Tuesday, September 30, 2014

College Football Week 5.


Replace "Michael Sam" with "Ide".



UCLA vs. ASU

I'll admit I didn't watch this game.  By the time I was bored with the Redskins letting the kid who eats paste dissect their defense, I was about ready for bed since these Thursday night games have been fucking snoozers.  Also the 10pm west coast games are hard to stay up for.  So I got caught up on The Strain and passed out instead.  ELITE show, BTW.  I'm still not buying UCLA even after this thrashing.  It's not like ASU has ever been known for their defense so I just see this as something the Bruins should have done.

Todd Gurley

He's the best running back in college football.  Period.  Anyone who disagrees should be force fed baked turd patties.  Baked because I'm concerned for your health.  Speaking of turds...Peyton Manning looked like a 65 year old retired golfer on the Tennessee sideline Saturday.  I don't think he could have looked any dorkier if he tried.  Man...Georgia is at least entertaining, aren't they?  Todd Gurley puts Georgia ahead...then Georgia's defense lets the opposition go right back down the field.  I can't imagine how stressful being a Georgia fan this year has to be.

Michigan vs. Minnesota

Yeeeeeaaaaaaaah, Minnesota!  Blow us out!  /takes a swig of Wild Turkey from the bottle.  Fire Hoke.  Fire Brandon.  Let's address the elephant in the room here.  That promotion that the University had with Coke was a flat out embarrassment.  The back tracking was even more pathetic.  Hope Solo's mangled crotch beef had a better look/public reaction.  So take your jabs because anything you say here isn't original or clever.  Now the game:
Shane Morris failed miserably Saturday.  I can't remember a QB being worse with more on the line, as a matter of fact.  I haven't seen football this bad since the DickRod days now that I think about it.  I know Morris was playing hurt and I admire the balls for pushing through that but it's not like he was playing well pre injury.  He was rat shit well before getting hurt.  Honestly we could be the worst team in the Big Ten.  While Michigan was getting dominated in every facet of the game, the announcers were STILL saying that they didn't think Hoke should be fired.  Well...before Hoke decided to put a guy back in who couldn't tell you what planet he was on, anyway.  Go die in a fucking tar pit, idiot announcers.

Brady Hoke

Oh boy.  People will let a lot of shit slide when it comes to football.  You can be a dick.  You can be hard to work with.  You can break contracts by faking heart attacks.  You can even be a degenerate asshole that purposely tosses criminals and drug addicts in uniforms just to win games.  But putting a kid's life in danger by playing him while concussed?  Bad.  Real bad.  That's a good way to make sure you never coach again.  All jokes aside, this is completely negligent and the fact Hoke is claiming he didn't know/think Morris was concussed is shameful and insulting.  Morris had to be stabilized by a team mate after getting jacked in the chin for fuck sake.  You can't look parents in the eye on recruiting trips anymore and promise you will look over their children after a disaster like that.  No one will believe you again ever.  And they shouldn't.  Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Hoke is unemployed before this officially posts.  Hoke at Michigan just keeps getting uglier and uglier.  SMDH.

*Monday Update:

As of 10PM Monday Hoke is still employed at Michigan but things just continue to spiral out of control.  Hoke addressed the media about Morris' injury and made no mention of a concussion or possible concussion.  He was bluntly asked and boy was it bad.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2215128-brady-hokes-collapse-continues-with-poor-job-handling-shane-morris-injury

Bonus points to Dave Brandon for being a huge pussy by darting into the shadows and tossing his boy out to the media wolves alone.  Not saying that I feel bad for Hoke, but this is Brandon's guy and he should be up there getting filleted as well.  The fallout from that game and how poorly everything was handled with Morris is already brutal as at least one 4-star recruit as already decommitted from Michigan.  Word is at least 3 other commits have decided to take official visits to other schools.  Who knows how many more this week.  Someone needs to stop the hemorrhaging.

