Wednesday, September 10, 2014

We're Going To Try This Again

NICE HEADSET, COACH!
Most of yesterday's hullabaloo was directed toward how unsatisfying the Urban Meyer era has been in Columbus.  What wasn't discussed as much was that Saturday marked the end of the Brady Hoke era in Ann Arbor.  Bros, it's over.  I don't care how much pride and ego you think that Dave Brandon has, he still has bosses to answer to as well.  He can't go to those people with the idea of an extension for Hoke after getting plowed by Notre Dame and never beating Sparty or Urb's Ohio.  It is done.  Hoke will be gone by New Year's Day and it will be time for Michigan to start over...again.

I wrote about this exact same topic over the Summer on a travel day hoping that the comments would dominate the day.  I was shocked to see how many of you thought that Hoke would be around in 2015.  The fuck he will.  Even the most ardent Hokester supporter has to see that divorce is coming and that right soon (Shawshank warden).

He's had a full recruiting class come through and they keep getting worse.  How many times are you going to let him change the coordinators before correctly blaming him for this garbage?  I said in May that they should go after David Shaw.  He won't leave STANFORD FOOTBALL (probably) but it doesn't hurt to ask. 

However, in my personal opinion, everything is about to fall in place for WE ON.
MY SISTER'S MOUTH TASTES LIKE MY DICK...WHY!!!
I firmly believe that Jim Harbaugh is not going to be the 49ers coach next year whether he leaves on his own or gets fired.  He hates the organization and the organization hates him even more.  Could you imagine being this guy's boss?  Holy shit.  Hell, they tried to trade him to Jimmy Haslam this Spring.  What better way for Michigan to be relevant again than to hire the ultimate Michigan Man prize that has always just been a little out of reach but now can be had.  Oh sure, it's going to cost a fortune (at least 6-7 million per year) but it can be done.  A BRAH wants unlimited power which you can't have in the NFL and a BRAH wants to be able to treat his players like fucking scum which you also can't due in the NFL.  College is the perfect place for this mentally unstable juvenile genius.

Mark my words: Jim Harbaugh will be the Michigan football coach in 2015.  And if you want me to actually take DUH GAME seriously as a rivalry, having Captain Dildo and a BRAH trading barbs is a mighty nice start.  Plus, the program slogan for next season almost writes itself...WE ON, BRAH!  It makes too much sense.  There.  I just fixed Michigan Football in one short blog post. 

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

While I agree that Harbaugh would a monster grand slam hire, I just don't see it happening. For some reason, I don't think he's interested in college or really helping out his alma mater. Even if the 49ers fire him....NFL teams are so desperate for a proven guy that probably multiple organizations would offer him as much money/control as he desires. Dave Brandon would have to do everything in his power to make a run at him tho...and make sure the public knows that he tried his ass off but got turned down.

Where they should go if they can't get Harbaugh? I got no fucking clue at the moment. When my brain keeps telling me that Mike Gundy would possibly be the best real option out there, it means there aren't many real good options. Maybe by the end of the season somebody will pop up that will make sense.

What would be great is if Brandon offered a blank check to Narduzzi...I'd like to see that happen just to see the heads explode in the state of Michigan.

Due to the lack of options discussed above and Brandon's arrogance...I actually still think there is a decent chance that Hoke is back next year....LOLZ. He's actually still recruiting well...so, this hasn't affected him yet. But, the on field product does stink....especially when you consider that UM is paying his DC and OC...BOTH...$1M a year. They aren't being cheap, but no headset ain't getting it done.

The one thing that I keep thinking back to is how when Michigan hired Hoke, the general consensus was "Who?". I mean....would any other top 30 program have hired him? I don't think so...but, fucking Michigan did. Brandon thought he was smarter than everyone else....and I bet he still does....which makes the situation entirely unpredictable.

--Drew

Mr. Ace said...

I had a comment typed up yesterday that said almost exactly what was said in this post and Drew's comment...just swap out Art Briles with Gundy.

Hoke was a bad hire and everybody knew it. But Dave Brandon is an arrogant basted and couldn't stand the idea of bringing in a coach that could steal his shine. Also if Hoke worked out he looked like a genius. Getting Mattison as DC made me be okay with the hire...because I didn't really have a choice.

I also had this exact conversation at The Stube with somebody. Michigan needs to offer HarBRAH, either of them, 6 mil and get back to the top of college football. It's that simple. If he doesn't accept then you line up Miles, Shaw, Briles, Gundy and some HOT SEC assistants and some NFL names. I'm sure we'll just end up hiring sway Matt Campbell from Toledo.

