Tuesday, September 23, 2014

College Football Week 4


Good Gawd.



Well this was another great fucking week of college football, now wasn't it?  I did this post Saturday night because I left for Fort Myers early Sunday morning to drink until the announcement of Brady Hoke being fired was handed down (fingers crossed).  Hopefully I didn't miss it in between black outs.  So some of these late games I didn't stay up for, or didn't stay up for the entirety, since I don't care about you guys and I do this for free.  Lotta action to cover today.

Michigan vs. Utah

Fire Hoke.  Yet another shameful performance.  Gardner sucked (again), Funchess is playing hurt and all of a sudden Michigan can't run the ball.  On the Utah side Travis Wilson is lucky to be walking today.  I'm glad that kid is okay but...HOLY SHIT!!  Wilson was about as close as you can get to drinking his meals out of a straw for the rest of his life right before halftime.  Every last player on Michigan's defense should have gotten blown at some point Saturday night for keeping them in the game.  Well deserved for that performance.  The D started to break down some in the second half but what the fuck do you expect when the offense is 3 and out almost every fucking possession?  The only smart thing Hoke did all day was benching Gardner.  Then Morris was picked on his first series.  Bad, bad, bad.  I'm not sure I've ever been this embarrassed by Michigan football.  Fire Hoke.

Melvin Gordon III

What a fucking day by Gordon.  Joey Galloway tried to steal the spot light by being a complete dip shit but Gordon was just too good.  Honestly...is there anyone worse than Joey Galloway?  I would rather suck on a battery while getting fucked by a lawnmower blade than listen to Galloway talk about anything.  The military should use Galloway as a way to torture sensitive information out of POWs.  Just awful.

Virginia Tech vs. Georgia Tech

LOL.  Continues to be a quality loss to the 2-2 Fake Neck Hoakies, Ohio Buckeyes.  For all of the shit Buckeye fans give Michigan fans, they're a Cincy loss away from having the same exact record as the Wolverines.

Indiana vs. Missouri

A week ago Indiana loses to a BGSU team that just got their butts turned inside out by Wisconsin this week...and this week Indiana beat a ranked ESS EEE SEE team.  *sigh*  I don't know, man.  I'm sure Missouri will still end the year ranked and I'm sure Indiana will still finish in the bottom half of the Big 10.  Good win for the conference but this is your classic case of Indiana playing its best game on a day Missouri played one of its worst.  Cakes probably popped a dick vein on Saturday to the Big Ten beating the SEC.  Indiana doing something the Ohio Buckeyes can't.  Good for them.

Kenny Hill

So this guy might be pretty good, yeah?  Let the Kenny Football nicknames start flying since everyone needs a nickname and people are rarely original these days.

LSU vs. Mississippi St.

Get Lester the Molester a 5th of toilet water to wash away the sorrow.  Lesbihonest...LSU was never in this game and they were fortunate to get back in it in the 4th quarter.  Maybe Mississippi St. is the TRUF like some of our esteemed preseason panel thought.  Look for MSU to crack the top 20 this week.  Then look for Cakes to piss and moan about it.

Clemson vs. Florida St.



True American Heroes

I can't believe those two pioneers were kicked out of the Gameday set.  This game was highlighted by a plethora of outstanding sign creations before the kickoff even happened.  Even Ohio Buckeye fans can appreciate what was going on with this beaut...



Even though I love Mark May and how much Ohio fans want to watch him drown in a barrel of piss, I can't ignore the excellent trolling happening here.  On to the game.  Jameis Winston really is the best.  Dude walked onto the field in full pads to warm up like he really didn't think he was suspended.  Like FSU was gonna be like, "Just kidding...you can play."  LOL.  This guy may honestly have a mental deficiency.  So this Sean "Jerry" MaGuire guy got the start today and it was......turd soup.  Every time MaGuire stepped onto the field his eyes looked like he just walked in on his dad spraying a fat load on his mom's face porn style.  This one is going to hurt Clemson and their fans for awhile.  So many chances just pissed away.  FSU dodged a fucking bullet on this one.

