. Listen. I respect the military for what what they do and I really appreciate my freedom. But that doesn't mean I have to pretend to love terrible football. The game is just bad. So is Yale/Harvard. You guys are either liars, or idiots if you enjoy those games.

I don't blame Funchess for checking out. Half of Gardner's passes to Funchess have the potential of getting him killed. There comes a point where every WRs spirit can be broken by bad QB play.

TCU has beaten 3 currently ranked teams. Same with Baylor if they win this week. How does Ohio beating one ranked team compare when you're talking resumes?

"The Shove" wasn't a big deal at all. Winston is under a microscope...and for good reason...so every last thing he does now is getting scrutinized. No one would be talking about it if Winston weren't such a shit cock.

This Ferguson thing is all of the fucking LULZ in the world, BTW. I watched the coverage last night for a good hour. I'm sure looting and burning the city to the fucking ground will solve all of your problems.

Anonymous said...

"How does Ohio beating one ranked team compare when you're talking resumes?"

Huh? MSU and Minnesota are ranked. Wisconsin will be too (assuming we win). We will have had 8 wins against .500+ teams. They have 5 each.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Iceman can't count to two...LOLZ.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

I wasn't counting Minnesota since they won't be ranked if they lose to Wisconsin. You know...something all of you assholes are assuming will happen. But if you want to include teams that were ranked at the time they were played then that puts TCU at beating 5 ranked teams.

GMoney said...

We all know that when the resumes come out, Ide berates the interviewer so tread lightly, Iceman.

Ohio's opponent this week isn't going to qualify as one of those .500 teams. LOL!

T. Iceman said...

We go through this pissing match every year. Ohio fans are constantly trying to make people believe their schedule is harder than it really is. No one buys it except the delusional Fuckeye fans.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, we do go through it every year. Some slackjawed Walmart Wolverine tries to piss all over the Buckeyes grasping at any straw they can reach. Not sure how a single one of us are delusional spouting off facts about who we've played.

Minnesota hasn't lost yet, so they are still ranked. Make that conversation next fucking week if you want to make sense. Though, next week I imagine you'll poke fun at how many yards Gardiner gained against OSU.

Never forget you said we lost the conference.

Ide

GMoney said...

Also, that 8 wins thing isn't really accurate yet. Navy, VT, Penn St, and Illinois have work to do. Ide considers MD, Buttgers, and Cincy as quality wins though. Let that sink in.

Anonymous said...

Cincinnati may actually end up being a conference champ, I think...Gunner Kiel!

Ide...he's been grasping at straws since VT. The way this season unfolded couldn't have been worse for him. That's why I'm hoping he gets treated awful on Saturday...it would the cherry on top of the aftermath of his post and comments that day.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I never once said quality. I merely stated the records. In fact, I pulled it right from some espn.com article. To be honest, I was surprised it was that many, but nevertheless.

Let your inability to read sink in. It must really suck spending so much time hating OSU these days.

Ide

Anonymous said...

ICEMAN - Tradition is all us UM fans have left. We should be in love with games like ARMY/NAVY, YALE/HARVARD - takes me back to a time when Michigan was relevant.....

I actually don't disagree with the OSU brethren takes here today. Its the SEC and the rest is semantics. OSU should be considered more than 2 big 12 teams, I mean come the fuck on the Big 12 is shit too.

Baylor has two wins over ranked teams - one of which is TCU, the other is OKLAHOMA (notorious annual under achievers). They literally have played no one else goood other than West Virgina (fart noise) and they lost. Wouldn't be surprised if K-State knocked them off.

TCU - lost to fucking Baylor and has played the same shitty schedule with no title game to prove anything.

MSU and Wisky are still tough outs, not matter how you shake it. Don't forget they have to beat their Rival Michigan too!

So, I don't see how anyone can argue they don't deserve to be fighting it out for that 4th spot with these big 12 losers?

- J saul



Cakes said...

My favorite part is Iceman still using "Ohio" when almost all Michigan fans have quit doing it since it was Hokes idea. Keep fighting the good fight though!

Anonymous said...

J Saul....as Iggy Azlea would say...you are the realist.


--Drew

T. Iceman said...

I'll always use Ohio. Because I know there will always be a small part of you that is annoyed by it. Its why you keep bringing it up. You want it to not bother you. But it does.

GMoney said...

JSaul, you closet Ohio fan, allow me to quote myself for a second when addressing what Baylor and TCU do not have:

*Double digit loss at home to Frank Beamer
*Double OT needed to beat bad Penn State team
*Trailing deep in the third quarter to winless in conference Indiana

Got root for Ohio, you turncoat sonofabitch.

GMoney said...

The GRAND JURY DECIDED NOT TO INDICT ME TOO! But that changed a week LATER! MAYBE,BUT NOT LIKELY N THIS CASE #PUTyourTrustNGODnotINtheWORLD!--Adrian Peterson AKA the real victim of Ferguson, MO

Prime99 said...

I love that Cakes admitted Ohio bothers him one day in a moment of weakness then has never spoken of that day since.

Anonymous said...

Pretty much none of the Michigan grads I am friends with say "Ohio"....seems to be strictly a Walmart thing these days, so it fits Iceman.

--Drew

GMoney said...

OMG...the takes are so strong tomorrow. SO STRONK.

Seems to me that a real Ohio fan wouldn't associate with a Michigan Man let alone consider them a friend. Drool needs to get his priorities in line IMO.