At the beginning of the year I thought Hoke had two more years. But after getting trounced by ND and the likelihood of losing 3-4 more games I think he's gone. Maybe that ND game is a blessing in disguise and gets the Hoke Era over with one year sooner.

Jeff said...

Kevin Sumlin would be the top name on my list. It's because he's black too.

The Brahs will have some really bad pr attached to their names (because public perception is seemingly more portant than our legal system) after the way they've handled their respective domestic violence cases.

Mr. Ace said...

Yeah, forgot about Sumlin. I think TAMU is pretty committed to keeping him tho.

The BRAHs issues with handling DV will be forgotten in a couple months. Yes, they will get brought back up if a job change happens, but I don't think this sticks with them. Goodell is going to end up taking the heat from all of this.

John BRAH is totes getting fucked by the Ravens from office btw.

GMoney said...

I don't see Sumlin leaving the NO STATE TAX state unless it is for the NFL. Art Briles should never leave Baylor.

Johnny BRAH better be getting a raise for what Biscotti and Ozzie Black Guy made him do the other day. Guy knows gameplans, not social hot takes.

Maybe Michigan should get rid of fucking Dave Brandon then? Let him go back to making OK pizza. Domino's commercials even say that they aren't afraid to try new things and fail. You tried The Hokester and he failed. Move along.

Hell, goddamn Jim Delaney should secretly offer to pay an extra couple million to bring Jim back home. It would be YUGE for the conference.

Nibbles said...

"Maybe Michigan should get rid of fucking Dave Brandon then?"

Still surprised they didn't hire Sam Walton Jr. as the AD. He already answers to his consumers/Michigan fanbase.

GMoney said...

More of a Sam Hornish Jr school IMO

Anonymous said...

Nibbles!

I would think A&M would match anything and everything for Sumlin.

Briles is an interesting thought.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

If UM would would get Briles or Sumlin, they would have to revamp the offense again back to a spread when they don't have the personnel for it. Much like they did when they hired Rich Rod, and we all remember how hilarious that was. I'm not saying that they shouldn't hire those two because of that, but it's something to think about.

Going from pro style, to spread, back to pro style and then back to spread is not easy.

-Damman

Nibbles said...

They still should have stuck with Rich Rod after three years. The program was on the upswing and getting better each year. I think RR would have taken them to that same Orange Bowl as his recruits were starting to mature.

GMoney said...

I actually agree with you there. More RichRod! He would still be there today if his name was Rich Johnson.

DAVE BRANDON HATES MEXICANS

Nibbles said...

LOLZ that Floyd Mayweather comes out and says the NFL got it right with 2 games for beating the shit out of your fiance.

Mr. Ace said...

Mayweather would know.

I was all for RichRod getting more time and definitely more resources. He would have never been able to get $1 mil coordinators. Give me Mattison with RR and we are golden. His recruiting along the lines was a little shaky, and has killed us the last couple years, but the dude can obvs coach offense.

Anonymous said...

I know everyone sucked Mattisons dick when he was hired, but I don't think he's turned out to be anything special.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I read 3 and out. Rich Rod was not the problem he was set up for failure. Lloyd Car was like his arch nemesis for some odd reason. Dude was set up to fail and had no support from anyone on the inside. I think the question is if UM could even pull the interest of the top talent. Are they really a HOT GET! I mean the last hiring shit show was some pretty strong proof that unless there is a Michigan man out there who WANTS it for the pride, there just wasn't a ton of interest. I think at the least we had hopes that Hoke would be our Jim Teessel. Well he ain't, now what?

J Saul

Anonymous said...

Just dawned on me, we should get Jim Tessel!!! Most of our best years have come when we steal from OH...

Jsaul

GMoney said...

That's PRESIDENT Tressel to you. But man that would be some ELITE trolling. I like it.

#Tress2AnnArbor

Anonymous said...

Albeit, they were Division II-A....Tressel won National Championships and turned down Da U. I think his resume was stronger than Hoke's, but I get what you are saying.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Floyd doesn't appreciate other people getting attention for publicly punching someone in the face.

In between all the non-existent calls from Niner fans calling for Carlos Hyde to take Hall of Famer Frank Gore's job, there was a mention on Bay Area sports talk that this was probably it for Harbaugh. Most believe even STANFORD FOOTBALL was relieved to see him go. Sounds like he's just difficult to work with.

He probably wants to stay in the pros but he'd do well at Michigan to turn that program around if he decided to go there.

GMoney said...

Sounds like? SOUNDS LIKE? Those little skits that show up here from time to time are TRUE STORIES, BRAH!

