Slow...a truce offering today. Some morning fapping material for you.
WUZZZZZZZZZZZ UP MOTHERFUCKERS?!?!?
COY up in this bitch on this Friday morning. Since G$ is busy trying to get on Maury to see if he actually is the Father and Iceman is too busy finding his and her Jorts in Gainesville, the critical importance of getting the Friday edition of this blog out to you was left in the hands of yours truly….and why wouldn’t it be since COY means best and Friday is the best day of the work week.
So, I’m sure you all think we’re about to discuss the Tigers winning another AL Central over the Windians or the Buckeyes about to start another year of being better than Michigan at football. But, that’s exactly what we are NOT going to discuss today. Today’s conversation will have nothing to do with sports. Why is that? For the same reason that food posts are almost always some of the best days here. That reason is because we actually learn new stuff about each other. We all know our opinions on sports by now…but, on food days we learn there are people that exist that want their steaks well done….or who has a vagina in their mouth instead of taste buds. These days give us new ammo for each other and also new ideas.
So, today I’m going to give 5 questions that everyone needs to answer. There might be some guidelines with each question.
# 1 – Have you ever stolen anything and what was it? The first thing I ever stole was an Ohio State snow cap from a street vendor on Champions Lane my Freshman year while shitfaced before the Michigan game. It was cold as hell and I did not have a hat. I also still steal bags of ice when buying them for tailgating purposes. If I come into your gas station and pay you for four bags of ice…when I leave that gas station and grab them you better believe that I’m taking 8…..deal with it.
#2 – Do you remember your dreams and have you ever had a wet dream? Dreams fascinate me….and I truly feel bad for those that do not remember them. I have wild dreams almost every single night. Just last night I had a dream that 60 Minutes did a feature on Deshaun “Buckets” Thomas and he was dating an extremely popular female rapper. While that wasn’t as wild as many by any means, it did provide me with some chuckles when I woke from it. I absolutely love my dreams, but the Holy Grail of dreams I have still not achieved….the wet dream. While I would like to blame this on too much sexual activity at an early age….it was definitely due to too much self sexual activity. I’ve thought about taking a break from all activities for like two weeks to try and trigger this, but I just can’t do it. I’m extremely jealous of all of you that have had this experience.
#3 – If you could have one job…and be a bad ass at it…what would it be? No sports professions are allowed due to the vast majority of us that would pick that. This was a tough one for me. Quick thoughts like President of the U.S. came to mind…but, do you really want to be a huge liar to millions and have half the country despise you? No…because politics are dumb. Being known as the best cancer doctor or something like that in the world would be pretty cool, but I’m not really in the business of saving Saudi Prince’s kids lives. My choice…beinga member of something like Seal Team 6 (ironically enough). I think it would be incredible to be a part of something like this. You are one of the biggest bad asses on the planet (which I’m almost the polar opposite of)…you kill pieces of shit…do incredibly secret missions that most often are never even known and that give wild rushes I’m sure….and you just hang out with other bad ass dudes all the time. Being the next James Dean of porn was a close second.
#4 – How much would it take for you to put a sex tape of yourself and your significant other on www.xvideos.com ? There is no guarantee anyone you know would ever see it…it would just be some random sex tape under an amateur title….your names are never involved. …and frankly I doubt anyone here is gonna be getting tons of hits. But, there is always a chance and if someone sees it you aren’t convincing them it isn’t you. You’re also never questioned by anyone as to where your money came from. If you don’t have a significant other…take a guess.
I’m going with $750K. I have a feeling this will be on the low end….but, I’m an adult and nobody in my family is going to disown me over such a thing…and I don’t have much shame. So, I think I’d deal with it fine. If somehow work found out about it…that would suck…but, hopefully would not result in loss of a job. If it did…I have $750K in cash to fall back on. Also remember….THEY would be the ones that were on the site and found you.
#5 – What is an everyday thing that is normal to everyone, but you can’t really explain how it works? I’m terrible at these things as I’m nowhere near anything like a handy-man and don’t care to learn how things work. I honestly could not tell someone how electricity works. I would have a much easier time explaining the internet, satellites, etc. But, if some jungle man arrived and wanted to know how I turned on a light…I’d say something like “Well, there is a plant that supplies electricity…it has cables that go into this place…and when I flip the switch the light goes on”…but, I would not be able to explain how the plant “makes” the electricity….and that is pretty embarrassing. Sewer pipelines also blow my mind. That's it people...hopefully, we get some good answers...and remember...you're all my bitches.