Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Fantasy Football And Huge Pussies


Pussytown, USA.  Population 1.



Fuck it.  We're full blown fantasy football mode and that's what most people want to talk about anyway.  So today is open forum day on two topics that have been dominating my personal headlines.  First:

If you are mathematically eliminated from playoff contention in your fantasy (keeper) league, is it perfectly acceptable to tank the remainder of your games to secure the first pick for next season?  Or, are you an unethical twat that needs a lesson in fantasy integrity?

This topic just won't seem to go the fuck away in one of my keeper leagues.  The origin of this exhausting discussion came last year when one team missed on a first round playoff bye because another team benched their entire roster for the last 2 regular season games so they would be guaranteed first pick.  (We now know that pick this year will be LeSean McCoy)

My stance is and always will be this simple.  As long as there is not obvious collusion happening when tanking your final games for draft position; it is your money, your team and you are free to run it however the fuck you please.

There are league members saying that it's "unfair" to teams trying to get into the playoffs if the tanking team happens to be playing someone who needs to lose.  I don't fucking care.  I didn't put MY money in to help YOUR team make the playoffs.  I am not purposely fucking myself out of the highest possible draft pick next season to help your team make a playoff push.  Why not you may ask?  Simple.  Am I getting a cut of the money I helped you win by getting your mediocre team into the playoffs?  Fuck no I'm not.  So you can eat my shit.

The fact is if you handle your own business during the regular season and get yourself into the playoffs then you won't have to rely on other teams to get you somewhere you probably shouldn't be in the first place.  As long as I check my lineup every week and as long as I'm not singling out one person to fuck over in a personal vendetta by benching my team, I feel I can do whatever the fuck I want with the team my money purchased.

Second:

In another keeper league I'm in, there is an owner back and forth on keeping Doug Martin.  The big 3 QBs are being kept, the top 5 WRs are being kept and the top 6 RBs are being kept.  The first two teams drafting are keeping no one from their roster and the person with Martin drafts 6th.  What do you do?

This was a tough one for me and I really didn't have a good answer for him.  I'm not normally one to actively assist another league member like this but this dilemma has me very intrigued.  Do you keep Martin, pull out your nuts and hope for the best?  Or do you let Martin go and chance building a team around a couple RB2's at best?

My advice was let Martin go and see what falls to him.  But it's not something I'm 100% on.  More like 60-40.  On one hand I can see keeping Martin (especially now that one of the guys who is supposedly supposed to steal carries is pretty much gone for the year) based on high hopes he returns to rookie form and last year being a fluke.  But on the other hand I can see Martin busting hard and completely flat lining this guy's fantasy team making him a fantasy corpse by week 6.  Tough call, IMO, but I don't think you keep Martin this year.

That's it today.  I'm glad Oprah's pussy got some love in the labels today.  It's gonna be a lot of fantasy football and college football going forward so if you don't like it, GTFO.  Tanking and Doug Martin on the table today.  Discuss.  Oh yeah...and don't forget to LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL at all the Ohio Buckeyes as well.  Sounds like Broxton Milner could be missing the entire season from a shoulder injury.  Like I said on Twitter, I would feel bad if the Ohio Buckeye fans weren't the worst.  Feels kinda right, doesn't it?

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't have a problem with a team out of it trading pieces for the future. But, I do think it's kind of bullshit to load your team up with players that don't even play so that you get zero points. That's no different than some asshole that is too busy to even set his lineup. At least act like you care. I think it's taking it too serious at the expense of others.

I'll wait for official news to come out on Braxton before really commenting on him, since we saw him get pronounced dead on the field against Purdue a couple years ago and then rise from the dead to return to practice like 48 hours later. I will say....G$'s insistence on the college previews being done like a month in advance is going to make those things look pretty funny if he is out for a significant period of time/season.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Tuesdays will still be NBA talk, right?

GMoney said...

Yeah, the previews could get a little dicey in parts but you deserve it for sucking big turds. Broxton is expendable though because you have a team full of Percy Harvins anyway. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! Fucks up shoulder on non-contact! That is what we in the mocking pussies business call "Beyond Beanie".

