Friday, September 26, 2014

Open Forum: Cold Cuts...RANKED!

I'm kind of surprised that he isn't fatter.
Geico sucks and they don't get any of my business, but every once in a while, they do something ELITE.  Digging up the corpse of Ickey Woods is very, VERY ELITE.  They don't make celebrations like The Ickey Shuffle any more.  I have to admit that I don't get as excited about cold cuts as #30 does, but I do enjoy a trip to the deli department.  I am on the road back to Ohio today and I can GUARNSHEED that I have had my share of New York's finest meats the last two days.  So let's tie it all together and rank cold cuts/deli meats!

*We're just going bare bones here.  Yes, pepper turkey is incredible.  But we're going to use just regular turkey in the rankings.
*Don't be a shithead.  We're talking about lunch meat.  DEAL WITH IT.  I have 11 in my rankings.  I am aware that I left out a TON of other options.  Fuck you.

11. Bologna - So fucking gross.  Anyone ever been to that shithole in Waldo that apparently has the GOAT fried bologna sandwiches?  Fuck you if you have.  You are a sick bastard.
10. Olive Loaf - I don't even know what this is but it can't be worse than bologna.
9. Chicken Breast - Chicken isn't supposed to be deli sliced IMO.  It should be picked off the bone.
8. Ham - Not my style.  Fun FACT: 100% of all deli ham has a weird slime film on it.
7. Cappicola - Spicy ham!  Made the list because it is one of the meats on the legendary Hogan's Hero!
6. Turkey - Kroger only sells deep fried turkeys in the deli department now.  That helps explain my rock solid physique.
5. Sandwich Pepperoni - ELITE but it is a complimentary meat.  The only sandwich where pepperoni is the star is the Pizza Bozz.  I would love a few Pizza Bozz's thanks for asking!
4. Salami - Very good.
3. Corned Beef - Terrific.
2. Roast Beef - Great.
1. Pastrami - ELITE.  So fucking ELITE.  Put a little spicy mustard on that bitch and then rub it all over your erect body.

Great topic, G$!  Look out for all of the ham weirdos today.  They are probably gearing up for Tigers playoff baseball!  We can't head into the weekend without a little "glory", can we?

The MAC Glory Hole of the Week (now 3-1!!!) is Bowling Green -7 @ UMass.  These book makers wants you to think about how bad the Badgers embarrassed the Falcons last week and not how great they were against Indiana.  The truth is that they are somewhere in the middle.  That middle is 14-20 points better than the Minutemen though.  I was also debating long and hard what to do about the RedHawks +4.5 at Buffalo.  Might be a decent Moneyline play but I'm not recommending it. 

See you on Monday...GOT ME SOME COLD CUTS!!!

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

While it would have been funny if last night had gotten rained out....I found myself legitimately happy for how it played out for our blogging overlord last night. Pretty awesome experience.

As for the cold cuts....

It's been years since I've gone to a deli and bought cold cuts. I just don't like making sandwiches at home. But, I think your meat rankings are pretty spot on. I'm not a big roast beef fan (speaking of which...anybody see those Hope Solo pics...LOLZ!). But, I fucking love corned beef and pastrami...great calls there. Also, bologna is indeed THE WORST. Just an absolutely gross "meat".

Working from home and watching the Ryder Cup all morning...#Winning.

--Drew

Jeff said...

I'm sure IDE will have some hot takes from his favorite Jewish Deli, Katz. Actually he'll probably say Katz is overrated and there's a way more ELITE one down the street from his bungalow in brooooklyn.

I'm not a fan of roast beef either. Hope solo gets all the LOLZ. Good call Drew. Corned beef is probably my #1. Danny's Deli has the best, IMO.

I hate the Yankees, but that was pretty cool. I'm always up for the Yanks to be playing meaningless games at the end of September.

GMoney said...

Hope Solo is forever gross. Don't snap velfies if your gash is trash. Count it.

That was indeed a terrific experience . Dude knows how to put on a show for sure. I was interviewed by the local fox station on the way out...probably not as Lol as the time poopson got on the news.

Anonymous said...

I thought for sure when you started this blog that you'd put bologna #1.

Ham and turkey grinder from wg grinders is the best deli sammich of all time.

Jeter looked very uncomfortable out there last night. Probably because g$ was there.

Dut

Anonymous said...

Jeff....I've been meaning to get to Danny's Deli to get their corned beef sandwich. It's as good as the pictures make it look, huh? Gonna have to get that done ASAP.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Fun fact- Derek jeter has never beat the tigers in a playoff series.

Dut

Anonymous said...

There are some ELITE deli's in Brooklyn, but none of those are near me.

Katz's makes the best pastrami in the world, that is a fact. However, any Jewish deli that has two (TWO!) armed guards at the entrance to get a fucking $30 Rueben slides down the list. I kind of liked Carnegie Deli a bit more.

I have never had olive loaf. I will never eat olive loaf.

Ide

Anonymous said...

There are some ELITE deli's in Brooklyn, but none of those are near me.

Katz's makes the best pastrami in the world, that is a fact. However, any Jewish deli that has two (TWO!) armed guards at the entrance to get a fucking $30 Rueben slides down the list. I kind of liked Carnegie Deli a bit more.

