Tuesday, September 16, 2014

College Football Week 3

2014 Internet winner.

There were quite a few stinky games on the schedule this week so let's see if I can squeeze a full post out of what we had.  And again...hats off to whoever was responsible for the lead picture today.  That, is a thing of fucking beauty and you, sir deserve 40 blow jobs from 40 virgins.

Michigan vs. Miami (OH)

So much to say about this game.  First of all...embarrassing performance.  This Miami team hasn't won in now, 19 games, and Michigan let them hang around for 3 full quarters.  Pathetic.  Second...Gardner is not a good quarterback.  We all know this but somehow Brady Hoke hasn't absorbed this pretty simple concept.  During the broadcast I heard Marcus Ray say Gardner was known for being "very accurate".  Exactly fucking how did you come to that conclusion?  He's not the first person to say that either.  I guess that opens the door for me to make wildly untrue claims with no evidence to back it up.  My farts smell like Jell-O!  And I once uppercutted a grizzly bear!  Third...Michigan is a different team without Funchess on the field.  And the way he was walking on the sideline Saturday makes me think that injury is pretty severe.  If that's the case then this team is winning 7 games tops.  On the positive side of things, the run defense looks wicked and the offensive line continues to improve.

As far as the whole head set thing goes since it continues to be a topic of discussion, I really don't give a fuck one way or another.  Wear one or don't.  I really don't think it makes that big of a difference if you choose not to wear a head set.  But either wear one or don't.  Stick with whatever you choose.  Hoke looks so fucking incompetent when he chooses to not wear a head set but then throws one on the minute danger is on the horizon.  Hoke just continues to dig a hole he probably can't get himself out of. I really don't see him lasting past this season.

Ohio vs. Kent St.

This went about as predicted.  You just had that feeling that Kent St. was going to get every last ounce of anger and frustration left over from that Virginia Tech game.  And boy, did they.  KSU is probably still walking funny today after that anal destruction.  The one thing I found odd about this game is when the announcers decided to tell everyone about the football player from Kent St. that died.  You know...deep in the 3rd quarter when most of the nation had already turned the channel.  Hey nobody!  Let us tell you about this dead guy!  I thought that would have been mentioned right away before the prison rape commenced.

Big Ten

Again.  Yucky.  It was capped off by Indiana losing to my alma mater, BGSU...with BGSU playing their backup quarterback.  I wonder how many freshmen girls contracted an STD that night while celebrating a win they probably still don't know about.  The Big Ten continues to trend downward.

Florida vs. Kentucky

Two out of three weeks Kentucky football gets mentioned, Seal!  Randy Cobb and Steven Johnson would be proud.  This was my first actual SEC football experience since I was in Chicago last weekend and week one put Gainesville under water.  I really don't see why everyone claims the SOUF tailgates so much better than the NORF.  I mean...it was crazy and fun, but it was pretty much Ohio and Michigan tailgates.  Anyway, the Swamp is a fucking dump and feels every part of being a thousand years old.  I have no idea why a football school with a history of winning and a shit ton of money would play their games in a stadium that makes Veteran's Stadium look like a fucking palace.  Florida fans are a pretty delusional bunch.  Some kid in the concession line wouldn't shut up about how good Florida is going to be this year...then they proceed to almost lose to Kentucky at home.  This is going to be a great season.

Georgia vs. South Carolina

That's what I get for believing in Georgia.  One week after I fucking blow them they lose to a South Carolina team that will be lucky to finish in the top 25 this year.  Even though Todd Gurley had yet another bitchin game, this will probably put him out of the Heisman discussion since that award is fucking stupid.  Who's the front runner for this dumb award now?  Probably Marcus Mariota, right?  Right.  The sequence of plays after it was first and goal from the four yard line will probably haunt Georgia fans for awhile.  I imagine the taste it left resembled sucking on a used tampon.

