Thursday, October 30, 2014

Ask Me Anything: Commenter Dut

It only gets better from here...

So it was about 7:30 last night and I still had no idea what I was going to post about. College Football Playoffs? The Spurs Dynasty? Another story about my terrible existence? Nah. I should also note that by this time I had 4 PBR's (HIPSTERS STAND UP) and a couple beers at Woodlands Tavern with Commentor Dut. And then it hit me that interviewing commentors is an avenue that this great blog has never traversed. And I also got a new shipment of smokes that convinced Dut to come back to my house...sexual favors may or may not have commenced. *But this interview absolutely did commence*. So enjoy.

Who is your favorite commentor?

Drew. He actually forms the most logical arguments. And he likes most of the teams that I do....but mostly because he puts Iceman in his place daily because that guys a fucking dolt.

Why do you hate Iceman?

I wouldn't say that I hate Iceman. Actually I dont hate Iceman at all, he's very passionate about his own teams. He just cant ever be wrong in an argument. He just comes up with the most ridiculous bullshit in an argument to somehow convince himself that he is right to save whatever ego left he has after being a scrub in D4 basketball. And he's a Michigan fan.

Anything else?

And I get a raging boner when Drew puts Iceman in his place.

When did you start following the blog?

I was in second senior year! I really started following it when G$ started ripping on Jon Kitna and G$ just started ripping on Moden because he sucked Kitna's dick so hard that his balls came out. That was probably the Fall of 2007. I don't think G$ had any idea who Moden was but he just destroyed him and it was fantastic. The line that got me was when he called Kitna a "Bible thumping...something...I don't remember exactly. We actually wrote some of G$'s quotes on our wall in college to make fun of Moden. That was back when G$ was a good writer."

What do you think about the Fuckeye coverage at the blog?

The Fuckeye coverage is awful by the beatwriters, however the Fuckeye clowns in the comments usually bring it. But my favorite part is Iceman trying to put words in our mouths and then Drew factchecking the fuck out of him is always great. Because Iceman is obviously a bigger Fuckeye hater than an actual Michigan fan. It's like he was made to fellate Buyckeyes as a child while sucking poll. But otherwise the coverage is great. A lot of attention is paid the Fuckeyes by a punch of supposed non-fans so I don't really get it.

If you could pick Michigan's next coach, who would it be?

It's actually gotten to the point where I'm hoping that they actually get an ELITE coach because I feel bad for them. Well, I don't know if I really feel bad for, I don't feel bad for them, but it's just sad what that program has become and how terrible their fans are because of it. Obviously HarBRAH or Mullen would be a homerun, but even giving Bobby Petrino unlimited access to sexy grad assistants would be a boost to the Michigan program.

What coach would give you the most LULZ?

Jim Tressel...LOL that shit's not happening. (And then we just had a real conversation about the logistics of Tressel coming to Michigan. Conclusion:  IT'S HAPPENING!)

And then Dut interrupted and said he wanted to talk about his least favorite commentor....Slow Seal?

So what do you have to say about Seal?

Ahhh...I don't even know where to start with that fucker. I mean, I think he actually adds to why I  like Drew the most, because he puts Seal in his place everyday too. Is Seal even a college football fan? (I answered I have no idea) He's just a giant fucking hater. And he's a stupid fucking hater at that. The only come backs he ever has are "You're the worst" and it's not even fun at that point. And he continues to talk shit about the Tigers even though the #windians haven't beat the Tigers since I started reading this blog and haven't won a World Series since 1948. What a fucking loser.  And fake Dut said he's a BITCH. (I don't know what that means as Dut felt the need to add that last part)

Anything else?

And his excuse for the Indians is always something about payroll even though he's a huge Kentucky fanboy who has an unlimited payroll for blacks...even though he's obviously a racist.

If you had to make a bridal party out of commentors, who would you pick?

None of you faggots because I'm never getting married. But Iceman would be the Maid of Honor because he's a bitch. And by never getting married I mean I'm waiting 18 years until G$'s daughter is legally on the table for marriage.

How many STD's did you get at BGSU?

None...but I had several scares with the Fraternities.

What is Rog's biggest disappointment in you?

That I didn't play high school...because when I was born I had a football put in my hands. But I blame my parents for not giving me the genetic traits to dominate beyond my 7th grade year when I set the State of Ohio record for most forced fumbles ever. I think I had 5...maybe 6 hundred....and we still lost every game but 1.

If you could get a dog what breed would it be?

I honestly don't have a preference. I wouldn't want a small dog, but I wouldn't want a huge dog. If I had to pick three breeds it would be Lab...and anything other than a Pitbull because as I'm doing this I'm watching your dogs facehump each other. But at least they don't have heartworms, because fuck crooked vets.  And fuck Larry.

What commentor would you want to be interviewed next?

Ide. Because I want to be a hipster so bad. And because I want the blog to go from being blocked at work for porn to being blocked for gay snuff interracial snuff porn. And so he can tell us more about raw jeans because I'm still confused.

How many people have touched your butthole?

1. Myself. (LOLOLOL)

Dut's last words unedited:  I have nothing to add.  Get me the fuck out of here.

HOT FUCKING TAKES galore today. I told Dut he needed to make himself more available today to answer any questions that were asked. I'm sure that won't happen because of his multiple coffee runs, but whatever. Ide, you're up next for this series and I'm looking forward to being a part of that #ELITE interview about your future acting jobs, VIP appearances with celebrities, and/or new hipster attractions that are totes gay because you went there a week ago. God bless.

*I did take some editorial liberties in this interview, but Dut reviewed and approved everything.


Anonymous said...

