Thursday, August 28, 2014

CFB Preview Day 4: The Heisman Trophy

Timmy Tenor holding more baby back ribs
Even though he hasn't been around much this week, it is important to remember that The Iceman is a moron. He loves spouting off about how meaningless and OVERRATED The Heisman Trophy is but he's wrong. Look, it is the most important and exclusive and, dare I say, TRANSCENDENT trophy that a single athlete can win in ANY sport. Average sports fans forget about gold medal winners and MVPs but the Heisman lasts forever. Unless you are Reginald Bush LULZ! Today, our panel of experts predicts this year's Heisman Winner who will hopefully not get investigated for rape during the season as well as showcase some of the more underrated college football analysts. They aren't all brain-dead slobs like Matt Millen who keeps getting cushy jobs.

Li'l Strut: Heisman WinnerNick Marshall, Sr. QB, Auburn. Jameis Winston will not win it again, because he will be held to a ridiculously high standard. Bryce Petty will get dinged for playing a terrible schedule and will embarrassingly lose a game he should win. Marcus Mariota will get beat in embarrassing fashion by STANFORD FOOTBALL late in the season. With RB Tre Mason gone, Nick Marshall will be relied upon to run and throw a lot more. In Auburn’s offense and with Auburn’s deep WR group, this should not be a problem. I expect him to run for around 1,200 and 15 TDs and to throw for around 3,000 and 30 TDs en route to the Heisman.
Most Underrated Analyst – Chris Spielman. Only a few years ago I was not a fan, but he has grown on me. I find he gives good, unbiased, unfiltered analysis and he is not afraid to call a player or a coach out. On a side note, his broadcast partner Sean McDonough is the worst!

Damman: Heisman Winner – Jameis Winston. It was only a matter of time before Archie’s feat was matched. FSU plays enough high profile games (Okie St, ND, Clemson, Florida) to have his Heisman moment and they play in a garbage conference where he can put up crazy numbers. That and Florida St is loaded and will be the best team all year. All things point to Jameis winning again. All the crab legs jokes have been played out.
Most Underrated Analyst – Danny Kanell. He flies under the radar a bit. I think he usually does the crappy Mountain West Friday night games but I’m not sure. I enjoy his work though.

Drew: Heisman Winner - Bryce Petty, QB, Baylor. He's going to put up insane numbers this year...win a lot of games...and the press will like that he came back to school (even though he should have). Jameis isn't going to tie Archie as GOAT because the press isn't going to vote again for someone the public finds to be so unlikable.
Most Underrated Analyst - Chris Spielman. Call me a homer for this one if you want, but the guy is an awesome analyst and I think is one of the best in all of football. He's also not biased at all. I find him to be very enjoyable to listen to when breaking down what's going on in the game.

Larry: Heisman Winner - Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon. Everyone knows the numbers that Mariota and the Ducks offense will be ridiculous this year. Mariota will avoid the let down game this year and win the Heisman this year. Braxton and Winston will be invited but it will be Mariota winning.
Most Underrated Analyst – Mike Mayock. Not sure if he is considered underrated but I love Mike Mayock. He currently does Notre Dame games on NBC and Thursday Night Football on the NFL Network. He is NOT a Notre Dame homer which I like and the way he breaks down the game make him ELITE.

G$: Heisman Winner - Bryce Petty, QB, Baylor.  I agree with Drew.  The numbers will be insane and all he has to do is beat a Bob Stoops-coached team in a big game (not hard).  There is no way that Jameis is winning again.
Most Underrated Analyst - Danny Kanell.  I think that he has passed Jesse "STANFORD FOOTBALL" Palmer in ESPN's mind.  He's just really good at his job

Nibbles: Heisman Winner - Melvin Gordon III, RB, Wisconsin. Running over LSU in the season opener will shoot Gordon immediately up in the Heisman rankings. The rest of the schedule will be easy enough to allow plenty of 200 yard plus games. Wisconsin misses out on Michigan State and Ohio State, giving Gordon plenty of opportunities to pad stats until the Big Ten Conference game. If Gordon has a big game against the winner of Michigan State / Ohio State in Indianapolis, it’ll be the last piece he needs to win the award.
Most Underrated Analyst – Chris Spielman. Spielman finds a way to describe complex schemes in the game in simple terms so that even your wife can understand. At times he can come across as biased, but nowhere near the level of the Finebaums and Danielson’s of the football world. If Blackledge ever decides to frequent Signatures in Gahanna for Taste of the Town, he’ll immediately overtake Spielman.

The Wig Master: Heisman Winner - Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon. We are in the middle of another QB Heisman winning streak. So, we need to identify the best QB out there. I believe Mariota is that explosive talent that will capture the votes this year. He has the west coast time slot working against him, but he has a few shots at some really good teams in order to put up numbers that actually matter (not just the inflated ones). I say it is Mariota’s to lose.
Most Underrated Analyst - Todd Blackledge. When the Money Man asked for the most underrated analyst, the first name was Blackledge. He is quite tolerable with no real cringe-worthy antics. His voice is almost angelic, and he can be rather insightful. And Taste of the Town is something I can support. No way is it Matt Millen. My dad still believes that Barry Sanders retired early because he knew Millen was coming to the front office some three years down the road.

