Friday, September 19, 2014

Jameis Winston Might Be Simple Jack

The other day, Florida State announced that Heisman Trophy winner, Jameis Winston, would miss the first half of tomorrow's game vs. the Clemson Jeffs.  He will be "suspended" for being really hip and edgy and cool by yelling "FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY" in the middle of a student center or some such place where screaming that is wildly unacceptable.  Oh man, if you've watched any sort of sports programming or listened to the radio over the last 48 hours, the hot takes are plentiful.

Paul Finebaum put down his meal of freshly picked boogers to demand a multiple game suspension.  The College Football Live guys want at least one game.  Don't even ask what Cowherd wants.  Hell, Kiper moved him from #4 to #25 on his 2015 Big Board!  And this is all because he took some mildly popular meme from The World Cup and still thought that it was funny.

Let's be honest: this is so stupid.  Winston is guilty of being a dork over anything.  But at the same time, bro, you are still being investigated for rape, got busted for stealing crustaceans, and other stupid things that are easily avoidable.  Maybe making a rape joke isn't the best idea...especially on a campus that was founded on rape (seems likely).  I'm OK with the one half suspension actually.  He is dumb.  That's all.  Mentally, Jameis is a third grader.

That said, I'm calling my shot and the Noles are well past due.  Dabo Swinney will leave Tallahassee tomorrow night as a victor and the nation's longest winning streak comes to an end.  And the only thing that matters here is "if Jameis went to Ohio State, the NCAA would move here and try to dig up we are a fucking stupid people and please keep calling us Ohio because we hate it and can't let obvious trolling go ever...its why we always yell at the TV when Mark May is on even though it is exactly what he wants...where were we...oh yeah, everyone is jealous of us even if that is wildly untrue O-H!"  I captured the essence of Ohio there quite well.  The only victims ever are Ohio Buckeye fans.

Another bold prediction for this weekend is that the CBJ and Ryan Johansen agree to a contract at some point.  It's time to end this, RyJo.  Put your asshole agent in his place and get to camp.  Go HAM for two years and then break the bank.

For gambling advice, I really like tomorrow's Indiana/Missour-ah game going over 71.  That's a lot of points, I know, but those offenses are great while the defenses are shit.  Missouri has struggled post-homo.

The MAC Glory Hole of the Week (2-1, son!) is Marshall -9.5 @ Akron.  Jesus, the Herd have played the RedHawks, Ohio #2, and now Akron?  Even Gene Smiff doesn't schedule that easily.  I don't know if they were thinking possible playoff birth but not with that non-con.  That said, they should handle the Zips easily.  I also like Ball State +14 @ Toledo.  The Rockets are already in a free-fall and I like the Cards to come back focused after getting punked by Indiana State last week.

That's it for us this week.  Let's all reconvene on Monday with stories about beating toddlers and their immediate reactions.  This could be a fantastic case study.  FUCK YOU, CAKES!

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Did your computer delete some content? That completely random OSU troll paragraph, in a Jameis Winston topic, is wildly incoherent.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Ide....way to comment on that...he got you so fucking good!

Winston is indeed incredibly dumb. I saw that you could get tix for Clemson @ FSU for $ 61 on StubHub....sweet fanbase they got down there in Tallahassee.

Jeff...let's hope something happens and Deshaun Watson gets to show everyone what we know about that boys skillz.

I do think it's dumb that he dropped so far on Kiper's big board. Guy has lost his mind if he doesn't think there is one NFL team that would take the idiot before 25.

I'm not sure why...but, I think Michigan covers against the Utes tomorrow. I'll be rooting for Utah tho....if Hoke's going down...I want to see him crash and burn with a final awful season.

The Poo Jackets stuff with Johansen is funny.

Not judging...but, I did find it odd that Prime and Iceman were doing like Cakes-like tweeting in the second half of a million to zero Falcons/Bucs game last night when a pretty decent Auburn/Kansas State game was on TV at the same time. That NFL game held zero interest level for me.

--Drew


Anonymous said...

It's because he was spanked as a kid.

Anonymous said...

I guess he got me good. Not sure if I can follow the logic from watching a FSU/Clemson game to immediately screaming at Mark May and making OSU comparisons, especially since Clemson just won the game, according to the first sentence of said paragraph.

I also don't get the $61 for a stubhub game comment either. Is that supposed to be terrible for a big game against a one loss team and your start qb out? The only lulz worthy thing would be if it wasn't sold out.

I think UM covers as well. I put money on them and Marshall, and I will likely get Clemson since the spread is 21 still. Some NFL ones have piqued my interest like Buffalo -3 against San Diego and Cincy -7 against Tennessee.

Ide

Anonymous said...

Yes, $61 to get into a night game against a ranked opponent...when you are the defending national champions and #1 team in the country...with a stadium of roughly 80K is pretty pathetic.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Actually Ide...you can get entire rows of tickets (15 together) on StubHub for $61 each....so, I'm gonna guess there will be empty seats.

