Tuesday, October 14, 2014

College Football Week 7

I wonder if Verizon has barf protection included in the factory warranty.

That picture...is of a Florida fan who had a very bad night.  This moment was captured at half time, by the way.  He's probably still trying to piece the night together three days later.  I was one of about 30 people cementing this moment in time.  In non football related news, Wheelz and I watched Gone Girl. It's a pretty decent flick and worth the watch...especially if you would like to know what Ben Affleck and Neil Patrick Harris' dongs look like.  Ide probably already has them as his screen saver on his laptop.  If he even has a laptop.  He's probably too trendy and hip for something so mainstream.  Let's football.

Michigan vs. Penn State

Nice to see Michigan end its spiral out of control into the fiery depths of hell led by Brady "The Fudge King" Hoke.  So that's what a Big 10 win looks like!  Seriously...what a fucking ugly ass game.  There isn't really anything worth mentioning in this game other than Michigan won.  Moving on.

Todd Gurley

I'll say again...there is nothing better than the block head athlete.  There's no doubt in my mind Gurley took money for his Herbie Hancock.  Now we can argue whether or not AFFLETES should be compensated for their autographs or likeness until our dicks are purple.  But it doesn't change the fact that it currently happens to be an NCAA violation and Gurley knows that.  At least he should or he's more dense than I thought.  Sounds like Toddwick is most likely done for the year if you listen to what Fox Sports is reporting.  Whatever.  He'll probably leave for the NFL and still be the first running back off the board so NBD.  Right?  Hope it was worth it, shit brick.

Georgia vs. Missouri

Matty Mauk sucks more than his stupid kid name.  Matty.  Are you fucking five?  He looks like a trashier version of Ryan Fitzpatrick.  Good news for Georgia is they didn't seem to miss Todd Gurley.  Chubb started slow but ended up having a pretty decent afternoon.  His YPC wasn't anything to get nude and flop your dick to but he kept the defense honest enough to open things up for Hutson Mason.  Who knows how good Missouri is (I don't think they're that good) but beating the piss out of a ranked SEC divisional opponent without your best player has to feel really good.  Georgia should cruise until Auburn.

University of Florida

Okay.  Something smells like rotten sexually assaulted pussy here.  All of a sudden Treon Harris goes from sexual attacker to sympathetic victim??  This is a really bizarre situation and this accuser chick is either a complete fucking mental case or Florida is doing their best attempt at a Jameis Winston-esq cover up.  Honestly it could be a combination of both.  Anything to keep Jeff Driskel and Skyler Mornhinweg off the field, right?  And if Harris was cleared of all wrong doing...why didn't he suit up against LSU?  I don't know.  It just seems odd.  Speaking of sexual assault cover ups...

Jameis Winston

Speaking of Captain Rape-Escape...this cat is the best in the worst possible way.  This rape case just will not go away for Winston.  And it probably shouldn't.  I stand by my original statement that he probably raped that girl and got away with it so I'm glad this isn't getting buried.  The fact that Winston seems literally unfazed by ANY of this is just astounding.  He either has no idea how serious this is or thinks he is completely untouchable.  One thing I would put money on is that all the white Heisman trophy winners from the 70's and earlier have dropped more N bombs this week than they have in their entire lives.  That entire fraternity has to just fucking loathe the fact that Winston is a part of their group.  Who would have thought that Winston could be more hated than O.J.?

**UPDATE**  Now Florida State is investigating Winston taking money for signing autographs.  This guy is absolutely incredible.  And let's not ignore Jimbo Fisher vehemently defending Winston at every single turn.  He's making himself look like a real fucking shit heel and is defending the type of guy that can ruin reputations.  I know that's Fisher's quarterback and all but he is really taking a leap of faith with a guy who is constantly fucking up.

Auburn vs. Mississippi State

Turnovers, turnovers, turnovers.  Eight of those bitches.  For awhile it looked like no one wanted to win this game.  This probably means Dak Prescott will be leading the Heisman board next week, right?  The black Tim Tenor.  Take home that trophy to a bunch of racist fans that would hate you if you weren't awesome at football.  I don't have a problem with Mississippi State leaping FSU for the number one spot but they wouldn't be my pick for #1.

TCU vs. Baylor

Hey there points!  Hope you gamblers took the over on this one.  There aren't many teams in the country that can successfully give up a 24 point lead in the 4th quarter.  TCU can proudly add themselves to that very very short list.  I don't have a huge problem with TCU going for it on 4th with a little more than a minute left in the game.  I get it...the TCU defense was a leaky ass with hangover runs.  But that play call was fuckin duuuuuuumb.  Somewhere Casey Pachall was shaking his head in disgust in between blowing strangers for heroin money.

