|It only gets better from here...|
So it was about 7:30 last night and I still had no idea what I was going to post about. College Football Playoffs? The Spurs Dynasty? Another story about my terrible existence? Nah. I should also note that by this time I had 4 PBR's (HIPSTERS STAND UP) and a couple beers at Woodlands Tavern with Commentor Dut. And then it hit me that interviewing commentors is an avenue that this great blog has never traversed. And I also got a new shipment of smokes that convinced Dut to come back to my house...sexual favors may or may not have commenced. *But this interview absolutely did commence*. So enjoy.
Who is your favorite commentor?
Drew. He actually forms the most logical arguments. And he likes most of the teams that I do....but mostly because he puts Iceman in his place daily because that guys a fucking dolt.
Why do you hate Iceman?
I wouldn't say that I hate Iceman. Actually I dont hate Iceman at all, he's very passionate about his own teams. He just cant ever be wrong in an argument. He just comes up with the most ridiculous bullshit in an argument to somehow convince himself that he is right to save whatever ego left he has after being a scrub in D4 basketball. And he's a Michigan fan.
And I get a raging boner when Drew puts Iceman in his place.
When did you start following the blog?
I was in college...my second senior year! I really started following it when G$ started ripping on Jon Kitna and G$ just started ripping on Moden because he sucked Kitna's dick so hard that his balls came out. That was probably the Fall of 2007. I don't think G$ had any idea who Moden was but he just destroyed him and it was fantastic. The line that got me was when he called Kitna a "Bible thumping...something...I don't remember exactly. We actually wrote some of G$'s quotes on our wall in college to make fun of Moden. That was back when G$ was a good writer."
What do you think about the Fuckeye coverage at the blog?
The Fuckeye coverage is awful by the beatwriters, however the Fuckeye clowns in the comments usually bring it. But my favorite part is Iceman trying to put words in our mouths and then Drew factchecking the fuck out of him is always great. Because Iceman is obviously a bigger Fuckeye hater than an actual Michigan fan. It's like he was made to fellate Buyckeyes as a child while sucking poll. But otherwise the coverage is great. A lot of attention is paid the Fuckeyes by a punch of supposed non-fans so I don't really get it.
If you could pick Michigan's next coach, who would it be?
It's actually gotten to the point where I'm hoping that they actually get an ELITE coach because I feel bad for them. Well, I don't know if I really feel bad for them...no, I don't feel bad for them, but it's just sad what that program has become and how terrible their fans are because of it. Obviously HarBRAH or Mullen would be a homerun, but even giving Bobby Petrino unlimited access to sexy grad assistants would be a boost to the Michigan program.
What coach would give you the most LULZ?
Jim Tressel...LOL that shit's not happening. (And then we just had a real conversation about the logistics of Tressel coming to Michigan. Conclusion: IT'S HAPPENING!)
And then Dut interrupted and said he wanted to talk about his least favorite commentor....Slow Seal?
So what do you have to say about Seal?
Ahhh...I don't even know where to start with that fucker. I mean, I think he actually adds to why I like Drew the most, because he puts Seal in his place everyday too. Is Seal even a college football fan? (I answered I have no idea) He's just a giant fucking hater. And he's a stupid fucking hater at that. The only come backs he ever has are "You're the worst" and it's not even fun at that point. And he continues to talk shit about the Tigers even though the #windians haven't beat the Tigers since I started reading this blog and haven't won a World Series since 1948. What a fucking loser. And fake Dut said he's a BITCH. (I don't know what that means as Dut felt the need to add that last part)
And his excuse for the Indians is always something about payroll even though he's a huge Kentucky fanboy who has an unlimited payroll for blacks...even though he's obviously a racist.
If you had to make a bridal party out of commentors, who would you pick?
None of you faggots because I'm never getting married. But Iceman would be the Maid of Honor because he's a bitch. And by never getting married I mean I'm waiting 18 years until G$'s daughter is legally on the table for marriage.
How many STD's did you get at BGSU?
None...but I had several scares with the Fraternities.
What is Rog's biggest disappointment in you?
That I didn't play high school...because when I was born I had a football put in my hands. But I blame my parents for not giving me the genetic traits to dominate beyond my 7th grade year when I set the State of Ohio record for most forced fumbles ever. I think I had 5...maybe 6 hundred....and we still lost every game but 1.
If you could get a dog what breed would it be?
I honestly don't have a preference. I wouldn't want a small dog, but I wouldn't want a huge dog. If I had to pick three breeds it would be Lab...and anything other than a Pitbull because as I'm doing this I'm watching your dogs facehump each other. But at least they don't have heartworms, because fuck crooked vets. And fuck Larry.
What commentor would you want to be interviewed next?
Ide. Because I want to be a hipster so bad. And because I want the blog to go from being blocked at work for porn to being blocked for gay snuff porn....gay interracial snuff porn. And so he can tell us more about raw jeans because I'm still confused.
How many people have touched your butthole?
1. Myself. (LOLOLOL)
Dut's last words unedited: I have nothing to add. Get me the fuck out of here.
HOT FUCKING TAKES galore today. I told Dut he needed to make himself more available today to answer any questions that were asked. I'm sure that won't happen because of his multiple coffee runs, but whatever. Ide, you're up next for this series and I'm looking forward to being a part of that #ELITE interview about your future acting jobs, VIP appearances with celebrities, and/or new hipster attractions that are totes gay because you went there a week ago. God bless.
*I did take some editorial liberties in this interview, but Dut reviewed and approved everything.