|ELITE parenting skills by Batman|
***NOTE: We are joining the battle anyway so it doesn't matter how awful either of us are.
So please wish me the worst of luck. I figure that as long as we don't go the ER, this week's episode of "G$: Single Dad" will be a success. I set high goals. Now let's fire that fucking pig skin!
Not The Grove City Greyhounds - Say what you want to about the suburb itself but the school's QB is named RILEY COOPER. HAHAHAHA! ELITE!
Terry and Howie - Bros, you work one day a week and barely break a sweat anyway. Get your old asses out of bed and do the London pregame show. And don't show up at halftime acting all cool. You both suck.
Mike Smith - And here is your next coach fired. Come on! The clock management at the end was absurd. The Lions don't win that if you just run the damn ball. Matt Ryan had one of the worst interceptions that you'll ever see. Hell, walking emotion machine Jim Caldwell sat EVERYONE that wasn't 100%. He wasn't even trying to win that game. This was peak Falcons.
Roger Goodell - FIVE games in London next year! Fuck you.
Geno SMH and Michael Pick - It doesn't matter. They both blow equally. The only difference is that one has served time and thus is more respected by his race (probably). I noticed something yesterday as The Kyle Orton Express was working on his Pro Bowl resume: Geno looks like A-Rod. Count it. I'm not going to rag on Sammy Watkins for being dumb because the dude is sick and I can't blame him for assuming the Jets quit. Bills sick!
Zack Mettenburger - This sex offender was all the rage this week as he brought his Wooderson look to the first team huddle. But just like in college, Zack Attack is terrible. At least he's kept his penis to himself as a pro...so far. There were A LOT of horseshit games on at 1 yesterday (JAX/MIA, STL/KC, and MIN/TB) that we will not be discussing.
Marshawn Lynch - Yeah, it's definitely time for him to move on and be someone else's problem. Dude just looks like someone that you don't want to be around. It sounds like the Bucs are shopping Douglas Martin, too. This just reinforces my stance that RBs are worthless. That Panthers/Seahawks game was also a horrible watch.
Joe Flacco and Steve SMH Sr - Rough day for Big Joe ELITE as he struggled for the most part probably due to being blinded by Dalton's hair. It didn't help that he won the game with a beautiful rocket launch but his insane teammate cheated and ruined things. I'm still a buyer of Ravens stock. Yesterday doesn't make me a believer in the Bengals though. Can Gio Bernard please stop being a bitch and actually finish a game?
Pretty much everyone associated with the Bears ever - "Wow."--Cakes. That was a full body suck. Last week, everyone was yelling at everyone else and of course that didn't help at all. I am writing SEASON OVER on top of the Bears logo because that it too much dysfunction, the coach looks like no one respects him, and the QB is a joke. This is why you don't commit monster money to a guy just because "he's better than what we've had". I'm sorry that you have to hear this from me, Prime and Larry, but this team is going nowhere without major changes in leadership. Gronk just scored again.
The goddamn injury bug - We already knew how banged up the CBJ are were to start the season but this weekend's trip to CA really stepped it up. Cam Atkinson nearly lost his fucking eyeball on Friday night and Nick Foligno was stretchered off in LA yesterday after skating head first into a referee's ass. GIVE IT A REST.
Nate Allen - Oh, that be some ELITE terrible prevent defense by the fraud Eagles. LOLOLOLOLOLOL! Fuck you, Ace. Your team is a total fluke.
Browns fans - I can't believe that I'm going to say this but Iceman was right. Brian Hoyer never had a chance. As soon as he had a poor game, the natives would turn on him immediately. And they spent the entire first half and most of the third quarter booing him. Let's not forget that this offense isn't very talented and their rock solid center is gone. No, let's blame the QB. Hoyer isn't anything special as I've said forever, but you were leading the entire game. You don't boo on your team when they are winning. Go drown in a bucket of piss, idiots.
The debate of the week - CONGRATS TO BIG BEN FOR WINNING HIS 100TH START IN ONLY 150 GAMES! WHAT A TITAN OF THE INDUSTRY AND TRULY AN ELITE QUARTERBACK! Holy shit did they look great or what? I think that the Colts are very good so that makes it doubly impressive. That said, you are hearing a lot of talk about whether Roethlisberger is a Hall of Famer. He still has a little more work today but I think that he is absolutely trending in the right direction. If you told me to pick today, then I say YES. He is a Hall of Famer. This should get the comments cranked up to 11 today.
Jimmy Graham - Listen, bitch, I'll tell you what I had to tell Megatron. Either play or don't. No more of this half-ass bullshit that helps no one. If you can't go then sit.
FANTASY! - Getting smoked in the LFL (although about to pull off another blockbuster deal this week) and OTHER LEAGUE. I'm pretty confident that I will vanquish Lange in the MSFL and get to .500 which is the upset of the millennium. And it's looking good to beat Drool in the G$FL as long as DeSean doesn't blow up tonight.
Speaking of which, Redskins/Cowboys tonight!!! WEEEEEE!!! We haven't humiliated ourselves on national TV in almost a month! That has to change. I can't wait. I also can't wait to wake up my daughter after yelling racist shit at Jay Gruden. FUN! See you tomorrow where we take a garbage team to double overtime and act like that's not that bad.