Tuesday, October 28, 2014

College Football Week 9


What.  A.  Queer.



We really need to consider revoking the COTY award after Drew was posting pictures of himself butt fucking a Grumpy look-a-like in Vegas over the weekend.  If that wasn't bad enough, he also had an apparent ex member of Warrant giving the duck face 6 inches from his mouth.  Drew is bringing so much shame and embarrassment to such a prestigious Internet award that he OBVZ isn't taking seriously.  Drew is the Jameis Winston black eye of the COTY award.  Never forget that.  I hope you don't mind me borrowing that picture.  Just holding you accountable for your Gerontophilia, Drew.  Plenty of LOLZ to be discussed today so lets get started.

Michigan vs. Michigan State

As expected, a blowout.  Although I was surprised it took MSU so long to drive the jelly dong home.  I assumed it would be over after one quarter.  Funchess looks completely checked out at this point and I can't say that I blame him.  No way he comes back next year.  Devin Gardner did everything he could to make sure Sparty covered the spread and did that very well.  He probably had money on them.  I really have no idea why Gardner continues to play at this point.  The coaches must really fucking hate Shane Morris or think he's complete shit.  The stat in this game that really spoke to me is Michigan hasn't scored an offensive touchdown against MSU since 2011.  Really.  There are no words.  Once again...Mike Hart can choke on a million dicks for essentially starting all of this.

Oregon vs. Cal

Oregon's defense may lose them 2 more games before this year is over.  They bad.  I still don't understand why Mariota isn't first in the Heisman voting right now.  He's clearly the best QB in the country.  Dude just threw his first interception of the season this week.  He's pretty unreal and deserves to be at the top of the list.

Mississippi State Vs. Kentucky

Having a little trouble with the lady, Ace? - Dan Marino.  This has always annoyed me about the #1 team in the country.  People always say "When you're number one you get everyone's best shot".  That's so fucking stupid.  It suggests teams don't give the same effort every single game.  "Well...we were going to give you everything we had but since you're only the 18th ranked team in the country, we decided to hold back a little".  I'm sure all these guys try as hard as they can no matter who is lined up against them and no matter what their rank is.  I fuckin hate that phrase.  Anyway...chalk this Kentucky loss up to Seal being in attendance.  According to Facebook he was in Kentucky trying to impregnate horses or something.  Or at least that's what I'm telling everyone.

Ole Miss vs. LSU

Your 80 year old racist grandfather would have loved this game if not for all the blacks on the field.  Loads of defense.  And idiotic play calling.  Ole Miss deserved to lose that game for the Madden-esqu play call on their last possession.  What was that manure?  Kick the field goal, dude.  I know it's not a chip shot but that's your only chance.  Ole Miss couldn't afford to drop that game but don't worry...another SEC team will replace them in the top 4.

Auburn vs. South Carolina

Auburn had quite the scare and survived a potential bad loss Saturday.  I didn't watch much of this game since I was flipping back between Ohio vs. Penn State and Ole Miss vs. LSU.  Looked entertaining though.

TCU vs. Texas Tech

The only reason I even mention this game is because the Frogs hung an 82 point dong on Texas Tech.  That is fuckin nasty.  I bet practice is gonna be fun for Texas Tech next week.  They'll probably break Napoleon's up-down record.


Ohio Buckeyes vs. Penn State

If Penn State had an offense AT ALL, the outcome of this game would have been different.  It didn't help that the refs put PSU in a 7 point hole from the jump on a bull shit call.  I'm sure Urban Meyer paid the officials off before the game with sensual blow jobs as usual.  Barrett looked good.  LOL.  I guess that's what happens when you play against an actual defense not ranked in the 70s.  Fuckeyes will point to Barrett's play in OT thinking it will erase 4 quarters of being bad.  It doesn't.  Those are Devin Gardner numbers.  The fact is you should have blown out a team both Michigan and Northwestern beat.  Instead you squeaked by in double overtime.  But I'm sure you shit dicks will make some pathetic attempt at spinning this in a positive way.  Nice game, dildos.

