Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Open Forum: The Ultimate Decision For An Ohioan

Classy numbers like 77 never get ejected
Last week, I was listening to The Fan over my lunch hour and some asshole Fuckeye fan called in with one of the most bizarre/ELITE conundrum's that I have ever heard.  This might be the ultimate White People Problem ever.

So apparently this guy works at a law firm that has tickets 13 rows up on the 50 yard line for Ohio Buckeye games at Ohio Stadium (hmmmm, I noticed that it isn't called Ohio State Stadium).  He has secured these seats for the Michigan game this season.  Let's be honest here: those are terrific seats.  High enough to see over the team and low enough to know what is going on on the sidelines.  That's going to be a pretty sick experience no matter who you are rooting for that day.

What is the problem?  The caller's wife works for some company out of Cleveland and the CEO wants those tickets.  His trade offer is courtside seats for LeBron's first home game at The Q.  Whoa!  That's quite the offer.  Even the most ardent and diehard Fuckeye or WalMart Wolverine would have to do a double-take for that proposal.  I will forever believe that there isn't a seat at a sporting event better than courtside for a basketball game.  It's a great view at all levels and ESPECIALLY for the best players in the world.

So what is this guy to do?  Let's help him out even though he does not know that this site exists which is totes his fault.  There is no way to know if either game will be any good.  It would be a lot easier if the football game was going three overtimes and you knew that ahead of time.  But we do know that this year's Michigan team has a lot better odds of going 7-5 than they do 12-0.  We also don't know who the Cavs are playing on Opening Night although rumors are that the Spurs are going to open up on the road in Cleveland (which doesn't make a ton of sense but whatever).  At a football game in the stands, you are just another fan.  Sitting courtside, you are probably eating and drinking for free (the caller said that the tickets were in the Key Club or C Club...I couldn't quite understand him but he did say that everything was comped).  It's probably going to be cold outside in late November.  At LeBron's homecoming, the temperature will be controlled (unless the A/C breaks and the Spurs cramp his style again IMO) and there will be A LOT of celebs sitting near you.  As a star-fucker, that is huge.  You could be sitting next to Johnny Football and Josh Gordon's drug dealer!

Now, obviously, since these two events are not on the same day, you could swing both if you have the funds to do so.  But for the sake of this post, let's choose one.  If you were presented with these options like this possible Ide-Liar is, which one would you pick?

Personally, it isn't tough even though I am heavily biased as long as you think with your head and not your heart.  I've been to Ohio/WalMart games in each stadium and I don't need to see them play again.  They play every year.  LeBron comes home one time.  Kevin Love debuts as a Cav one time.  The tickets are better.  The atmosphere will be absolutely electric (I'm betting it will have more juice than the football game).  And, most importantly, the drinking is on Dan Gilbert.  You pick the Cavs game, have an absolutely surreal experience as you are four feet away from Usher and Drew Carey and Joe Haden and Dolph Lundgren, and watch Ohio kill Michigan on TV from a bar outside the stadium. 

Think about it economically.  If those tickets are on Stub Hub, what are they going for?  The football tickets are probably $500 for the pair...maybe up to $750 if Michigan is worth a shit (they won't be).  Those floor seats for the hoops game?  My guess is 5 grand (I am not well-versed in the secondary ticket market game though).  What sort of asshole turns down $5000 tickets?  Probably Cakes.

For the record, the radio caller said he was taking the Cavs tickets despite Beau Bishop's really stupid logic saying otherwise.  Even if you don't like basketball or the Cavs, you sure as shit have to appreciate the opportunity to "witness" history and it will be a night that you probably won't ever forget.  Plus, FREE BOOZE!!!  My guess is that the Ohio Buckeye Turd Suckers fight me hard on this even though it is more of an attack at how terrible their rival is.  We'll see.  Happy Possible Seal is a Dad Day!

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I think you're a fucking idiot. Obviously, I'm very biased as well....but you thinking a OSU or UM fan should choose a meaningless regular season game..because of its "cool factor" over The Game is so dumb fo real. Even if you changed it up and the tickets were in Ann Arbor, I'd still choose the football game.

It's the most important day of the year and I'm choosing those free tickets over a game that I would give zero fucks about. Your booze reasoning is dumb too as bringing minis into a cold college football game is easier than it is for Slow to Velcro up his shoes.

If you are an OSU or UM fan you choose the football game. If you are only a Cavs fan you choose the basketball...it's simple. Also, I just looked and seats in the area you were discussing are currently going for a little over $1,100 each on StubHub. ...not that the price on something free should matter to anyone.


