Friday, August 22, 2014

FFF: Ask The Expert

I'm a big fan of this guy although he should have ordered a penalty shot for the one guy trying to pick Shady.
We are now smack dab in the middle of draft season and what a time to be alive!  I've got my OTHER LEAGUE draft tomorrow back in Nap (my first night away from the baby...I will not be sad!) which is always a shit show.  My favorite part is waking up the next morning and trying to read my handwriting.  Always brings the LULZ.  As a friendly calendar reminder:

G$FL Draft is MONDAY SEPTEMBER 1st at 3 pm.  Draft is at The Stube and the order has already been determined.  Ide is picking first.  I expect him to take Rams D.
MSFL Draft is TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 2nd at 9 pm EST (online).  Fuck you very much, Burke and Prime.  Making me stay up so late to draft another 14-1 championship squadron like a bunch of jerks!

Today's final installment of Fantasy Football Friday is another round of Ask The Expert.  I sought questions from Iceman and Mr. Ace.  Mr. Ace straight up ignored me.  I asked Cakes instead.  He promised and then failed to deliver on that promise like a pussy.  So Iceman is asking me three questions and I have three better questions for myself, too.  Let's roll.

Q. "If I have the #1 pick in a snake draft/snake dance (count it), who should I take between McCoy, Charles, and Peterson?"--President Obama
A. First of all, get back to work!  You take too many vacations when America needs you most!  Additional stupid complaints!  Anyway, with those three, you can't really go wrong.  I don't particularly like hearing that Charles hurt his foot moving out of the goddamn dorms but not giving him a ton of carries means that Alex Girl Hands is going to throw more and not even Andrew Reid is that stupid.  One of these days, Peterson is going to fall hard and it will probably be 2014 since he is on my LFL team.  I'd probably take Shady #1 because the one thing Chip does is run the ball like a madman.  He's got the highest ceiling AND is probably the safest pick.  Take McCoy, Barry.

Q. "Last year no one in their right mind went into draft day saying "If I don't get Andy Dalton, this season is completely fucked". Then Dalton rips off a top 5 fantasy year in most formats. WTF. So what fantasy QB is this year's Andy Dalton and why?"--Lava Girl
A. QB sleepers?  Really?  OK so the Dalton/Foles Formula seems to be "have great weapons around you and don't play a ton of tough ass defenses while not being highly valued".  Two guys seem to fit this criteria: Cutler and RG3.  After watching the Monday Nighter, there is no chance in Hell that RG3 makes it through the season in one piece simply because he is a moron when running.  Cutler is intriguing due to the weapons and pedophile calling the plays but he wasn't great with those same weapons last year.  I'm not sure that there is a Dalton Guy this season.  Maybe Dalton again?  What about Flacco?  Get a proven QB and don't try to outsmart the room (looking at you, Dut). 

Q. "It's been documented for some time now that you want sexual relations with Darren Sproles. Hard. Now behind workhorse and "best back in the NFL" (LOLOLOLOL) LeSean McCoy, it seems Sproles will have a significantly smaller fantasy role this year. What Sproles type RB is moving the needle in your pants this fantasy season?"--Randall Stevens
A. Considering that he is better than Sproles, it has to be Woodhead, right?  Absolutely no one likes starting Danny at RB2 or maybe Flex but he is a consistent producer.  He also adds a ton of grit to your fantasy team which is highly undervalued.  I'm also very intrigued to see what Todd Haley does with Dri Archer.  Probably nothing since Haley is ass at calling plays, but Archer is a guy who could dominate if they put him in the right position to succeed.  I don't think that Archer is worth a roster spot yet, but keep an eye on that fella.

Q. "Last weekend, the hot debate was over the value of Bishop Sankey.  Nibbles paid $25 for him on behalf of The Moops.  You've had a week to ponder this so was this smart, dumb, acceptable, or cromulent?  Plus, can I get another helping of Clubber's balls?"--Shook's Son
A. This was dumb.  I dug deep on this one, too, because I like Nibs and I wanted him to get the last laugh.  But it just isn't there.  Sankey hasn't played with the ones yet. He is still behind Shonn Greene on TEN's DEPF chart and the third down plays are going to Dexter McCluster and Leon Washington.  Maybe eventually Sankey is the feature back this season but it isn't now and I don't like the idea of spending 1/8th of my budget on a project.  Plus, the Titans fucking suck.