You want to know what will curb tanking? Getting rid of the draft order from last year's standings.

As I said the other week, last year in my OTHER LEAGUE, I sold off everyone and anyone that had value. In a $200 cap league, my end of year payroll was something like $130. I tried to acquire as many keeper options for this year as I could. But I still tried to win because there should be no incentive for losing in fantasy football.

I didn't even read the Doug Martin section. If you are doubting a keeper then just throw him back.

Redskins Football. That game was sooooooooo bad. I feel terrible for Mike Pettine. That guy has to name one of those HORRENDOUS QBs as his starter soon.

Anonymous said...

You act like there isn't a portion of luck involved when you say 'take care of business in the regular season'. Many leagues playoffs are not settled until the last regular season game is over. If I'm putting money into a league where someone doesn't even field a team....I am promptly quitting that league the following season. Tanking is an art, you can do it but I gotta think you must AT LEAST field a team to keep it fair to the rest of the league.

J Saul

Anonymous said...

J Saul...good points. In my keeper leagues for baseball....both have anti-tanking rules. As you said...gotta at least field a team. You lose your draft position in the league's I'm in if you tanked.

--Drew

Sankey said...

Easy way out of this dilemma - go back through all posts and take Iceman's fantasy advice. It will appear you are trying, but in the end you will appropriately suck.

T. Iceman said...

If anyone is interested my brother is doing a non spread pick em. $10 buy in. Here is the information:

Get in the action now:
http://games.espn.go.com/nfl-pigskin-pickem/en/group?groupID=56972&groupp=V2luaWdlMTU%3D&invitesource=email&inviteuser=NTA2OTExMzQ%3D&ex_cid=invite-email-pigskin

Group: 2014 non-spread pick'em
Password: Winige15

T. Iceman said...

"You act like there isn't a portion of luck involved when you say 'take care of business in the regular season'."

Valid. But in every fantasy league I've been in for the last 20 years, I can't remember a team that finished in the top half of the league in points scored missing the playoffs because of bad luck. Not to say that it has never happened...but the odds of being a top 6 point scorer and missing the playoffs is very very low. Just like in sports, cream usually rises.

T. Iceman said...

It's more than doubting a keeper, G$. If you read the situation I presented it's trying to figure out if Martin is worth keeping over drafting the essential scraps of whats left at RB.

Both Browns QBs were pretty stinky last night. Honestly I think Hoyer looked worse. He missed some throws that starters in this league just cannot miss...like that sure fire TD in the endzone. You know things are bad when Connor Shaw was the best QB on the field last night.

Having said that I think Hoyer will be the starter. And Manziel didn't do himself any favors by flying the bird towards Washington's bench.

GMoney said...

I thought that Johnny looked terrible. And this is against a Jim Haslett-coached defense which are always near the bottom of the universe. He was butt salad vs. the ones and manufactured one scoring drive against special teamers masquerading as defensive players.

Grossman is the answer. We all see it.

If it is Doug Martin vs. scraps then keep Martin because he is way better than a scrap. The real question I have is why the guy held onto Martin all of last year when he got hurt really early.

Sankey makes a great point about Iceman's advice leading to tanking.

Prime99 said...

GrossMan is always the answer. Always.

Keep Martin. No other real choice.

Tank, but make it look good. Don't sit all your players like a bad Big Brother player that doesn't know how to throw a comp.

GMoney said...

Nobody tanks a challenge worse than a Big Brother houseguest. Happy ZingBot Eve!

GMoney said...

We can't forget to congratulate Jeff on becoming a dad last night. His son has never known Broxton Milner to be anything but a dick-breathed pussy. Just like the rest of us!

The Money Shot Army (or MRSA...we'll throw in an extra R as a tribute to Greg Schiano) continues to grow!

T. Iceman said...

Congrats Jeff! I bet he named his kid Tomlin Roethlisberger or wrapped him in a terrible towel or something like that.

We have an IR spot on the roster G$. That's why Martin is still on his roster.

