Monday, October 20, 2014

The Worst of Week Seven Vol.VIII

Watch out for invisible Randy Orton, Tubs!
This is just great.  I want to believe that someone in the Texas Tech basketball office said , "OK, we've got Midnight Madness coming up and need to do something cool and generate a buzz for the program.  I've got it!  We'll put our old black guy coach on a motorcycle for some reason!  Nothing could go wrong here.  We'll piggyback off of (terrible) Sons of Anarchy (again, just an awful show).  Maybe that one fan who wanted to fight Marcus Smart will get pumped!"  And then he dumped the bike on the court. And Texas Tech is still forever a joke.  LOLOLOLOL!  By the way, college basketball season is around the corner...would Drew and Seal be up for contributing to the preview again (in a few weeks)???  Let's fire that fucking pigskin before Tubby kills himself trying to fly a plane!

Notre Dame Fans - Stop it, stud, save that for tomorrow.

Percy Harvin - When news of his trade to the Jets broke on Friday evening, I was shocked.  Why would Seattle do this?  It's not like they are loaded with proven playmakers on the outside.  But then you realize that Harvin has done so very little in two years there and sounds like a disaster to deal with.  So you dump his ass.  And you trade him to the biggest joke/circus of a franchise in the NFL.  Oh yeah, I'm sure that Rex and Marty will use Harvin well.  LOL!  This is just another reminder that, outside of the Tens, Urban Meyer recruited nothing but human filth at Florida.  No one wants anything to do with any of his old players.  FACT.

Or Not - Maybe Harvin wasn't the problem? Maybe it is the dreaded "disease of more" that shithead Pat Riley describes as the #1 killer of champions trying to repeat.  Because when you lose to the Rams, you pretty much suck.  Rusty Dubs was fantastic to bring them back but that defense just isn't that great for whatever reason.  And, of course, they are given a shot at the end when Tre Mason fumbles but Richard Sherman fucks up the recovery.  3-3.  NOT GOOD.

Luke Kuechly - He's white and from Ohio so everyone loves him but he threw a 'bow at a referee and got kicked out.  I don't blame him.  They were getting slaughtered.  By the way, the Packers are fantastic now that they figured shit out.  Just straight up killing suckas ever since the gay QB reminded us all to relax.

Steven Jackson - Just cut this guy already.  You've got two RBs that deserve more touches for a tenth of the price.  The Falcons are awful.  Joe Flacco?  Still ELITE.

Brian Hoyer - Fucking sucks.  Might want to pump the brakes on those contract extension demands, bruh, you penis-looking garbage QB.  Typical Browns.  Getting their hopes up that they may actually challenge for the North and then get destroyed by a winless London team.

FEED THE LACES - Denard fucking Robinson, the STARTING RUNNING BACK for the Jags, ran for 127 yards.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  That's horrendous.  FUCK YOU, CAKES!

The entire Bengals organization - Jesus Christ, AJ Green can't be THAT important.  You will be hard pressed to find a worse performance than what the Bengals did yesterday.

CJ Spiller and Fred Jackson - Both died on the field yesterday but that doesn't matter when you have The Kyle Orton Express running trains on The Torg!  BILLS!  Did you see what Sammy Watkins did yesterday, Ray Farmer???  It's going to be hilarious to see people scramble to pick up Bryce Brown (not even active yesterday) off the waiver wire this coming week.

Jay Catler at home - I don't get it.  The Bears are a terrible home team.  Truly the icing on the shit cake that was Larry's weekend as a football fan. Apparently, Brandon Marshall's crazy ass called out The Cat after the game.  Yeah, I'm sure that that will help.

Drew Brees - He was having the best game he has had all season until the last few minutes when he single-handedly lost that game for the Saints.  I would say that the season is over for NO but the South is SO BAD.  Are the Lions the worst 5-2 team ever?  I would rather be the worst 5-2 team than the best 2-5 so I guess it doesn't matter.  At least they didn't miss any field goals.  PROGRESS!

