Monday, October 13, 2014

The Worst of Week Six Vol.VIII

My in-laws stayed with us this weekend.  Now, normally, this would lead to an ELITE post where I complain a lot and point out many examples of being rightfully annoyed.  But parenting changes things.  Having more options to hold the kid and take care of her is huge.  Don't get me wrong, I still don't much care for people staying at the Money Mansion, but now it at least serves a purpose and can be incredibly helpful.  That's the thing that you understand quickly when a baby enters your life.  When someone volunteers to hold him or her, you give let them.  I don't care if it is a serial killer.  If Dexter wants to hold my daughter, then he better be ready to go for at least 30 minutes.  No questions asked.  Dad probably has to go rip a monster dump anyway.  Still though, get out of my house.

Speaking of being a dad, I am starting to zero in on baby's first Flag Carrying experience (2-0, bro!).  Feels like Halloween night when the Leafs are in town.  They barely qualify as a pro hockey team.  I figure if we buy up a few tickets in that section way up top with room to move around if she gets fussy (can't wait for her reaction to the cannon blast) then that should suffice.  CTF 4 LIFE.  On to the football!

Everyone that isn't JJ Watt - This guy is an animal.  IMO he is the best player in the NFL and no one else even comes close.  He is a DE that has already scored three touchdowns!  If Clowney ever plays, that pass rush will be insane.

Ryan Fitzpatrick - SHAVE THAT STUPID FUCKING BEARD OFF.  YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.  YOU LOOK LIKE A DARTMOUTH GRAD.

Every inbred member of Steelers Nation - Let's just get this one out of the way now...the Pittsburgh Steelers are the worst team in the AFC North and it isn't even close.  It's over.  Troy needs to go.  Haley needs to go.  LeBeau needs to go.  Tomlin should have never been.  This franchise needs to tear it down and start over.  Disagree?  In the last 6 quarters against the Browns, you are a robust "not remotely competitive".  It was a solid run but ya done.

Browns fans - I was going to say "act like you've been there before" but you really haven't so enjoy your overdue triumph over that wretched hive of scum and villainy.  I'll tell you what: with Jax, Buff, and Oak looming, it isn't insane to talk wild card.  I WILL ALLOW IT.

"Offensive Weapon" - Did you know that Shoelace Robinson is getting PT at halfback for the Jags?  That would explain the zero wins.  RedZone went to JAX/TEN for maybe four plays.  Thanks, Hanson!

Flacco Haters - Joe Flacco is ELITE.  FACT.  DEAL WITH IT. 

Hilarious backdoor cover - Thanks a bunch, horrible decision-making of Geno Smith!!!  And in case you were wondering if he is still alive, Wes Welker is but he is irrelevant.

Teddy Bridgewater and Norv Turner - SMH...you two have quite possibly the best athlete in the game on your side and you don't even try to get the ball to him.  Cordarelle Patterson is incredible.  The QB and OC are dumb, bad, and have a crater face though.

Matt Prater - This is history, folks. The Lions are on pace to miss 2000 field goals this season.

Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller - Poor Bills just will never be able to stick it to the Patriots.  And if they do, it won't be because The Kyle Orton Express is throwing it 38 times.  They needed more on the ground.  They barely got anything.  And thus they get slaughtered again.  Bills be Bills-ing.  The Dolphins also lost in hilarious fashion to the Packers.  So what we learned today is that the Patriots don't even have to break a sweat to win the garbage AFC East.  The Steelers, remember that they are clearly the basement of the north, could be better than all of those teams combined.

Mike Carey - The most worthless yet smug for some reason man in the business.  He's never right.  Is incredulous when proven wrong.  And he has the weirdest Brontosaurus head ever.  Iceman hates this guy.  For once, Iceman is right.

Mike Nugent - The Ohio alum fucked his sister good and deep because he sucks.  You know, you would think that a 37-37 game was good and/or fun but this one was neither.  It was poorly played and boring with a glaring spotlight of incompetence on all parties.  I'm sure that there were a ton of Donovan McNabb jokes on Twitter (remember how he never knew that a game could end in a tie...oh I'm sure that the Klan still chortle about that).

Derek Carr - Broheem!  You're in Sea Bass field goal range!  No need to chuck it deep and Raiders-ing.  NO HEISMAN FOR YOU!  Scary game for the Chargers as apparently the Raiders responded well to their transition-lensed interim coach burying a football in the ground for some reason but they survive.  Branden Oliver looks great IMO.

Mike Smith and Thomas Dimitroff - Just fire these two losers already.  Smith can't coach and Dimitroff would rather be still buying into Lance Armstrong's shit.  The Falcons have nobody in the trenches worth a shit.

