What. A. Queer.
We really need to consider revoking the COTY award after Drew was posting pictures of himself butt fucking a Grumpy look-a-like in Vegas over the weekend. If that wasn't bad enough, he also had an apparent ex member of Warrant giving the duck face 6 inches from his mouth. Drew is bringing so much shame and embarrassment to such a prestigious Internet award that he OBVZ isn't taking seriously. Drew is the Jameis Winston black eye of the COTY award. Never forget that. I hope you don't mind me borrowing that picture. Just holding you accountable for your Gerontophilia, Drew. Plenty of LOLZ to be discussed today so lets get started.
Michigan vs. Michigan State
As expected, a blowout. Although I was surprised it took MSU so long to drive the jelly dong home. I assumed it would be over after one quarter. Funchess looks completely checked out at this point and I can't say that I blame him. No way he comes back next year. Devin Gardner did everything he could to make sure Sparty covered the spread and did that very well. He probably had money on them. I really have no idea why Gardner continues to play at this point. The coaches must really fucking hate Shane Morris or think he's complete shit. The stat in this game that really spoke to me is Michigan hasn't scored an offensive touchdown against MSU since 2011. Really. There are no words. Once again...Mike Hart can choke on a million dicks for essentially starting all of this.
Oregon vs. Cal
Oregon's defense may lose them 2 more games before this year is over. They bad. I still don't understand why Mariota isn't first in the Heisman voting right now. He's clearly the best QB in the country. Dude just threw his first interception of the season this week. He's pretty unreal and deserves to be at the top of the list.
Mississippi State Vs. Kentucky
Having a little trouble with the lady, Ace? - Dan Marino. This has always annoyed me about the #1 team in the country. People always say "When you're number one you get everyone's best shot". That's so fucking stupid. It suggests teams don't give the same effort every single game. "Well...we were going to give you everything we had but since you're only the 18th ranked team in the country, we decided to hold back a little". I'm sure all these guys try as hard as they can no matter who is lined up against them and no matter what their rank is. I fuckin hate that phrase. Anyway...chalk this Kentucky loss up to Seal being in attendance. According to Facebook he was in Kentucky trying to impregnate horses or something. Or at least that's what I'm telling everyone.
Ole Miss vs. LSU
Your 80 year old racist grandfather would have loved this game if not for all the blacks on the field. Loads of defense. And idiotic play calling. Ole Miss deserved to lose that game for the Madden-esqu play call on their last possession. What was that manure? Kick the field goal, dude. I know it's not a chip shot but that's your only chance. Ole Miss couldn't afford to drop that game but don't worry...another SEC team will replace them in the top 4.
Auburn vs. South Carolina
Auburn had quite the scare and survived a potential bad loss Saturday. I didn't watch much of this game since I was flipping back between Ohio vs. Penn State and Ole Miss vs. LSU. Looked entertaining though.
TCU vs. Texas Tech
The only reason I even mention this game is because the Frogs hung an 82 point dong on Texas Tech. That is fuckin nasty. I bet practice is gonna be fun for Texas Tech next week. They'll probably break Napoleon's up-down record.
Ohio Buckeyes vs. Penn State
If Penn State had an offense AT ALL, the outcome of this game would have been different. It didn't help that the refs put PSU in a 7 point hole from the jump on a bull shit call. I'm sure Urban Meyer paid the officials off before the game with sensual blow jobs as usual. Barrett looked good. LOL. I guess that's what happens when you play against an actual defense not ranked in the 70s. Fuckeyes will point to Barrett's play in OT thinking it will erase 4 quarters of being bad. It doesn't. Those are Devin Gardner numbers. The fact is you should have blown out a team both Michigan and Northwestern beat. Instead you squeaked by in double overtime. But I'm sure you shit dicks will make some pathetic attempt at spinning this in a positive way. Nice game, dildos.
That'll be all today. The first playoff ranking gets released today. Did they get it right or did someone get fucked? Speaking of getting fucked...someone better ask Drew how the most disgusting Vegas 3 way in the history of gross sex went in between his LULZing in the comments. Oh...and get an AIDS test. The duck lips guy looks like he gets around.