Kirk Cousins - Jesus was he bad in the first half.  So pathetic that it was a really easy call to go with Colt McCoy.  I like Kirk but he is a back-up.  Period.  I wanted to believe otherwise but it just isn't in the cards.  He will be in the league for a decade but the notion that he could be trade bait is foolish and I was the last person to know it.  BUT WE WON!  Colt McCoy for Heisman!  Skins are on Monday Night Football again next week (WHY!  WTF!) in Dallas and it sounds like RG3 is another week away so I would roll with Colt.  HE SICK.  2-5!

Poetic Justice - If you recall, I attacked Brian Orakpo pretty ELITE-like on Friday.  He left the game yesterday with a possible torn tit (again).  This is not my fault.

Kansas City's WRs - Are awful.  They tried all that they could to piss away that nice win.  I've had about enough of Dwayne Bowe.  Now that Lee Evans is out of the league, I would like to nominate Bowe as the new Lee Evans.  Just a rotten player that many people still think is good.  Not a good loss for my Bolts but maybe the Chiefs aren't that bad.  Chargers/Broncos on Thursday...I LIKE.

Tony Sparano - What is their left to bury?  It might be time to dig up Al Davis and then re-bury him.

Larry Donnell - I should have traded you when I had the chance and now I'm two weeks away from cutting you.  Two fumbles isn't going to sit well with your rat-faced asshole head coach, bro.  Bonus worst to Odell Beckham Jr for his stupid dances when his team is getting killed.  This is the kind of shithead that PFTCommenter hates (and rightfully so).  The fucking Cowboys are 6-1 with the Skins up next.  UGH.

FANTASY! - OK, so I easily vanquished Iceman again in the MSFL.  Barring a miracle night from Crabtree, I will beat -Rex in the LFL.  I will likely defeat -Rex again in the G$FL.  AND I will probably roll in my OTHER LEAGUE.  Holy shit!  I whine about my luck and here comes a 4-0 week!  ELITE!  ME HEART FANTASY FOOTBALL AGAIN!

That will do it for me today.  I'm looking forward to watching JJ Watt destroy no less than 40 Steelers tonight.  He's going to bury whoever the RT is.  You may want to check in with this site tomorrow as the day will be highlighted by Notre Dame fans trying to tell us how rules do not apply to them and others will try to convince us that they are playoff material because they keep pounding garbage.  Get ready, sane people, because you will have a real hoot.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Terrible fucking football weekend for me.ND game, bears and fantasy all blew. I have no idea what is going on with the bears. They are a complete trainwreck. You have Marshall Jeffrey and forte and you put up 14 points?

Larry

Anonymous said...

Man, I severely underestimated how good Alex Mack was. I knew we weren't going to roll out of this schedule 3-0, because Cleveland, but we have a real shot at going 0-3. Hoyer was bad. Real bad. But, our running game did nothing to make up for it, and the pressure was too much.

Our defense played one hell of a game, but in the end they broke down, and gave up points. I don't blame them one bit. They held it together for 44 minutes, and if our offense had any production, could have easily pulled out the entire game.

Sigh.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

#DENARDED

Anonymous said...

That was certainly embarassing. Maybe a little reality check is what we needed. I hope that's all it was.

Some real moronic coaching decisions yesterday too. Going for it up 6-0 when you had a chip shot field goal at the end of the half. Then the Chinese fire drill 4th down play where they tried to be sneaky and snap the ball quickly and the then they realized they didn't have a play called. Brilliant.

-Damman

Nibbles said...

Only thing worse than losing in real life because of Brian Hoyer is losing in FANTASY because of Brian Hoyer.

LOLZ

GMoney said...

According to Ide, in the MSFL, Burke sat Brees in favor of Hoyer this week which should be punishable by death.

Who wants to talk more about Peyton Manning? PEYTON MANNING PEYTON MANNING PEYTON MANNING!!!

Do you think any of those 510 touchdowns matter to Steve Spurrier? He forever owns his ass, bruh.

How about someone actually fit Peyton's helmet to his head instead of jamming an extra small helmet on that gigantic melon?

4-0!!!!!!!!!!

GMoney said...

I also enjoyed Browns fans being intelligent and going to Facebook to complain about not being televised here in central Ohio. That worked out well!

Anonymous said...

Don't forget about Doug Baldwin hanging dong on my bench too. Though, he would never start over Julio, Jordy, and Sanu.

Ide

Grumpy said...

Good thing for Dalton he got that big contract before the season.

