Tuesday, November 11, 2014

College Football Week 11


Asshole of the century



Welcome to the worst week ever in the history of college football and The Moneyshot.  Blogger was being a real fat cunt when I tried writing this and made it very difficult to complete this post.  It must have known how annoying today was going to be and just wanted to set the tone.  I should have set odds for the Fuckeye who will be the most Fuckish, but we all know that's Drew and it isn't close.  Let's fucking get this over with already.

Michigan vs. Northwestern

Quite possibly the most boring game in Michigan football history, although Pat Fitzgerald's decision to go for two at the end spiced things up a bit.  What a stupid decision, too.  I know Northwestern's season is the bottom of a port-o-john at Country Concert but you don't do that shit on your home field against a bad team.  Tie it up and try to see who is less shitty in OT.  You're supposed to have home field advantage for things like OT.  Utilize it.  I'm still trying to figure out why people still think Patty Screamo is this brilliant coach.  He sucks bum dicks.  In other news Brady Hoke made his first smart coaching decision by red shirting Jabrill Peppers.  Too bad Hoke won't be around to reap the benefits of that move.

Auburn vs. Texas A&M

Kenny Hill's year just gets worse and worse.  I've never seen anyone with such a meteoric rise have an equally impressive plummet all in one season.  This Kyle Allen bro has led TAMU to two straight wins and made Kenny FOOTBAWWW a thing of the past.  Anyway...I feel like Auburn had this coming.  There's only one team in college football more lucky than Auburn and we'll get to them a little later.  Look for Alabama or TCU to replace Auburn in the top 4.

Notre Dame vs. Arizona State

I don't usually write anything more than what needs to be said about Notre Dame.  "Fuck Larry in his stupid fucking ass" usually sums it up perfectly on a weekly basis.  Not today.  More needs to be said about Notre Dame, in general.  Brian Kelly is the cuntiest twat to ever cunt-twat.  He is the epitome of what it means to be a truly awful human being.  Kelly's post game interview was his Mona Lisa of being a whiny, easily hateable fuck head.  I understand he was upset about losing to a very good ASU team but that doesn't mean you get to publicly fucking undress a reporter for doing his job.  Fuckin prick.  It makes sense that ND fans fucking worship this guy because most of them are dick wads just like Kelly.  Go die in a grease fire, Brian Kelly.  And the fans.  Jesus, the fans.  I'm surprised the majority haven't drown in their own tears yet.  Notre Dame fans constantly piss and moan about how unfairly the Irish are treated and that the fucking world is against them.  They're Ohio Buckeye Jr.'s.  There was sooooo much public bitching that was done by the fans about Notre Dame not being in the top 4 when the first rankings were released.  Well two weeks later and it seems like the committee actually knew what they were doing and got it right.  Shocking.  Go deep throat a crucifix, you fuckin cry babies.

Oklahoma vs. Baylor

Bob Stoops is terrible.  G$ nailed it.

Duke Football

Duke is 8-1 and in the driver's seat to play for the ACC championship for the second year in a row.  That is absolutely mind blowing and pretty fucking impressive.  I think there's a Duke obsessed Saul brother out there that just creamed himself.

Ohio vs. MSU

In the immortal words of Tyler Durden, "Hey, good for you it doesn't change a thing."  Sure, Ohio has a great chance to win the Big 10 and Drew will continue to swear up and down that I put my entire reputation on Ohio winning 7 or 8 games this year but this team is still a long shot for the playoff.  No matter what you losers think, it's going to take a lot for Ohio to even be in the National Championship discussion.  But it'll be fun and hilarious to listen to you fucks justify why a terrible loss to Virginia Tech and beating only one (potentially two) ranked teams makes you worthy of a shot at a title.  Get ready for the worst of "The NCAA has a personal grudge against the Ohio Buckeyes" type CAKESTAEKS.  You'll want to staple his dick hole shut by the time he's done.

That'll be all for today since Ohio Buckeyes is what everyone wants to discuss anyway.  You better catch a stiff buzz in order to tolerate the ass hattery that will be going on in the comments.  We could reach a new level of Fuckeyeness today.  In conclusion, G$ asked me to add this at the end.  It's probably a link for a life like replica of a Derec Alexander anus.  Read at your own risk.

The MAC Glory Hole of the Week (8-5, SON!) is for tonight's West battle.  The is my LOCK OF THE YEAR, folks.  I'm laying a big fucking cock hammer on Northern Illinois +2 vs. Toledo.  NIU getting points at home?  To a back-up QB that is a game-time decision and may not play at all?  To the same Toledo who has not covered in their last 5 road games?  LOL.  This is stealing.  Take the points and moneyline this fucker for extra juice.

