"I do what I want."
Well now! Today should be fun, now shouldn't it? I'm still recovering from my brother's bachelor party in Chicago from Saturday so we'll dive right in. Almost all of the top 25 went as it was supposed to this past weekend so I'll just focus on the big games from Saturday. Nearly all involve the Big 10 embarrassing themselves. Again.
Michigan vs. Notre Dame
Well...it appears a lot of questions have been answered about both of these teams. I'm not even going to attempt to defend what happened on Saturday. Michigan was outplayed in every facet of the game. We got Janay Palmer'ed. There are three things that need to be addressed about this game. First, it appears Derrick Green may suck big, black, hairy balls. Green was outplayed by De'Veon Smith for the second game in a row and I wonder if Hoke is smart enough to realize it. My money is on probably not. Second, it takes more than one off season to learn how to read a defense if you've spent your entire football career doing the exact opposite of that. Like I said before the season started...Gardner should not be the quarterback of this football team. Finally, Funchess is the real fucking deal. He was the only real bright spot of the abortion Michigan threw out in South Bend Saturday night. I refuse to say anything good about Notre Dame because fuck those child raping, murdering, cheating shit dicks. Rudy sucked dick for sport. Give me Les fucking Miles already.
Ohio vs. Virginia Tech
The only thing that kept me from completely losing it after the Michigan loss was watching the end of this beauty. J.T. Barrett was all of the LULZ and showed exactly why all non Ohio fans correctly said "season over" when Braxton Miller re-injured his pussy. Barrett lived up to his newly appointed douchy nickname "The Distributor" by distributing turnovers as well as a home opener loss. I would go back and pull recent comments from our lovable group of Fuckeye losers reassuring the world this team will be "fine" but I won't. Because I'm not Drew and proud of it. What's the ceiling for this team this year? 8 wins? 7? I keep remembering how URBZ Meyer is supposed to bring all of these National Championships to Columbus and I just giggle because he can't beat a coach that has butt cheek skin as a neck.
Michigan State vs. Oregon
Okay. So Oregon is really fucking good. The Big 10 really needed this one to silence the Big 10 hating critics and it looked like MSU was going to pull it off for a moment. But then Marcus Mariota and Royce Freeman had other plans. Meanwhile, Jim Delany is still under the delusion that a Big 10 team will make the playoff. If it happens, it appears that all of those fleeting hopes fall squarely on the shoulders of Michigan State or Wisconsin since these two teams have looked the best. But considering how laughable the Big 10 looks from top to bottom (Purdue and Northwestern both getting MACtioned), it's hard to share Delany's optimism.
The rest of the Big 10
I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this one but holy shit. They bad. And it would've been worse if not for an Iowa comeback over Ball St and a Nebraska comeback over McNeese St. Side not: Can we finally end this fucking fairy tale of Pat Fitzgerald is a good coach? Just because you scream like Jim HarBRAH, it doesn't make you Jim HarBRAH.
USC vs. Stanford Football
Lucky for the Cardinal this one won't count in the loss column since it appears they weren't playing STANFORD FOOTBALL. Dodged a bullet there. I missed it, but apparently USC AD Pat Haden was called down to the field by Steve Sarkisian after the officials started getting flag happy. I guess Haden stormed the field to challenge the refs to a cage match, or something, after Hayes Pullard was ejected for targeting. So not only is Sarkisian a racist, he's also a pussy who can't fight his own battles. But at least he isn't a Kiffin!
That'll be my time today. I'm sure there will be loads of Fuckeye backtracking and excuse making in the comments today to keep us all entertained. Enjoy. And hopefully by today Ide has learned what a smart phone is and how to properly use it.