Florida St. vs. NC State

For a second FSU was getting a dose of the ol' rapey cock from NC State.  Then FSU realized they were better and pulled away very very late.  Jacoby Brissett had himself one hell of a game...then died in the red zone late in the 4th quarter.  He looked dead, anyway.  I bet the Gators wish they still had this cat over Jeff DriscLOL.  Speaking of LOL...Florida State's defense.

Ohio vs. Cincinnati




Anthony Schlegel.  Still got it.  I was hoping for a sack celebration dance after body slamming that Ohio Buckeye turd sucking fan through the turf.  So Cincy got blown out.  Big deal.  Drew still likes to snort dick skin like cocaine and openly begs to get fucked by rolling pins.  If not for Cakes he would be the most annoying cock face on Twitter.  FACT.  That award on Facebook, however, easily goes to Ide and it isn't close.  He probably jacks his little vanilla twizzler to all the "hilarious" posts he puts on my wall.  Apparently New York is super exciting since he's trolling my Facebook wall constantly.  His Facebook antics probably get quite the spirited chuckle from his celebrity pals in the VIP room while drinking $1500 a bottle champagne that was made in a Snow Leopard's womb.

Nebraska's uniforms

Just sick.  Dirty as fuck.  I've never really been one to get boned up about uniforms but these were pretty awesome.  Bo Pelini doing the uniform reveal, on the other hand, was all the LULZ.

Notre Dame vs. Syracuse

Fuck Larry in his stupid fucking ass.

Missouri vs. South Carolina

Man.  South Carolina just can't seem to get out of their own way.  It's funny though because Spurrier seems like a real Grade A dick nose.  I was good and shit faced while this game was going on so I really can't tell you a whole lot about it.  Drinking an entire bottle of rum tends to make your brain not remember stuff.  All I know is that there were ELITE Michael Sam signs a plenty on the Game Day set.  Honestly...what the fuck did they think was going to happen?  You're just setting it up on a fucking tee for these drunk college assholes to slam it out of the park.  A gay guy's former team playing against a team called the Cocks is about as no brainer as it gets.  They HAD to know these signs were coming out by the millions.

That'll be it today.  We can also kick around Charlie Weis fired/fat jokes today if you care to.  Weis was shit canned from Kansas over the weekend like they think they can get better than Charlie the Hutt.  Not saying that Weis was good...because he isn't...but I don't know who else they think they're getting that will be better.  It's fucking Kansas football.  Ohio Buckeye fans should be pretty big cock sucks today.  Wait...that's every Tuesday.  Fire Hoke.  Fire Brandon.

53 comments:

Mr. Ace said...

And then Michigan has a press release at 1AM admitting that Morris did in fact have a concussion....but none of the coaches or medical professionals saw him take that hit or wobble, so he was never tested for a concussion. OKAY! *wank*

I'm glad the medical people who did the testing didn't just bury this like I'm sure they were pressured to do. And I find it hilarious that Michigan through Hoke to the wolves and then immediately contradicted half the shit he said yesterday. What a fucking shitshow.

Grumpy said...

How is it possible that Hoke survives trying to murder his own QB?

Anonymous said...

Gonna address a couple things before I get started on the main topic here...

Slow...you asked about the Tigers yesterday and I failed to respond. I will be very disappointed in them if they don't win a championship this year, but as I said a few weeks ago...I definitely don't think they will. Having to take Sanchez out of the rotation was a big loss due to not knowing what you'll get out of JV....and as Damman has noted...the bullpen is a complete dumpster fire. It's hard to imagine a team with that shitty of a bullpen winning a championship. I do like the matchup with the O's. I think the Angels are better than us tho.

OSU/Cincy....that Cincy defense is terrible...but, man J.T. Barrett looks like he's gonna be a player. Kid just throws a beautiful football. Over 700 yards of offense and we tied the NCAA record for first downs in a game. Great outing for the offense. Defense still decides they want to look retarded and three or so plays a game and that's really aggravating.