That'll be all today.  The first playoff ranking gets released today.  Did they get it right or did someone get fucked?  Speaking of getting fucked...someone better ask Drew how the most disgusting Vegas 3 way in the history of gross sex went in between his LULZing in the comments.  Oh...and get an AIDS test.  The duck lips guy looks like he gets around.

43 comments:

Grumpy said...

That pic needs to go viral.

GMoney said...

I'm rolling on a series of three one hour naps but the kid is at daycare now and I don't care because Colt McCoy 4 Heisman, bitch!!! Man, there is nothing better than beating your rival in their barn. FUCK DALLAS! The Weeden/McCoy show down lived up to all of the hype!

Bo Wallace is hot garbage. That guy has the poise of my three month old kid who doesn't know how to deal with gas. I actually agreed with running another play but he said that there was one on one coverage out there. Uh, no there was not. Also Hugh Freeze should not be throwing Bo under the bus after the game. What that tells me is that Ole Miss is not ready for primetime.

No mention of the Michigan spike incident? How embarrassing. Dantonio had every right to run up the score for that.

Drew is a faggot in every state. This is not news and I did not need photographic proof of it.

Joey Bosa is a goddamn animal and pretty much a lesser JJ Watt at this stage. It's unfortunate that he calls that offense his teammates. Remember how some people attacked me one week ago for my criticisms of HJ Barrett? Yeah, I look a lot smarter today. Anyone can run up the score at home against garbage opponents. Penn State is AWFUL and everyone knows this. That win on Saturday night was embarrassing. And that game was a horrible watch.

Christian Hackenberg is fucking ass. And the officiating in that game was somehow worse. The Big Ten, who should not be allowed to play primetime games, was amateur hour on Saturday night outside of Bosa who was mos def ELITE.

RedHawks win again, bruh.

HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!

Anonymous said...

Apparently Barrett played with a sprained MCL. Sucks, but them the breaks I guess.

I don't get why we need to make excuses. We won. It was ugly, but we did it. I love that Iceman's life is so drab that he views close wins as a justifiable reason to throw the season away, and not a way to build character. Oddly enough he went apeshit when the Browns pulled off a similar victory against the shitty Titans.

Glazing over the stake incident is cute.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

The stake incident? Who fucking cares! Seriously. It was something Dantonio used to fire up the players....I guess? As if that had any impact at all on the outcome. I'm much more embarrassed that Hoke apologized for it, and that he somehow used a fucking tent stake to attempt to motivate his team. If you need additional motivation to play in that game then you should probably be at a different school.

The Big Ten is still total ass. Top to bottom.

GMoney said...

Sounds like Barrett is learning a lot about fake injuries from Broxton Milner. Whatever. These things happen when you run the garbage spread and let your QB take shots.

Wing T or GTFO.

Anonymous said...

Is Ape missing the fact that the Michigan players took said stake and planted it in the M logo midfield? Because, UM players disrespecting MSU like that then getting their o-ring blown out including an ELITE td call with 17 seconds left is fucking hilarious.

Hoke using a tent stake for motivation is hilarious and stupid.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

You might want to get your story straight here, chach. The stake was planted in the corner of the end zone nowhere near the Sparty sideline. HOLY FUCK EVERYBODY OVERREACT LIKE DANTONIO WOULDNT HAVE RAN IT UP ANYWAYS.

Anonymous said...

No way he would have scored that final TD. And go fuck yourself by saying its an overreaction. Those stupid fucks ran out there TAUNTED THE SUPERIOR TEAM and got your asses handed to you. Little brother whooped your ass after you teased him, and you want to blow it off like its nothing to laugh at?

That is the quintessential LOLZ in all of sports. Anytime, and I do mean anytime, some asshole talks shit in sports and gets beat (in this case, horribly), it is everyone else's duty to rain hell on said asshole.

If JT Barrett comes out and says that he will spank MSU worse than AP did his boy and gets blown out by 50, please tell me you wouldn't bring it up. Yeah, I thought so.