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

Two things off the bat....

1.) That UM/NW game was one of the worst football games ever to be played.

2.) LOLZ @ ND.

Now let's get things started........

LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ @ Iceman. That's one of the most butthurt posts that I've ever seen here. Way to discuss anything about the game....which isn't surprising because you obviously don't want to discuss that.

First of all, I've said for weeks now that I could see OSU in a playoff....BUT, that I wouldn't be able to formulate the path how until things developed during the final weeks/OSU actually won out. It is definitely a higher chance now than it was seven days ago...but, nobody knows how it will play out.

SO...since that is what Iceman wants to discuss....and he OBVZ doesn't want to talk about the game or the way OSU is playing right now....I implore the OSU fans here today to not give him his wish....

Let's talk about OSU going into East Lansing and putting on just an amazing offensive display against Dantonio/Narduzzi. One where both MSU coaches after the game said "It seemed like they were a step ahead of us all night long".

Let's talk about Iceman and his 7 or 8 win proclamation....or G$ saying J.T. Barrett is not good at throwing a football...which is turning into a funnier comment than Iceman's 7 or 8 wins comment.

Let's talk about that J.T. Barrett....holy fuck at that game by him. We haven't seen a game like that out of an OSU QB since Troy Smiff. Just incredible.

Let's talk about how the youngest OSU team in 25 years is turning into one that nobody in the country wants to face. 11 of 22 starters are freshman and sophomores...every one of those TD's was scored by a freshman or sophomore. How fucking good is this team going to be next year and the year after?

Let's talk about OSU OL coaching wizard Ed Warriner who turned this unit that lost four OL to the NFL into suddenly the dominating unit we saw Saturday night in EL.

Let's talk about how OSU put up more points on MSU in that game than Hoke's teams combined have done against MSU in the Hoke era....LOLZ.

Let's talk about Ezekiel Elliott and what a tremendous game he played Saturday.

Let's talk about the coaching job....that has led to the wild improvement of this young OSU team over the course of the year.

Let's talk about THE Ohio State Buckeyes. It was glorious being in that stadium on Saturday night and watching those Spartans leave early...so disappointed...so surprised...but, cognizant that they just got their doors blown off by a much faster and better team....one full of youth.

SUCK. OUR. DICKS.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Well said Drew... COY 2014 should be a lock with that post. I wish I could have been there too, but enjoyed every minute on tv... The game actually played out a lot like I expected. I believe that this is one of the best teams in the country & IF the Buckeyes take care of business from now until december 7th there are a lot of possibilities... including a playoff berth.
Noon kickoff at a decent minnesota team won't be rutgers or illinois easy, but should still be a win...

I don't feel like fact checking, but I'm pretty sure iceman applauded hoke when he decided to go for 2 at home last year against Ohio State & says fitzgerald is dumb for doing the same thing... correct me if I'm wrong.

Doubtful

The Buckeyes likely ranked 8th or 9th when CFP committee announces poll tonight

Notre dame Sucks

Burke

Anonymous said...

Burke....thanks for the COY vote.....but, Iceman was very against the Hoke 2pt call. He's consistent on this.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I stand corrected. I recall NEARLY every michigan fan I spoke to saying what a gutsy call it was & assumed iceman was in that lot. I apologize for lumping you in w/ the rest.

Iceman I actually agree w/ your take on fitzgerald. He's terrible, but I don't think they will do much better if they fire him.

Burke

MUDawgfan said...

David Cutcliffe is one helluva coach.

Anonymous said...

Yeah G$ and Iceman have had an exciting year of trying to one up each other with dumb Ohio State comments. Winner...nobody.

I was surprised at the ease which the Bucks tore through that defense. Did not see that coming. Of course there were a few on ESPN after the game predictably saying, "Well, how good was MSU really?" LOLZ

We are going to have quite the QB controversy next spring. I feel bad for Braxton, but I don't know how you don't start JT next year. The guy is 4 TD passes away from the Buckeye single season record with 3 games to go and he's going to clome close to breaking every single season passing/total yard record too. What a stud.

As for the playoff, there is still an uphill climb no doubt but there is a lot of football left to be played. A lot can happen in a month.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

And I would like to give myself a pat on the back for leading the MSFL while scoring the 2nd fewest points (thanks to a tie/win over The Senator this week). That is grit.

Drew, how did you enjoy that 1 point defeat in the G$F? Not even shitty Carolina D could stop me. Getting TD's from John Brown is why I dominate that league every year.

-Damman

GMoney said...

A Derec Alexander fleshjack could revolutionize the industry!

GMoney said...

"It seemed like they were a step ahead of us all night long".