Anonymous said...

"FEED THE LACES" is one of the LOLZiest things I've ever read here....well done.

People in Central Ohio that complain that the Browns aren't on TV aren't big fans anyways, since they obviously care so little that they won't go to a bar to watch the game like people do for other teams. Stupid.

I gave the Lions very little shot of beating the Saints going into yesterday....and then almost no shot when they fell behind 17-3....but, they somehow won that fucking game. Need to get Megatron back soon tho...offense really suffers without him. Golden Tate was one hell of a signing.

Unfortunately, it does appear that the Fudge Packers are rolling now and playing above everyone else in the NFC Norf...at least we already got our home win over them.

The Bengals were hot garbage yesterday as well.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

That Browns game looked just as pathetic live. I got a text from Cakes saying I was at the most boring Browns game this year but we'd still win because Jacksonville. Not 5 minutes later the Browns were stopped on 4th down and the Jags went 70 yards to take the lead before half. Cakes'ed by Cakes.

G$ is my fantasy kryptonite. I can never seem to beat that fuck. I picked a great week to make Catler my full time starter, eh?

Odds Brett Favre unretires so he can reclaim his record? Because he's the cock sucker that would do that.

GMoney said...

Iceman, a small part of you had to enjoy seeing Denard tear shit up though.

Really looking forward to the Browns giving the Raiders their first win.

By the way, I've got Thanksgiving Day in the Money Shot Demarco Murray Death Pool.

The Cowboys are due for a crushing home loss. Why not next week? Why not us? WHY NOT TEXAS LEGEND COLT MCCOY!!!

Anonymous said...

I will gladly participate in the college hoops preview, since I am THE most knowledgeable on the subject on this blog... and the best because UK.

While Hoyer was complete ass, I would also nominate Mike Pettine for outcoaching himself multiple times yesterday. Nice option play on 4th and 5 when no one knew the play and neither the QB or the RB had any blockers in front of them. Also, if youre going to go for it on 4th and short, dont get cute asshole. We had zero chance with that play call.

Also, Jordan Poyer wins worst football play of the decade. Getting the ball back late with a chance to drive and take the lead, while receiving a punt you not only attempt to field it AT YOUR OWN ONE YARDLINE, you take the ball to the face?!?! What a fucking asshole. Pettine should have walked on the field and cut him, then resigned for having him on the field over Benjamin and/or Leonard.

Fucking Browns. The thought of so many fans, including myself, talking about potentially going 3-0 in these 3 games is embarrassing.

Seal

Anonymous said...

I had to go to the grocery store yesterday after the game and I still had my Browns gear on. Ran into a couple other Browns fans there. It was quite humorous as we just shook are heads to each other. One guy gave me the "Can you believe that shit?" Yes I can, sir. Yes I can.

-Damman

T. Iceman said...

Denard will always have a special place in my heart...just not when he plays the Browns. The bonus is someone picked up Denard and started him against me in desperation. That move will get them the win this week. Super.

There aren't many teams out there than can pick off a QB 3 times and still lose. Helluva feat, Browns. Jags fans are the worst, BTW. The guy in front of us was a 20 year season ticket holder and was high fiving the Browns fans next to him on the rare occasion they did something decent. And ZERO heckling from a single fan on the way out. Your winless team just smoked a team that was favored and your fans don't have a single thing to say to me on the way out? Pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Iceman, it's because their fans are classy and know that their team is terrible, unlike typical Browns fans who think they are going to make the playoffs every year.

Lions are actually surprising me with how good their D has looked and how bad their secondary is. No Megatron and a comeback, I'll take it. Golden Tate was definitely an underused weapon in Seattle.

Does anyone even care about the World Series? I'm sure Dut is still celebrating his AL Central championship.

----Lange

GMoney said...

I disagree. That is knowing your place in this world at its finest. You call it being a bitch but maybe those people just felt sad for you and didn't want to rub it in because you are already more pathetic than a Jags fan.

Seal is in for college hoops. Haven't heard from Drew yet who is likely not man enough to challenge Seal in a knowledge-off.

Anonymous said...

G$...It goes without saying that I'd be in. COY does anything for this blog.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Jenn Sterger's tweet last night was the GOAT. That is A+ trolling, right there.