That was fun.  You know what else is fun?  THE SEASON STARTS TONIGHT!  BOOM!  Tomorrow we will close out the week in style by predicting the four team playoff and national champion!  Should I also mention that the first MAC Glory Hole of the Week will also be unveiled?  I probably should because that beautiful bitch hit at over 80% last year.  Enjoy the start of the college football season, h-mos!

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

The bigger question is will Devin Gardner give Michigan their seemingly 7th September Heisman in the last 8 years.

Larry even picks an analyst for ND games as the most underrated. Larry is the worst.

--Drew

Grumpy said...

Larry has Braxton going to NY. When did he submit this, in June?

Anonymous said...

Grumps...June is pretty much the deadline that G$ gave to submit these.

--Drew

GMoney said...

Larry is quite terrible. Just like David Price, bruh!

RedHawks now own the longest losing streak in America. BRING IT!

I make no apologies for the deadline (which was a week ago but whatever). Everyone should have known that Broxton would get hurt.

Anonymous said...

I almost went with Spielman for the analyst. Like Lil Strut, I did not care for his work 5 years ago, but he has grown on me.

Matt Millen gets the vote for worst analyst. His Orange Bowl performance of calling Braxton Miller "a tough buckaroo" roughly 20 times will not soon be forgotten.

Michigan will continue to rack up the September Heismans this year.

I don't get the SEC Network so I will be relegated to to Boise St/Ole Miss tonight.

It's gambling season! Anyone got any tips for tonight's games?

-Damman

GMoney said...

Ah yes...how can anyone forget about Buckaroo-gate! That buckaroo got his shoulder destroyed forever in that game...so tough!

I used to think that Spiels was the meatiest of meathead analysts but I agree with much of the panel. He might not be the best but he is in the discussion. I actually feel like he could teach me something about the game if I didn't already know everything there is to know. Was his wife holding him back? Going to Hell...I know this.

I don't get the SEC Network either which means that I must not have the ELITE sports package.

I think I saw that BG is giving 8 against WKU. Not sure where the game is but if BG is the true faves to win the MAC again, they should be able to beat the Petrino-less Hilltoppers by more than 8.

Mr. Ace said...

Devin Gardner will win the Heisman...unanimously.

Rutgers/WVU OVER 62 is the HOT PICK.

Also seeing some Tulsa -6.5 picks.

Mr. Ace said...

Also MY GUY is on BG/WKU OVER 54.

Jeff said...

I'll go out on a limb and say Amari Cooper for Heisman. A WR won't win it though. We'll see if the new QB can get him the ball.

Jesse Palmer is underrated. He makes sure all viewers know when Stanford is playing STANFORD FOOTBALL. It's usually 85% of their games.

GMoney said...

The Zingbots just dumped Josh Gordon in the LFL. I felt like the only replacement for #12 was Kenny Britt.

As a wise man once said, "Nice Ram, fag".

GMoney said...

By the way, typical dumb Ape...Rutgers plays Washington State and not Dub By God V.

Prime99 said...

Mayock is no longer Thursday Night Football guy- it moved to CBS and FEEL SEEMS and Nance have the games. Gonna be great, right?!

Mr. Ace said...

Somehow WSU autocorrects to WVU on my phone. Too much Holgerson porn.

Cakes said...

Shit. I didn't know that the game was on the SEC network tonight. I'm not sure if my DirecTV package has that included or not.

I'm guessing Winston has a good shot at repeating because the NCAA supports rape and petty theft as long as it didn't occur in Columbus.

Spielman is pretty good. He has definitely come a long way in the past five years.





T. Iceman said...

The Heisman is OVERRATED because it never goes to the best player in the country...you know, like the trophy advertises. It always goes to the best player on the best team in position to win a national title.

Derek Carr had a better statistical season than Winston and Carr wasn't even invited to the ceremony. Didn't even finish in the top 5. And it's not like Fresno State was bad last year. They finished 11-2. Explain that.

If they just start calling the trophy what it is, I wouldn't care. But stop making people believe that anyone in college football has a chance at this trophy when they don't.

GMoney said...

Are you arguing that David Carr had a better season than Jameis? Because Jameis went undefeated and was ELITE in every game. There are probably better examples for your point but it sure as shit isn't the one that you used.

I'm guessing Winston has a good shot at repeating because the NCAA supports rape and petty theft as long as it didn't occur in Columbus.

Again, Ohio Buckeyes are the REAL victims here. No one plays that weird card when it never applies better than the knuckle-draggers!

GMoney said...

Or Derek. Who cares...they both aren't as good as Big Rex.

Anonymous said...

Actually, 3 out of the past 7 (and 2 out of the past 3) Heisman winners were on teams that had no chance at a conference championship, let alone a national title.