That's it for today.  Plenty of games to talk about...especially if Oregon LOL'ed it up against Washington.  If you get time do yourself a favor and go read the ESPN article about Urban Meyer being depressed and mentally broken at Florida.  For all the dung Ohio fans give Michigan for Hoke, Ol' URBZ sure sounds like a guy I want coaching my team.  Someone who lets the pressure get to him so much where he feels like he's about to fucking die.  Not to mention he pretty much admitted to being a drug addict and an alcoholic.  LOL.  Great comedy piece by ESPN.  Fuck Notre Dam and fuck Larry in his stupid ass.

46 comments:

Anonymous said...

Buckeyes have a bye week and Iceman throws in at least 5 Buckeye mentions...LOLZ! Obsessed much, brah?

While it is disappointing, the Hoke Era seems to be officially winding down. The only good part is that it appears Michigan is it appears that the team is going to go down in one glorious fireball this year. This train wreck should be great to watch as neither QB has a shred of confidence right now.

I do like how Iceman is holding on to this "If you guys lose to Cincy you'll be in the same place." LOLZ. No. You have a dead man walking head coach for almost an entire season which is one of the worst things you can have in college football. Have fun with that. Also, as G$ will surely post after watching his game....highly doubtful OSU is losing to Cincy.

Felt bad for Jeff on Saturday. Clemsoning happened again. He and I have been proclaiming the greatness of Deshaun Watson for a couple weeks now...and he did look the part. But, fuck...that fumble and then the horrendous 4th down call in OT. Fuck that noise....disappointing. Herbie blowing Winston throughout the telecast was pretty nauseating as well.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Oh..forgot to mention....that "Buy 2 Cokes get 2 free tickets to UM/Minnesota" promotion that lasted a couple hours last night before someone at Michigan understood how bad it looked....that was for all the LOLZ. The Hoke/Brandon Era everybody!

--Drew

GMoney said...

A lot of quality hate and bad grammar today. I approve!

I have watched both of UC's games this year and they'll put a scare in you. You won't shut that offense down at all and you don't particularly have the skill to get involved in a shootout. Could be an interesting matchup Saturday. Fuck UC though. Fuck them forever. Gunner Kiel is worse than Cakes.

Michigan is just sad. Hoke doesn't even want to be there. Go ahead and pick a fight with Matteson and watch that old fucker kick your shit in, Brady. Just look at the guy. Hoke. Has. Quit.

Dave Brandon is somehow a bigger fucking loser though because he rubber stamped that embarrassing Dominos-esque promotion thinking that it was a great marketing strategy. You know how you sell tickets, Davey Boy? Not get crushed at home by a Pac-12 expansion team. I don't blame Michigan fans at all for not showing up. The only way that you can cause change is with your wallet.

Jameis is such a nerd. News flush: wearing pads sucks. There is no reason to ever wear them when you don't have to. I really feel bad for Jimbo. He's more babysitter than coach now.

Poor Clemson...just so terrible. And yet still better than Ohio.

Jeff said...

Clemsoning is alive and well. You can't make this shit up. The only thing Clemson did right was decide to go with Deshaun.

Dabo will always have Tommy Bowden stink on him. He can recruit, but the teams have no killer instinct.

Our Arab kicker. Get fucked. You have one job and you're terrible at it.

Chad Morris, when you have a 4th and 1 or the ball on half yard line, line up under center and get a yard shithead or atleast make it look like you are and shift into something else to cause some confusion.

Defense played great and deserved way better. Sucks to be out of the ACC race after one game, unless FSU implodes, not likely.

Atleast I get to watch the Deshaun the rest of the way. They'll probably run the table now since there is no pressure and the rest of the ACC is meh at best.

Mr. Ace said...

Hoke gone. I'm almost glad we are crashing and burning because that leaves no doubt that Hoke sticks around. Bring on the HarBRUHS!

GMoney said...

You might get to choose which BRAH you want considering their less than desirable situations at the moment.

Anonymous said...

Both BRAHS would be offered other NFL jobs immediately and stay in the NFL.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Oh that's cute. You think that you can get in the head of a BRAH? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Mr. Ace said...

Drew, that might be possible. But I don't think Jimmy BRAH likes working with PAID NFL players and egos, let alone management and owners. I think the Michigan and BRAH situation is a go.