Onto the MAIN EVENT!

LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ @ what is happening at Michigan right now. Hold onto your butts people...because it seems to just get better every hour.

First of all, the football team is hot garbage. Way to get your shit pushed in by a team that just got worked by TCU.....at home.

It also looks like Michigan is gonna have shitty QB for the foreseeable future (as in years) and I like that as well.

This latest snafu that Ape referenced is the Michigan "I just hope he doesn't fire me" moment. They fucking trotted Hoke out there yesterday to a press conference where he said Morris has no concussion....and then in the middle of the fucking night release a statement that he was diagnosed with one on Sunday. HOLY LOLZ! The incompetency here is unreal. Hoke TOTES needs to go ASAP...but, Brandon better be given his pink slip in the form of a pink sock as no coach worth a damn would ever work under that imbecile after this.

So, in summation. The Michigan football program has awful players, is extremely poorly coached and an amazing embarrassment right now....even getting talked about this morning on the CBS Morning News at the beginning. ISIS and Michigan Football everyone!!!! LOLZ!

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Oh...and I got engaged last night....to a female. I figure I'll be divorced by the time G$'S daughter hits 17yrs old so why the hell not.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Congrats Drew!

Drew hit on most of the valid points, but I'll just add this. These Hoke press conferences are just a thing of beauty. The guy is either a complete moron or he is delusional and has no clue what is going on. "I still think we can win a championship." Why does he insist on insulting UM fan's intelligence? Why not just say, "Hey, we're not very good right now and that's my responsibility to get it fixed." Or something along those lines instead spewing complete bullshit all the time. Take some responsibility!

-Damman

Anonymous said...

I never post on your facebook wall. I do however get a kick out of the cavalcade of your bros that do post things solely on your wall. Didn't I see a Kordell post there last week? I don't need to troll you, everyone does it for me. But, I will throw in cheap pot shots. It's basically all facebook is good for anymore aside from asinine birthday wishes (looking at you, nibbles).

"Why does he insist on insulting UM fan's intelligence?"

He understands that most fans can't attend UM, so he is in no danger of insulting their intelligence.

Ide

Nibbles said...

For the first time ever, I came away feeling sorry for a Michigan coach this past weekend.

I couldn't understand it until I gave it more thought. The problem is, Brady is a very nice guy. Buying donuts for the students, telling his kids we are still going to "win the championship", being the "oh shucks, it's OK, let's get 'em next time" type of coach on the sideline.

Go watch the OSU / Michigan HBO special again and tell me if there is any room for a coach like that at storied programs like these. Ron English would be a better fit for Michigan than Brady Hoke, which says more about Hoke than it does English.

Go out and throw as much money at Kevin Sumlin as you possibly can. Much better chance than either Harbaugh.


Nibbles said...

My wife spent the better part of her birthday dinner last night talking about how big of an asshole that Ide guy is. Made me LOLZ

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, I agree with most of what you said, but it's not even about players at this point. That roster is more talented then every other B1G team save the Fuckeyes. This is coaching. It's always coaching at a program like Michigan. And to an even greater extent its the AD because that whole department has been alienating students, fans, and alums for the past 5 years. Everybody has to go. NOW.

And congrats on the engagement. But who gets engaged on a Monday? You get engaged on a long weekend so you can bang for 3 days and not go to work. Hopefully you'll make better decisions in married life.

And Kansas can totes do better than Weis.

GMoney said...

The answer to the last question is "Anyone". Even Kansas can get anyone better than Charlie Weis.

Congrats, Drew, I will be standing outside of your wedding with a wide array of Michael Sam signs!

Someone asked last week why you would fire a coach midway through the season. THIS IS WHY. How embarrassing. If you didn't know that he was collapsing on the field then way to admit incompetence! That's your fucking QB! How does NO ONE see that and think that maybe he should be looked at? At least his ankle was taped up! Ignorance is not an excuse. It is a fireable offense. It helps nothing to keep these rubes around for the rest of the year. Rip the goddamn band-aid off.