Prime...you lost.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Whatever floats your boat. We were getting blown out no matter what. This wasn't two equal teams going up against one another with one of them talking shit and then getting pounded. This was a team that was clearly going to get pounded getting pounded. Was is stupid? Absolutely. You don't pull that on a team that has been embarrassing you for the last 5 years. But that stake had nothing to do with the result on Saturday.

GMoney said...

But that stake (which is really dumb obvz) did make an already embarrassing team even more embarrassing which no one thought was possible.

Anonymous said...

Survive and advance. That's all that matters. We obviously have some issues to get ironed before we go to MSU or it's not going to be pretty.

Hoke somehow ending up apologizing to Dantonio after Dantonio shoved it up ass is just hilarious. I don't know how you Michigan fans are remaining sane with this guy as your coach.

So G$, you are taking vacation days and yet still taking the kid to daycare? That is quite ELITE.

-Damman

GMoney said...

The shitty thing about daycare is that you're paying no matter if the kid is there or not. They don't give you free days. So it makes little sense to have her stay home. They can deal with the poop, piss, and spit-ups.

I will accept the ELITE accolades anyway.

T. Iceman said...

"Oddly enough he went apeshit when the Browns pulled off a similar victory against the shitty Titans."

Now we're comparing one of the worst franchises in the NFL to a team that is ranked 13th in the country with a shot at the Big 10 title? Get the fuck out of here with that shit. That Browns/Titans game was a coin flip whereas Ohio should have been kicking the shit out of a bad team that can't move the ball without penalties. It's funny you think these scenarios are the same.

Ace is right...Dantonio was running is up regardless if that stake went into the ground of up Hoke's ass. The Stake was just a scape goat for not being over how big of a cocky fuck Mike Hart was. If you guys think Dantonio has buried his hatred for Michigan from the "little brother" comments then have some Tim Couch rookie cards I would like to sell you.

Jeff said...

Urban trying to play Tressel ball is not a good look.

Regardless of how they look doing it, If OSU wins out they need way too much help to have people forget about a home loss to Beamer balls even if it was the second game. There will not be a worse loss for any one loss team.

Incase you were wondering, cole Stoudt still sucks and clemson won ugly.

Nibbles said...

There is nothing less inspiring and as unmotivating for your players than your own head coach apologizing to your rival team for their actions.

They're not even playing football anymore in Michigan. They're just trying to be polite.

Jeff said...

Now BOB! GTFOH

Anonymous said...

I honestly feel bad for UM fans. I thought I would enjoy this, but now it seems that instead of waiting for OSU to lose they are now taking umbrage with our wins. That is just too bad. OSU barely beat a bad Purdue team in 2002 and won a championship, shit happens. The only game that matters for us is MSU. If we beat every other team by 1 it doesn't matter if we don't beat MSU.

Only faggots get uppity over style points. Go cheer for gymnastics.

Ide

GMoney said...

Style points matter in college football. They always have. Where have you been?

GODDAMMIT THE JACKETS ARE FUCKING CURSED. CURSED I SAY. This is absurd.

As a RedHawks fan, I consider our loss to Michigan to be our worst loss of the season.

GMoney said...

And can we talk about Iceman not understanding giving #1 your best shot? Obvz Kentucky is going to be more focused and play harder against Miss State than they would Furman. It is what college kids do and it is human nature. It's similar to the last few years when the Cavs would give the Heat fits but then get trucked by Charlotte.

T. Iceman said...

You're trying to just gloss over the fact that you needed OT to beat a team that Michigan and Northwestern both beat. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself, bro...but you can't feel good about facing MSU after that dog shit performance. Barrett was exposed by PSU's defense. Now what do you think MSU is going to do to a freshman who apparently has a knee injury as well?

I wasn't aware that simply stating FACTS about how bad Ohio looked was taking "umbrage" with a win. I forgot no one is allowed to criticize this program at all no matter how correct the criticism is. I guess you do have Illinois to beat up on next week so you can all point to that win and say, "See? We're fiiiiiiiiiiine."

Anonymous said...

So, are we gonna talk about how gay Drew is or is that picture something that is a normalcy for you guys to see him do in Short North down there in gay country?