Q. "We all have our lists of "do not draft" players. Guys who, in the past, have routinely fucked us harder than black guys fucking Ide in the gym showers. Is there anyone on your past "do not draft" lists that you're starting to get sweet on or forgive enough to take a chance on?"--Will Muschamp's BFF
A. New to my DND Board this year is none other than Mr. T-Bone Romo!  I took a chance last year.  Never again.  A guy that got off is Ryan Mathews.  Maybe last year was a mirage but he was actually pretty great in 2014.  I would not be upset at all to own Mathews again.  That said, you should probably handcuff him.  Also, fuck Stevan Ridley so hard with a porcupine taped to an elephant's dick.  I'm not going to say that I want to watch Ridley die but I don't really want to see him live either.

Q. "I have pick #9 in the G$FL Draft because Ide sucks at drawing names. Can I really take Jimmy Graham at that spot?  For that matter, is Graham a first round pick?"--G$
A. Wow.  What a great question from such a wonderful husband, man, and lover.  Do I have the stones to draft a tight end in the first round and is that a smart play?  Yes.  Yes I do.  Graham is so far and away the best tight end that you have a schematic advantage over your opponent every week if he is on your team.  I mean, am I going to take the 7th best RB at 9 or the best non-Tron WR/TE in the league?  Hell, if I take Graham at 9, I can still get a top 3-4 WR coming back or a top ten RB.  Don't get bogged down by his position.  Draft him for what he does and what his peers do not do.  Well, that was dumb.  I just admitted that I'm taking Graham at 9.  Eh, fuck it.  One thing is certain: I'm done drafting QBs in the first round in that league.

Good questions today!  I hope that that helped.  Not really, I don't care.  What really matters is that I am OFF from blogging until 9/3!  Next week is our annual College Football Preview Week.  You may have heard of it.  So many strong takes.  We'll see you all on Monday morning to discuss the OVERRATED and underrated teams.


Jeff said...

I have 1 overall in a 12 man snake and get one keeper from last years squad for the loss of a pick one round higher than when they were taken. I can keep demaryis Thomas and lose the 24th pick or keep leveon blowin smoke bell and lose the 48th. Gotta keep Thomas, right?

GMoney said...

You answered your own question there. That might be a tougher decision had Bell not gone full Cheech. Will you get one of the big three RBs then to pair with DUMBarius? That's a heck of a start.

By the way, the Steelers look terrible. They are going to ruin Dri Archer's ELITE MACtion.

Jeff said...

Yes, Steelers=bad. But preseason only counts for browns and lions fans.

Mr. Ace said...

Ya....sorry about that. It's hard for somebody with all the answers(ME) to ask questions like a FF peasant.

I think I spent $24 on Matthews in the LFL. I wasn't thrilled when it initially happened...but then I realized Nibs spent $25 on a Sankey. Winner=Me.

And McCoy is the best RB in the league. Ice LULZing it up only proves it.

When it comes to auction drafting there is no such thing as a DND board, unless that person is injured. I don't want Romo or Ridley on my team, but for the right price(<$3)I would snag them.

Kirk Cousins is a sleeper.

GMoney said...

$3 is too much for Ridley unless your league gives out points for fumbles and not scoring.

Mr. Ace said...

<$3 = $2 or less. #Maff.

GMoney said...

Don't you get uppitty with me. I'm the one going balls deep trying to get TBone fired.

Daniel said...

Whose your top rated nickle corner back in an IDP league?

GMoney said...

Honey Badger!

Nibbles said...

Give it one year and America will remove itself from the Gold Standard and be on the Sankey Standard. All currencies will be in denominations of $25 with pictures of Sankey running various screens out of the backfield.

Prime99 said...

So after listening to Mike & Mike with Cris Carter and HERM, I know far less about football. How can I recover from this?

I have Shonn Greene as a late round flier in my OTHER LEAGUE. Sounds promising.

GMoney said...

Shonn Greene blows. Guess we've got a lot of league champions around here!

GMoney said...

7 days until Defiance...

Hafeez Khan said...
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