Some of our alma maters - Yikes. The 4-0 NapCats hosted Perrysburg on Friday for the annual Homecoming game. They were down 38-0 at halftime. What bothers me most is that the coaches agreed to a second half RUNNING CLOCK. Fuck that. Have some pride. Take your beating like men. This is pussy ass coward shit. Would Snoad have called for a running clock? No, BRAH, he would have run more 30/31 traps (check with me). On the other hand, perennial state championship contender in division 1 and Ide's school, Davidson, were defeated at home by the school behind my house, Central Crossing. The Comets won in OT 21-20 and thus moved their record on the season to 3-2. I should add that these three wins TIES A SCHOOL RECORD FOR WINS IN A SEASON. THREE! And they beat Ide! AT Ide! Bad weekend for high school football.
The Redskins - I don't even know, bruh. The best part of last week was how bad South Park ripped us on Wednesday night. I'm at the point that I might want the name changed. THAT is how bad Thursday was. It might be time to turn the franchise over to Colt McCoy. We suck. At everything but being bad. If you loved that Giants game then prepare yourselves from a week from tonight when we host the Seahawks on MNF. That should be a gas.
Antonio Brown - Dude had a monster game in the HOME LOSS TO LOVIE SMITH, but if he doesn't drop that easy flea flicker touchdown then they win. That's on you, bruh. Also, you know that you can't go to the ground on your TD celebrations without a penalty so don't do it. Every wide receiver is an awful diva.
Mike Tomlin - I watch the Fox pregame show because I hate myself and want to die so I caught the Tomlin piece with Laura Okmin (I'm into her). He said that he was offended by the term "player's coach" and that he thinks it is racial. He then called Bleau LeDick an old white guy. It was really bizarre and everyone in the studio unanimously agreed that he was being dumb. When Terry Bradshaw considers you to be stupid, then you are definitely stupid.
Jay Catler - Fuck if I know. The Bears are an enigma. 2 losses at home and 2 wins on the road. Never bet on the Bears. Except for maybe the over...they can't stop anyone.
EJ Manuel - This kid is awful.
The Colts Defense - SANKEY! SANKEY! SANKEY! You can put him on the booooooooard...YES! Tennessee is God awful and Andrew The Amish Goblin is annoyingly ELITE at offensive football.
Jerry Richardson - I never understood why the Panthers absolutely had to let Steve Smiff SENIOR go. They couldn't give him a 2 year/10 million dollar deal to let him retire in Carolina? He wouldn't look incredible next to Kevin Benjamin? That was dumb and Smiff got his revenge. And then some. FYI, Joe Flacco is ELITE.
Calvin Johnson - Bro, you're either injured of you're hurt. Pick one. Don't play two series and then call it a day. Either Play60 or don't go at all. Geno Smith sucks and dropped a hilarious F-bomb after the game.
Donkey Kong Suh - It sounds like the big fella already has one foot out the door and will leave via free agency after the season. The team seems to have accepted this fate as well. Lions fans, you cool with this? I doubt that I would be.
London - The NFL just loves giving them the worst possible games. It's our chief export.
Rookie QBs - Derek Carr lost his Heisman overseas when he was bad and then got hurt. Johnny Football was back in college where people actually think that he can play football. Blake Bortles was pretty shitty in the second half in San Diego (Chargers = still legit). And Teddy Bridgewater's chicken legs were fantastic...until he got a random ankle injury and had to be carted off. It was a shame, too, because Teddy was GREAT. The Falcons are ridiculously mediocre.
Chip Kelly - Nice offense, FAGGOT! ZERO POINTS for Mr. No Tacos. In case you're new here (LOL at having new readers), I hate the NFL version of Chip Kelly. This "genius" tag that he has been given way too prematurely is absurd. His offense just got punked by an average at best defense. 2 plays from the 1? Let's have our grossly incompetent QB launch two shitty turd balls out of the endzone! I'll give Chipper a little credit though--his team should probably be 0-4 right now. The luck is coming to an end, Senor Smoothie. FUCK YOU, ACE!
The 49ers - Christ, you couldn't even put away a team that didn't play offense. Greg Roman's play-calling was best described as "vaginal".
FANTASY - Feels like another 2-2 week. I'm getting sick and fucking tired of getting Amish-raped by Andy Luck. Did Seal enjoy my ELITE MSFL backfield of Asiata and Gerhart??? LOLOLOLOLOLZ!
So the baseball season has come to an end. Derek Jeter is officially retired and now, without further ado, I can finally say...WELCOME BACK, A-ROD!!! Oh man, his retirement tour around the league is going to be legendary. More Michigan buffoonery tomorrow, I'm sure.