USC vs. Boston College

I'm going to use this opportunity to be serious for a moment.  I'm not sure how many of you know the story of Welles Crowther.  I'll be honest, I didn't until I was watching SportsCenter on the anniversary of 9/11.  Basically, he was a Boston College graduate who was working in the twin towers on 9/11.  He sacrificed himself to save the lives of something like 14 people.  Remarkable story and I highly recommend watching the whole thing.  This past weekend Boston College honored Crowther and his family by wearing red bandana inspired uniforms during their game vs. USC.  They also passed out red bandanas to everyone in the student section.  It only seems fitting Boston College pulled off the upset on a day they were celebrating and remembering one of their own.  Cool thing to see.  Good for them.

Notre Dame vs. Purdue

Fuck Notre Dame and fuck Larry in his stupid ass.

UCLA vs. Texas

All of those people who thought UCLA was going to be in the playoff this year can now start punching themselves in the balls.  This team is on the verge of getting the shit kicked out of them by someone average.  Or just wait until they play Oregon.  Yikes.  I know Hundley got hurt in this game but it's not like this team was playing great while he was in there.  The best part of this game is Texas not understanding how coin flips work and giving UCLA the ball first in both halves.  LOL.  People are still trying to figure out how that happened.

Another week of college football in the books.  Hopefully the games this weekend are a little more entertaining.  That's it.  That's all I have for you.  I haven't ended a post this way in awhile so....FUCK YOU CAKES!


Anonymous said...

Yeah, last weekend was a shit show schedule for college football.

Nothing to say much about OSU/Kent, but I'm happy we destroyed them. Barrett put the ball where it needed to be and a lot of the real young guys shined. I think it's only a matter of time before Raekwon McMillan is starting and that's pretty exciting. But, it was still just a drubbing of Kent...I think it's what we needed though.

Cincinnati looked decently scary on offense on Thursday and that's who we have after the bye this weekend. That game will be interesting.

The best part of the Michigan game was at the end of the first half when Michigan was lining up for a field goal and then got a delay of game penalty...which then made them decide to punt for some crazy reason...and then they got another delay of game on purpose to give the punter more room...then Miami didn't even throw a returner back there and Hagerup just boots the ball into the end zone. That was an awesome clusterfuck.

Would you have an issue with Mariota winning the Heisman today? He's been awesome.

Michigan is favored by 6 at home vs. Utah this weekend....should be an interesting one. Go Utes!


GMoney said...

Drew, we will soften UC up for you this weekend. RedHawks unfortunately only have about 2.5 quarters in the tank as currently constructed and that is a shame because that was a winnable game on Saturday against an average team in front of 6 figures of people who are dying to see the head idiot get canned. That would have done it.

We have awful uniforms though.

Fuck Boston College. I don't care what they did. Their current AD is the #1 reason why the RedHawks are where we are. He is an incompetent boob.

I found it fucking hilarious how over the top everyone was about UGA. So they beat an OK Clemson team replacing everyone and all of a sudden we should forget that they choke every year? That Mark Richt stopped being average? That they could win a road game that mattered? Fuck that. Sorry, Dawg, but Georgia will always be a giant loser.

I like that part about Larry. You should write about that more. No one should be THAT excited about traveling 2.5 hours to watch Purdue.

Fuck Nick Foles. Dude is so much garbage.

GMoney said...

Also: the best part of Saturday was Virginia Tech getting murked at home by East Carolina and making their dominant victory in Columbus all sorts of LULZ.

Jeff said...

Not sure who is better at Clemsoning, UGA or Clemson. Both seem to love huge letdowns every year. Still waiting to see a team with a dominant defense (Oklahoma, Alabama?). If there isn't one out there, I'll take the Ducks.

Beat the Noles!

Anonymous said...

Larry may live ND thus little bous, but he got his shit stuffed in by me in fantasy.

Cakes, cute try.

Dut, no.

G$ gets to face superior competition this week in the league I took from him. You should go ahead and teach your daughter my name.


T. Iceman said...

"Michigan was lining up for a field goal and then got a delay of game penalty...which then made them decide to punt for some crazy reason"

That crazy reason is a rather simple one. Wile is the worst kicker in Division I football and struggles with anything outside of 30 yards. It's going to be a real problem later on in the season.