This just in, sources say Dave Brandon to be canned before a new coaching search will begin!!!!! FUCK YES! Now the BRAH move is totes a go. Make Carr the AD and move the fuck on.

Also a little humble brag. My betting card last night:
Chicago +2
Chicago ML
OVER 44.5
And OVER/CHI +2 PARLAY

THANK YOU to vegaskillers for a much needed boost to my bankroll.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ at Ace and any Michigan fan saying they are happy they are crashing and burning. No Michigan fan is happy at how embarrassing your program is.

I'm sorry but college football fucking sucks the first month. How is watching Wiscy win by 60 or even OSU beat Kent 66-0 enjoyable? I understand it is all for the money... just no excitement in watching those games.

Seal

Anonymous said...

Ape....you just keep getting those cute little hopes up.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Slow....nice usage of the LOLZ. Definitely a LOLZ worthy take.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I don't know if they are happy at the program going nuclear, but it is probably necessary to flush all the losers out. These two guys are failures but a win over Sparty or Ohio (LULZ to that idea) MIGHT save their jobs. No one wants that to happen.

Prime99 said...

Ace- how many Sankeys did you bet on those wagers?

Cakes said...

Why not just fire the guy right now? Just get it over with. Recruiting has been hurt for at least three years already. Might as well end it.

The back peddling by Michigan last night was amazing. Twitter was on fire. It helped me ignore the clusterfuck going on in the Indians game.

I think we can officially put the tribe season to rest. Hung in there until the last week but there were just too many errors and lack of hitting this season. Tito gets major props for keeping the, in it for that long though.

GMoney said...

I agree. The notion that you shouldn't fire a guy in the middle of the season is stupid. Show your fans that you care!

T. Iceman said...

Drew is so fucking confident in a Buckye team that lost to a piss bucket VTech team at home. Hilarious. "No waeee we loooze to Cincy!" Eat a million dicks.

I'm never happy about michigan losing...but it is necessary in order to clean house and gets the stupids out. I think Ace is correct with James BRAH. I don't think he enjoys the NFL scene and wants to get back to screaming at players and getting results. It's clear no one on the 49ers responds to his bread and butter move.

Mr. Ace said...

You're right. I just made it up to impress you, Seal. Totes not how I, a Michigan fan, actually feels. Would I rather Hoke shit gold and go undefeated? Absolutely. But that's not happening. So I would much rather us be so bad that there is no chance Hoke/Brandon can come back next year. Bite the bullet now.

Yes, Drew. There is no backing for my "hopes". Nobody else feels the same way I do. Especially those in the sports media that actually know people. None of them are talking about this possibility and all of them think it's stupid. POSSIBLE is the key word here. I'm not even sure it's likely. But nobody can dismiss it right now.

Mr. Ace said...

I don't care if they fire Hoke now or not. He's gone either way. There are some members of this staff that I like, all on the defensive side of the ball, but I don't think Mattison would be interested in being interim coach in the absence of Hoke. Also if the word on the street about Brandon is true then I don't see a coaching change til after the season.

And we're gonna continue to recruit at a high level. Hoke has killed on the recruiting trail even while getting worse every year. I'm not worried about that. Hoke did his best work with DickRods "tiny" recruits anyways.

Anonymous said...

Ape....you said it's "a go"....much different than "possible".

I love how Iceman has just already made up his mind on OSU based on one real bad loss. Thats so dumb....fo real. I hope you are wagering your savings on Cincy since they are 14pt dogs.

Firing Hoke right now is so dumb fo real. They actually have a pretty nice recruiting class right now. If you fire him now then you risk losing the majority of those kids and you arent going to be adding any attractive replacements while the rest of the year unfolds. You need to string those kids along for as long as possible to limit the team they dont have a coach recruiting them.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Never forget who the first stud was to profess that JimBRAH would be the next coach at Michigan. It was me and everyone else is a copy cat. I am connected.

You're all underachievers as college football fans. DEAL WITH IT.

T. Iceman said...

I love how Drew has so much belief in this Buckeye team based off of a struggle win against Navy and a blowout win vs a shitty MAC school. But you're right. I'm the dumb one. Cincy has zero shot in that game because yooooo guyzzz arrrr the bestest team in forever!!!