Seal

Anonymous said...

Also, Miss St. is getting beat... they are good, but eventually they are going to play a team that is very good at stopping the run and they are fucked. Prescott isn't that great of a passer and when UK hangs with you for almost 4 quarters, you aren't the best team in the nation.

Seal

T. Iceman said...

Then maybe Kentucky should give their best more often so they don't get beat by shitty schools like Florida.

GMoney said...

You know who else isn't a good passer? HJ Barrett.

WHY IS ILLINOIS/OHIO A PRIMETIME GAME???

T. Iceman said...

Because Ohio is always the best team in the country no matter who they play and no matter how much they struggle! Get with the program, shit head.

Mr. Ace said...

Lolz Rod Smith got dismissed because the Fuckeyes are just a bunch of criminals.

Nibbles said...

I don't get the LOLz? Should they not have dismissed him?

GMoney said...

They shouldn't recruit felons and murderers probably.

Nap time for me...enjoy yourselves

Nibbles said...

I suppose if Smith contributed as much to our team as Frank Clark did, then he would be worthy of our coaches looking the other way when one commits a felony.

Anonymous said...

Just woke up....

First of all, that picture is ELITE as fuck.

Second of all, LOLZZZZZZZZZ @ comments like this " I forgot no one is allowed to criticize this program at all no matter how correct the criticism is". Read every Buckeye comment above that and pretty much everyone said that they did not play all that great and need to play better than that for MSU. Holy shit at how terrible of a reader you are. You trying to act like everyone should treat that game as a loss is worth all the LOLZ.

Rod Smiff got kicked off for failing drug tests...what a renegade program to administer drug tests and then dish out punishment for them.

The stake incident was absolutely hilarious. The behavior out of those Michigan buffoons was just tremendous. They looked like absolute fools...which isn't surprising since their head coach is a monster fool. The Michigan Difference.

Kentucky didn't even sell out their stadium for Mississippi State...fucking pathetic.

--Drew (COY)





Mr. Ace said...

Maybe your felons should be more productive then.

Anonymous said...

Ohio fans thought process:

Osu beats PSU in OT. Good Win

ND barely beats UNC: terrible team and ND is overrated.

Osu suspends player for failed drug test: urban is a no nonsense coach with morals.

ND suspends players for academic misconduct: Kelly is a cheater and a fraud. Fire him

Larry

Anonymous said...

Larry...don't be a dolt. Ape is the one that brought up the Rod Smiff dismissal...it's not exactly something to pound a chest about. Also, get your Ohio/OSU troll game on point...using both in the same post doesn't make it work.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

That comment was directed at Ide...a buckeye fan attacking me for criticizing Ohio for how close that game was. Drew tells people to read...then skips the whole reading thing himself. I'll give you a pass though. Your ass is probably still throbbing from your vegas dude 3 way.

Anonymous said...

Since when does ELITE = Gay?

There is nothing ELITE about that picture.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Slow is a homophobe...not surprised.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Drew hangs out with gay old men when in Vegas... not surprised.

Seal

Nibbles said...

Lar,

I don't remember Urban Meyer publicly supporting the rape of Lizzy Seeburg, nor the murder of Declan Sullivan.

When you think about it, Kelly is not only an unethical loser, he also sounds like an awful person.

Nibbles said...

Drew, I like you. I think you're a great commenter and you usually have good days.

This is not one of them. That picture makes me think of Lemon Party.

GMoney said...

That was a shitty fucking nap.

I wish that Drool had more time to do his usual research because I'm pretty sure that some moron like Dut pumped up Rod Smiff a few years ago as a real difference maker. Who know that The Diff that he would make would be in central Ohio's heroin market.

Hey fuckers, NBA PREVIEW TOMORROW!!!

Anonymous said...

Nibbles...if it makes you feel any better, I won a booty shaking contest at Coyote Ugly last night that resulted in shots from some absolutely incredible women pouring them down my throat.

G$...I'll dive into your request when I get home.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

In G$'s scenario, most likely Dut = Cakes. Reload at every position every year!!!

GMoney said...

They're interchangeably gay.