My issue, Drew, is that Gurley was at the top of everyone's Heisman list before Saturday and he didn't do anything that should move him from that spot. But since his team lost he'll probably move down on the list and if Georgia loses again he'll be off it altogether. You don't think that's stupid?

G$ hates BC. He's is a terrorist. Never forget.

T. Iceman said...

I can't believe I forgot to slide in something about VT really dicking over Ohio for the second week in a row by getting beat. LOL. That was great.

Ace will be by soon to defend Foles, his lover. Foles didn't play well for the second week in a row but it'll get overshadowed, yet again, because the Eagles came back and won. Foles is rotten.

Anonymous said...

If Ide is just going to use this place to talk fantasy football trash during the season, can we find a way to ban him?


Cakes said...

Fuck VT for losing and everything but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for buckeye fans to scoreboard watch. The media hates us, per usual, and no amount of "quality losses" are going to make a difference. We have a really slim shot of still making some noise at the end of the year ao fuck everyone else and go win convincingly each week.

I'm terrified of the Cincy game. They always seem to give OSU problems and our young secondary is in for a big test in two weeks. The d line will have to play up to their potential or this could be a scary game.

I can't believe Hoke is still the coach at Michigan. If those fuckwads up north aren't careful, they will prove Braylon's dad right and show they are becoming a regional school instead of a national power.

Remember when the SEC had defense. LULZ. Keep throwing the whole conference in the top 25 though. Makes total sense.

Anonymous said...

Drew, I have no hot takes on college this week. It was ass. In all reality, I was leaving the gym during the point in the fourth quarter when we were up 45-0 and didnt check the score again until 8pm.

Fantasy football, especially me beating three commenters here is VASTLY more exciting than beating a MAC 10 team 66-0.

I get your sour grapes though. Im not sure you've made the playoffs in G$FL ever.


T. Iceman said...

"Remember when the SEC had defense. LULZ. Keep throwing the whole conference in the top 25 though. Makes total sense."

There's 8 ranked SEC teams and 6 of those 8 haven't lost. How many of those teams would you like to see out of the top 25 and more importantly...who would you replace them with? This should be good...

GMoney said...

Cakes doesn't know anything about football. And it's not just the media that correctly hates you.

Cakes said...

Congrats, IDE. AJ Green huwrt his wittle toe and I thought it was a good idea to start Rudolph over Gates. You ain't winning shit this year anyway.

I'm settling in nicely to the role of whipping boy in TMS fantasy leagues so far. Really pumped about that, you guys!

Sub all Big Ten teams in for SEC teams. Easy.

T. Iceman said...

I'm gonna forget you said anything about Big Ten teams in the top 25, Cakes.

Anonymous said...

Cakes doesn't want to scoreboard watch, thinks that VT being good wouldn't matter because everyone hates OSU. But is scared of cincy.

You don't think that is VT got into the top ten and you guys won the big ten you'd still have a shot.

Such buckeye colored glasses to use terrible logic to analyze osu's current events.

J Saul

Cakes said...

I'm not saying it wouldn't be beneficial for VT to be good. I'm just pointing out that OSU still somewhat controls it's own destiny. If they go out and sweep the rest of the schedule, they'll be in the discussion. Hoping and praying for VT to get in the top ten isn't worth the time. It's a moot point now anyway.

Did you see cicny's offense the other night? Granted it was against MACTION but I'm still concerned. I would say they are comparable if not better than VT on offense.

T. Iceman said...

" If they go out and sweep the rest of the schedule, they'll be in the discussion."

LOL. I don't think we have to worry about Ohio sweeping the rest of the schedule.

Cakes said...

I'm not talking about the Bobcats. I'm talking about the Buckeyes.

MUDawgfan said...

Rough weekend for the teams from the State of Georgia.

:( :( :( :(

GMoney said...

Discussion of what? Not even you can be so obtuse as to suggest that ANYONE in the Big Ten has an chance at the playoff outside of Sparty and maybe Wisconsin.