--Drew

Grumpy said...

I'm going with the football game just because of the spectacle and pageantry. I've been courtside at an NBA game and the smell of the players is overwhelming.

GMoney said...

OBVZ the diehards such as yourself will choose to suck turds. I get that. However, Michigan is going to lead the nation in meh in 2014. I don't know if it is worth it to pass on the greatest alive coming back home for the first time. But we are both heavily biased OBVZ.

Don't gloss over the cool factor either. That's a real thing. 110K schlubs can fill your dump. 18K raving Seals and ELITE people will be able to say that they saw that game.

And if the rumors are true and it is SA opening the season on Lake Erie, I would MUCH rather watch the Spurs and the Cavs over a likely uncompetitive rivalry game. WE ON had their chance last year. Now they will go back to losing by 20+.

I'm just a big fan of the top ad being for the WWE Network. Vince McMahon and I ironed out a pretty exclusive marketing deal. He gets valuable ad space here and I get to put The Miz in the figure four.

GMoney said...

Then stop basking in the musk of Vitaly Potapenko and Vlade Divac.

Either way, this fella has some pretty choice options.

Mr. Ace said...

I'd go to the Cavs game...not even a tough decision. I have been to The Game. It's a grand ol time. But I could go to the game every year if I wanted to. Tickets aren't THAT outrageous that it can price me out. I'm never going to get courtside Cavs tickets for an event like that. And free booze. Always free booze.

When it comes to college football I think tailgating and then going to a good bar to watch the game isn't an experience that much different than going to the game, especially when you have done it so many times. So I'm sure I'm not a real Michigan fan or something, but I would choose the hoops tix.

Now if somehow these events were on the same day, then I would obvs go to The Game.

GMoney said...

No kidding. That would be an insane ass day.

No wonder you "work" for me...you are smart. I'll see if Vince will let you powerbomb a luchador.

Jeff said...

Unless they fall on the same day, I'm taking the court side tix. I've been to many OSU mich games and they're awesome, but I've seen the pinnecle. I've seen them beat mich to complete undefeated seasons and go onto to natl ship (was is Tempe also). They can't do any better than that. Court side tix to the LeBron and Cleveland Twolves would be a can't miss.

Anonymous said...

You only get one chance to rewitness for the first time.
I would take the tickets and not look back.

----Lange

GMoney said...

It seems to me that everyone hates Drew except for the tree fucker. Makes sense.

MUDawgfan said...

Time to negotiate.

Trade the tickets straight up but also get yourself on for a round at Firestone, Inverness or Scioto - of which this CEO is almost certainly a member.

Anonymous said...

But what would Johnny Manziel do?

-ESPN

GMoney said...

You know that Johnny would take the hoops tickets and invite his good buddy Drake!

T. Iceman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
T. Iceman said...

m sure this makes me a "WalMart Wolverine" or "not a real fan" but as long as the two don't fall on the same day, I watch the Michigan/Ohio game on TV and take the court side Cavs tickets.

I've done both. I've been court side at an NBA game and have been to The Game. Both are insane times and each bring a different exciting element.

The deciding factor for me is that LeBron is only going to have one home coming game. Allegedly. As much as I fucking hate the Cavs, his introduction into the starting lineup live will send chills down your entire body unless you're completely dead inside. Fan or not. It's an experience only a handful of people can say they were there for (unless you make it a habit of #IdeLying on the reg) whereas you can score Michigan/Ohio tickets every year if you wanted.

And if money is your thing, those court side Cavs tickets are going to be way more valuable than Michigan/Ohio tickets in a game where Ohio is supposed to fucking skunk Michigan.

Prime99 said...

Cavs tix and it's not close.

Good luck to Seal and family!

GMoney said...

Who else is looking forward to this weekend's big #IdeLie in which he doesn't show up for the LFL Draft? My guess for his excuse is that terrorists hijacked his plane, he killed them all with his world famous death punch, and then landed the plane himself at the Playboy Mansion.

Anonymous said...

This all depends. I have been to The Game and I sat courtside at a Nets game (not courtesy of any of the players, some guy in my office building has courtside season tickets). The free booze runs out at the third quarter where they sneakily charge you for it. Bastards. But the free food is BALLER.

If his wife has anything to gain by giving them to the CEO, I'd do that. As a lawyer at his firm, in Columbus, he is probably already at the top already, but maybe his wife can profit off of the trade in the long run and make it be better. If that were the case, I'd go with the Cavs game.