Oregon vs. UCLA

That should take care of that whole UCLA being ranked thing.  Remember how idiots thought UCLA was a sleeper playoff team?  Stupid idiots.  Here was the best part about this rectal hollowing:

"Hush little baby don't say a word.  Mora's gonna buy you a Bruin turd."

Notre Dame vs. North Carolina

Fuck Larry in his stupid fucking ass.

Ole Miss vs. Texas A&M

I think Ole Miss is the best team in college football.  Good call, Damman.  Lou Holtsshhhh seems to think Mississippi State gets that honor.  He also probably drinks ginger ale on purpose so what the fuck does he know?  Bo Wallace is putting together quite the resume to completely fool NFL scouts with.  He'll be four picking his way into getting his NFL coach fired in no time.  Meanwhile...the shine is starting to come off Kenny Hill and it appears he may be *gasp* OVERRATED.

Arizona vs. USC

Let that be a lesson to everyone.  Never put a RichRod coached team in the top 10.  They're just keeping a spot warm for someone else.  The only way Arizona goes undefeated is if they play Oregon every week.  FACT.  And nice fake fall on the blown kick at the end by Skowron.  Fucking loser bitch kicker.  Not even Mike Carey is buying that pathetic attempt at a bullshit flag.

A little better effort today since my college football Saturday wasn't taken from me.  The Ohio Buckeyes were on a bye this week but I'm sure that won't prevent them from being jiz soaked butt pipers in the comments.  It's what they do best.  That's it today.  Fuck off.


Anonymous said...

It really is incredible just how oblivious Winston seems to be of his actions. Kid is incredibly dumb and I actually believe the reports of NFL teams just rocket launching him down their draft boards...they have to be scared shitless about bringing this guy into their organization...which if NFL teams are that worried...then you know he's a special type of trouble.

Jimbo is doing himself no favors...especially with his answers on the autographs yesterday. Just say "no comment". To act like somehow 340 items got collected by the same guy due to Jameis signing things after games is insulting to the general public.


How about James Franklin admitting he lied to his Vanderbilt team about the Vanderbilt rapes? Or how about that Penn State commit getting arrested for hazing a Freshman football player at his high school by shoving things in that kid's ass with his teammates? So, in short....a school on probation for kid rape...hires a coach who lies about his football players rape...and then they have a high school commit who shoves things in kid's asses for hazing purposes. WE ARE!

If the ND team we saw on Saturday shows up against FSU they are getting their doors blown off.

Michigan State giving up all those points to Purdue of all teams was....odd.


Grumpy said...

That's why Drew will win back to back COTY.

TCU v Baylor was super fun.

GMoney said...

They took away that scholarship offer, I believe.

Jameis is something else, dadgum. But I agree with Iceman. Whether your signature should be sold for profit isn't the point. You KNOW that it's illegal and you did it anyway. I read some guy saying that Jameis should just drop out of FSU. It's getting to that point.

Since I bet on LSU, I had an eye on that game all night. With less than 10 minutes to go in the game, neither QB had over 52 yards passing. That had to have been a tremendous live experience. At least you can say that you saw Les Miles win!

Can we just do a playoff with the two Mississippi schools and two Alabama schools and call the winner the champion? Because those four teams are probably the four best in America.

Also, please stop putting Michigan on in primetime. It is not cool.

Grumpy said...

I haven't been following the Winston autograph story. Johnny Football did the same, they just couldn't prove it. Did Winston fail to cover his tracks?

T. Iceman said...

The Winston signatures are through the same authenticating group that had the Gurley signatures, Grumpy. Gurley gets suspended indefinitely...Winston is still playing. Good call, Jimbo.

That LSU Florida game was actually pretty fun to watch live. The crowd noise there was pretty deafening. But I do have to say the best part was watching everyone hate Driskel, then love Driskel, then hate Driskel again all in the span of 3 hours.

Anonymous said...

Notre dame game was not pretty but they found a way to win after digging themselves in a hole. Hopefully this was just them looking past UNC.

Was it nibbles who predicted the Irish to not make a bowl game?

Winston is a special kind of stupid. His name keeps getting brought up and it's always something new. I saw the article as well that said Winston should drop out of FSU. At what point does fisher sit him down?


Mr. Ace said...

I again watched 0 football this past weekend. I'm glad Michigan won UTL, mostly for DG98 because he deserves better.

