|American Hero and apparent Renegade|
*The Boston Red Sox go from worst to first to worst again...but still, FIRST!
*Pete Carroll won a Super Bowl
*A guy named Jimbo beat a guy named Gus for a trophy that wasn't related to fishing
*Shabazz Napier cut down the nets despite living in extreme poverty and not being able to afford a can of pork and beans
*Jeff Carter won again...this time over Rick Nash (ugh)
*Speaking of which, the Blue Jackets have gone from "forever doormat" to legitimate Eastern Conference contender
*The 2014 Miami RedHawks Football Team will win the first ever playoff five months from now
What I'm saying here is that the notion of the dynasty in sports is dying if it isn't already dead and the sports curses are slowly ending. From what everyone keeps saying, it is only a matter of time before the Cavs end the Cleveland drought after having one of the most insane summers in the history of all sports. Hell, none of us would be all that shocked if it happened next June. That team is fucking loaded. But if you want to talk about this being The Golden Age of Shitbag Losers, the cheese still stands alone. There are many imitators but no one challenges the King of the Shitbag Losers AKA The Chicago Cubs.
It's been a rock solid 106 years since the Cubs last title. To put that into perspective, Grumpy was a high school sophomore at that point trying to hide his boner in the waistband of his burlap trousers. The Cubs are a joke. We know this. But have you seen recent prospect, Javier Baez, since he was called up last week? Holy shit! That kid can rake! Between Not Danys Baez and Anthony Rizzo and powerful 3B prospect Kris Bryant and Addison Russell and Cuban defective OF Jorge Soler all possibly being in the bigs on Opening Day next season, uh, the Cubbies are all of a sudden going to be a ton of fucking fun to watch and aren't all that far off from competing again. I'm serious.
Morons like The Torg think that Theo Epstein is OVERRATED and is doing a horseshit job building the organization and, as usual, the guy that shaved a block O in his chest hair last week is an idiot. Theo is KILLING it. Those position prospects are incredible. But now it is time for me to turn them from young, dumb, and full of cum to a contender in one offseason. Here are my three steps for this sleeping giant big market club to swing their dick and start scaring fuckers again.
1. Trade Starlin Castro and maybe a couple mid-prospects for Cole Hamels - It almost makes too much sense and the Phillies have to completely gut that franchise and start over. Why they didn't do that two weeks ago, I will never understand. The Yankees called them about Marlon Byrd who is about as meh as it gets. They wanted our best pitching prospect and a top 5 hitting prospect. LOL! Castro would be a nice start for Philly as Jimmy Rollins is not part of their future. With Baez and Russell, Castro isn't necessary anymore and there is no place for him.
2. Sign David Robertson - He's going to leave the Yankees this Winter. I have never been more sure about this. It may cost 30-40 million dollars but if you can be awesome in New York then you can be awesome anywhere. D-Rob has filled Mariano's shoes admirably.
3. Sign Jon Lester - I have to assume that he is dogs with Theo still and I don't buy for one second that he is automatically going back to Boston. Fuck that, they treated him like shit. He would look like a total turd if he went crawling back to them. Give him 5 years/125 million and then you go to war in the NL Central with Lester/Hamels/Arrieta. That is legit as fuck.
You're more than welcome to talk about whatever else you want to today (Yanks/Tribe, Johnny Football, and/or Tony Stewart running over an asshole on his way to Ponderosa come to mind) but I wanted to show some love for the biggest Shitbag Loser today. I feel like Theo has been biding his time long enough and now that the seeds are starting to bear fruit, it is time to strike. The money is there. The future is there. It is time for the Cubbies to add some big time "present" to that mix as well. All you have to do is look at the aforementioned Red Sox or Cavs to see that everything can change instantly with big, smart, and savvy moves that help the club today and tomorrow. Or we can just sit back and see how the Cubs will blow it next. That is also a lot of fun. Either way, for the first time in a decade, I think it's an exciting time to be a Cubs fan. Old Style on me!