Ide

Anonymous said...

There was a slight chance I wasn't going to make it this weekend as of last week, and I was fairly freaking out over it. However, that looks to be out of the picture.

Ide

Prime99 said...

Paul Pierce probably had a family emergency and needed Ide there. Praise Allah that the Pierce family is OK!

Anonymous said...

Iceman...you're going to experience a starting lineup introduction? LOLZ! What if Michgan wins the game (LOLZ) on some Kordell-like hail mary. ...and you were there at the 50. I'm not passing up these tix because I'm not passing up the chance to see an iconic moment in the rivalry...if one were to happen. It is after all the biggest day of the year to me.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Isn't that what it pretty much comes down to? You can go to THE GAME every year. WE ON has seen to it that it barely registers as a rivalry anymore. On the other hand, you sit courtside at LeBron's return game and everyone will assume that you are the ELITE of the ELITE. That's huge.

Out of all of the sports spectator experience, football isn't very good. It's far better on TV than it is in person (most of the time...there are exceptions OBVZ).

T. Iceman said...

"The free booze runs out at the third quarter where they sneakily charge you for it. Bastards"

This must be an NYC thing. Over the last 2 seasons I've had all inclusive courtside seats to about 10 Pistons games. The free booze never runs out. You just can't take it to your seat after the 3rd quarter. You can still drink for free until an hour after the game in the private bar all floor seaters have access to.

Cakes said...

Football tickets.

That was easy.

GMoney said...

Oh man, Dog says he is closing in on War Machine. This is getting intense.

What if it was Ohio/WE ON tickets versus Indians front row World Ser--LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Anonymous said...

"You just can't take it to your seat after the 3rd quarter."

Oh, maybe that's what it was. I was getting drinks for the three people I was with and they charged me. I had no problem snagging a couple popcorn bags for the road after they took out the ELITE filet carving station.

The best thing about seeing a Nets/76ers game in May? Yelling at Joey Crawford. The game was terrible and they pulled starters in the first half.

Ide

GMoney said...

Ward's father: No reason for fatal crash...ummmm, your idiot son tried to mean mug a race car, bruh. Seems like a pretty good reason to me.

Who else loved Terrelle Pryor's admission of wrong doing yesterday but then blaming everyone else? Man, that guy is hilarious. Did you know that the electric companies in Jeannette PA accept photos of body ink as payment to keep the heat on???

Anonymous said...

He and his Mom lived in a condo in Harrison West his last year....she was living just fine.

Ape and Iceman are looking pretty Walmartish since they aren't even Cavs fans.

If Dog catches War Machine, Obama should declare him an American hero.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Csont'e York might sucker punch them for comments stating otherwise.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

Drooler. LeBron's first intro as a Cav would be one of many things that would happen that would be worth going for. It wouldn't be the only reason, OBVZ. LULZ for even thinking I'm there for the intro then bolting. How is it "Walmart" of me to pass on an event I've already been to (The Game) to experience something no one will ever have the chance to experience again? Because my life doesn't start and end with Wolverine football? It's not like I'm exchanging my ticket for a mid season Cav game vs. the Sixers. If I had never been to a Michigan/Ohio game before and knew there was little chance for me to ever attend one in the future...then yeah. I would keep the Michigan/Ohio tickets. I don't think this is the egregious crime against fandom that you're making it out to be. Well, it is to a guy who gets sexually charged by 17 year old high school football players, I suppose.

T. Iceman said...

The best part of that Csonte York video is the fisherman hat he was wearing. He should've been suspended for wearing that hat in public. That was the REAL crime.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....by the end of the first quarter of that game it will be like any other meaningless regular season game.

Ide...that sucker punch skill is a good example of "The Michigan Difference".

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

And there's a possibility that the Michigan Ohio game is a blowout after the 1st quarter. What's your point?

And there's Ohio fans on here saying they would do the same exact thing. Does that make them Big Lot Buckeyes?

GMoney said...

Except (if the Spurs rumors are true) that you would be watching the two best basketball teams on the planet play a game that neither will want to lose.

By the end of that first quarter of THE GAME, you might be Csonte Yorking yourself just to get the hell out of there.

But on the other hand, Iceman now lines Will Muschamp's pockets so he clearly hates decent or watchable football.

Anonymous said...

Iceman....the point is that you are going to that game for a celebration...not so much a game. People aren't going to be nervous as Fuck about actually winning it during it....because it's meaningless. So, enjoy your Cavs celebration. I do question any Buckeye fans that would make that choice if they are not Cavs fans as well.