Maybe they can hire Tom Brady to be the next coach. He won't be doing anything next year.

GMoney said...

Nibbles, not sure how much the nice thing works since Jim "The Olive Tray" Tressel is a bible thumper who never says anything bad about anyone. Or maybe I just never saw that legendary Tressel mean streak.

I am a fan of your wife hating Ide though. That's huge.

Daniel said...

G$ - Trade me a TE

Anonymous said...

Ape....I'm working from home this entire week. So, early happy hours, baseball playoffs and sex on company time.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

At least Nibbles' wife is consistent. When I met her earlier this year, she came up to me and asked if I was that asshole from facebook. 100% sure she doesn't know my first name, nor made an attempt to. She is aces in my book.

Daniel, your stable of black people named (K)Niles is good enough. You are set to play me and hopefully lose this weekend. G$ is TOTES gonna lose this week in MSFL. His team is the hottest of dogshit.

Ide

MUDawgfan said...

I can't imagine how stressful being a Georgia fan this year has to be.


It fucking sucks.
Every game is a god damn panic attack.
Our QB is a 5th year starter who said in the AJC yesterday. "Sometimes I get frustrated and stressed with learning all these passing routes"

Seriously? Go pound sand asshole.
Play the RS Freshman, he can hand off to Gurley.

Anonymous said...

Oh and a big thank you to my by, Jamaal Charles for sticking it to Cakes last night! Epic comeback.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

*boy

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Congrats Drew. I will keep an eye out for my invitation in a few months.

Michigan football is the laughing stock of the sports world, not just college football... Yikes.

Nice performance by the FOUR Patriot's on your team last night G$. I thought you were a smart fantasy player? Who plays 4 Patriots in a year that they are not good? LOLZ

Drew - I will be attending a Tigers playoff game wearing a Tigers shirt. I told some of my buddies at the corporate office in Detroit (I run our Cleveland branch - small rivalry) that I work for that I would go with them and wear a Tigers shirt if they made the divisional series games (my company has season tix and tix to all the playoff games). Im so close to spending the money on a Nathan jersey in hopes of him blowing a game. Thought you might like that.

Seal

Grumpy said...

Congrats Drew. I expected a pre-op TS, but whatever.

T. Iceman said...

Great analysis from a Georgia fan. I have been watching a lot of Georgia football lately since most of the games here are SEC and those games are almost always decided in the last 3 minutes. Like I said...at least it's fun and you don't have a coach that covers up concussions.

Like Ace said...this is all coaching. The talent is there. I've never been one to put a whole lot of stock in star ratings but when you're consistantly getting players who almost everyone thinks are 4 and 5 star talents you have to at least accidentally have some good players. Hoke just doesn't know what to do with them.

Brandon has to go first. Like...now. Today. He should have zero say in who the next head coach is going to be. Hoke shouldn't be far behind especially after it is now official Morris has a concussion. Obviously I want a BRAH coaching this team. One day I hear that there's a good chance it'll happen the next I hear there's no way.

Congrats Drew. Now you have someone to do your laundry for you.

GMoney said...

Oh man, that was quite the performance by my Pats last night. Didn't know that they were playing the '85 Bears. I needed 40 points from Brady, Edelman, Gostkowski, and the Pats D. I got 11. ELEVEN!

Brady is now benched forever. This is Big Ben's team now, BRAH!

That said, Seal, you make shitty fucking bets. Have fun with that.

Daniel, I saw your offer last night and I am intrigued but my goal is to trade one of my QBs this week first. Go figure that Dut is being difficult.

If Drool thinks that his little engagement can outshine my birfday then he has another thing coming, son!

Jeff said...

The Michigan dumpster fire is great.

Deshaun Watson is still doing Deshaun Watson things. 435 yds and 6 tds.

Congrats, Drooler.

Jeff said...