Anonymous said...

Due to Iceman following Michigan football over the last decade, I guess I should cut him some slack for not remembering that many college football teams improve from September to the end of the year. It's a pretty wild process....but, it happens even more in young teams. Bless you child....as your years of abuse are finally starting to come above surface. Let it out....let it all out.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I do think it is pretty funny that UC is trying to do a blackout at the Not-A-Horseshoe on Saturday.

I have a feeling that Kiel is going to have a monster game against garbage Kerry Coombs though.

T. Iceman said...

I know, Drew. I was TOTES wrong to suggest you guys would ever lose another football game. Your team is the best ever! Going undefeated for eternity!!

Anonymous said...

LOLZ! Never said anything close to that. These Michigan failures really have you losing your mind.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

The Urban jizz has you acting like a fuck.

Prime99 said...

Urban Jizz sounds like this really great band that only Ide knows about.

Do any of you guys play a mean, ranging safety and want a job in the NFL?

Grumpy said...

Iceman & Drew name calling is the best.

T. Iceman said...

Honestly. I've never encountered a fan base with more misplaced confidence.

Anonymous said...

Says the guy last week that still thought it was dumb to think Michigan wouldn't break their 14yr losing streak in Columbus this year.

--Drew

GMoney said...

While you two fairies play grab ass, can we have a moment of silence for the real victim:

Tom Harmon

Do the right thing, WE ON, and take 98 off of Gardner.

MUfan said...

G$ - take a look at this. Suggestions that Brad Bates might be Michigan's next AD.

http://gregghenson.com/new-information-on-the-new-michigan-coach-and-ad/

GMoney said...

Oh baby...that would be something else. Michigan Men, if you think that Brandon blows, get a load of that guy whose claims to fame include hiring Don't Treadwell and burying basketball!

You deserve Brad Bates.

Grumpy said...

BB to Michigan? You'll be great in women's tennis, but that's about it. He'll probably even kill your hockey program.

T. Iceman said...

I did not say Michigan was 100% for sure beating Ohio this year you simpleton. I merely said that with how shaky the Buckeyes have looked so far, that game looks more winnable than it did 3 weeks ago.

Anonymous said...

Here's where Iceman tardery is shown. He seems to think its ridiculous that OSU fans think OSU should/will win against Cincy. Yet, Vegas has OSU as 14pt favorites. So, really those OSU fan expectations are in line with the general consensus.Tardman is the one that seems to have the off the wall pick on this one....not the OSU fans.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Let's be real: Ohio Buckeyes should never just be a 14 point home favorite over a non-Power 5 school.

T. Iceman said...

Well shit. They shouldn't even play the fucking game then since Vegas is never wrong.

Anonymous said...

Tardman either completely missing or dismissing the point. Not surprising. I hope you bet heavy on the moneyline....that'll pay out huge for you.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

Tell me Mr. Las Vegas, how many points were the buckeyes favored against unranked Virginia Tech at home? Fuck off.

T. Iceman said...

Again let me clarify for Mr. fact checker/Mr. Las Vegas. I'm not saying that the buckeyes are 100% losing that game. I'm simply suggesting there is a chance they could lose. Meanwhile you sit there and say that there is literally zero possibility that the buckeyes will lose that game partly because of a Vegas line. That's why you're stupid.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ! Ive never seen someone put so much emphasis on the result of a September football game than Tardman has with OSU/VT. This could be your masterpiece of terrible college football opinons at the end of the year. It could be your Mona Lisa....if painted with finger paint.

I've never said they have no chance of losing. I said they should win and i think they will.....which goes along with the national consensus....thus showing that your opinion that we are way too optimistic on it is wrong.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

I am so glad that I waited until now to read today. This is some quality humor.

But, Icemans call that we should lower our expectations against Cincy is all the lulz. We may have lost a really bad one against VT, but we didn't let Miami hang tough with us, nor put up a shut out. We shouldare be expectingin to beat UC, even if we don't, we should still expect to.

Fuck you Seal. With a rake.

Ide

GMoney said...

We shouldare be expectingin to beat UC

CLASSIC IDE!!!

Anonymous said...

God I can't wait for the Note 4 to come out. My phone text is the fucking worst.

Ide