Cincy always seems to play you close, huh? You mean that one time a decade ago? Gino Guidugli ain't walking through that door again.

This fucking guy is full of more shit than Ide.

Anonymous said...

I'll step in for Drew as fact checker today...Ohio State last played UC in 2006 and the Bucks won 37-7. In 2004 Ohio State won 27-6. I assume Cakes is referring to 2002 when the Bucks squeaked by 23-19 in the greatest season ever.

Nobody from the B1G has a chance at the playoff unless something crazy happens. Maybe a 2 loss SEC champion and Florida State losing twice?


Anonymous said...

I have no idea what IDE is talking about regarding me getting shit canned by him in fantasy football. I didn't play you, you jackass. I'm with Drew ban this guy.

Lucas Oil stadium is nice but the surrounding area is not.

Don't look know but golson is a 10-1 for the heisman. I know it's way to early to even be paying attention to that and their schedule has not terrible thus far but he has looked pretty good thus far. The big test will be in a couple weeks when they play STANFORD FOOTBALL and FSU.


Anonymous said...

Well done Damman.

Happy to see Iceman seems to think OSU has a "ceiling" of 7 or 8 wins....this is based on his LOLOL ccomment to Cakes.

Damman....I think Sparty still has a fine shot. They will need to convincingly win out....but, if Oregon runs it then there will be no shame in hanging with them for 3 quarters in Autzen.


Anonymous said...

Larry...are you not into fun bars and drinking? It's not a far walk from Indy's arena district to Lucas Oil. I love partying in Downtown Indy for sports. Good call to join "Team Ban Ide" tho.


Anonymous said...

Drew, theoretically you are probably right that Sparty has a chance but I just see the playoff comittee giving the B1G a spot in the playoff if there are other deserving teams. The B1G has been that horrific up to this point. 1-10 against the other four big conferences! 3 losses to MAC schools! Sparty likely just won't be able to get the stink of the B1G off of them.


GMoney said...

If we banned Ide, then who would say things like:

Larry may live ND thus little bous


T. Iceman said...

"I'm not talking about the Bobcats. I'm talking about the Buckeyes."

I know. The Ohio Buckeyes. That's what I said.

Anonymous said...

LOLZ! Are Michigan fans gonna keep this retarded troll when the coach that created it has been deemed so dumb fo real and is fired? There's gonna be some serious confusion. "On the one hand that guy was a massive idiot...on the other...we sure can't back down now."


Anonymous said...

Larry may live ND thus little bous

The worst part was that I corrected both of those and still fucked it up. Turns out I played Lange in LFL. Meh, I'll learn to spell for in time for when I do beat Larry.

Funny drew wants me banned when he was clamoring for me to comment last week.

And why is shit talking fantasy football frowned upon? Haters gonna hate?


Anonymous said...

Drew, they don't have much to look forward to. Let them have this.


T. Iceman said...

I'll keep doing it as long as it still bothers you. Which it OBVZ does.

Anonymous said...

Its quite clever for kids in the 1st grade. Just a tad more clever than guys that say things like suckeyes or fuckeyes. I do believe you are correct with your assertion that it does bother/annoy some Ohio State fans, but since brady hoke is still the head coach of a once proud & revered program...that is far more humorous than saying something as LOL-worthy as "Ohio suckeyes/fuckeyes.

I like brady hoke as much as wolverine fans liked Coach Cooper. As long as hoke is the head man in ann arbor, Ohio State fans can count on a win to end their regular season & further bury what was once a great rivalry. Hoke, iceman & the rest should get used to saying Ohio beat us again...

I would be lying if I said it didn't annoy me just a little bit, but the fact that it is NOT funny at all is by far the most annoying aspect...

Rant over.

Iceman- I actually liked & agreed with most of your post today. I would like to see a tailgate in sec country. ASU pregame/postgame tailgating is a step below the atmosphere for a napoleon/bryan football game.

Michigan sucks. Go Bucks! That's not funny or clever either...