G$, has the Torg bestowed any bday wishes on your fbook wall?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Deshaun Watson is the fucking man.

Slow...you appear to be a man of integrity for bets and I applaud that.

Is the Michigan talent really still there when it hasn't been developed in their college careers?

--Drew

GMoney said...

I don't know if Torg has stepped up yet today. It's annoying to check birthday wishes on the phone.

Daniel said...

Dut doesn't need a QB, has has Andy Dalton and Kirk Cousins

T. Iceman said...

You can have a kid with all the talent in the world but if his coach sucks and doesn't know how to develop him...or can't develop him...then that player isn't really gonna look like the stud everyone said he would be. Raw high school talent will only get you so far if your coaching is inadequate.

For a second I thought Watson went to the local high school here. Turns out there's also a gainesville georgia. You know who did go to gainesville high school in Florida? Clinton Portis. And Tom Petty.

GMoney said...

Nothing from Torg...maybe he's done trying to network for his wife.

Anonymous said...

Christ, two months in and Iceman is repping Gainesville. Well, anything is a step up from Toledo, I guess.

Ide

Cakes said...

Fuck Jamaal Charles.

OSU defense is still ridiculous but at least we know the team can put up points. The rest of the year is going to be crazy. I think they have the talent to go undefeated or lose two games. Who fucking knows at this point.

If I were the Michigan president, I'd blow this thing up and get an interim coach in there. At least show the recruits that you won't stand for this shit. Crazy that mr. Dominos and Hokester still have a job.

GMoney said...

Ironically, Dave Brandon was The Noid all along.

T. Iceman said...

Apparently passing along interesting info you've stumbled upon in the last week is "repping" now. My apologies for making conversation on a blog. I forgot we aren't supposed to do that here. Sorry G$!! Didn't mean to get the number of comments over 20 today! I'll be better next week. No fucking wonder every person that comes in contact with Ide can't stand him after 3 minutes.

Anonymous said...

Gainesville HS alum really moved the needle today.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

Because that was the core of this post.

Prime99 said...

Congrats Drew! I'm sure your future wife will enjoy being told "LOLZ" constantly during your marriage together.

Happy birthday, G$!

Michigan is so bad. Part of me feels sorry for them, however, they act awfully arrogant when the program is good so maybe it is good for them to be #humbled.

Hoke has made so many incompetent mistakes that he's got to be done. Even if he finishes the season, it's a formality.

Anonymous said...

Iceman, as a journalism major, you should know all about paragraphs. Topic sentences, supporting statements, etc. So, by noting your comment count a scant three sentences from your 'repping' defense, you were defending your position.

Now, I realize you werein combining all your thoughts into one Autistic paragraph, which is cute. And, that you were talking about football as the main reason for the comment count (though, Stan could argue that if you just wrote the word Michigan, you'd get 25+ comments). However, I just thought I'd give you shit and watch you get pissy.

Ide

GMoney said...

Good call on the journalism burn. He must've been blacked out on the Mintz on the day that they taught writing intros. Count it!

Mr. Ace said...

Stan was the truf.

T. Iceman said...

It's pretty hilarious that Ide holds an Internet blog that uses phrases like "truf", "LOLZ" and "STREMPH" to any sort of journalistic rules or accountability. Ide is the guy who calls defensive 3 seconds during a pickup game at the rec.

MUfan said...

This whole Michigan thing is a mess. I casually follow both Michigan and MSU and I don't think I can ever remember something like this and this bad before. I've lived the majority of my life in the state of Michigan and this is bad. Everyone is talking about it. My super annoying MSU-grad co-worker is walking around with a boner pretty much all the time now (imagine Cakes as a MSU alum).

I think both Hoke and Brandon will be gone much sooner rather than later. But it blows my mind Brad Bates is in the discussion for AD.

In other college football news, my Miami RedHawks lost. Again.

I also have no faith in the Tigers regarding the playoffs. The bullpen is just much of a joke.