Kirk Cousins - I've seen enough.  Thanks for that pick six at the end when I have  you at +5.5.  Lot of fun there. When does RG3 come back?  Two more games?  Shit.  OK, I can wait.  I'm really proud that Seal, Damman, myself, and others were in the house to see KC8's only victory in the NFL.  I will cherish that memory.  I will say this about my putrid Skins who can't get enough of beating themselves with stupidity and turnovers: DeSean Jackson is incredible. And I'm saying this by my own freewill.  He and his cronies do not have this blog at gunpoint.

Russell Wilson and the 12th Man - These arrogant charmslingers deserved to be knocked down a few dozen pegs.  Fuck these guys.  I'm not buying American Family Insurance, Rusty.  You don't even HAVE a family.  You are an interracial #IDELIE IMO!

Percy Harvin - The Seahawks don't know what to do with him still.  He is a wide receiver.  He is not Kordell Stewart or a RB or whatever.  Throw him the ball in space.  6 touches for -1 yards.  Nice game, asshole.

Real Talk Time - I don't like saying this but, through 6 weeks, the Dallas Cowboys are the best team in the NFC and San Diego is still the best team overall.  RIGHT NOW, this would be my pick for the Super Bowl.  OBVZ Romo still has another choke in him come January but the way that these two teams play translates to all conditions and scenarios.  You win in the trenches.  That will never change.

FANTASY! - I think that my G$FL team is really good (2nd in points) and we moved to 3-3 after easily defeating Facebook-selfie King, GSaul.  The other three teams racked up three more losses.  Again--MULLIGAN!

Today marks the return of our Monday afternoon Walking Dead chats!  I GUARANSHEED that last night's season premiere was terrible unless someone nuked the Grimes family.  As always, wait until around noon to unload your complaints about how bad this show has become.  And, remember, the Steelers are the worst!          

35 comments:

Grumpy said...

#FIREHALEY. Exactly .500 since his arrival. Who runs the ball 3 straight times with goal to go?

Jeff said...

Fire everyone. This team has been average at best for awhile now. The D just doesn't have it anymore and the play calling is terrible. Sure the injuries hurt, but the secondary is lost and there hasn't been an ELITE pass rusher for years. Somehow they are 3-3. This sure is shaping up to be another 8-8 season. I won't put too much stock in 1 road loss, but this has been going on for awhile and I don't expect things to change anytime soon. This team was 2-6 last year and somehow a missed KC field goal in week 17 from making the playoffs so anything can happen, but I sure as hell don't see it. Congrats Browns, I hope there were enough buckets of piss to go around yesterday.

Mr. Ace said...

FLY EAGLES FLY!

GMoney said...

The buckets of piss are on Bruce Hooley!

Don't just blame Haley (although he was a terrible hire from the start).

Also a big shoutout to the President of Navajo Nation or whatever. Nothing like scalping off your dwindling integrity for a few more thousand diseased blankets from Danny Snyder!

The Giants were pretty quick to announce that torn patella on Victor Cruz last night. It was almost as if they knew it was coming. That's it. I am now a Victor Cruz Truther. His knee ligament is an inside job.

GMoney said...

Oh shit! I buried the lede from the LFL chat yesterday. Sorry guys...here is your hot NHS Football Goss.

So they are pretty much officially eliminated from the playoffs with three games left because the defense is awful and they changed scheme and philosophy pretty much weekly (miss those two veterans that retired). Here is the kicker (no offense to me), THEY DON'T PRACTICE IN FULL PADS AT ALL DURING THE WEEK. At least that is what my "source" says. They are so afraid of injuries that they do walk-throughs at all times.

Look, idiots, these are high school kids and not pros. If they get hurt then who cares. They will heal. They should be hitting Monday through Wednesday...and tackling...and live blocking...and not being giant fairies.

Want to know why you blow, Strock? THIS IS WHY. Bring back Snoad.

Jeff said...

Yea that announcement about the patella tendon was awfully quick. I completely tore (more of a slice, actually) my patella tendon 8 years ago and I knew it right away since my knee was ripped open and I could see the top of my fibula. Good times.

Mr. Ace said...

It's a patella tendon, not a ligament....which means you are a DEEP truther.

I need B Quick to go super HAM tonight to get 2 W's in fantasy. Just 13 points to beat Daniel in the LOLFL. I'll take 1-1.

Cowboys fans are coming back out of hibernation and it is awful. That collapse needs to happen asap.

GMoney said...

That's the worst part about Dallas. Their fans are the asshole of humanity but I absolutely LOVE the style with which they are playing/dominating. To me, that is perfect football. The spread is for fags. Beating the shit out of your opponents for 60 minutes is where it's at.

But still, I hate the Cowboys.

GMoney said...

Can you imagine how good the Browns might be if they didn't completely whiff on their two first round picks this season???

Mr. Ace said...

Totes agree in regards to their style of play. This Cowboys team isn't as east to hate as usual. Good thing their fans are their fans.