--Drew

GMoney said...

That was sort of the fucking point, Ide-iot.

While Prime enjoys live-Tweeting bad football games (seriously, put down the internet when your team is playing and watch the game...no one likes Cakes or people that act like Cakes), that college football game was NOT GOOD. It was close but the play was bad.

No one criticizes stadium capacities quite like our Drooler! Must be a busy weekend for community service in norf Florida.

Anonymous said...

Not sure how I'm criticizing a "capacity". I'm criticizing their fandom.

The offense wasn't great in the college football game, but KSU's defense was pretty fucking fun to watch against an offense that hadn't been stuffed like that in a while....and that Duke Williams on Auburn is a hoss of a player.

--Drew

Prime99 said...

Drooler, NFL is king and had it on for fantasy impact as a Bobby Rainey owner, no offence.

Iceman and I both witnessed the most odd post game interview ever where Deion professed his love for Devin Hester and it got awkward. Re-counted quite well by our tweets IMO. Just not that interested in Auburn or KSU regardless of how good the game is.

Jameis is one dumb mofo. Maybe one day he will get FUCKED RIGHT IN THE BUTTHOLE! in prison.

Jeff said...

Hopefully the Clemson faithful make the trip and snatch up those tix. I saw them win there in 2006. 'Twas a great time.

Yes Drew, mooooore Deshaun please. Hoping Stoudt plays OK, nothing special and Deshaun brings it home. A disaster start from Cole will give Deshaun the spotlight, but the game might already be over at that point.

RYJO will sign. A couple days into camp and he will be there. 2 yr bridge.

GMoney said...

Uh yeah...I just predicted it would happen this weekend.

How awful would it be to receive a bulk inspirational text from Deion Sanders every single day? Hester was probably crying because he wants to kill himself.

GMoney said...

By the way, if you LOVED last night's NFL game then hold onto your butts for next Thursday when you have Eli Manning bringing his ELITEness down to the Nation's Capital to face off with Kirk Cousins' conversion van!!!

Anonymous said...

I saw that Deion/Hester thing on YouTube this morning. Deion is a terrible human being, so it's funny to see him do things like that.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Next week there are two Thursday night football games....

Fighting Kliff Kingsbury's at Okie State

#12 UCLA @ # 15 ASU

I'll probably stick with the young boys again instead of the awful Giants vs. Cousins.

--Drew

GMoney said...

You will watch the Redskins or DeSean's friends will show up at your door unannounced.

Then again, I'll be at Yankee Stadium next Thursday so whatever.

GMoney said...

Oh man, Cris Carter is giving fatherhood advice on M&M right now, bruh. Worked so well with Duron!

Anonymous said...

Duron Carter is probably making around $100K in the CFL....that's pretty good for someone who probably isn't smart enough to pump gas.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

"That was sort of the fucking point, Ide-iot."

Oh, then no, I won't be doing that. I just didn't understand why you'd stop mid thought about a bold upset take to troll OSU. Seems lazy, and odd, now that I know it's not a mistake. You were in the middle of making a solid take, then said, 'meh, fuck it, fuckeye fans mad on a bye week lololol'.

Your child has dulled the edges of your once not really sharp wit.

Ide

GMoney said...

I had no more insight on my upset call so I went full tard by quoting Cakes' inner monologue. It was a great choice. I'll try it again...

"This is such bullshit. If Adrian Peterson played for the Buckeyes then the NCAA would give us the Death Penalty! It's NOT FAIR!!! Michigan--I'm sorry, That Team Up North DERP--isn't even relevant IMO. Time to hit some other school's message board for the rest of the day because that is completely normal. Recruiting!"

T. Iceman said...

"hold onto your butts for next Thursday"

Let's not gloss over how great this Sam Jackson Jurassic Park quote is. I use it often and always get blank stares from people. Their loss.

I'm pretty sure Devin Hester said the word "man" about 20 thousand times last night while he and Deion were sucking each other's dicks. Seriously...if you haven't seen the video of those two from last night go watch it now. There are tears, laughter and high unintentional comedy for days. And Mooch literally shoving a microphone into Devin Hester's mouth is something I will cherish for days.

I've never seen anyone do a better Cakes impression. Keep perfecting your craft, G$.

Nibbles said...

Just found out that I will be carrying the flag with Commenter Daniel on Tuesday next week against Pittsburgh.

Still riding that high from the playoff series earlier this year. If you haven't given hockey a try, you're missing out.

GMoney said...

Preseason hockey! There's nothing like it! Seriously, I've done it before. The place will be about a quarter full. Good chance to catch a free t-shirt.

According to his FB feed, Hummer is apparently on some sort of weekend getaway with Milius. He refers to him as "KMil". Eh, I'll allow it.

GMoney said...

DON'T TAKE ME TO THE ELEVATOR! LOLZ!!!