I do have a pretty epic day planned for next Sunday. I reserved a hotel room in Detroit for Sunday night, and both the Lions and the Tigers will be playing at home that day. I plan on going down to the D and just watching the games in a sports bar and hitting up a nasty strip club afterwards. Off from work on Monday so it's all good.

Prime99 said...

"My super annoying MSU-grad co-worker is walking around with a boner pretty much all the time now (imagine Cakes as a MSU alum)."

Now that shit is hilarious! Well done, MUFan!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, how dare I demand coherent thoughts in written conversation. I should revel in the opportunity to decipher your poor grasp on paragraph structure.

You're the guy who says, "I missed on purpose" and means it.

Ide

MUfan said...

Oh yeah - congrats to Drew on the engagement. And happy birthday to G$.

Also, I don't really get people celebrating the OSU coach body slamming the idiot who ran on the field. I know it was a different situation, but do people not remember the Miami coach who was arrested after giving the idiot Marshall fan a forearm shiver after a game? If the person who ran unto the field during the UC-OSU game had been injured (and he easily could have been), I think he and the school could be in trouble.

T. Iceman said...

If the school gets in trouble for some fucking idiotic boob running onto the field, that would be the dumbest shit ever. That's like those fucks who burn themselves with coffee and go after Folgers in a class action lawsuit.

Someone goes onto a field they know they aren't supposed to be on, they're fair game, IMO. Oop! Sorry. In my opinion. Want to keep the journalistic integrity this site was built on alive.

MUfan said...

Okay, let me rephrase. The school wouldn't get in trouble (like Miami wasn't when Wauford nailed that dude in 2002), but couldn't the coach and the school be opening themselves up to a lawsuit brought against them by an individual if they were hurt? I would think a school would not want their players or coaches taking these matters into their own hands and instead let the security people handle the idiots.

Daniel said...

G$ and/or Jeff - Let's work out a trade! Send me an email or something with your demands!

Jeff - I sent you a rebuttle offer, it will take a lot to get the NUMBER ONE player in fantasy football.

T. Iceman said...

I see what you're saying, MUFan. But I don't think so. At least I hope no one associated with the school or the takedown would get in trouble if the guy was hurt in the process. The fan is trespassing and breaking the law. The injury would have never happened had this guy stayed in his seat like he was supposed to. I'm not a lawyer but I would think there's no case here.

GMoney said...

MUFan, who knows how the law would handle that but since this is Ohio and it involves the Ohio Buckeyes, the law will side with the Ohio Buckeyes.

It's like a burglar breaking into your house and you beat the piss out of him so he sues you. It should be 100% legal but sometimes it isn't.

I loved it. That fuckface deserved it.

Dut and G$ are closing in on an LFL deal (waiting for him to click "accept". Even called him at his office to work out the kinks. This is how business is done, folks. Beneficial for both shitty sides!

GMoney said...

Daniel, your demands are outrageous. Like I said, let me finish this thing with Dut and then we can talk turkey.

T. Iceman said...

Anyone willing to deal Andy "Amish Paradise" Luck right now deserves last place.

Anonymous said...

I think the big difference between the Miami/Marshall thing and what Schlagel did was there was one lone nut out there Saturday. You don't know what the guy's plans were. This day in age, you just don't know and you take him down by any means necessary.

The Miami/Marshall thing, the Miami guy just straight up punched the Marshall fan in the face in the middle of a mob of fans.

-Damman

Daniel said...

If you and dut will have me, I would like to arrange a 3-way...

Bo Pelini's Cat said...

Gurley better than Ameer Abdullah from Nebraska? No fucking way. Nebraska's offensive line can barely remember the snap count (we must lead the Big 10 in false starts and holding calls) and he still hangs 200 on anybody. And those unis? Looked like the entire 90,000 in the stadium collectively had their period, then put on the duct tape numbers after they found out they were out of tampax to stop the bleeding. Nasty!