--I smell another SpyGate scenario here. It would make sense seeing that Urb and Billy By are BFFs CHEATERS, I SAY!

I said after the second game that QB Marlo Stanfield can't throw (and all recruiting services agreed but don't concern yourself with that). He learned how over the past two months. Good for him. Still hope he dies.

Whatever. Frank Beamer would love to play you losers again. Clearly this Sparty team was OVERRATED. Yeah, that's the ticket.

No talk about Bama/LSU which was a better game? Les Miles weird clapping 4 life!

HAMMER NORTHERN ILLINOIS TONIGHT, FOLKS.

Anonymous said...

He was recruited by Urban Meyer which means more than any recruiting service. The guy recruits & develops great college quarterbacks

Burke

Anonymous said...

It was one of the greatest OSU offensive displays I've ever seen. Two punts...and all of those TD drives were long. Just destroyed their gay ass "no fly zone".

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

The Fuckeyes looked good, no doubt. BUT I do question how good Sparty is, and therefore how good the Fuckeyes are. Look at the competition and the results of these two teams. The Fuckeyes only good win is over Sparty...and Spartys only good win is over Nebraska at home. The Fuckeyes deserve to be in the discussion for the playoffs, but I don't know if anybody can say they are one of the best teams or nobody wants to play them. That seems like an overreaction.

Still a great performance by the Fuckeyes. JTB looked really good, as well as the O line. I expected this game to end with about the same score, but with Sparty on top. I don't think much of either of the defenses, but I thought Sparty would be able to force more JTB mistakes. But he was rock solid.

Urban has no decision to make. JTB is THE GUY.

That Michigan game was hot ass. I'm so happy Pat Fitz went for 2.

And I was for Michigan going for 2 last year because Gardner was nearly dead.

GMoney said...

Pfffffft...that's nothing. The Chicago Bears don't make anyone punt.

How dare you insinuate that the most overly sensitive fans on the planet are overreacting!!! PISTOLS AT DAWN I SAY!

GMoney said...

How great was that idiot on Utah dropping the ball on the one and thus losing the game (pretty much). I feel like Iceman left a lot of ELITE talking points on the table today by catering to the idiots. IMO.

Anonymous said...

Per usual ...very good post by Ape.

I'm still confused how somebody drops the ball like the Utah kid did every year or two....so dumb fo real.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Remember when Iceman claimed we lost the B1G after week 2? That must not be overlooked as a top tier stupid comment.

Ide

GMoney said...

While you guys are clearly back to being firmly planted up your own anii again, you can't deny the one MAJOR problem on Ohio...

Ezekiel Elliott

Listen, faggot, the "keep feeding me" gesture wasn't even cool when Denard did it a coon's age ago (no offense) and it sure as shit isn't now. You're a loser. GIVE IT A REST.

Anonymous said...

Ide....there are many great quotes from Iceman that day. It's almost like an endless well. His failure to remember that some college football programs improve as the year goes on due to being a fan of just an awful program really bit him in the ass.


--Drew

Jeff said...

Ohio State looked good. Gotta love the "Well how good was Sparty?" talk now.

You can argue the "Well how good were they side" after any team's win.

T. Iceman said...

I stopped reading halfway through Drew's 50 page comment. I'm sure it said nothing important as usual.

No comment that involves wanting the Ohio Buckeyes to fail miserably is a stupid comment. FACT.

The Utah kid...SMH. Apologies for the oversight on how fucking moronic that guy is. I don't know how many more jackasses need to make themselves look like jackasses before people stop doing that shit at the goal line. I would make every person on my team that does that run until they puke or pass out if I were a coach.

I stand by my original statement of you don't try and steal a win at home with a 2 point conversion.

GMoney said...

The best part from that Utah debacle was his insane urban celebration that he was doing while Oregon was returning it 99 yards! Major LOLZ!

I think it is fair to wonder how good either of those teams actually are though. I mean, Ohio and Sparty certainly looked the part but compared to who? They had their chances to separate themselves earlier and failed to do so and now we are expected to believe because they can pound awful teams? It's not the easiest connection to make. It's like the fat girl winning a trophy from the smell contest (ELITE SNL reference).

Like, we KNOW that Ole Miss is a good team because they beat Bama. You don't do that unless you're good. But what Ohio and Sparty are doing/have done is more comparable to Marshall than it is the SEC.

I'm not trying to belittle Saturday night's win, I swear, only playing a little Devil's advocate that we still don't know what these teams are except for the best in a rotten conference.

T. Iceman said...

How dare you suggest that playing only one decent team means you may not be as good as the fans say you are!!! Ohio Buckeyes are the best team in the country with the best QB in the country no matter what happens with any other team in any other conference. Never forget.