I'm not sure why "make it look good" tanking is more acceptable than "bench all your players" tanking. You're actively trying to lose either way. So you guys are okay with one form of a trying to lose but not another? Doesn't make sense.

GMoney said...

It's the difference between "you can still conceivably win" vs. "there is no way because your lineup is empty".

Prime99 said...

Well, if you tanked, but made it look legit, the problem would go away because no one could prove you tanked. Less drama to deal with.

You're me first attitude of tanking in broad daylight is cozzing the problam, imo. Typical Manzell fan.

T. Iceman said...

So when does Cakes show up and assure the world the Ohio Buckeyes will be fine without Broxton Milner because of the tremendous play of some kid he didn't know was the back up until last night? Should be really painful.

Anonymous said...

I'll step in for Cakes with the rosy outlook.

If the worst case scenario happens and he's out for the year, we'll still be favored in every game except Michigan St. VA Tech and at Penn St will be trickier now but we'll still be favored to win. Michigan St isn't until November so there is plenty of time for Barrett to get ready for that game.

It sucks but it's far from the end of the world for Ohio St. Sorry to piss in your cornflakes G$ and Iceman.

-Damman

T. Iceman said...

Without Miller Ohio has zero shot at winning a national title. For a fanbase that talks so much about national titles, you guys sound pretty comfortable being just another Big 10 team this year. I figured "title or bust town" would be a little more tore up than this. Maybe you guys just aren't "real" fans. Maybe that's the problem.

GMoney said...

Fire Meyer IMO.

Anonymous said...

Do the math. If we're favored to win every game but one and that one isn't until November, we're still in the hunt for the playoff/national title.

-Damman

Prime99 said...

Lukewarm TAEK by Damman, IMO. I wanted more, Braxton is a me first guy (like Iceman) and OSU is better without him.

I'm behind on my Ohio roster research- what happened to Smooth Jazz?

T. Iceman said...

I am doing the math. A red shirt freshman isn't getting you a national title.

http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/11376253/braxton-miller-ohio-state-buckeyes-miss-season-due-shoulder-injury

T. Iceman said...

But that article about Miller being gone for the season is probably wrong since it comes from that tabloid website ESPN.

Anonymous said...

Did I guarantee a national title or playoff? Didn't think I did. Just said they would be in the hunt, at worst, going into Michigan St. But keep up with your #Idelies.

If you're looking for us to have a pity party, it's not happening.

Prime, Smooth Jazz was a senior last year.

-Damman

Anonymous said...

Iceman clings to the notion that OSU is incapable of recruiting talented QB's. Braxton is gone, and that certainly blows, but to think our season is completely over before it begins is fucking retarded. I guess with the ELITE depf that Michigan has (our QB is out, quick put in our WR!), being used to depleted benches comes with the territory.

How's Muschamps boys doing down there, Ice?

Ide

GMoney said...

Hi Drew. It's over. You can DEAL WITH IT now.

GMoney said...

Pryor might have a few games of eligibility left that he didn't sell for kerosene.

Anonymous said...

I am doing the math. A red shirt freshman isn't getting you a national title."

Didnt a redshirt freshman just win a national title? And a heisman the year before? Not saying it will happen at OSU, but Iceman is a moron.

Anonymous said...

Not willing to engage in Iceman's terrible trolls today.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

Cowherd just said osu is fine with JT Barrett. National title or bust.

Dut

Nibbles said...

Sure, our chances of winning everything took a very big hit.

After all, it's completely unheard of for a freshman (Winston) to play quarterback and lead his team to a national championship.

Even though Barrett's not a freshman, not even Sophomores (McCarron) can do it (Leinart).


The talent surrounding the QB position this year is much different than prior years when Braxton had to do everything.

THIS IS NOT A GUARANTEE OF A NC. It's just reinforcing what Damman said - we'll be in the hunt throughout the year.

Nibbles said...

*Even though Barrett's not a freshman...

Nibbles said...

*Even though Barrett's not a TRUE freshman.

Anonymous said...

The Buckeye fans here are making solid/calm thoughts while Iceman is flapping his lips like a buffoon. This reminds me of the old days.