A lot of ELITE points made in that interview.


Grumpy said...

Dut told you to get the fuck out of your own house? I have a lot more respect for that boy.

GMoney said...

I have no recollection of ripping Moden but I do know that Jon Kitna has always sucked. He got the last laugh though by showing me his TDs.

You stay away from my daughter. In 18 years, Lange's daughter will be younger anyway AKA more up your alley.

Q. What was the last thing that you discussed with your favorite Uncle, Big T? Were you both wearing shirts?

So we have decent Fuckeye coverage here? Might need to re-evaluate how we do business.

Good feature though. Probably not TRANSCENDENT, but good nonetheless. I want a Grumpy Day.

Mr. Ace said...

Dut didn't want to go too crazy because Roger is a regular reader. So he had to keep it pretty tame and refused to answer some of my questions.

I think it's a winning feature as well.

When Grumpy day happens I will use a typewriter.

GMoney said...

He "no comment"ed you? Who does he think he is?

Anonymous said...

So I really liked this idea as a topic until I realized your debut of doing this was with the most irrelevant commenter on this site. Way to start a cool series of interviews off by laying a giant fucking turd.

Let me tell you a little bit about why Dut is the worst commenter on this site.
~Dut is the type of guy that only comments once every two weeks or so
~He also only shows up to pound on his chest after one of his teams wins a game that he feels was important
~Should one of his favorite teams lose, he never shows up the day after to reap the shit that we all give to each other - he is the only commenter that does this... making him the biggest pussy commenter on this blog.
~He calls me a hater, but the only other occurrence (besides to pound his chest) of when/why he shows up is to talk shit after a Cleveland teams loss to one of his favorite teams.
~He adds zero facts, knowledge, or insight to any topic blogged about here
~It's ironic that Dut likes Drew the best because he makes logical arguments, while Dut hasnt ever proven to be smart enough to actually get in a sports related argument on this blog. His most insightful argument is the word windians.

Are you sure this interview didn't take place at a frat house on OSU campus. I feel like Dut is the 30+ year old frat guy that is still in school, lives at the frat house, and high fives his 21 year old frat brothers the morning after he fucked a fat chick in the dorms, while wearing his high school letterman's jacket.



Prime99 said...

Not really an "AMA" if you can't ask anything, tho.

I expected extra coverage on beard grooming tips and glory holes. Howevah, pretty good segment. A Cakes interview would be good as well.

Side note: Giants fans are officially annoying. A lot of very bad fans.

GMoney said...

Way to start a cool series of interviews off by laying a giant fucking turd.

YES!!! Oh man, Seal just threw it down big time! Dut might be dead.

Jeff said...

Those are more supporting facts than Slow has ever had for anything he's ever said.

Mr. Ace said...

Dut is quite the enigma around here so I thought he was a perfect pick. A lot of strong opinions about him despite him being a fringe commentor, and several commentors have either never met him or only on a couple occasions.

Seal and Jeff make some great points.

I also didn't want to set the bar too high on the first attempt because I didn't want to scare off potential interviewees.

GMoney said...

Well, nothing says "bar set very low" than a conversation with Dut.

I've got another question for the enigma...

Be honest, why did you give up the DFL? My best guesses are that you were tired of taking JSaul's shit and/or you are too lazy.

Anonymous said...

Great idea. Not sure how my name got associated with gay snuff, but I'll do my best!


Mr. Ace said...

You always do your best at gay stuff.

Anonymous said...

I rarely post anymore because this site is labeled as porn at work and is blocked. Also, typing on the phone is awful and half the time when I try to post it vanishes.

G$- the last conversation I had with uncle T was about gambling. He is actually very talented at video poker and frequently wins on the royal flush. Every time I play that game I end up having to justify dumping 100$ in 10 minutes on free drinks.

You never blogged about moden. That was a serious typing error by drunken Ace.

I gave up the DFL because I was sick of being a debt collector and the constant bitching started to annoy the hell out of me. It made me focus on my OTHER LEAGUE, which isn't fair to everyone in the league.

Seal- I'm not 30 yet, so I'll spend all the time in frat houses that I want! HIGH FIVE!

You still haven't addressed your hypocrisy of being a windians whiner and a Kentucky dick smoker.

Prime- I could write an entire blog about the beard, but none of you have the superior beard growing genes that I have so it would be a waste of time.


Anonymous said...

If you do these in the future, you should do them in person/on the phone. My answers would have been a lot different if I had the questions and had time to think about my responses without getting molested by pit bulls and drinking whiskey.


Anonymous said...

Next interviewees should be Grumps and MUFan....but, I want 100% of the MUFan questions to be about his stalker situation.


T. Iceman said...

"He just cant ever be wrong in an argument"

Can't say that I disagree with that. You left out "and never is wrong" but I'll let it slide.

Ace has turned this into a porn site, G$. I'm sure that's the direction you always envisioned this going. Soft core porn.

Mr. Ace said...

The only issue with doing these in person is having to type it all on the spot while likely drunken. As you can see my grammar and spellchecking is lacking in that state. Also copy/pasting answers into the post would be super easy. And we're all Internet friends anyways.

Mr. Ace said...

I have never posted porn. Just classy gifs. I'm pretty sure the PORN POST links to porn sites though. That is likely why it is flagged.

GMoney said...

If your employer considers this to be a porn site then you should either find a new employer or we should get way more hardcore to justify that distinction.

Uncle T is ELITE at video poker, eh? Seems like more of a four queens guy than a royal flush IMO. Count it.

So I was right. JSaul's constant trouble-making drove you away. He is a trouble maker.


T. Iceman said...

Ugh. This is going to be really unbearable.