Asshole of the century
Welcome to the worst week ever in the history of college football and The Moneyshot. Blogger was being a real fat cunt when I tried writing this and made it very difficult to complete this post. It must have known how annoying today was going to be and just wanted to set the tone. I should have set odds for the Fuckeye who will be the most Fuckish, but we all know that's Drew and it isn't close. Let's fucking get this over with already.
Michigan vs. Northwestern
Quite possibly the most boring game in Michigan football history, although Pat Fitzgerald's decision to go for two at the end spiced things up a bit. What a stupid decision, too. I know Northwestern's season is the bottom of a port-o-john at Country Concert but you don't do that shit on your home field against a bad team. Tie it up and try to see who is less shitty in OT. You're supposed to have home field advantage for things like OT. Utilize it. I'm still trying to figure out why people still think Patty Screamo is this brilliant coach. He sucks bum dicks. In other news Brady Hoke made his first smart coaching decision by red shirting Jabrill Peppers. Too bad Hoke won't be around to reap the benefits of that move.
Auburn vs. Texas A&M
Kenny Hill's year just gets worse and worse. I've never seen anyone with such a meteoric rise have an equally impressive plummet all in one season. This Kyle Allen bro has led TAMU to two straight wins and made Kenny FOOTBAWWW a thing of the past. Anyway...I feel like Auburn had this coming. There's only one team in college football more lucky than Auburn and we'll get to them a little later. Look for Alabama or TCU to replace Auburn in the top 4.
Notre Dame vs. Arizona State
I don't usually write anything more than what needs to be said about Notre Dame. "Fuck Larry in his stupid fucking ass" usually sums it up perfectly on a weekly basis. Not today. More needs to be said about Notre Dame, in general. Brian Kelly is the cuntiest twat to ever cunt-twat. He is the epitome of what it means to be a truly awful human being. Kelly's post game interview was his Mona Lisa of being a whiny, easily hateable fuck head. I understand he was upset about losing to a very good ASU team but that doesn't mean you get to publicly fucking undress a reporter for doing his job. Fuckin prick. It makes sense that ND fans fucking worship this guy because most of them are dick wads just like Kelly. Go die in a grease fire, Brian Kelly. And the fans. Jesus, the fans. I'm surprised the majority haven't drown in their own tears yet. Notre Dame fans constantly piss and moan about how unfairly the Irish are treated and that the fucking world is against them. They're Ohio Buckeye Jr.'s. There was sooooo much public bitching that was done by the fans about Notre Dame not being in the top 4 when the first rankings were released. Well two weeks later and it seems like the committee actually knew what they were doing and got it right. Shocking. Go deep throat a crucifix, you fuckin cry babies.
Oklahoma vs. Baylor
Bob Stoops is terrible. G$ nailed it.
Duke is 8-1 and in the driver's seat to play for the ACC championship for the second year in a row. That is absolutely mind blowing and pretty fucking impressive. I think there's a Duke obsessed Saul brother out there that just creamed himself.
Ohio vs. MSU
In the immortal words of Tyler Durden, "Hey, good for you it doesn't change a thing." Sure, Ohio has a great chance to win the Big 10 and Drew will continue to swear up and down that I put my entire reputation on Ohio winning 7 or 8 games this year but this team is still a long shot for the playoff. No matter what you losers think, it's going to take a lot for Ohio to even be in the National Championship discussion. But it'll be fun and hilarious to listen to you fucks justify why a terrible loss to Virginia Tech and beating only one (potentially two) ranked teams makes you worthy of a shot at a title. Get ready for the worst of "The NCAA has a personal grudge against the Ohio Buckeyes" type CAKESTAEKS. You'll want to staple his dick hole shut by the time he's done.
That'll be all for today since Ohio Buckeyes is what everyone wants to discuss anyway. You better catch a stiff buzz in order to tolerate the ass hattery that will be going on in the comments. We could reach a new level of Fuckeyeness today. In conclusion, G$ asked me to add this at the end. It's probably a link for a life like replica of a Derec Alexander anus. Read at your own risk.
The MAC Glory Hole of the Week (8-5, SON!) is for tonight's West battle. The is my LOCK OF THE YEAR, folks. I'm laying a big fucking cock hammer on Northern Illinois +2 vs. Toledo. NIU getting points at home? To a back-up QB that is a game-time decision and may not play at all? To the same Toledo who has not covered in their last 5 road games? LOL. This is stealing. Take the points and moneyline this fucker for extra juice.