Anonymous said...

How good is the SEC, really? You claim they are the best of the best, but the only notable non conference game was LSU (in a neutral field, natch) barely beating Wisconsin. Use that as a barometer and Ole Miss is just as bad as Wisconsin and they beat Bama.

So MSU is about that good, I guess. But, you know, SEC! SEC! SEC!

Anonymous said...

Ide

Anonymous said...

Iceman, please show me where any of the Buckeye fans here today said anything remotely close to that. Maybe Stan was right about you all along on.

The Buckeyes are so in your head.

-Damman





Jeff said...

Only SEC teams are allowed to improve though, Ide. Your logic is flawed.

Anonymous said...

MSU also lost to Oregon (who almost lost to Utah and did lose to AZ as a baramoter)
OSU lost to VT who sucks
Wisconsin lost to LSU.

What are we boramteting again I'm lost in all the loses that are terrible vs. Quality and who best who elsewhere in the season.....

GMoney said...

Christ...ok then, how about this:

EVERYONE IS TERRIBLE AND OVERRATED.

How good is the SEC, really?

Might be the dumbest thing ever typed here (many credible contenders). Best coaches + Best players = Best

T. Iceman said...

My apologies, Damman. I forgot you guys have a reputation for being the most level headed fan base. Forget I said anything.

GMoney said...

While winning in Lansing is impressive, I'm interested to see how they follow this up. Are we getting a Sparty game or a Penn State poopfest up in Minny on Saturday. Because, to me, it is about consistency.

If you head up there and kill Jerry dead then that shows focus and not reading your own press clippings. Struggle and you are just going to prove the doubters correct.

It also wouldn't hurt to crush the Gophers since TCU already has a 30-7 win over them and you may be comparing resumes with Gary Patterson's gay visor in the near future.

Truth = these words from this handsome man

Prime99 said...

The Chicago Bears want EVERY defensive record, positive and negative.

Anonymous said...

Yes, the Bucks need to be dominant the rest of the way out. They can't afford to be sloppy anywhere. The fact that TCU played Minnesota also definitely adds to the importance of Saturday's game.

Ice, I assume you are referring to Cakes-type fans. They don't get more level headed and rational than Cakes.

-Damman

Nibbles said...

I've said it before and I will say it again. Jerry Kill's sideline antics after losses are the most blatant display of selfishness in Division 1 football.

Fail a test, junior? No problem, starting flopping for the teacher and we'll give you another chance.

Double standard IMO

Anonymous said...

Damman....Iceman always says that stuff about OSU fans even tho that talk isn't here.

One of the SEC divisional leaders lost a home game to Indiana. B1G is better due to that OBVZ.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Bovada has NIU -4.5. Has the line moved that much today?

-Damman

GMoney said...

It was +2 yesterday when it was still up in the air whether Woodside (the preseason second string QB behind Roll Tide transfer Ely) would be playing. At -4.5, my guess is that #3 is getting the nod on the road. I still like NIU a lot though.

GMoney said...

By the way, everyone, tomorrow things get interesting when SEAL AND DROOL combine to preview the College Hoops season. Someone is getting run over before Thursday IMO!

Anonymous said...

Where is Cakes today? It would be a shame for him not to read Iceman's butt hurt.

I'm surprised Slow turned something in. I thought he quit the blog again.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Maybe Cakes and Seal are at Indians fantasy camp having sex with Charles Nagy and Kaz Tadano.

T. Iceman said...

Fuckeyes did a good job of Fuckeyeing today. No need for Cakes to come in and add to it. My guess is he's probably too busy retweeting everything that has the word "Ohio" and "Buckeye" in it.

Anonymous said...

Does Iceman even read the comments? It seems like he thinks every pro-OSU comment today was over the top obnoxious...which doesn't appear to be so at all.

G$....that made me LOLZ.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Could you blame him for skimming the obnoxious Ohio love fest comments? Actually, yes I can. Sifting through all of the garbage makes the losses even sweeter. What I'm trying to say here is that you better lose again this season.

Anonymous said...

Drew, that appears to be the case. Apparently any pro-OSU comment is considered to be out of line and over the top and ridiculous. Logical statements and supporting the team we root for? NOT ALLOWED!

-Damman

GMoney said...

About time someone gets it!

Anonymous said...

You guys know I don't participate on College Football days... unless its to bash Oregon (I hate that fucking program). I just read and try not to slit my wrists.

Looking forward to college hoops (the best sport there is) talk tomorrow.

Seal

GMoney said...

Good call...you do usually stay above the turd-sucking fray.

T. Iceman said...

Damman and Drew act like they're rational, level headed fans at all times. That's the fuckin hoot of the century.