Nibbles said...

Unless they completely changed what they are doing this year, your source is overblowing it.

Conditioning under Strock is nowhere near what it was under Snoad. Believe the most up-downs ever done in a practice under TS has been about 40/50.

Full pads are still worn M-W, but hitting drills have been scaled back much more.

I've got an eighth grade coach here in our district that does not allow hitting during practice. Runs things like a college / pro practice and has the kids practice on technique without full go. It's garbage. The kids are confused during game time and don't run through the tackle.


Anonymous said...

Jury is still out on Gilbert. But, I say trade Johnny for another first round or 2/3 package. Alex Mack going down was fucking brutal, and awful to watch, yet we still made due.

LOL Steelers.

Ide

GMoney said...

My source has a son on the team. They don't hit at all. And no one tackles.

Nobody is giving a first or a second or probably not even a third for Johnny Football. Plus, you shouldn't be trading him anyway. Dude is a project. Let him learn. LET HIM LIVE!

Anonymous said...

I don't think Haley had anything to do with Hoyer hanging 31 on you.

Tomlin is the one that needs to go.

Yea the Steelers are bad... the entire defensive front 3 of the Browns were out yesterday and they still couldn't get a rushing score. It's actually embarrassing that we lost to that team the first time we played them.

Watching the Seahawks lose at home is great - maybe the first time ever I have rooted for the Cowboys.

Eagles fans are the worst LOLZ there is a story of some lady at the game in an eagles jersey stealing the prosthetic leg and running off with it. They still haven't found her or the leg.

Seal

GMoney said...

The leg was found on the subway! To be fair, a homeless guy singing outside the stadium deserves worse.

Anonymous said...

Lions game was boring, but they won without Megatron and Bush....so that's good.

Jeff....I'm sure many Browns fans were partaking in the piss bucket challenge after that one.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

That Browns game was tremendous. There is nothing better than seeing that dejected look on Raper's fat fucking face while Cleveland gives them the business. And to think all the women in western PA shaved their faces for this one.

Mike Carey is the biggest twat in all of football. He's wrong about EVERYTHING yet the broadcasters still go back to him for an opinion. Some of the broadcasters are even starting to argue with him on air which is great. I'm pretty sure it was Gumbel yesterday who was calling him out during the Browns Steelers game. Carey's just a fuck.

I don't know how many more 50 yard TDs Antone Smith needs to score before Mike Smith decides he's a better option than 400 year old Steven Jackson. Christ. This Smith cat makes a big play for a TD every single week. It makes zero sense.

GMoney said...

Speaking of that Bears/Falcons game, Prime or Larry are going to have to explain that LULZ Cutler left-handed throw.

T. Iceman said...

McCoy finally broke the century mark in rushing yards yesterday! Only took 6 weeks. Great accomplishment for the "best back in the NFL". And Foles now has 11 turnovers on the year. Such an ELITE quarterback the Eagles have.

Prime99 said...

Bears getting back on track, which is great, but they define inconsistency and I'm pretty sure the Falcons are butt juice.

Cutler was pressured and threw the ball left handed to avoid a sack. Didn't he hit the ref in the nuts? I don't know. Wasn't a big deal in the flow of the game, just ended up as a funny highlight later.

Ape, care to talk more trash or are you enjoying me coming back from your "head start?" Suck a dick.

GMoney said...

It takes some heavy stones to rip a team that just won 27-0 over an ELITE QB. And has anyone been arguing that Foles is good? Like, ever?

Mr. Ace said...

Iceman is the only troll I know that trolls himself. Truly impressive. 27-0, 5-1....and Shady is 4th in rushing yards. Troll along playa.

GMoney said...

ZOMBIE TIME!!!

*First of all, that was a pretty terrific episode. The hour flew by.

*I would like to see the show murder MORE Detroit Tigers fans. That really was the best. Tigers fans are always trying to kill babies with their trashness. They must be dealt with swiftly.

*Is Carol the MVP of the series? She might be. No one has had a better transformation from worthless to borderline ELITE than her.

*Carol and Daryl reuniting and the Grimes getting back together produced some major feelz from this stud.

*If you didn't stay through the credits, OH SHIT, Morgan is back!

*Does anyone care about Beth anymore? I mean, everyone is back together yet nobody mentions Beff.

*So Eugene is full of shit, right? I enjoyed his redneck fire with fire speech very much but that man is clearly handicapped and not intelligent.

*Will Gareth have the same annoying shelf life as The Gov? No way he's dead.

*My Sweet Angel Maggie was looking fine as hell last night per usual. Was hoping that her dork husband would have ended up as lunch though. Glenn has to go.

*I think Tigers fan called Deputy Dipshit "the kid with the hat" which is pretty much the only way to describe the young serial killer.


Good start to the season. I look forward to where they go next. I recommend Napoleon, OH.