Ide

Total Recall said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cakes said...

Only the a browns could erase one of the most enjoyable weeks I've had in years with a game against the fucking Jags. All of that goodwill just vanished in three hours. I blame Iceman because he was in attendance.

Pettine deserves everything that is coming to him today. Those fourth down calls were ridiculous. Why wouldn't you go up nine at the end of the half vs. a QB that kept throwing you the ball? I firmly believe we win that game had the Browns gone into half with a 9-0 lead.

Once again, I'm going to lose fanatsy in this league and win in my other one. I'm glad I can be an easy win for you guys. Second place in the other one though!

Prime99 said...

Man, my commenting game is as dreadful as the Bears. Unacceptable.

GMoney said...

You know how Andy Luck is the best fantasy QB this year and only Peyton comes close? Yeah, Cakes is 1-6 with him in the MSFL. That one is against me by the way. Cakes is the worst.

Oh good, we are going to get good and learned in college hoops this year. Now I just need to figure out a format for those two BFFs.

Colt McCoy just won again.

Cakes said...

I'll consider this season a success if I beat G$ twice in the MSFL.. Nobody should lose to me. Luck is my only player. Harvin is fuck up, Bernard shit the bed and Green's toe continues to be the lamest injury in the league.

GMoney said...

ZOMBIE TIME!!!

*Not a bad second episode. I was expecting far worse. Obviously, Father Sydnor from The Wire locked out of all of his parishioners, Carl and Rick, which is why he had a ton of food and BURN IN HELL was carved into the wood. It isn't hard. Bro is selfish.

*Speaking of Deputy Dipshit, his hat looks like it is about to fall apart. Might be wise to invest in a new hat. I would suggest a Detroit Tigers cap because this show loves killing off people wearing those.

*Who else thought that we would see some deaths when Rick went on a road trip with four black people?

*What the hell was the deal with Daryl throwing or dropping a water jug at Carol. That seemed like a blooper. Good to see that they finally remembered Beth.

*LOL Eugene. Why are they agreeing to follow a fuckwit!

*Bob is totes 'tarded and I believe that he got bit at the food bank which is why he was bawling like a bitch out in the dark. Why are you just randomly walking around!!!

*And that last scene...whew, what a turd. First of all, dude was beaten over the head with a club. You are going to wake up if someone is SAWING YOUR LEG OFF. Then he wakes up and no scream at all. Didn't realize that Gareth was a master of forest anesthesia! This scene was corny-er than a farmer's poop.

*Eating a guy's leg in front of him...LOLOLOLOL! I'm surprised that he didn't offer Bob a bite to really drive the lunacy home. This scene was awful. You can't have cannibals that aren't over the top cartoon characters. It is impossible. And now the "big bads" for this season are normal looking people that eat legs. BAD.

I'm willing to see where they go from here but I am not optomistic. I didn't hate the episode but the ending was pure shit.

RIP Mickey Doyle and that Cuban B. Looking forward to seeing how they wrap up Boardwalk next week.

Daniel said...

The South Siders are now 6-1 and have Josh Gordon coming back in 4 weeks.

I am listening to trade offers if anyone wants to trade me a WR and/or TE. G$ - the value of your scrub TEs have declined significantly since our original talks.

GMoney said...

I bend for no man. Larry Donnell will still cost a fortune!

Have my zombie brethren died?

T. Iceman said...

I didn't watch last night. Have it DVR'ed for tonight's entertainment. Of course after I totally mail in my post for tomorrow.

Prime99 said...

I thought the episode was solid, but you're right about the last scene being campy. It mirrors the comic book scene except Dale was still alive and was the victim.

Tyreese either bitched out or is a bad judge of deadness because Tigers hate guy was in that last scene briefly- bro should be dead.

Everyone ready for a Daryl/Carol/Beth 3 way/love triangle?

GMoney said...

Hey Prime and Larry, today is the one year anniversary that the Redskins beat the Bears. Why is this important? Because it was our last win over an NFC team. HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!!!

Prime99 said...

Hey G$- the Blackhawks have more wins at Soldier Field than the Bears this year. Bears bad.

BEARDOWN!

GMoney said...

This site is just cranking out ELITE pathetic stats today!