Tim Tebow - 2007 (9-4)
Robert Griffin III - 2011 (10-3)
Johnny Manziel - 2012 (11-2)

Just saying.

GMoney said...

Thank you, anon. Instead of just assuming that it goes to the best player on the #1 team, just assume that it almost always goes to the signature player of that season. It almost always does.

The Heisman almost always defines TRANSCENDENCE. Except for Troy Smiff. No TRANSCENDENCE there.

Anonymous said...

I would think that stremph of schedule/The defenses played against come into play too when selecting... Who the fuck did Fresno play?

Seal

T. Iceman said...

So instead of "never" I should have said "usually does not" since there are always exceptions to every rule.

"Are you arguing that David Carr had a better season than Jameis?"

Statistically speaking? Yes. I am. Because he did. More yards, more TDs, fewer picks, higher completion percentage. Did Winston have the more successful season because he had a better TEAM around him and won a title? No doubt. But the Heisman isn't supposed to be a team award, now is it?

I'm not saying that Winston winning was bullshit. I'm saying that if this award was truly about being the best individual player in college football, shouldn't a guy who was top 10 in almost every passing category at least be invited to the ceremony?

"Who the fuck did Fresno play?"

In the regular season, the same shit teams FSU played outside of Clemson.

Mr. Ace said...

I agree with Iceman. Gradkowski totes got robbed of the Heisman back in '04.

GMoney said...

This is pretty dumb even for you. You're arguing that Derek Carr was the best player in college football last year.

By your logic, Travis Prentice should have won three Heisman Trophies. You may have a point there, bruh.

Still though...DUMB.

T. Iceman said...

"You're arguing that Derek Carr was the best player in college football last year. "

AGAIN...no I am not. I am arguing that a guy with Carr's stats at least deserved a shot to voted as such by getting invited to the ceremony. And he wasn't.

GMoney said...

Look, egghead, you might only live in a world of boxscores and VORP but the rest of us like to watch games and realize who is ELITE and who is a product of a system and garbage competition.

Your claim is absurd. Carlos Hyde should have been invited WAY before Carr was even considered.

Just to clear things up, are you saying that Jameis Winston should not have won the Heisman Trophy last year? If not, then what are you even arguing about? No one remembers who gets invited to these things. If you are, God you're a turd.

GMoney said...

If you haven't read today's Why Your Team Sucks: Detroit Lions yet and not loved every word of Zodiac Motherfucker's team breakdown, drop whatever you're doing and read that ASAP.

WORD IS THE LIONS SIGNED LIKE NINE MORE TIGHT ENDS SINCE I STARTED TYPING THAT SENTENCE. THE FUCKING SQUAD IS 33 1/3% TIGHT ENDS AND MEANWHILE THE SECONDARY LOOKS LIKE THE FUCKING 26TH TURN IN A GAME OF JENGA

T. Iceman said...

Winston didn't exactly play the SEC West last year so why don't we be fair when analyzing competition?

What does being a system player have to do with anything? Plenty of "system" players fail in the system that was supposedly made for their style of play. But because a guy like Derek Carr succeeds in it we're going to hold that against him?

What I'm saying is Derek Carr deserved a shot at the Heisman last year and didn't get a fair one because Fresno plays in the Mountain West. If Carr put those numbers up for any D-1 school in the top 5 he would have won by a landslide. That is my issue. It all depends on where you play and how good your team is. MOST of the time. And I think that's crap and doesn't properly represent what the award is supposed to be.

T. Iceman said...

Not to mention the Heisman mission statement speaks of the winner displaying class and integrity. That, OBVZ, has been thrown to the wayside as they handed the trophy over to a guy battling rape allegations all year.

Nibbles said...

" If Carr put those numbers up for any D-1 school in the top 5 he would have won by a landslide."

But he wouldn't have if he were on a top 5 team. He's Derek Carr.

He's a poor man's David Klinger

GMoney said...

Let's not make Derek Carr into something that he isn't. That being an ELITE quarterback and leader. What do you think of Carr, Trev Alberts?

"He is a nice QB with a nice college career with nice numbers and he will go on to have a nice career in the NFL as a nice back-up QB. But only a fucking imbecile would say that he was a Heisman snub."

I see what you're saying as I gave the Weisman to Colt Brennan over Troy Smith for precisely what you are arguing. But Colt had INSANE stats and took his team to the Sugar Bowl. Carr's were much less and I don't even know where they played in Dec/Jan.

But as the cool kids say, DEAL WITH IT. If no one watches your games then it's hard to complain that you are getting the shaft for major awards. Give them a reason to watch. Carr did not.

T. Iceman said...

I'm just using Carr as an example because it's the most recent example. Every year guys who don't get as much TV coverage because of the conference they play in get looked over. And I disagree with it. That's all I'm saying.

Grumpy said...

I get the SEC Network. SEC Nation pre-game on right now with Timmy Tenor on the panel.

If you can get here by 6:00 cold beer is ready.

Anonymous said...

Take it easy on my distant cousin