Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Ranking The Takesmiths

With yesterday's odd argument on accountability on the internet (LOL!), I figured that we could kick it up a notch today with the pros.  There is no doubt that the "embrace debate" mantra is ruining society but I'm not talking about how Worst Cake should be the #1 morning show in America.  I'm talking about the vast hellscape known as Sports Talk Radio!  Most of us listen to it a lot.  Some of us call in to win fabulous Pat Fenis-related prizes.  Anyone that avoids it altogether should be considered a saint.

There are good radio shows and many, MANY bad ones.  A few weeks ago, I was walking the dog during the Skins/Seahawks Monday Night Football game so I strapped on my headphones to listen to the action.  ESPN had a playoff baseball game on and CBS had some weirdo named Farrell spitting out venom.  Have you heard this guy?  It sounds like he is talking out of a voice box.  Who put that guy on the air?  Awful bar, TERRIBLE BAHHHHHH!  I decided to rank 12 sports radio shows (almost all of them national).  We'll actually start with the best and work our way to the god awful audio diarrhea.

1. The Dan Patrick Show - Dan is the best and no one really comes close.

2. Dari and Mel - I LOVE this Saturday morning show.  They talk almost nothing but football and the jingle is the greatest.  Excellent dog-walking listen.  And I will never apologize for being in love with Kiper.

3. The Ian O'Connor Show - Just a no nonsense Sunday morning show out of New York that also is enjoyable while walking the dog.  I do a lot of dog walking on weekend mornings.

4. SVP & Rusillo - By the time that the previous show ends, most listeners are ready to throw their radios away but SVP is just a good dude and Rusillo seems equally cool.  It takes a lot to make up the damage that their lead-in left but they excel at it.

5. Mike & Mike - Look, this is corny shit but my ears aren't ready for molten hot takes that early in the morning.  I need some easy listening on the way to work.  This is a very vanilla show but it works.  They need to end that relationship with Cris Carter though.

6. The Local Shows - Bishop and Rothman are fine even though I find Beau to be really arrogant a lot of the times for not perceived reason at all.  Rothman takes his dogs to the same place as Commenter Daniel I'm told.  Which leaves us with Common Man and Company.  Why they still use Company even though it is TBone and once a week Krenzel, I do not know.  CM & Torg would have been #3 for me if they were still together.  Separately, they do not work as well.  Together, they talk to the POTUS.  I hate TBone.  All other shows produced locally can eat hog.

7. The Jim Rome Show - He's been doing the same exact show for over 15 years now.  It is the same thing every day.  Great interviews with athletes, callers calling each other out for some dumb reason, war, and people getting racked.  Rome is an acquired taste.  I do not care for the flavor much.

8. Sedano & Stink - At this point, I would like to remind everyone of the short-lived Hill & Stink where Schlereth spent every night trying to perfect his ebonics.  It was the best worst thing ever.  These guys are serviceable but a guy named Jorge should not go by George.  False advertising IMO.

9. The Mike Lupica Show - The radio show is fine because you don't have to look at his stupid midget face.  He tends to interview Joe Maddon every week though and I hate Joe Maddon.

10. The Mike Francesca Show - This asshole New Yorker is so boring.  It doesn't help that he falls asleep on the air at least once a year.

11. The Herd - How is this not last?  Well, for as racist and bad and racist as Colin is, he does give decent gambling advice.  I can't stand Colin and he should have been suspended for a wide variety of things many times, but...uh, I actually don't have a compliment prepared for him.  FUCK HIM.  I DRINK SODA.  DEAL WITH IT.  KISS MY BUTT, COWTURD!

12. Boomer and Carton - This is simulcast on CBS Sports and is the worst thing ever.  Boomer is just a repugnant turd (see: his thoughts on Daniel Murphy's paternity leave) and Craig Carton is a fucking cocksucker.  Maybe Ide can back me up on this but these two guys are straight up shitdicks.

Let's open the phone lines today and lay out our thoughts on national and regional sports talk radio.  We can even have an Airing of Grievances segment if you are so inclined.  Either way, have a take but DO NOT SUCK.  I loooooooooooooove ya, commenters!


Anonymous said...

That Farrell guy is almost impossible to listen to... I don't understand how they thought a guy with a voice like that would be good for radio. It's like he's trying to make his voice sound like that because he thinks it's cool... ITS NOT COOL.

Mr. Ace said...

I don't listen to enough sports radio to give a full list...but I have some HOT TAEKS.

1. SVP & Russilo are my faves. They are two wide dudes that know sports and love hip hop. It just seems like they aren't trying to produce scorching hot takes or be controversial. Just a natural back and forth that I enjoy.

2. I really like Common Man. I really wish TBone would die. They could pair common man with any other clown and it would be infinitely better. I will never forget the day T Bone was on the air by himself for a day. It was a huge radio car accident that he somehow managed to escape.

3. I like The Herd. I do not like Colin. In order to carry a one man show everyday you have to say some asinine shit. I get it. I accept it. He's still a giant douche.

4. I listen to Mike n Mike every morning and I'm never offended or feel strongly in any way while listening. They are the Leave it to Beaver of sports radio.

5. I very rarely catch Dan, but when I do I enjoy it. He seems like a clever fella.

6. Where's Maddog, BRAH?

Anonymous said...

As a monster hater of sports radio....and one that rarely listens to it because of that....I don't have many opinions.

I can enjoy Dan Patrick and Jim Rome at times.

LOLZ @ saying anything positive about Mike and Mike.

I've heard that Ferrell guy talk before...good call on the "voice box" sound.


Anonymous said...

Neff at Night!

Nibbles said...