Jameis Winston is a fuck. Plain and simple. I bet Jimbo can't wait to be rid of him, regardless of on field success.

Puke-shitting in The Swamp at halftime has to be awful.

GMoney said...

I wonder if Jimbo would ever admit that Jameis wasn't worth it. I doubt that I will ever forget Winston coming on the field in pads against #Clemsoning and Big Fish rolling his eyes with a "can you believe this fucking kid" look on his face.

It's kind of like Pryor and Tressel except that Jameis and Jimbo actually accomplished something.

Notre Dame is going to beat the Noles. Lock that shit up.

Anonymous said...

Grumps....you know that's right!

LOLZ at G$ thinking ND is gonna win.


Cakes said...

I'm actually pretty excited to see where this Winston thing goes. There is a new level of fucktard every week. It's really quite impressive. How on earth is this guy still playing games? We'll just have to wait for proof that he traded memorabilia for tattoos which is the ULTIMATE offense apparently.

Congrats to the state of Mississippi. Who knew that the most racist state in the nation was where all of the amazing black players went to play football this year? I still expect this fairy tale to blow up in their face but for niw, the people of the state can celebrate their existence. The grove looked like a legit party scene though.

Jeff said...

Clemson game was a brutal watch after Deshaun got hurt early (Get well soon, brah!). It was very similar to the buckeye bauserman days. Cole Stoudt sucks. Said it from day one. A win is a win, I guess.

Jameis is the gift that keeps on giving. Jimbo is going down in flames with the kid who made him somebody.

STL is giving mississippi a run for their money on the racism capital of the USA, but they do have the best fans in baseball, right?!?!

GMoney said...

That didn't take long at all for a moron Ohio fan (aren't they all?) to compare Jameis with their own band of felons even though it has zero correlation. GOOD JOB!

FSU should have lost at home to fucking CLEMSON. They are more than capable of getting beat at home by a guy who will murder students for wins.

T. Iceman said...

GIVE IT A REST with the fucking tattoo thing already, Cakes! Mother of God!! Cakes will still be bringing this shit up to his grandkids.

Winston in full pads warming up against Clemson was truly one of the best things to happen in college football this year. Winston is so fucking dense, he doesn't even realize how much money his antics are costing him. There has to be at least half of the NFL teams that wouldn't draft this guy. And kiss being a first round pick goodbye.

As much as I hate to admit it...I think ND wins as well. FSU's defense is ass stew and let Syracuse put 20 on them.

Anonymous said...

If FSU's defense is "ass stew " what does that make Notre Dames after that UNC game?


GMoney said...

Beanless chili AKA Hamburger Soup


Grumpy said...

Don't you think Jimbo's "eye roll" at the time said it all? He knows how stupid the kid is, but he needs him to win. It's how big time college football works.

ND isn't winning at FSU.

GMoney said...

By the way, I like living in a world where if you lose to Eastern Michigan (and they got crushed), then you will be fired ASAP. Good job, Buffalo!

T. Iceman said...

Lit you're trying to get me to defend Notre Dame it isn't happening.

GMoney said...

What is the 90's band Lit trying to get you to do?

Prime99 said...

It's because Iceman's college football season has been Completely Miserable.

Ace watches zero football, but has enough time to talk shit on Friday, then slink away into the shadows as Murder Panties turns his team into a bloody period discharge. I enjoyed it.

T. Iceman said...

Good 90s reference. I'll allow it.

Mr. Ace said...

I watched zero college football, ya botch. And I will talk shit venever the fuck I vant. And I showed up on twitter and took my just deserts. I am also the leading scorer in that league by 60. I'm aight.

T. Iceman said...

I know Cakes used to work for a sports memorabilia shop. We should get his expert opinion on how likely it is Winston took money for his Herbert Hancock.

GMoney said...

How does this work?

Adrian Peterson seemed almost proud of his discipline tactics and said that he would do it again but is pleading not guilty to all charges. WTF?

T. Iceman said...

"How does this work?"

Simple. He is a dumb fucking idiot that has such a low IQ that his brain is incapable of processing simple information. He's almost like the Pro version of Winston.

Speaking of AP...watched the Eric Dickerson A Football Life last night. I don't know how ED has friends. That dude is a straight up prick.

T. Iceman said...

LOL Benglas. Looks like they're trying to lead the league in drops with that signing.

GMoney said...

The best thing today is the Randy Orton RKO-ing life vines. Nothing else comes close.

T. Iceman said...

Good lord, you're right. I've never been more glad for the Internet.