2014 Internet winner.
There were quite a few stinky games on the schedule this week so let's see if I can squeeze a full post out of what we had. And again...hats off to whoever was responsible for the lead picture today. That, is a thing of fucking beauty and you, sir deserve 40 blow jobs from 40 virgins.
Michigan vs. Miami (OH)
So much to say about this game. First of all...embarrassing performance. This Miami team hasn't won in now, 19 games, and Michigan let them hang around for 3 full quarters. Pathetic. Second...Gardner is not a good quarterback. We all know this but somehow Brady Hoke hasn't absorbed this pretty simple concept. During the broadcast I heard Marcus Ray say Gardner was known for being "very accurate". Exactly fucking how did you come to that conclusion? He's not the first person to say that either. I guess that opens the door for me to make wildly untrue claims with no evidence to back it up. My farts smell like Jell-O! And I once uppercutted a grizzly bear! Third...Michigan is a different team without Funchess on the field. And the way he was walking on the sideline Saturday makes me think that injury is pretty severe. If that's the case then this team is winning 7 games tops. On the positive side of things, the run defense looks wicked and the offensive line continues to improve.
As far as the whole head set thing goes since it continues to be a topic of discussion, I really don't give a fuck one way or another. Wear one or don't. I really don't think it makes that big of a difference if you choose not to wear a head set. But either wear one or don't. Stick with whatever you choose. Hoke looks so fucking incompetent when he chooses to not wear a head set but then throws one on the minute danger is on the horizon. Hoke just continues to dig a hole he probably can't get himself out of. I really don't see him lasting past this season.
Ohio vs. Kent St.
This went about as predicted. You just had that feeling that Kent St. was going to get every last ounce of anger and frustration left over from that Virginia Tech game. And boy, did they. KSU is probably still walking funny today after that anal destruction. The one thing I found odd about this game is when the announcers decided to tell everyone about the football player from Kent St. that died. You know...deep in the 3rd quarter when most of the nation had already turned the channel. Hey nobody! Let us tell you about this dead guy! I thought that would have been mentioned right away before the prison rape commenced.
Again. Yucky. It was capped off by Indiana losing to my alma mater, BGSU...with BGSU playing their backup quarterback. I wonder how many freshmen girls contracted an STD that night while celebrating a win they probably still don't know about. The Big Ten continues to trend downward.
Florida vs. Kentucky
Two out of three weeks Kentucky football gets mentioned, Seal! Randy Cobb and Steven Johnson would be proud. This was my first actual SEC football experience since I was in Chicago last weekend and week one put Gainesville under water. I really don't see why everyone claims the SOUF tailgates so much better than the NORF. I mean...it was crazy and fun, but it was pretty much Ohio and Michigan tailgates. Anyway, the Swamp is a fucking dump and feels every part of being a thousand years old. I have no idea why a football school with a history of winning and a shit ton of money would play their games in a stadium that makes Veteran's Stadium look like a fucking palace. Florida fans are a pretty delusional bunch. Some kid in the concession line wouldn't shut up about how good Florida is going to be this year...then they proceed to almost lose to Kentucky at home. This is going to be a great season.
Georgia vs. South Carolina
That's what I get for believing in Georgia. One week after I fucking blow them they lose to a South Carolina team that will be lucky to finish in the top 25 this year. Even though Todd Gurley had yet another bitchin game, this will probably put him out of the Heisman discussion since that award is fucking stupid. Who's the front runner for this dumb award now? Probably Marcus Mariota, right? Right. The sequence of plays after it was first and goal from the four yard line will probably haunt Georgia fans for awhile. I imagine the taste it left resembled sucking on a used tampon.
USC vs. Boston College
I'm going to use this opportunity to be serious for a moment. I'm not sure how many of you know the story of Welles Crowther. I'll be honest, I didn't until I was watching SportsCenter on the anniversary of 9/11. Basically, he was a Boston College graduate who was working in the twin towers on 9/11. He sacrificed himself to save the lives of something like 14 people. Remarkable story and I highly recommend watching the whole thing. This past weekend Boston College honored Crowther and his family by wearing red bandana inspired uniforms during their game vs. USC. They also passed out red bandanas to everyone in the student section. It only seems fitting Boston College pulled off the upset on a day they were celebrating and remembering one of their own. Cool thing to see. Good for them.
Notre Dame vs. Purdue
Fuck Notre Dame and fuck Larry in his stupid ass.
UCLA vs. Texas
All of those people who thought UCLA was going to be in the playoff this year can now start punching themselves in the balls. This team is on the verge of getting the shit kicked out of them by someone average. Or just wait until they play Oregon. Yikes. I know Hundley got hurt in this game but it's not like this team was playing great while he was in there. The best part of this game is Texas not understanding how coin flips work and giving UCLA the ball first in both halves. LOL. People are still trying to figure out how that happened.
Another week of college football in the books. Hopefully the games this weekend are a little more entertaining. That's it. That's all I have for you. I haven't ended a post this way in awhile so....FUCK YOU CAKES!