T. Iceman said...

The state of Michigan football is depressing, there is no doubt about that. We need to move on and find someone who will restore this program back to where it needs to be. My only worry is Hoke finds a way to beat MSU or Ohio this year and keeps his job because of it. He can recruit the shit out of players...just can't coach them well enough on the field. Harbaugh or Miles is the way to go.

I think Michigan will always command interest of some of the top names in coaching, Saul. "This is MICHIGAN..........fer God sakes". But in all honesty, for how bad Michigan has been and for how much shine people think the program has lost, it doesn't change the fact it's one of the most storied programs in the country. I have to believe there are talented coaches out there who would love the chance to bring Michigan back to what we were used to before the Dick Rod dark ages. It would cement their legacy forever.

GMoney said...

Be honest, you would beat your dick into a bloody pulp if Michigan married Jim Harbaugh.

Nibbles said...

Jerry Jones accused of RAPE!

After Jones buys his acquittal, Brendan Gibbons will contact ESPN to voice his approval of the verdict.

Anonymous said...

What makes you think he is interested? The last go around, all signs pointed to NEVER. He didn't seem to care much for the Michigan mentality and the old white rich male expectations that come along with it. BRAH doesn't seem to want to answer to the Michigan regents and the likes of other douche bags who still want to run the power I.

Jsaul

Anonymous said...

There's something weird with Les Miles. I'm convinced Michigan won't hire him because he burned some bad bridges somewhere along the way. I've seen rumors he fucked Gary Moeller's wife....but, even if true...that probably shouldn't keep him from the job.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Things and people change, JSaul. BRAH has to see that he can be the most important Michigan Man since Bo just by walking on campus. He also might be tired of the NFL game (it sure seems like it).

T. Iceman said...

I've heard that Lloyd Carr was still influencing decisions behind the scenes after he "retired". Word on the street is that Carr majorly dislikes Les Miles and made it a point to throw a wrench in the idea of bringing Miles to Michigan. Not sure how true all that is Drew...just things I've heard.

That's not true, Saul. Harbaugh was very interested in the Michigan job the last time around. But the 49ers came hard with a piss load of money and appealed to his wallet. Now it seems Harbaugh is realizing he hates the NFL business more than he loves the money and may reconsider if the Michigan job opens up.

Anonymous said...

True G$. But, Harbaugh also doesn't seem to be like a guy that would enjoy blowing retard 17 yr olds to get them to come to his school and shake hands with rich alumni at luncheons and shit. At least in the NFL it's strictly business.

--Drew

GMoney said...

He is definitely a complicated sociopath. The only thing that we all know is that Jim Harbaugh likes nothing and no one and the feeling is mutual. He will be miserable wherever he is.

Anonymous said...

And he will win football games wherever he is.

Have Cakes and Ide been fucking each other this week? It seems like both are missing.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I'm good. Everyone else? I assume that Cakes is still blowing Marcus Vick and Ide is who gives a fuck.

Anonymous said...

Good points.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Actually, Cakes is probably out test driving cars with Josh Gordon. He probably wants to help him with his missing wages.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

Ide is probably out trying to figure out how mystical smart phones with these wizardry apps work.

Mr. Ace said...

I think the Miles boat may have sailed by now. I don't know if he's ready for a project at this point in his career, especially after being passed over a couple times and I'm not sure Michigan wants Miles' sliminess in Ann Arbor.

Jimmy BRAH would be an enormous ass hole at Michigan but that's a price they would gladly pay for the results he can get. I'm not sure how much he was actually interested in the M job last time around, most of what I read around that time was about him leveraging the Niners for more pay/years. The idea of owning the University has to be appealing for a BRAH tho.

Anonymous said...

Is there a story with Cakes and Marcus Vick that I missed?

-Damman

GMoney said...

I assume that Cakes lost a bet on a VT Message Board and thus had to blow their most decorated alumnus, Marcus Vick.

GMoney said...

So who listened to the Angry Michigan Caller audio? ELITE rant! My favorite parts were a tie between wanting Jon Bielein to coach the football team and wanting to be a football school not an engineering school.

Anonymous said...

I know I'm late to the show here but the program was in decline prior to RR and Hoke arriving.

The 1997 (half) NC bought Lloyd Carr another ten mediocre seasons. Everyone forgets he was still the head coach when UM lost to App State and then Oregon (39-7) to begin the 2007 season. His record was also terrible against Tressel.

There are no BO's and Woody's out there anymore...the world is too PC now. Plus every team has the National Champs or bust mentality now. Back in the day, there were fewer bowl games and just making the Rose Bowl was considered a great season.

-GSaul