Even Lebron hates the Buckeyes.
Woof. What a boring slate of game this week. I love all the fuckin dweebs and wieners out there pretending to give a shit about Yale vs. Harvard. You don't care. These are probably the same assholes that think Army vs. Navy is a must see game. Stop pretending to care about boring football played by shitty teams. The only thing worth mentioning is Harvard's FG kicker wears glasses under his helmet like a fuckin poindexter.
I would think that a smart guy like that would understand how contacts work. Unless he's doing his best to never get laid in the sport with the highest pussy success rate. Anyway...here's what happened outside of nerd football.
Michigan vs. Maryland
This game was about as exciting as a rusty nail up the dick hole. This Michigan team is so fucking bad. If Hoke somehow pulls off the scam of the century and keeps this job, I will arson the entire state of Michigan. In all honesty, there's no way he's back. Hoke just lost his 7th recruit from the 2015 class over the weekend. HE GONE. With this amazing loss to Maryland, Michigan now needs to beat Ohio to be bowl eligible. The LOL Bowl. Tell ya what...I am not going to miss Devin Gardner 8-15 yard sacks while he foolishly tries to make something out of nothing. I've never seen a quarterback effectively play a wide receiver out of the first round of the NFL draft but Gardner may have pulled that off this year. Maybe Funchess comes back because of Gardner's level of suck. Maybe there is one silver lining of Gardner being a total fart in a greenhouse on a 120 degree day in Arizona.
Ohio vs. Indiana
LOL. Watching Fuckeye fans sweat for four quarters was a beautiful thing. Nice "style" win at home over the worst team in the Big 10, losers. Lesbihonest...Indiana was never a real threat to win this game. But they DID accomplish what every Ohio hater in the country was praying for. They kept it close enough, long enough to make every last panel member question Ohio as a playoff option. I'll say again...I don't know how a loss at home vs. Virginia Tech, and close wins against two bad Big 10 teams makes someone a National Title contender. If the committee is consistent, Ohio should fall slightly in the rankings this week prompting a Grade A bitch fest from a "woe is me" Cakes.
Louisville vs. Notre Dame
LOLOLOL! Don't be surprised if someone finds the corpse of Kyle Brindza floating in a shallow ditch somewhere next week. Serves him right for wearing those fucking nut hugger, above the knee jersey pants. I loved the sideline shot after the missed FG of Brindza blaming the holder for him fucking up a chip shot. A shitty kicker who can't take accountability for his own shittiness. Sounds like a guy I want on my team! Someone should pepper this cock waste's locker with Ray Finkle garb post haste. Notre Dame losses are like eating your favorite ice cream out of a virgin's pussy and afterwards someone handing you a brief case with a million in cash. Fuck Larry in his stupid fucking ass.
Ole Miss vs. Arkansas
Looks like Ole Miss's dream season is officially over. I really thought this team might be the best in the SEC a few weeks back. But that was before Laquan Treadwell exploded everything below his knee. I also forgot about the Eli Manning stench fog that looms over that program. Big factor in their collapse that cannot be ignored.
Oklahoma vs. Kansas
I hope Melvin Gordon wasn't too attached to that single game NCAA rushing record because...IT GONE! It's now the property of true freshman Samaje Perine from Oklahoma after Gordon held it for only a week. Kinda feel bad for the little guy...
Boston College vs. Florida State
Is there any doubt that Jimbo Fisher has made a blood pact with the Devil? I guess the only thing I have to look forward to is Lucifer using Fisher's tender anus as his own personal jiz hole for eternity when he dies. This has got to be the most unimpressive undefeated team since the 2002 Ohio Buckeyes. Someone is going to beat these criminals before the 4 team playoff has been finalized.
Well. We have arrived at Michigan/Ohio week. OBVZ the Fuckeyes are going to be huge favorites in this one and I am fully expecting to get blown out. But crazier shit has happened so I will continue to hold onto a glimmer of hope that we can shock the fucking world. I'll be making my very first trip to Columbus for this game in a decision I'm sure I will fully regret. Fuck Ohio.