|Gonna be a bad year for this mild-mannered scholar|
AFC East: New England 11-5, New York Jets 8-8, Buffalo 7-9, Miami 6-10
Thoughts: I hate this division so much. It's like the Big Ten of the NFL. One team dominates forever and no one else matters. You don't want to watch any of these teams play. The offenses suck and better teams always kill them. I don't think that there has been one time in my life where I said, "I can't wait for this weekend's Dolphins game". Just move Buffalo already and put them out of their misery. Kyle Orton was signed last week and is already the second best QB in the division. Everyone else is tied with "construction site port-o-john".
AFC North: Pittsburgh 10-6, Baltimore 9-7*, Cincinnati 7-9, Cleveland 4-12
Thoughts: I'm writing this on a Damn kindle due to circumstances beyond my control. It is not easy. The browns are bad at offense and I feel like the rapture is near if the Bengals make the playoffs four years in a row. I don't love the Steelers but I like them enough to win this poop division.
AFC South: Indianapolis 11-5, Tennessee 7-9, Jacksonville 6-10, Houston 5-11
Thoughts: Everything that I said about the AFC East applies here. Count me on Team Bortles though. The Jags caught a lot of guff for taking this kid at 3 but I think that he will be a very good QB.
AFC West: Denver 12-4, San Diego 10-6*, Oakland 6-10, Kansas City 6-10
Thoughts: LOL Wes Welker! The Broncos aren't winning shit this winter. I'm a big fan of the Chargers though. Great coach, asshole QB, stud receiver, ELITE 3rd down back, and a quality defense...I like the cut of their jibe. Never forget that Iceman wants to have Derek Carr's butt babies. The Chiefs have "collapse" written on them more than Andy Reid's aortic walls. The only thing in doubt is when Dwayne Bowe gets popped for drugs again.
AFC Championship Game: San Diego over New England - I told you that I'm in the tank for the Bolts, bruh.
|Woodhead in the Super Bowl? I earned this!|
Thoughts: Like I said, whoever plays Dallas in week 17 wins the division. Everyone loves the Eagles which means that they will fall short. Isn't that obvious? Who else can win the East other than the "not-racists"? The Cowboys hired a homo AND a murderer yesterday. The Giants are absolutely terrible. HAIL!
NFC North: Green Bay 11-5, Detroit 10-6*, Chicago 9-7, Minnesota 7-9
Thoughts: Eh, why not? The Lions are due and I want only good things for ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER. The Bears defense still sucks and when Catler gets hurt this season, dear God, THAT'S JIMMY CLAUSEN'S MUSIC!!! The Packers and their moron fans win the North again.
NFC South: New Orleans 11-5, Tampa Bay 7-9, Carolina 6-10, Atlanta 5-11
Thoughts: Herm Edwards picked the Bucs to win the NFC. The ENTIRE NFC. Wow. The Saints are the best team and no one else is even close. Cam is already half dead. The Falcons defense is led by a reality TV piece of shit and the guy that raped Lizzy Seeburg (may not be true...probably isn't...but I feel like Prince Shembo is guilty of something. Dawg may need to clarify that one if he can keep his hands off his Chubb.
NFC West: Seattle 12-4, St. Louis 10-6*, San Francisco 8-8, Arizona 6-10
Thoughts: The Seahawks already have 8 home wins so they will repeat as division winner. I don't care about Sam Bradford's injury either. That doesn't effect anything. The FACT is that the Rams have the best defense in football. DEAL WITH IT. They make the wild card on that alone. The Niners are in trouble. The coach wants out. The QB wants out of prison probably. Alex Boone just held out and the team caved. Ray McDonald beats pregnant chicks. Navarro isn't going to do anything meaningful this year. Nothing is trending up for them. So I'm sticking them at 8-8. Fun FACT: Carson Palmer sucks.
NFC Championship Game: New Orleans over Seattle - Oh yeah. This time the Saints win up there.
Super Bowl: New Orleans over San Diego - I DEMAND ROB RYAN WIN!
Sorry that this is so short. The MSFLers already know that my daughter is currently at Children's Hospital with the wife. It's nothing serious though. She just hasn't been able to gain any weight since birth and they are trying a bunch of things to get the calories going. I'm sort of embarrassed that someone with my bloodline can't put on the pounds. IT IS SO EASY! So my head is in other places right now. I could use a great opening weekend to take my mind off of things. Mr. Ace returns tomorrow. HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!