Neff at Night!

Anonymous said...

Put Nibbles down for Neff at night.

I listen to sports radio a small amount at work, a mere fraction of when I lived in Ohio. SVP and Rusillo are my favorite too. I don't hate Mike & Mike, and they do have good banter. Their takes are utter garbage, but that's not why I listen to them.

Cowherd is awful, and it's mostly his voice. I found myself filled with anger when he would come on. Every time I bothered to listen, it got worse. Like Skip/Smiff, I much rather avoid them completely and catch the 'highlights' on the internet.

Boomer and Carlton are fucking terrible. It may be my age and where I grew up, but I ONLY identify with Boomer as a Cincy guy. I get the impression that most people around here either do, or could give a shit less. I tend to avoid them, because there is NOTHING worse than NY fans. Though, the absolute fervent belief that the Knicks are great even though they are complete fucking garbage is LOLZ. Gotta love the intensity.


GMoney said...

Speaking of the Knicks, that was a pretty good 30 For 30 last night. I had little expectations going in but I enjoyed it. Willis Reed fighting the entire Lakers team was very amusing. As is Bill Bradley's Jimm Gunner-esque turkey neck (incredible reference that only Burke will probably get but I'm sticking with it anyway).

I just can't figure out how Farrell thought that with his voice, radio was the career choice for him. Speaking of CBS Radio, I do like that Jody Mac guy though. Does Dana Jacobsen still have a morning drive show with Tiki Barber? That has to be the worst.

I, too, want to watch TBone die.

Jeff said...

DP is the best and no one else is close. For thoses that have Sirius, I enjoy Evan and Phillips over M&M in the mornings. They are complete idiots which makes it a good listen and they constantly bringing up Steve Phillips' GM blunders. Mo Vaughn!

GMoney said...

Oh, and the absolute worst thing on sports talk radio is "Any Coach's Call-In Show". Never interesting, always coma inducing.

I forgot to mention Spielman On Sports. One of the finest hours of the week where you actually learn something and he isn't a homer. I miss the old days when Common Man and Spielman had an ELITE show and Spiels would claim a new favorite baseball team every day to piss off Mike. Good times.

Anonymous said...

You tease with the pic of Bruce Drennan and then don't mention him?

Drennan's show is awesomely terrible. From Bruce declaring himself a "noted baseball historian" and then proceeding to butcher the names of half of the Indians lineup to moron producer Gene who gets asked his opinion far to often to Bruce screaming at his amazingly stupid callers to turn their radios down 20 times per is a trainwreck from start to finish.

SVP and Russilo are ELITE.


GMoney said...

Bruce isn't on the radio (I think) but he is charismatic and I wanted to include him anyway.

T. Iceman said...

Farrell's voice sounds like a someone's revving a moped. That's the best way I can describe it. The first time I heard him on the radio I couldn't believe it. The dude's voice is impossible to listen to.

Schlereth trying to talk black will go down as one of the most hilarious yet pathetic things in the history of radio.

Saying you like the Herd but hate Colin is like saying you like onion rings but hate onions. How can you like a one man show but hate the one man that performs it?

I don't listen to much sports radio anymore because most of it is dog shit. I do try and catch Valenti and Foster on 97.1. Those guys are great to listen to. Valenti undressing moronic callers on the air is the best. Ace hate him because he dogs Michigan all the time (lately for good reason) but he's a Spartan fan so what do you expect?

Tiki, Branson and Dana could be the worst show ever created if CBS had never decided to put John Feinstein on the air. Feinstein is the absolute worst. If you want to listen to a fat, old fuck bitch about ESPN and then shoehorn in some golf/tennis segments around pitching his newest book for listeners...then Feinstein is your man. Feinstein is strictly for the over 70 crowd.

Rome is good but it's very cliquey. If you don't listen to Rome every single day, you won't understand half of the inside jokes that go on during his segments. Seems like more of a cult than a radio show.

SVP and Russilo are great. No denying that.

Mike and Mike need to just fuck each other and get it over with. The sexual tension on that show between them is painfully obvious.

Anonymous said...

That is a hilarious reference & I wish others knew b/c its probably the comment of the month. Well done sir


Prime99 said...

Brian Kenny has a show on NBC Sports Radio. He's always been solid. Terrible that him leaving was what brought Hill & Schlereth to us (or Suga & Stink.)

Damon Bruce is good and so is Tom Tolbert for Bay Area sports talk.

Nibbles said...

James Gunner! Former NMS Principal

GMoney said...

Isn't Damon Bruce the guy who got in trouble for pretty much calling women cunts on the air?

Locally, just to add, I really enjoy Bobby Carpenter even though he has Phil Simms hair now. I grow less and less fond of Tim Hall by the day.

Prime99 said...

Not exactly, but yes, you're thinking of the right guy. What he really said was that Jonathan Martin was basically being a pussy and that the "pussification of America" had him fed up. It wasn't really about women, but women were offended (all 3 of them that listen to sports talk) and he was suspended for a day.

Grumpy said...

You would think with all that dog walking you would lose some weight.

Anonymous said...

Oh snap


GMoney said...

Ouch. Not cool, bruh! It's mostly water!

GMoney said...

Prime, that's a good point. I'm always amazed that when the phone lines open up, some broads actually call in with takes. They are almost always terrible and dumb. Good stuff.

Anonymous said...

Sorta related, but is anyone reading Derek Jeter's new website? It is actually really well done. Blake Griffins article on Sterling is pretty great. Jeter certainly has enough pull to make players from all sports really tell great stories. I really hope it catches on.


GMoney said...

So what you're saying is, "Yeah Jeets".