Anonymous said...

I watched the bears game while in Mexico but I feel asleep during the second quarter because of all th booze I drank at the swim up bar.

Offense actually put up points in th second half which was nice to see. They need to find more consistency on O. Matt forte has the most rec in th league right now. He is currently on pace for 2066 total yards. Guy is a beast.

Larry

Anonymous said...

It was indeed great seeing the Browns cave in the Steelers' face yesterday. Maybe we have competent football in Cleveland since Vinny T and Bill took us to the playoffs in 1994? I don't count Derek Anderson's and Kelly Holcomb's fluke years in 2003 and 2007. This is the real deal. Next 3 games...at Jax, home Oakland, home TB. We SHOULD be 6-2 after that. It's always been dangerous to count games as wins for the Browns. Hopefully this is a new era.

Also, Browns fans, if we are going to be good now, we need to understand that we are the Browns not the Brown's. I saw this on Twitter/Facebook at least 10 times yesterday. No apostrophe is needed, people. Cavs fans also like to throw out a Cav's reference too. I don't get this. But if we are going to really be respected by the rest of the NFL, we have to be able to spell the name of our team correctly. THIS REALLY PISSES ME OFF. GIVE IT A REST WITH THIS BROWN'S SHIT.

-Damman

T. Iceman said...

The Internet exploded last night when a guy with slicked back black hair resembling a future bad guy appeared. But the internet was quick to shoot down any Negan theories pretty quickly.

Carol had to have redeemed herself in the eyes of Tyreese last night. HAD to have. I wonder if he's gonna spill the beans on Carol murdering his booty call.

Morgan is still alive?!?!? I wonder if he's still a fucking lunatic.

That was a pretty ELITE episode but I hope they didn't blow their load too early. It may be hard to maintain this momentum.

There is a story behind Eugene, OBVZ. I can tell you now and play spoiler or you can wait for them to play out. Your call.

It looks like a new character is getting introduced next episode. I wonder if he'll be as boring as his comic counter part.

Mr. Ace said...

Zombies was pretty ELITE. I have two complaints.

1. Carol must be the fucking GOAT at bottle rocket accuracy. I have shot off thousands of those in my life aiming directly at some unsuspecting human and not once have I hit them. Carol dialing up that shot was totes not believable.

2. We were led up to Terminus for a fucking eternity....and now it's over? Seems like a lot of wasted buildup.

Totes elite outside of those complaints. Really looking forward to seeing what the fuck Morgan Is Going To do. My guess is FUCK SHIT UP.

Damman loves brown's and browns imo.

T. Iceman said...

Ace is the king of situational arguing. How is McCoy in YPC this year? Total yardage? Touchdowns? Top 4 in all, I'm sure. Or are we basing "best back in NFL" on strictly rushing yards these days? Which took him 6 weeks to break into the top 5, by the way. And I'm sure Foles averaging 2 turnovers a game won't come back to haunt you at all. You're right not to be worried.

Prime99 said...

Ice, no need to spoil anything, and they really have been weaving in and out of comic territory so it is possible (though unlikely) that they change Eugene's story.

I believe crazy tattoo face was in the flashback raping bitches. Why they would keep him alive in a train car for that long is beyond me. Chop him up for dinner already.

I hope the producers have a plan for Judith because she died in the comic, and I don't think they have the stones to kill a baby on TV. That said, she is a breathing anchor/zombie alarm that is unrealisticly quiet.

That said, I don't want her to die, it just is distracting when I think about how quickly that baby would get them in constant danger.

Otherwise, ELITE episode and I'm glad they let Terminus go out with a bang rather than bore us with it like the farm or prison.

T. Iceman said...

Yeah. Judith isn't going anywhere. I can't see the producers killing her off after she survived the point in the comic where she died. Plus the public hates a baby killer.

I think Eugene is gonna play out exactly how he did in the comic. It makes sense for future story lines for the TV show the producers have said they would like to explore.

Mr. Ace said...

Ice, I think you argue with yourself because arguing with others never ends well for you. So please, keep chasing your tail for our enjoyment.

GMoney said...

I have noticed the horrible apostrophe usage among Cleveland sports fans, too. Strangely enough, it is ONLY their issue. Dumb people and every time that I see Cav's, I want to die. BE SMARTER.

LOL at Carol being a bottle rocket sniper! I forgot about that. I should not have.

Don't ruin a good start to the season by unloading spoilers under the guise that it may not happen. Just let the shit show unfold on it's's's's own.

I hope that they kill Justin Verlander next week.

GMoney said...

Whoever is watching the final season of Boardwalk Empire, well, that was a fairly ELITE episode last night.

T. Iceman said...

Hey. You were the one who brought up Eugene. I'm just letting you know I have the info.

Grumpy said...

RIP Chalky.