I have never had olive loaf. I will never eat olive loaf.

Ide

GMoney said...

Funner FACT: the tigers haven't won shit in 30 years and counting bruh.

Redskins = worst. I've never been happier to miss a game.

I got the falcons at -4.5. Am I missing something here? These line makers are dumb.

Anonymous said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__UJ9VZB508

Fantastic.

Seal

Daniel said...

Thanks G$ for not playing Larry Donnell last night

Anonymous said...

I normally despise Keith Olbermann, but he makes a rock solid argument for why everyone is overreacting to Jeter's retirement. Great link, Seal.

Anonymous said...

Danny's is really good in Cbus.

If you guys want to brave the hood, Ohio Deli on South High is also tits.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I agree, anon (IDE?). His opinionated rants are stupid, but you cant argue with all the FACTS and numbers he presents.

Seal

GMoney said...

Kind of a pointless rant after last night, Keith. Yes this was way overblown. I get it. But if you're going to dut there and say that a guy with almost 3500 hits is overrated then I'm sorry but you're wrong. We hold him up high on a pedestal for sure but he earned that pedestal. Deal with it.

My team is so good that I don't need Larry Donnell.

Anonymous said...

Nah, anon wasn't me.

Fun fact Seal. I wished that you got fucked with a rake on Tuesday when I saw that you had beaten me by .5 points. ESPN changed it to having me win by 1 point. Not sure if you saw that yet, but, ESPN stat corrections like me more.

Ide

Anonymous said...

I bet anon was Damman.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I saw that last night... asshole.

What score on your team got changed? Typical fantasy football being second in the entire league in scoring and 1-2.

Olberman does make some good points about the guys numbers, G$. And I am not sure how last night overrules everything he said in his rant.

Seal

Mr. Ace said...

I have had maybe 3 deli meat sangwich's in the last two years. Roast beef with mustard will always have my heart.

And Ohio Deli isn't hood. There's definitely some white trash around, but not hood.

Jeff said...

Yea, check out Danny's asap, Drew. Also, someone needs to find the video of G$ getting interviewed.

Grumpy said...

Change RibFest to PastramiFest?

GMoney said...

Keith, a Yankees season ticket holder, is entitled to his own strong take. I don't blame anyone for being sick of the tour but that was the teams doing as well as MLB. But! He knows better than to judge Jeter by numbers. He's way more than that. So basically his argument is that a 40 year old had a poor season. Hot take!

How crazy would it have been if Buck walked him last night?

Anonymous said...

Anon was not me either. I will never give Keith O. credit for anything.

I respect Jeter but he easily could have said at the start of the year, "I don't want any special treatment anywhere" and that would have shut all this down. Having said that, it was a pretty cool moment last night.

-Damman

Prime99 said...

I already searched for G$'s interview with no luck. C'mon Fox 5!

I admit that the Jeter moment was cool and I was happy for G$ since he made the trek. He deserves a gift basket or something.

CousINTs was pretty bad last night. Matthew Berry said he would drop Brady for Cousins last week. This is why he is the most notable fantasy guru and gets paid the big bucks.

T. Iceman said...

I've said from day one that Hope Solo is a disgusting man beast. No one agreed until now. Her snatch looks like the underbelly of an octopus but I guess that's what happens when you welcome black dick into your vagina.

I eat a lot of deli sandwiches. Makes me feel like I'm not going to die at 40 every time I eat a turkey sandwich over a $5 pizza buffet somewhere. Having said that:

Anything with the word "loaf" in it will never be a good deli meat. It's such a nasty word that used to describe a person shitting. No fucking thank you.

I'm also not a big fan of deli roast beef. It has these shiny little hologram things on the surface when you bend it in the right direction. It's always creeped my out.

5. Chicken - only because there is buffalo chicken out there and it is fucking tits.
4. Pastrami
3. Salami
2. Turkey
1. Corned Beef

I tried the Dagwood challenge at Ohio Deli a few years ago. Made it about 90% of the way before I had to throw the towel in. 30 minutes later I shit out a baby in their bathroom.

Prime99 said...

Peppered Turkey gets no mention, but if you haven't tried it, you're missing out.

Anonymous said...

It got a mention in the main post.

Ide

Prime99 said...

I stand corrected!

Anonymous said...

I will award 150 Money Shot points to anyone that can find G$'s interview.

--Drew

GMoney said...

They probably kept it off air for being too ELITE and factually correct.

Anonymous said...

Or being a lie.

Ide

Mr. Ace said...

Sounds like more NYC #IdeLies

T. Iceman said...

Maybe that's NYC culture. Lie about everything. Sounds like G$ just wanted to fit in with the locals.

Anonymous said...

Should be a fresh batch of lies after October 4th. I will find out if I am going to the NYFF as a vip next week. I'll keep you guys updated!

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide, please explain to us peasants what the hell NYFF is?

-Damman

T. Iceman said...

New York Fuck Faces? No question Ide is VIP to that event.

GMoney said...

Feces Fetish

Anonymous said...

New York Film Festival*

GMoney said...

Nope. It's Fist Fest.