--Drew

GMoney said...

I'm doing a lot of background research on Barrett right now for tomorrow's post. Wow...some troubling things I am uncovering. Did you guys know that he is black?

Anonymous said...

Iceman has turned into something I can't quite put a name on. He gave up on the Browns in May. He wrote a post today about tanking. He won't even talk about the Wolverines. He stuck around the Pistons for about a month, then jumped to the LULZ ship. He threw his trademark bleak outlook on the Miller injury. He moved to Florida.

I have never seen anyone spiral into madness quite like this.

Ide

T. Iceman said...

Well shit! Because Winston won a national title as a Freshman I guess that means that feat is commonplace now. My mistake. Of the last 10 national title QBs only 2 were not Juniors or Seniors.

Yeah...clearly history is on your side. Nothing to worry about. Might as well just ship that trophy on down to Columbus right now and skip the season. In the bag.

T. Iceman said...

"Iceman has turned into something I can't quite put a name on"

Coming from the guy who moved to New York, started wearing sweater vests, , skinny jeans and black framed glasses. But by all means...continue to criticize my life while ordering that $30 drink from your new favorite trendy NYC hotspot.

Prime99 said...

I'm doing a lot of background research on Barrett right now for tomorrow's post. Wow...some troubling things I am uncovering. Did you guys know that he is black?

LOL! He ain't no Craig Krenzel.

GMoney said...

Iceman is a real enigma. That's why we keep him around.

Anonymous said...

-Iceman is a glass is half full type of guy ( half full of shit)
-Buckeyes are fine. Lots of time to make the adjustments. The concerning thing is the Buckeyes now have a running QB with a past ACL problem
-I quit my job two weeks ago and have been at home with the three kids. I cannot wait to start work next week! Kids are little assholes, even when they are yours. Not sure how Rex does it.

-Ohio Nate

GMoney said...

What glory hole hired you?

Anonymous said...

Yes it's the chance that you could still win. I didn't day luck was the only factor but as long as everyone fields a team there is a chance someone gets lucky and has shitty players go off. I'm ok with someone starting a full roster of non-injured players then that is all I can ask for.

Now trading Chris Sale to G$ when you are the worst team in the baseball league because you lost a blog bet and was tired of his offers, that I don't agree with (cakes)!

Sure it's not black and white rules on tanking but that's as good as it gets when you are in a money league which is likly made up of 100% of your asshole friends and family!

As the commish I would field this guys team for him as good as I could. If he doesn't want to put in the effort of fielding a sham team.

Let's face it, anOSU has like 3 'tough' games this year, they have a back up 4 star QB. Are they slotted for a national title? No, but they run the chance of going undefeated as good as any other year in our shitty conference.

J Saul

Anonymous said...

First day back and its great to see Drew being a little bitch with his "not willing to contribute in icemans trolls" comments. Poor baby that your national championship dreams this year just got flushed down the toilet.

That being said, since I am not an OSU fan nor a Michigan fan its hilarious to read the banter. Iceman making fun of the buckeyes fans for lowering expectations when they should be a title or bust fan base is absolutely hilarious. Come on bro, when a team loses their best player and QB, expectations are obviously going to go down and it is 100% allowed no matter what school you root for (ex. OSU, Bama, ect.) Cant make fun of these guys for being ok with a conference championship now... The funny part is their team will probably still win it without their best player - being better than your team that is their supposed rival.

I'll go into detail on how things went on another day, but a quick note for the future dads... however long you think everything in the hospital (labor, etc) is going to take - multiply that by 4. However much sleep you think you are going to get, even though you know it wont be much, divide that by 4.

Congrats Jeff!!

Seal

Anonymous said...

Good to see Slow is still Slowwwww. Calls me a bitch for telling Iceman his trolls are terrible....then he tells Iceman his trolls are terrible. Amazing how dumb you are.

--Drew

Anonymous said...

On a day where all that is talked about is ohio state football, you say behind your computer and couldn't type anything because you were so sad. Cry baby...

Seal