Friday, September 19, 2014
Paul Finebaum put down his meal of freshly picked boogers to demand a multiple game suspension. The College Football Live guys want at least one game. Don't even ask what Cowherd wants. Hell, Kiper moved him from #4 to #25 on his 2015 Big Board! And this is all because he took some mildly popular meme from The World Cup and still thought that it was funny.
Let's be honest: this is so stupid. Winston is guilty of being a dork over anything. But at the same time, bro, you are still being investigated for rape, got busted for stealing crustaceans, and other stupid things that are easily avoidable. Maybe making a rape joke isn't the best idea...especially on a campus that was founded on rape (seems likely). I'm OK with the one half suspension actually. He is dumb. That's all. Mentally, Jameis is a third grader.
That said, I'm calling my shot and the Noles are well past due. Dabo Swinney will leave Tallahassee tomorrow night as a victor and the nation's longest winning streak comes to an end. And the only thing that matters here is "if Jameis went to Ohio State, the NCAA would move here and try to dig up we are a fucking stupid people and please keep calling us Ohio because we hate it and can't let obvious trolling go ever...its why we always yell at the TV when Mark May is on even though it is exactly what he wants...where were we...oh yeah, everyone is jealous of us even if that is wildly untrue O-H!" I captured the essence of Ohio there quite well. The only victims ever are Ohio Buckeye fans.
Another bold prediction for this weekend is that the CBJ and Ryan Johansen agree to a contract at some point. It's time to end this, RyJo. Put your asshole agent in his place and get to camp. Go HAM for two years and then break the bank.
For gambling advice, I really like tomorrow's Indiana/Missour-ah game going over 71. That's a lot of points, I know, but those offenses are great while the defenses are shit. Missouri has struggled post-homo.
The MAC Glory Hole of the Week (2-1, son!) is Marshall -9.5 @ Akron. Jesus, the Herd have played the RedHawks, Ohio #2, and now Akron? Even Gene Smiff doesn't schedule that easily. I don't know if they were thinking possible playoff birth but not with that non-con. That said, they should handle the Zips easily. I also like Ball State +14 @ Toledo. The Rockets are already in a free-fall and I like the Cards to come back focused after getting punked by Indiana State last week.
That's it for us this week. Let's all reconvene on Monday with stories about beating toddlers and their immediate reactions. This could be a fantastic case study. FUCK YOU, CAKES!