--Drew

T. Iceman said...

Like G$ said...if that first game is against the Spurs then it's more than just a celebration.

I'm a Michigan fan, Drew. But I'm also a sports fan. So I would have a hard time passing on a chance to be a part of something historic in order to attend a game I've already been to. And you're acting like going to this Cavs game bans me from watching The Game on TV. I'd still be able to watch it. Or if I was that tore up about not going then I could at least still tailGREAT it.

Anonymous said...

Because my life doesn't start and end with Wolverine football?

That's the "Alway's Low Prices!" attitude we've come to expect from you.

Ide

Anonymous said...

"Historic"?!?! LOLZ! He's coming back to play for the same team again. You're acting like Jordan is getting reincarnated in his prime and showing up in a Cavs Jersey.

If I can jump into G$'s future time machine for a second....move over G$. Let's say the Cavs host a Game 5 or Game 7 in the NBA Finals this Summer....OR they win it all and next year's season opener they get the rings/banner. All three of those events are way more "historic" than Game 1 of the 2014 season featuring LeBron in a Cavs uniform.

--Drew

GMoney said...

There is only one place for tailGREATing and it ain't in Columbus, bruh. CHA BRAH!

T. Iceman said...

"That's the "Alway's Low Prices!" attitude we've come to expect from you."

I guess not letting a sports team ruin my entire week makes me a "Walmart" Wolverine. However that works. Maybe the next Wolverine loss I'll go plunge my fist through the wall and put my dog in a coma to prove how much I love my team.

T. Iceman said...

And you said you would pick the Cavs game over The Game too, Ide. So go slop down another bowl of hipster dicks.

"That's the Big Lots attitude we've come to expect from you. Harf harf harf."

Get bent.

Anonymous said...

I guess in the end with Iceman...it boils down to the fact that he says he's a huge Wolverines fan....and that he despises Cavs and Cavs fans. But, he'd rather spend an event being surrounded by Cavs fans that are all jizzing in their pants in one of their most euphoric states ever....then watch Michigan/Ohio State in person. I just can't comprehend that one.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I can see his side:

Guaranteed loss that will probably be embarrassing surrounded by 150-250K different varieties of Cakes-like people or

a really cool moment of sports history where the outcome doesn't matter because you're drunk and full

People tell their grandkids about watching Michael Jordan play. They don't tell them about the time they saw Tshmanga Biakabutuka steamroll John Cooper's career.

GMoney said...

By the way, I had a lot of doubt last night about choosing this topic. I am very pleased with the response.

Anonymous said...

I would choose The Game over the NBA game.

It's pretty simple. I'm not a Cavs fan. I'm a Buckeye fan. The Game is biggest game of the year and I wouldn't turn down a chance to have a prime seat for it. After all the pregame festivities are over at the Lebron (which would be cool), it's just another meaningless NBA game that has no bearing on anything.

-Damman

GMoney said...

Sounds like someone who has no desire to meet/hob-knob/go on a swan bender with John Manziel!

Anonymous said...

I only said that I'd go with the Cavs game if my wife got something out of it via her career, and I 100% stand by the. Me personally? I'd go to The Game, for the fact that I don't really care about the Cavs. But, if a CEO from another company offers me a trade and my wife is due for a performance review by the end of the year (clearly she talks to this CEO), then you bet I'll make that trade. Watching UM lose on tv is well worth the extra $10+ grand per year that she will make.

Look at the scenario to make your argument instead of a "would you rather" with The Game and Lebrons welcome home party.

Ide

GMoney said...

Forget the Spurs. Sounds like the Cavs will open up at home vs. Carmelo. I would still watch that because it is always a hoot to watch the Knicks lose and you may get to see JR Smith stab someone.

T. Iceman said...

Here's the thing, Drew. As optimistic as I am about this season I'm also not a raging tard homer. Am I hopeful the Wolverines waltz into Columbus and stomp the shit out of a preseason top 5 team? Absolutely. Do I really believe that's gonna happen? No. Because I'm not fucking stupid and I'm not Cakes...thank God. So...

Would I rather watch Michigan most likely lose in person on enemy turf or watch them most likely lose around other Michigan fans in my house? Considering I've already seen Michigan vs Ohio in person, I'll pass on getting ganged up on by a pack of drunk Neanderthal slack jawed shit heels for a chance to see LeBron play his first home game back in a Cavs jersey. If the game were in Ann Arbor, I would go. But it's not. So I would trade that ticket for courtside.

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